i've had it in my head for a while so now it's real haha

  • psychic: *reading my mind*
  • me: here we go, the whiskering begins. gimme your face. no pressure. nose pressure ahahahhaha pa ching and pa zam. your nose is quite a nice texture today. today? that face is not helping. no, no, no, no. how do I look? pretty great. fabulous. aw aw. whiskening achieved. let's answer some Qs. that's an X. you had one job, phil. *clapping* what happens in the basement of google? it's where vloggers are born. mother. would you rather have barbed wire eyelashes, ow, or grass hair? uh, grass hair. why? get a tiny mower, different style everyday. brrr brrr brrr. is canada real? uh, no. it's a fictional country, isn't it? I was aboot to say. *finger snapping* advertise the item closest to you in the most disturbing way you can. it's actually a pair of my underwear which was on the floor. that is your underwear? oh my god. underwear? watch out for an under-scare! disturb not make the worst pun ever. sorry. do a creepy face! *dramatic music* oh wow, that's horrific *weird noises* nooo, no no no no. phil, sing the first song that comes into your head in a scottish accent. oh, I don't know what song is in my head. what the what was that? ow. rekt. no. that was like a russian no. what the fuck was that? there's a russian man in my stomach. I think phil's trying to drop hints that's he's a cannibal, guys. rrr. play tug of war with phil's stress mushroom. what is the stress mushroom? they mean this baby. no, not that. I hate that. No! *struggling* no *more struggling noises* Oh. there's wet stuff in it- OH MY GOD -what is this?-WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENED? rest in peace, disturbing mushroom. do the next question in dan's room. invent a new swear word and use it in a sentence. alright, ch-chanksplooned. alright, go on then. yeah, I chanksplooned your mom's face. do we wanna know what does chanksplooned-ok. what would be written on your tombstone? oh phil, there was never a better king of the universe. for god's sake. what's on yours, dan? ugh. dan, you're a penguin with rabies and phil, you're a mouse that's constipated. *weird noises* have a staring contest with dan while barking like dogs. whoever laughs first, wins. (?) 3, 2, 1. *barking noises* AH HA HA. y'all laughed. invent something that not one person would ever use. a bed made out of smashed glass. I wouldn't use it. fair enough. phil, sing the john cena theme while dan pretends to be john cena. *john cena theme* ow haha ow I knew that was coming *laughter* do an impression of a dying goose *weird noise* what the hell was- oh my god. *laughter* *weird noise* make a duet about ladders. ladders ladders ladders ladders ladders ladders ladders- who would(?) you step on them and you climb-ladders ladders ladders ladders- they're made of metal, they go up-ladders ladders ladders- if you're a fireman, they're really high. laddeeeerss. ladders ep. that's the symbol of our band. everyone put out their ladder hands. yeah, that's what the crowd's gonna be doing to our concerts. YEAH, LADDERS AH. you just broke the sound barrier. that's what happens when you go fast, you idiot. what the f- oh my god. become a season. oh oh wha what was that? oh, it's spring. you were birthing something. phil, what vegetable should be king? the op-carrot? scroll through your camera roll without looking, choose a random picture and explain the story. scroll scroll scroll STOP. I- I was witnessing nature in action. and taking sneaky photos of it, you perv. HAHAHA. what is happening in this photo? it looks like I'm in a public toilet mid-blink. wow. *bad beatboxing* dan, you're a nacho. phil, you're the salsa. make fanfic. I'm just so dry and crusty and until I just get inside you and submerged myself in your red juices. DIP ME - I can't get into myself-DIP ME DIP ME DIP ME AH DIP DIP AHH AHHH AAAHHH AHHH I'M COMPLETE MMMM MMM. stop it. let's all take a moment to just forget that happened. what is your favorite number of the alphabet? seventy-L. how dry is your wenis? wait, I know what your wenis is! ayee, ayee. it's this. mine's pretty soft. this is your wenis. let me stroke your wenis. that is a smooth wenis. tickle my wenis? *laughter* pretty soft as well. damn, guys. moisturized wenii. ah, let's just move on. let's move on. say a really unerotic word in a sexy voice and then lick your lips. exhaust pipe. OH *disgusted voice* OH I FEEL VIOLATED. concrete. *laughter* nooo. play the spoons. my grandma actually used to play the spoons so, prepare yourselves. *metal sounds* spoons. look up friendship yoga and imitate the first image. what? what the hell is that? HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THAT? so, we sit on our butts, not on our backs and make sure you're kinda like resting on your butt then feet together and then hands. reach. ah, I got one. and the other one. ow. ok. wait, wait, wait. alright now, over to the top. friendship. ow. *laughter* ow ow oh my god I pulled my leg oh oh. we have a very low friendship level otherwise that clearly would've worked. disaster. phil, reenact the photo of chris pratt and his raptors using house plants. I've got this. oh, god. here it is. ok, phil, very well done. *clapping* I'm so proud. that's pretty- you have a problem though. you seriously- I am chris plant. oh, did you just? do a trust exercise. no, no, no that's not a good idea. I'm actually scared. phil, you better-I'm gonna catch you. fall. oh my god. fall. AH OH OH MY GOD OH OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH. your scream was incredible. YOU CAUGHT ME. I did. I DIDN'T DIE. Yeah. let's end this right now. So, there we go. thumbs up for another year of phil is not on fire. I'm quite shocked that I actually lived through this video-yeah- it was quite dangerous. You can click on phil's face to subscribe to his channel or my face to subscribe to dan. or click our bellies to subscribe to danandphilgames. is that a thing? give em a little tickle. ok. also, there's loads of new stuff on dan and phil shop so check the out- check that out- there's a link below. and we will see you guys next year. yeahh. i mean, we are gonna make videos but until this, the whiskers will return- there, there will be another of this. ACHOO. uh, sorry. I think that that's a good time to end it. Goodbye. *slow motion screaming*
