i've fallen into despair


“ We’re gonna be happy, Lex, you and me. We’re gonna have the best life, Lex, you and me. We’re gonna be so happy. So you can’t die, okay? You can’t die. Because we’re supposed to end up together.”
                                                 “ We’re meant to be. “

evolution of depression
  • childhood: something is Wrong but i am not sure what and i'm too busy eating dirt to worry too much about why i cry all the time and don't enjoy things
  • early teenager: i'm gonna hide under a blanket and binge linkin park for the next three days while i work up the energy to sink shower my armpits
  • mid teens: i've fallen into a pit of despair and i cant get up. every day is a new exercise in patience i don't have the motivation to work up to. i am literally too tired to tolerate how sad i am and now i'm angry about nothing.
  • late teens: i am a husk of a human being, a creature voided of any potential or worth, i will die sad and alone and regretful and it won't have any meaning just like the rest of my life, i have never nor will i ever amount to anything and i am so sorry i existed in the first place
  • the literal instant you hit 20: someday i'll die, so i've got at least one good day in the bag! *does a kickflip off a wall to a g minor airhorn*

humanistlaw  asked:

The holidays really took a toll on my anxiety and depression. I've since fallen into a suicidal put of despair. I'm trying to be positive and proactive with calling my psychiatrist, but the crushing dread won't let up. It's exhausting.

You’re going to be okay. Depression Lies a lot, and it’s loud and persistent during the holidays.

It’s a really good idea to call your doctor, especially if you are thinking about hurting yourself. So please get to the phone RIGHT NOW and make that call. Take care of yourself because you are worth it (and don’t let Depression tell you that you aren’t, because I said that you are and I outrank Depression).

So call your doctor and tell whoever answers the phone that you’re having a crisis. They’ll help you right away, because that’s what they do. And if you run into any trouble for some reason, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Check in with me later tonight, or in the morning, and let me know how you’re doing, okay? You’re going to get through this.