i've never liked a blond guy in my entire life until now



We have now officially reached the drunk enough to say shit you ort notta said part of the evening. And we have so many new people showing up, and said to myself, damn self, there are so many pretty people showing up tonight. And then I realized why: it is because LITERALLY EVERYBODY HERE IS ATTRACTIVE

I am not making this up. When objectively removing existing friendships and awkwardness and social niceties and power imbalances and general Reasons It Is A Bad Idea, I would most definitely bang everybody in this building.

So naturally before making suhc a statement I needed to double check the entire roster. And make sure I wasn’t leaving somebody out or making someone feel bad. Or anything like that, because even if I didn’t want to bang you all I still almost entirely like y'all and don’t want to cause no hurt feelings. We’re still a family and I still love you okay? But I went down the whole list and. I was right. Literally. Everybody. At Overwatch. Is like 100% bangable. Some over 100%.

For the purposes of this I am leaving Bastion and Orisa off the list. Because Orisa is a youngun and probably doesn’t have a grasp on such things yet and Bastion seems to be like… three? Four maybe? Mentally? I mean given that we just had to explain porn I think there maybe issues with the concept of sex, much less consent. But it’s definitely not just an omnic thing, as you will see.

So look. We’re gonna go straight down the fuckin list and I will Mathematically Prove This To All Of You.

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Feminine Products

Crossposted from my AO3 here.  Original inspiration taken from @clairelutra​ and @caprette​, with specific inspiration for this story from @chez-pezeaterhere.  It is recommended that you first read the oneshot that started it all here.

Many thanks to @clairelutra​ for editing this story.

Summary: Chat’s been Marinette’s errand boy for a while now, but he doesn’t really mind.  Anything for a friend, right?

Well, almost anything.

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anonymous asked:

I'm sorry to be a bother but do you have any good sterek high school AU fic recs? I've read so many and other recs have gotten repetitive and I know you rec really good fics :)

Here are a few:

  • Binomial Coefficients by DevilDoll (T, 21k) In which brainy freshman Stiles Stilinski wants star quarterback Derek Hale to join the math team, AKA math nerds in love.
  • But Then What… by Stoney (E, 24k) Senior year is almost over, and all Stiles needs to do is keep his head down to survive. A teacher calls in a favor, leaving him stuck tutoring Derek Hale, one of the most popular jocks in school and a member of a group of douchecanoes who have bullied Stiles for years. He’s someone Stiles totally hates. Totally. Like, doesn’t like him even a little bit. DEFINITELY isn’t attracted to him. Except that is a total lie. Fuck his life, seriously.
  • This Might Be Irony by thepsychicclam (M, 38k) Stiles and Derek have been close friends since the Hale siblings moved in next door after their parents’ death. But Derek’s in the popular group, he’s a star baseball player, and he dates popular Pep Squad captain Jennifer Blake. Stiles doesn’t have any of that, just his skateboard and a hopeless crush on Derek (oh yeah, and his Vote Lydia Martin Prom Queen button). As prom and the baseball state championship grow closer, Stiles and Derek start rekindling their friendship. And it all begins with two white boards.
  • A Thousand Fiery Suns of Angst by aprocrypal (T, 21k) All Stiles wants from life is to learn to control his magic, keep his grades up, and not die horribly while saving Beacon Hills from supernatural threats. It’s all going pretty well until Derek Hale, werewolf extraordinaire, has to go and ask him on a date. That asshole.
  • it’s gonna take a superman by kellifer_fic (T, 14k) Derek figured the Children of Villains support group would at least be full of outcasts like him. How wrong could he be?
  • Spook: A Ghostly Love Story in Three Parts by zosofi (T,38k) Derek is fifteen when he dies. He’s been fifteen for six years when he meets Stiles. And then suddenly… suddenly things start looking up.
  • It’s Always Been You, Dumbass by stilinskisparkles (T, 11k) “Alright, cool, we should go,” Stiles says breezily, dusting off his hands as he stands. “We should?”“Yeah!” “But… Do you even care about photography?” “Not as much as I should,” Stiles plants both his hands on the table, bracketing Derek in, “You’ll have to correct my miscreant ways.”
  • Pucker Up by the_deep_magic (T, 4k) Stiles would have asked who in their right mind thought a kissing booth was a good idea for a fundraiser, except – oh, right – he’s on a lacrosse team populated entirely by male models.
  • Chestnut Kisses by Unloyal_Ohio (E, 17k) a kissing game goes horribly wrong.
  • Option C) Some Bad Guys are Werewolves, but not all Werewolves are Bad Guys by calrissian18 (T, 9k) Derek Hale—the Incredible Meat that Thinks—needs a math tutor. Stiles Stilinski needs something that will look better on his college applications than ‘passable D&D Dungeon Master.’ It’s a match made in heaven. Er, right?
  • Oh God, He’s Hot by lupus (E, 6k) When Stiles came home a couple of days before junior year started from a summer away, he was a little more than excited to see his best friend Derek, especially now that he’d finally gotten the courage to act upon his long standing crush on the guy. There’s just one problem; somewhere in the span of three months puberty hit Derek like the bus hit Regina George and all of the sudden Derek is hot. And Stiles isn’t the only one who’s noticed.
  • Have My Heart by GotTheSilver (M,3k) Whatever Laura says, Derek doesn’t stalk Stiles. He doesn’t. Yes, his sketchbook might contain studies of Stiles’ hands, the subtle muscle definition in his forearms, but that means nothing; he’s good at art, it’s life drawing, nothing else.
  • Help me get in touch (with what I feel) by alenie (E, 3k) “Stiles, what happened?” Derek says as sternly as he can (which isn’t very). Nevertheless, there is a pause on the line, and a small sigh. “I was just…having some Stiles personal time, you know? And…I may have gotten something stuck. Um, in me.” “In you?” Derek says incredulously. “What do you…oh.” Enlightenment strikes. “Like, in your…” “Yes, in my butt!” Stiles snaps.
  • So Shed Your Skin and Let’s Get Started by halfhardtorock (E, 22k) He’s sixteen and in the woods on the wrong side of the town-line and he’s so fucking fucked. He knows he’s not supposed to run, they teach that to you in preschool (don’t run from a Were, back away slowly and walk with care), but they never told you how it would feel, standing alone in the dark with your heart beating in your throat as those glowing eyes tracked you from the shadows.
