EVERYONE AT OVERWATCH IS HOT. A THESIS.
ALRIGHT KIDDOS SADDLE THE FUCK UP.
We have now officially reached the drunk enough to say shit you ort notta said part of the evening. And we have so many new people showing up, and said to myself, damn self, there are so many pretty people showing up tonight. And then I realized why: it is because LITERALLY EVERYBODY HERE IS ATTRACTIVE
I am not making this up. When objectively removing existing friendships and awkwardness and social niceties and power imbalances and general Reasons It Is A Bad Idea, I would most definitely bang everybody in this building.
So naturally before making suhc a statement I needed to double check the entire roster. And make sure I wasn’t leaving somebody out or making someone feel bad. Or anything like that, because even if I didn’t want to bang you all I still almost entirely like y'all and don’t want to cause no hurt feelings. We’re still a family and I still love you okay? But I went down the whole list and. I was right. Literally. Everybody. At Overwatch. Is like 100% bangable. Some over 100%.
For the purposes of this I am leaving Bastion and Orisa off the list. Because Orisa is a youngun and probably doesn’t have a grasp on such things yet and Bastion seems to be like… three? Four maybe? Mentally? I mean given that we just had to explain porn I think there maybe issues with the concept of sex, much less consent. But it’s definitely not just an omnic thing, as you will see.
So look. We’re gonna go straight down the fuckin list and I will Mathematically Prove This To All Of You.