  • psychic: what the actual fuck
This is 💯% me when my BF be on some shit 🌝
  • Guy: You look so beautiful tonight.
  • Girl: Do I?
  • Guy: Yes, you look perfect.
  • Girl: Do you mean it?
  • Guy: Absolutely. You're my best friend, and my inspiration. You're a shining light in the dark abyss that is life. You're-
  • Other Girl: *crawls out of the bushes* Hey guys.
  • Guy: Who are you?
  • Other Girl: *shrugs* I just woke up in the bushes. Are you guys here to see the super ultra moon?
  • Girl: Excuse me, but we came here to have a private moment. No offense, but you're kind of ruining it.
  • Other Girl: Oh, sorry! Haha, I'm such a goober. I'll leave you two to your business. Bow-chika-wow-wow. *winks and runs to a tree across from them where she stares at them with a smile on her face*
  • Guy: I think we should go, honey.
  • Girl: I agree.
  • *the guy and the girl wander through the park seemingly unable to find their way out*
  • Guy: Something is seriously wrong. The park was never this big.
  • Girl: I'm sure we're just a bit lost, hon.
  • Guy: How the hell can we be lost? It's just the park. We've been walking in the same direction for so long. We can see buildings across the street right there, but we just don't get any closer to them.
  • Other Girl: *jumps out of nearby bushes* HEY GUYS!
  • Girl: AIIIIIEEEEEEE!
  • Guy: You startled my girlfriend, you idiot.
  • Other Girl: Hehe, sorry! I was just excited to see you two again.
  • Girl: Maybe you can help us. We can't seem to find our way out of the park. Perhaps you'll be able to give us some directions.
  • Other Girl: Oh, you can't leave. Not while that big gay moon is up in the sky. You're stuck here for good.
  • Guy: You're just messing with us.
  • Other Girl: Nope. I've been here for... *counts her fingers* three-hundred years maybe.
  • Girl: If you were stuck here for three-hundred years, then why are you wearing modern clothes?
  • Other Girl: The moon doesn't run on human time, you goober. In the real world, I've probably been gone for like a year tops maybe. But here, time passes much slower and you never age. So it has probably been like three-hundred years.
  • Guy: That's is just a bunch of nonsense. Leave us alone, you freak.
  • Other Girl: Hey, I'm just trying to help out, macho dude. *tosses a sharp rock at the guy* You guys are lucky, though. I heard a rumor that if two lovers enters the moon's gaze, they can escape. One lover just has to kill the other.
  • Girl: *gasps* Are you actually suggesting that we try to kill one another?
  • Other Girl: Hey, I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just telling you what I heard. I could care less about what you goobers get up too. I'm outtie! *runs off*
  • Guy: She's totally full of shit.
  • Girl: You think so?
  • Guy: I know so. Freaks like her are the worst. Come on, honey. We'll be fine.
  • *twenty long moon years later*
  • Girl: *crawls into tiny tree bark fort* I'm home with dinner, hon.
  • Guy: *stops playing with his leaf dolls* Dinner, yes! What'd you get?
  • Girl: Crab apples and pine cones.
  • Guy: But, I hate crab apples and pine cones. We eat them every day.
  • Girl: Well, that's all there is to eat.
  • Guy: What about the berries? I liked the berries.
  • Girl: I couldn't find any berries.
  • Guy: You found some berries just a few days ago.
  • Girl: That was like six years ago!
  • Guy: Sorry, I haven't been keeping track of the time. Every single day here is exactly the same. Couldn't you just go the extra mile and find some berries for me?
  • Girl: Listen, I had to bust my ass just to find these apples and pine cones. Beggars can't be choosers. Be grateful that I found anything.
  • Guy: Beggar? I'm not a beggar, I'm your husband!
  • Girl: Whoa! When did you become my husband?
  • Guy: We've been together for so many years!
  • Girl: And in that time, we've never gotten married. We haven't taken any vows.
  • Guy: Listen, after being together for so long, we're basically married.
  • Girl: Maybe I'd consider us a married couple if you ever pulled your own weight. You don't do anything! I find the food, I repair the fort, I do everything important!
  • Guy: You're being unfair. I've done things. I came up with the idea for the fort.
  • Girl: Yeah, twenty years ago, and guess who actually built the thing? Me! All you do is play with your stupid dolls!
  • Guy: *gasps* They are not stupid! You're horrible!
  • Girl: Oh, I can't stand you! *grabs the sharp rock and bashes the guy over his head*
  • Guy: Stop! You're hurting me!
  • Girl: *bashes the guy until he stops moving*
  • Girl: *drags the guy's dead body out into the moonlight* I killed him! I did it, see! Now let me go, you stupid moon!
  • Moon: *remains large, gay, and silent*
  • Girl: Come on! Do something!
  • Other Girl: *jumps out of the bushes* Yo, long time no see- HOLY SHIT! You killed that guy!
  • Girl: Yes. He was unbearable. I did it so I can escape. Why isn't it working?
  • Other Girl: Huh?
  • Girl: You told us way back when that if you kill your lover, you can escape the park.
  • Other Girl: Oh, that? I was fucking with you. The moon never lets anyone go. You're here forever.
  • Girl: You were lying!? B-But why would even lie about something like that...
  • Other Girl: Hey, sorry. Being stuck in this place for years on end makes you kind of apathetic about everything. But hey, life goes on, hehe, forever! Unless someone bashes your head in with a rock, I guess. See ya, you dumb goober! *runs off*
  • Girl: *shakes the guy's corpse* Hey, please wake up. I don't want to be here all alone. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it. Please just wake up... please...