  • I stopped believing in happy endings by otapop (Not Rated, 9k)  Derek was prepared to have his heart broken for just one evening with Stiles. He knew what he was getting himself into (He had no idea what he was getting himself into)
  • Sucker Love by scoutshonor (E, 18k) Kate sits up and narrows her eyes at him. “Page 72,” she says. “Why I Plan to Wait, by Stiles Stilinski.” The spread is hilariously cliched: a full page picture of a pale, pretty boy with a wide-eyed blonde girl walking on the beach, the two of them holding hands and staring into the waves, probably thinking wistfully of the sex they aren’t having. Derek skims the text briefly. “Speaking up about the importance of virginity!” he exclaims. “Reclaiming chastity a a masculine virtue. Our friend Stiles sure is brave.” “See, I was thinking he might make an interesting challenge,” Kate says lazily. “And he’s surprisingly attractive, don’t you think? Such long fingers. And that mouth.”
  • Knot if You Don’t Knock by jsea, marguerite_26 (E, 14k) Stiles never expects to present as an omega — that’s something that happens to people like Greenberg, not him. He is so wrong. His life only gets stranger when Derek Hale mistakenly bursts through the door of his exam room during a doctor’s appointment. What happens next is a complicated series of events, including freshly baked cookies, book-carrying and surprise heats.
  • untitled by felicitysmock (Not Rated, 12k) ”You’ve got no chance,” he dismisses, “Lydia is a goddess, and though at first experience perhaps a little cold, she still has a heart.” Jackson picks up his fork, narrows his eyes as he points it at Stiles across the table, “I could get her to go out with me before you even got Derek Hale to look your way.” Stiles feels his mouth fall open and Scott stops eating to stare at Jackson. It must be because previously they’d all thought Jackson had the intuition of a doorknob, and suddenly he’s revealing Stiles is less than subtle about his long standing crush on Derek Hale.
  • Easy Alpha by interropunct (T, 4k) Wherein, Derek Hale is the high school hussy, Jackson and Scott really need to learn to use their inside voices. And, contrary to popular belief, everyone is still a virgin.
  • untitled by alocalband (Not Rated, 1k) The first ever recorded omega born to two alphas? It’s unheard of. It’s… freakish. Stiles is a freak. And this fucking town has never let him forget that. The worst of them is Derek Hale. Derek doesn’t even like Stiles, alright? He’s made that abundantly clear on more than one occasion. Which means that Derek’s offerings? Aren’t even out of pity. He’s making fun of Stiles. Giving him token trinkets, baked goods, gift cards, the same as all the others, but as if to rub it in. As if to say, “Here’s a glimpse into what I’d be doing if you were in anyway a desirable choice as a mate.”
  • A Tentative Truce by inell (T, 9k)  Stiles and Derek have a long standing rivalry that has extended beyond the Beacon Hills High School theater department to every other area of their high school lives. With the announcement of the winter production, their competitiveness has to be set to the side so the musical can be successful. With a tentative truce in place, Stiles unable to ignore his growing infatuation for his co-star.
  • untitled by howlnatural (Not Rated, 4k) “Your brother’s pretty shy, huh?”He watches the guy’s retreating back with interest, and Cora looks up from the biology book she’s frowning at like it was written in some hybrid of Latin and short-hand.
  • Too Much Prom by fauvistfly (T, 1k) Derek has a bit of a reputation, and as a result people keep asking him to prom…except the one person he wants to take.
  • untitled by felicitysmock (Not Rated, 3k) “It’s your turn,” Derek thrusts the baby at Stiles as soon as they leave the classroom.His ears are still ringing from the fifteen dolls  crying all at once; his face cooling from the mortification of Finstock passing him one of the babies, pointing at Stiles and saying, “Congrats, Stilinski, you knocked up Hale here, go nuts.” “What? You’ve had her for all of five seconds, dude, and I have math, next! Math. No child wants to sit through that.”“She’s not real, Stiles.”“She is this week, Derek,” Stiles brandishes the baby in Derek’s face, “Look into her eyes, into sweet Mary Jane’s eyes and tell her you don’t want her, man.” 
