I used to hate Nathan and now I’m finally starting to understand why I shouldn’t.
I realize that often times, our feelings about certain things are formed by our experiences. Just because you learned one thing from your experiences doesn’t mean that it applies to every similar situation. (i.e. “a long distance relationship didn’t work out for me so it’s not going to work out for anyone.” that is false.)
And because of my experiences, I’ve hated Nathan ever since we first met him. I never expected those feelings to waver because I’ve had to learn to hate, distrust, and stay away from people like him in order to protect myself. But, the people who like him do so because of their experiences, and it doesn’t make any of us wrong for how we feel.
I watched a video this morning of a formerly abused dog learning to love humans again and it really made me think about Nathan. The human in the video wouldn’t be doing anything wrong but the dog would attack, because of the dog’s experiences. I guess that can be compared to Nathan. He’s flipped shit on Max for no reason, and pulled a gun on Chloe when his own life wasn’t in any danger, and that’s probably because of whatever experiences he’s had with his dad or Jefferson or whatever.
So I fiiiiiinalllyyyyyyyyy get it.
Some of us hate Nathan because we had our own Nathans who made our lives hell, and others like Nathan because people have made their lives hell the same way the people in Nathan’s life are doing to him, so they understand why he acts the way he does. And/or, Nathan has the same mental battles that other people have so they understand.
So, I don’t hate him anymore. Our experiences make us who we are, and that’s not our fault.
I’m seeing my baby cousin who’s a freshman at Pratt this evening, so I hit up Trader Joe’s for a bunch of dorm room snacks. Not pictured: k cups, because apparently kids these days bring Keurigs to college.
If you are a non-black person and you wear cornrows, box braids, kinky twist, Senegalese twist, micros, dreads, fake Afros etc. I DO NOT LIKE YOU. I literally got made fun of as a kid for having Afro puffs, for having curly hair, for having twists, for having cornrows. I got told I was prettier with straight hair. You don’t get to wear something black people, especially BLACK GIRLS, get berated, teased, and traumatized for. You can’t claim our hair struggle as your own. I take it as highly offensive and 100% disrespectful. My hair is not a costume. My hair isn’t for your consumption. And I’m not going to ever back down when it comes to black hairstyles. There is centuries of history behind black hair. Go look it up. And stop being so entitled.
I had a dream I went to BB’s concert in Korea. The arena was outdoor and the VIP section was all down on this big field. There weren’t many VIP tickets so we had a ton of room and basically could stand wherever we wanted. For the first hour of the show though, BB put on a skit/play, and as they were performing it, they were traveling on a track all the way around the field. I took a picture of GD looking at me, really close, but my phone was only at 1% battery so it was the only one I got of the whole thing. But at one point they were at the back of the field and we had followed them around to it. Somehow me and kittaekat were able to sit with them on the track thing and talked to GD for a couple minutes while the other’s did their parts. I can only remember telling him where I lived and how far I had come to see him haha. He was super nice, then later on in the show he wrote my name on a piece of paper and held it up :3
“Oh um.. An answer to your question.. I lost my h-horn when my b-body was destroyed.. That w-was a while ago.. Well uh.. T-Then again, I never really lost it.. I w-was sealed inside of it when I died..”