anonymous asked:

Oisuga + “it’s been a long time since i saw your smile”

What many people don’t know, not even Daichi and Asahi, is that sometimes Koushi burns out.

Sometimes even Koushi himself forgets. It’s easy to, especially since he doesn’t have all that much time to burn out, anyway — he’s got papers to write, exams to study for, clothes to wash, and friends to hang out with. He’s productive with his time, and for the most part, he enjoys it.

Some days, though, it all goes to shit.

“Koushi,” Tooru mumbles into Koushi’s hair, late at night on their old couch. It’s quiet, save for the muted blare of the TV and the crickets chirping outside. Tooru takes the time to run his hands down the planes of Koushi’s back, soothing.

Koushi sighs, curls himself tighter in Tooru’s lap, and buries his face in the crook of Tooru’s neck.

“I’m so tired, Tooru,” he breathes against Tooru’s skin. There are wet spots on the front of Tooru’s shirt, from when Koushi had let his tears run a few hours ago. “I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.”

Tooru clucks his tongue, pressing his lips to the crown of Suga’s head. He doesn’t mind the dampness of his shirt, but he does mind the look of hopelessness on Koushi’s face. “That would be really bad for me,” he murmurs. “What would I do without my Kou-chan?”

Koushi’s lips twitch. He dips his head down to kiss Tooru’s collarbone, and says nothing.

“Hey,” Tooru says, nudging Koushi’s chin up with a finger. Koushi lifts his head to look into Tooru’s warm gaze. He thinks about how much he’s made him worry. “You’re one of the strongest people I know, but it’s not bad to rely on other people, too, you know? Especially on your amazing boyfriend.”

Koushi laughs this time, and though it comes out a little teary, it’s not as humorless now. He reaches down to grip Tooru’s hand. He can feel Tooru squeeze back.

“Can’t wait to see you smile for real again,” Tooru beams, “it’s been a while. But for now; sleep, Koushi.”

And Koushi does just that; he basks in the silence and Tooru’s steady heat, and allows himself to breathe, again.