  • What Good Are Rules (If You Can’t Break Them) by wishingonalightningbolt (E, 9k) Derek is trying to come up with something witty to say in return when he realizes that he’s smiling. He purposefully turns the corners of his mouth down into a dramatic frown. “Fuck you, Stilinski.” “Wow, you have a way with words.” In which Derek and Stiles engage in no-strings-attached sex. It works out about as well as you might imagine.
  • Dude, Werewolves by mysecretashes (E, 30k)  Stiles gets partnered with Cora for a history project, and they become bros. Also, he kind of falls in love with her older brother, Derek.
  • Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon by secondstar (E, 21k)  Being a teenager sucks. Being a werewolf teenager sucks even more. With a life full of holding back who he really is, not having any privacy whatsoever, and the seemingly sudden appearance of one Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale’s life just got a whole lot harder.
  • the one with the bugs by petals42 (Not Rated, 5k) Derek Hale the senior, captain of the lacrosse team who hit Stiles with his Camaro and broke his leg takes his shirt off and mows the lawn. Like… that’s just not fair. Because then when he’s done mowing the lawn, he hoses himself down and then puts his shirt on and goes home. After also drinking from aforementioned hose. Stiles’ backyard has become some sort of softcore porno. And all of his fantasies just continue on from there into the realm of not-so-softcore porn. At this rate, Stiles is going to break his wrist as well.
  • Son of the Sheriff by Gia279 (G, 3k)  Or- The Five (ish) Times Sheriff Stilinski Scared Away Stiles’s Potential Suitors, and the One Time he Didn’t Quite Manage
  • Living A Teenage Dream by lissadiane (T, 20k) Rumor has it that Sheriff Stilinkski won’t let his stepson Scott date until his other son Stiles does, so when Allison makes the mistake of falling for Scott, her well-meaning (and dickish) friends hatch a scheme to hire someone to take Stiles to homecoming.
  • untitled by booksandharlots (Not Rated, 1k) Stiles tuned out the rest of what Mr. Kress had to say. Him and Derek? Working together? Sharing the same space? 
  • Dinner and a Movie by KuriKuri (G, 2k) “So,” Stiles says, slumping down in the chair across the cafeteria table from Derek. “You and me. Friday. Dinner and a movie.” Derek chokes on his lima beans and drops his book. “Two weeks of epic dating and then the biggest, loudest, most public breakup this school has ever seen,” Stiles barrel on. “It’s perfect.”
  • untitled by rlnerdgirl (Not Rated, 1k) Derek says, “You have a twin?” kind of aghast, looking at Stiles like they’re meeting for the first time. “Wait. Which one of you in on the lacrosse team?” Stiles says, “Stiles,” when he should say, ‘OMG, I don’t know why I just said that. I don’t have a twin. I’m just an idiot.’
  • untitled by crossroadswrite (T, 2k) “Excuse me,” the Sheriff says, pulling the car to the side of the road and answering it. “Stiles I’m at work, what do you-“ there’s a pause. “Yes, I know I’m late for- I’m just taking a seventeen year old to the station, I’ll be home in a- what?” The Sheriff twists to look at Derek. “My son is asking if you’re cute.” Derek can feel his face flame up. “I’d like to think so, sir.”
  • i just want to hold your hand by matildajones (T, 4k) “Right,” Derek says, and then they’re at the chemistry classroom. Stiles smiles lopsidedly at him and he goes and takes a seat in the middle of the room, next to a boy with floppy hair. Derek tries not to feel overwhelmed as he smells all the chemicals in the room and he can feel everyone’s eyes on him.
  • The One Where A Mailbox Gets The Most Action by werewolvesandarrows (T, 2k)  “I dare you to lick his mailbox.” It’s Stiles turn to look unimpressed, and he hopes that his expression clearly communicates how horrible he thinks Scott is right now. “What is the matter with you? No way.” He crosses his arms and shakes his head. “That would be the worst idea you’ve ever had.”  Or: Stiles licks Derek’s mailbox. That’s it. That’s the story.

