i've got a bottle of vodka and i think i'm gonna drink it

TFLN Sentence Starters (Part 4)
  • [text] Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
  • [text] Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
  • [text] Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
  • [text] I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
  • [text] I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
  • [text] I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
  • [text] Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
  • [text] If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
  • [text] new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
  • [text] He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
  • [text] He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
  • [text] Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
  • [text] You are the jesus of drinking
  • [text] Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
  • [text] Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
  • [text] Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
  • [text] I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
  • [text] friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
  • [text] I hope my margaritas pass through security.
  • [text] Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
  • [text] Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
  • [text] woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
  • [text] just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
  • [text] Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
  • [text] They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
  • [text] The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
  • [text] Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okay with this
  • [text] For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
  • [text] I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
  • [text] I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
  • [text] Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
  • [text] Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
  • [text] Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
  • [text] Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
  • [text] Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
  • [text] its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
  • [text] I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
  • [text] Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
  • [text] I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
  • [text] but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
  • [text] The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
  • [text] Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
  • [text] I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you can see why I'm having a bad year.
  • [text] do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
  • [text] I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
  • [text] Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
  • [text] I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
  • [text] I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
  • [text] I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
  • [text] woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
  • [text] I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
  • [text] I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
  • [text] I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
  • [text] if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
  • [text] i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
  • [text] I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
  • [text] I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
  • [text] I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
  • [text] Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
  • [text] do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
  • [text] his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
  • [text] I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
  • [text] You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.