i'm-gonna-publish

This was sent to me off anon by @cahfein (who, for all the concerned anons out there, is definitely not an anti):

I’ve sent u this before but idk if u ever read it! My dad is somehow important in the peruvian media, and he knows a lot of ppl. One of them is [redacted], who worked for him and is now one of the owners of [redacted], the production company who brought 1D to Lima, Peru. She tried to give me and my sisters back stage passes but she couldn’t make it bc my dad asked for them too late, but anyways!! She comes to my house regularly, and one month after the concert i was dying to talk to her. So she came, and i asked if the boys were sweet and humble and stuff, and i didnt want to intrude and ask about h&l but she kept talking and told me that she was surprised bc they only had to make 4 dressing rooms, bc 2 of the guys shared one. And I was literally jumping in my seat and sort of told her about larry, and she was like OH! that makes sence, i though they were best friends but now that u tell me, it’s kind of weird for best friends to tease each other by calling them sugar plum or sweet cheeks. AND I STARTED HYPERVENTILATING and we talked some more about what they liked to do before the shows and that, but yeah💗 just wanted to tell u that! 

After a few rather terrible, soul destroying days in which I cried a lot and hated myself even more, I actually had a Very Good Night and am feeling slightly more optimistic about the future. Thank god. :)

I received several rejections in a row from jobs I really wanted this week, including an editing one I was counting on at least getting to the next stage, so my self-confidence - never very high to begin with - was one of it’s lowest points, and I’ve been feeling disillusioned with my aspirations and feeling totally unworthy of anything, but especially the things I actually want, and hope to achieve. I managed to convince myself to leave the flat and go to a book signing, and I’m so immensely glad I did. 

At the reading I bumped into a fellow former-bookseller I’ve known on twitter for years but never met, and joined her for a chat at the pub afterwards, and then at the official publishing party launch for the book afterwards, where I chatted with lots of people, was barely as awkward outwardly as I felt inside (a real achievement for me!), and hopefully made a few new friends. It was wonderful. I also had a nice, and possibly productive talk with a media marketing manager about how he can get more involved with the YA and general book scene in town, offering advice and potential contacts for local authors and places to host events…I’m hoping this will lead somewhere exciting and he said he’d contact me soon so we shall see :)

I just really needed this night out with industry people, to remind me I can do these things that would be required of me in a publishing house, I can schmooze and network and engage with people at parties and events, and more importantly I love doing it too. Now, if only someone would hire me… ;-)

<HOWLIN’> for that unrequited massive crush that consumes your whole soul (listen

thinking about you - radiohead / howlin’ for you - the black keys / girlfriend - nsync / this fire - franz ferdinand / do i wanna know - arctic monkeys / cliff’s edge - hayley kiyoko / closer - tegan and sara / sex (the 1975 cover) - lauren aquilina / supermassive black hole - muse / take me out - franz ferdinand / dancing on my own - robyn / you’re the one that i want - lo-fang / i wanna be yours - arctic monkeys / moi j’ai confiance - philémon cimon / in a manner of speaking - nouvelle vague / falling in love at a coffee shop - landon pigg

I wish I had autistic friend especially in school so I could just point to some of the assumptions in papers we read and be like “?????” and know that they can relate

now the big question is

can i get people to get as invested in my story as i am