anonymous asked:

Hi there, I love you blog! Thank you for doing this! Do you happen to know of any new cap!steve/modern!bucky fics? At this point I've read everything in your tags and I crave mooooore :-)

Dear Anon, I have a bunch of new ones for you! And thank you for giving me a reason to go through my bookmarks, because it turns out I wasn’t subscribed to Heaven and That Other Thing, Fan the Flame, or The One-Armed Tailor, and now I have a ton of new chapters to read.  *blows kiss*

First up, there are a couple of new sequels:

Call Me (Maybe?) by euseevius, sequel to Not-quite-a-date 

“Hey,” Steve protests, and he’s smiling again now. “I like Little Mermaid!”

 “And so do I.” Bucky grins, lifting Steve’s hand and pressing a gentle kiss on the back of it. “But I’m willing to bet Captain America doesn’t.”

“Yeah, he’s probably more of an Iron Giant type of guy.”

Bucky discovers that first dates with national heroes aren’t all that nerve-wracking, if the national hero in question is a huge dork who quotes Disney movies over lunch and is willing to marathon High School Musicals on the second date. Yeah, you heard right. The second date. There will be one.

Bucky Barnes and his Big Beefy Blonde Part 2 by Kellyscams, sequel to (surprise) Bucky Barnes and his Big Beefy Blonde

Bucky Barnes once spent eight glorious, sex-filled days with the Big, Beefy, Blonde fuck of a lifetime – the recently defrosted Steve “Captain America” Rogers.

Three months later, things aren’t exactly the way Bucky imagined they’d be. This Big, Beefy, Blonde, really may have changed him forever.

Then there are a couple of older fics I’m not sure we had tagged:

live for the way that you cheer and scream for me by oh_la_fraise                

“Jesus, you’re buff.”  He snatched his hand back again, blushing.  “Christ, I can’t keep my mouth shut.  Sorry.  It’s just, you could be Cap himself with those arms.”

Aka the one where Bucky is dressed like Captain America at a Captain America convention and doesn’t realize he’s talking to Captain America.

The One-Armed Tailor by ACometAppears                

When Steve manages to wreck the first Captain America suit he got after waking up in the 21st century, he decides to go to a tailor Natasha recommends to him, to make him a new one. At least, that’s why he goes originally. He gets more than he bargained for.

Not On The Lips by bondboy68 (abandoned WIP)

“You’re paying me a thousand dollars, Steve. I don’t think you need to feel guilty about anything you do to me.”

Steve accidentally picks up a prostitute while on a week long trip to New York. He ends up paying him to stay the entire time, which proves to be a good distraction from meetings with SHIELD, Fury trying to control every aspect of his life, and Stark trying to get him to move in. But is America ready to know about this side of Cap?

On to the very-very new ones!

The way back home by silverynight (WIP)

The man smiles at him and Steve’s heart does a funny thing inside his chest. A warm shiver passes through his body. Just then he decides to look at his eyes, they’re green and bright; there’s a mesmerizing sparkle dancing in them.
And Steve feels it; it’s like a pull, something that’s dragging him close to the man.
He feels at home.
“Breathe with me,” he says and Steve does.

In which Steve meets Bucky in the 21st century and he falls really hard for him… literally.

Just to See You Smile Again by amadwinter (WIP)     

Bucky came back from Afghanistan with PTSD and a metal arm. After years of therapy, he’s finally regaining a sense of self and identity that was lost when he became a POW.

Then aliens descend upon Manhattan and Bucky is thrown back to Europe during World War II. Because why have one reality-shattering event when you can have two? But the 1940s weren’t meant to handle Bucky Barnes, and beyond the cardinal rule of time travel (you can’t go back in time and kill Hitler), there’s a few things he’s having trouble not messing up. Like Captain America’s epic romance with Peggy Carter or the whole damn timeline.

The last thing he needs is to fall in love with Steve Rogers (although Howard Stark gaining proprietary rights to the iPhone around the same time he helped split the atom was a very close second).

Close Your Eyes and Dream by die_traumerei (WIP)

Steve Rogers hooks up with this really hot mer-guy for a one-night stand. It’s all pretty much downhill falling in love and being happy from there.

(An AU with Steve Rogers as we know, love, and occasionally sigh in frustration at him, but a modern, merman Bucky Barnes.)

My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon by sadtrash                

Bucky got hammered and accidentally broke into Captain America’s apartment.

It’s okay though, he was looking for Sam.

Touchstone (You Lead Me Home) by portraitofemmy

Steve meets Sgt. James Barnes on his first day at SHIELD headquarters in DC.

An AU in which Steve Rogers still became Captain America and crashed his plane in the 1940s, but James Barnes wasn’t born until 40 years later. When the newly thawed Steve joins SHIELD, he meets a man who might just be able to help him understand how to not just be alive in the future, but really live in it.

Never Talk to Strangers by mambo                

Never Talk to Strangers: or; How a Forgotten Childhood Lesson Led Bucky Barnes to Appreciate Charlie Chaplin, Befriend an AI, Slip on Soap Bubbles, Be Mistaken for a Succubus, and Try to Woo a Superhero.

There was another new one that was posted and immediately deleted. Dear author, if you’re reading this, I hope you’ll repost that soon. It looked like fun!