i am crying at this

anonymous asked:

HEY CAN TELL YOU ABOUT MY CRUSH TOO Omg I've been so happy but so frustrated but he's my age and we've talked for a long time online and I started thinking that I liked him and my friend found out that he likes ME and now we ended up both telling each other and that's as far as it's gone but it's so great we're really alike and I don't feel at all insecure with him or like intimidated or worried like I have with other people AND HE TOLD OTHER PEOPLE THAT HE LIKES SOMEONE AHHHH LIKE THTS MEEEEE

OKAY MUM THIS IS MAKIN ME CRY W o W i really am happy for u!!!! gaaaah!!! so are u guys dating already or sumth? hope this turns out well bc geeez it’s rlly difficult to find somebody who can reciprocate ur feelings u know aaaaAaAhHhH good luck! 🐝

I can’t sleep. And i keep watching emotional tv show moments cause i saw one earlier tonight that made me cry and i think i really needed a cry. Also i am so hungry and i’m hearing things. I’m probs not gonna eat much for the next few days if i can help it

I have scars all over me caused by you. I have burnt scars on my skin from your cigars and cuts by the glasses. Pain in several parts of my body from the hitting and fighting. I fear arguments, I fear the dark and I fear the shouting. I block each time someone wants to know how I feel. I think Im weak when I am about to cry so I hold back and start picking on my own hand saying that I will not cry. I lay awake in the middle of the night because I have terrible pictures in my head about the things you did. I drink because it takes away the feeling of being empty. I fear silence because it either means that the bad is gone or that it is just coming. When I talk about my problems, I feel better for a second then I instantly regret it. I cannot let people in and I hurt them by shutting them out and keeping the distance. I feel better when someone asks and tries to help, then I randomly think that I will just hurt them so I let go of it. I fear my own feelings so I pretend not to have them, it is easier. Each time I do or say something that resembles of you, I feel disgust and pain because I feel like I am turning into who you are. The fact is that, this list could go on for a bunch of pages but all in all, lets say you have ruined me physically and mentally. And now you turn up after all the mess you have done ad say you want to make it better and you know that I want it too. You know nothing. Nothing about me, you could count the things you know using one hand. You say we could hang out because time heals it and you will try to be a better person. Time will never heal the scars and will never make my thinking better. I will someday be able to hide these perfectly, I am even close to that now. And a better person? Never will I think of you as a better person. No matter what you do. Each time I hear your voice and see your face, I feel pain and agony and constant fear. You said that I should forgive you and give you a blank page because after all you are still my father. Could a person ever be more egocentric than that?

And from all of these what did I say to you in respond? ‘Sure, sounds good, lets try it.’

youtube

Why can’t I watch anything this awesome without crying, AM I REALLY THIS OLD?

(Yes.)

anonymous asked:

Maybe you've gained muscle?? It weighs more than fat. Either way it's ok! We all have some fall outs. Point is you acknowledged it and you can start fresh! You're ok! ♥️

Don’t think so actually, and I KNOW I need to move on but I lowkey cant because I need to lose like 5kg in two months and is that possible?? Who knows but yea otherwise I’m not going on vacation and I will stay at home crying.
But I know that when I am on vacation I will lose even more because this fatass is a die-hard surfer YAAAS and I swim a lot. And for some reason cycling to school everyday for 40 minutes isn’t enough😞 so I need to start going to the gym again but I ain’t got no money (kill me)
Love you and sorry for the little rant💕

I don’t know what to do and I feel like at this rate I’m going to physically hurt my cat

I’m crying right now because I am SO tired, because the bitch will not let me sleep. If I’m up doing anything at all, she is perfectly content to lay on my bed and leave me be. The SECOND I turn everything off and try to lie down, she’s up, meowing, banging on my window, banging on my door (whether or not it’s closed). And on that note, I cannot actually sleep with my door open most nights because my mother snores, and HER door can’t be closed cause of some stupid shoe rack she keeps on it. And it’s not even that the cat usually wants IN my room. She’ll open the door (it doesn’t latch properly) then wander off. She just wants it open, so no matter what I do, I cannot sleep at night, and I’m so exhausted I am uncontrollably crying. I hate the thought of violence against any cat, and yet I literally want to physically strangle mine so that MAYBE I CAN GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP FOR ONCE. My mental health is also in the shitter and I KNOW sleep deprivation is a big part of that.

And before it’s suggested, cause it always is
1. I’ve tried playing with her throughout the day and before bed. Doesn’t matter.
2. She will not play on her own, she will ONLY play with people, getting her toys achieves nothing.
3. We have tried having other cats to keep her company, but she is the only cat we have had that we can’t even get to peacefully coexist with another cat. Any other cats we’ve had, even if they didn’t like each other would give each other space. She actively seeks out and violently attacks other cats. Not play attack, drawing blood attack.
4. She has food 24/7, so she’s not wanting to be fed.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I love her and would miss her if she’s gone (and mom loves her so much I doubt I could get rid of her if I wanted to) but I obviously have to sleep.