I've been struggling with my anxiety a lot more than usual lately could you maybe write a quick anxiety headcanon for Yuuri please i think it might make me feel a little better
I’m basing these off of my own anxiety disorder+my experience with medicine.)) This ended up really long because I have a lot of feelings (ha) about mental health. I hope they help <3
- Yuuri had his first panic attack in school on a way too hot day. It was one of those days were everything was too slow, too hazy, and he just couldn’t concentrate. He was on the verge of falling asleep when his teacher slammed a book on the desk to wake up the class. The mix of haziness and sudden alertness pushed him to the brink of…something. He couldn’t breath, the room was spinning, the words were dropping off the page of his book, and the kid next to him was sent to get the nurse.
- The nurse said: “You had a panic attack. It’s normal and everyone has one eventually. Don’t worry.”
- Don’t worry, huh?
- Yuuri’s second panic attack came when the Onsen hit a snag in finances. His parents always kept the talk of money away from him and Mari. Yuuri was up later than usual doing his homework in the family’s backroom when he heard his parents talking.
- They talk about how Yuuri’s coach is asking for more, and working it into the budget. It won’t be too much, but all that Yuuri hears is how he was draining them dry. How his “hobby” as the other kids called it was ruining them. All so he can place mid pack at a local competition. It wasn’t worth it.
- Yuuri dropped the pencil to cover the gasp his mouth made. He was shaking so hard the table jerked and the loud whine of wood on flooring made his parents stop. The moment his father saw him he was being scooped up into arms, his mother’s hands pushing back his bangs.
- “Shush baby, oh don’t worry. It’s ok. It’s ok. We’ll handle it you have nothing to worry about.”
- His parents smelled like the oils of the baths, and it helped take the edge out of the panic. They let him stay home from school the next day, and the moment Yuuri could he started working at the rink along with skating. Even if it was a little spare cash, he could never fight the guilt
- “Anxiety disorder” was something Yuuri never heard until he was in a cramped doctor’s office. The same one he went too since he could barely reach the table. The doctor explained it to him, how his body was in a constant fight or flight, how he HAD options besides just “dealing with it.” Yuuri thought of skating and how it would affect it.
- The first set made him gain weight and lose energy. His sister was the one who made him stop taking it after he spent nearly a week in his room, phone off, and coach on the verge of quitting.
- The next pills still made him tired but he could push through it…but spinning made him too nauseous to finish practice.
- The last ones were a perfect match. They went with a smaller dose for everyday, and an as needed for worse days. It wasn’t perfect, but he was better.
- In Detroit he met Phichit who he found out had days he couldn’t leave his dorm too. Where depression pills could only do so much, and when ADHD made the days slink by too fast and slow at the same time. How they started taking their pills together, and pushed each other through the worst of it.
- Phichit was there when Yuuri got his heart broken for the first time. When he was too shaky to ride home on the bus from the library so he let him sob into his shoulders between dusty book shelves.
- Yuuri was there when the world was a little too rough and Phichit admitted his fears of never being the hero his country wants. Of never being the skater he in their dreams. How useless it all felt.
- Victor gets a crash course on anxiety. Like…CRASH COURSE
- When he wakes up next to Yuuri shaking, clenching his jaw, and shifting in his sleep he immediately wakes him up which makes him go from panic asleep to panic attack. He learns that it’s a slow process of drawing Yuuri to real life vs jumping him.
- During an attack don’t touch him, afterwards let him cling.
- He loves the smell of the bath oils the Katsukis send them from home so Victor makes a bath once he’s ok to be left alone.
- Let’s Yuuri soak while he sits on the toilet holding his hand.
- Brushing his fingers through his hair. Murmuring how much he loves him, and pushing through the self berate his mind is already doing.
- Victor keeps a bottle of his pills on his person and learns the signs. Knows not to hover, and not to act like Yuuri is a child. Let him come to him afterwards, and if anything just check in.