i'm-cold-heart

WMHIR: A Cold Heart And A Hard Rain (pt. 3)

[Final part from this chapter]

When Eric came back the next day, the sun was coming out behind him. He went straight to the infirmary and woke Rebecca
“It wasn’t easy… but I got it.”
“You mean a conscience?” -She asked yawning.
“As always, you keep the secret, alright?” -He ignored what she said.
“Wait, ‘secret‘? What have you done?” -She was completely awake the second she heard that.
“I got the solution to my current predicament.” -He said showing her a little black box and giving it to her.
“What is this?”
“I’ll tell you later, I have to go now.”
“So what am I supposed to do?”
“Nothing until I come back.” -He warned.
He left to get ready to start the day and Rebecca put the box away. Whatever he had in mind this time couldn’t be very good if it was a secret. And even when none of them said it, she suspected the new patient sleeping in the another room was involved.

* * *

“Time for your medicine, Ollie!” -Rebecca opened the curtains to let daylight in. The rain had stopped, and Olivia had been awake for a long time.
“I don’t want it” -She shook her head like it was poison.
“It wasn’t a question” -Rebecca smiled at her showing there was no escape from it.
“They absorb the life out of me… I can’t”
“Take it, please” -Rebecca’s voice turned serious, and Olivia knew she had to.
“… OK.” -She unhappily acceded. The truth is that she was worse. Feeling her whole body heavy and aching at the slightest touch, still a little feverish.
“Your friend Sophie, is she coming today too?” -Rebecca asked and Olivia nodded.
“She wasn’t the only one who was here yesterday” -She took the pill with a disgusted expression.
“Who else?”
“One of the leaders. I thought he was looking for you.” -Then she drank water.
“Eric? I didn’t know he’s been here. Did he tell you anything?”
“He told me to "hang in there”, whatever that means.“
"Really?” -How uncommon, Rebecca thought. Not only he visited a patient, he also forgot to mention it. “What makes him think you aren’t?”
“Maybe I’d look better dead than alive to him”
“I don’t think that’s the case. He means no harm.”
“I saw” -Olivia rolled her eyes in total disbelief.
“It’s true! And I can be sure ‘cause he’s like a younger brother to me, you know? I take care of him and he does the same for me.”
“Does he needs it?”
“With him particularly, what he needs is to be under watch. But I’m not his mom, I don’t know him any better than the rest of dauntless. What I do is to remind him there are limits.” -Olivia nodded, reflecting about it silently. Everything in him says he doesn’t need anyone, he does what he wants. There must be a good reason why Becky treats him as a “brother”.
“As grateful as I am for all your help, I can take care of my own.” -She said rejecting any further care beforehand.
“I wouldn’t expect less from you” -Becky smiled. “But it’s my nature. Besides, I do have to take care of everyone around here…” -She joked with a superior tone. Olivia smiled back.
“I’ll be in my office doing paperwork, if you need anything…” -She was heading to the door when Olivia called her.
“Becky” -Olivia wasn’t sure of asking, it wasn’t her business but it was really odd. “Why aren’t there nurses working with you?”
The question took her by surprise and her expression turned a little perturbed. Picking the right words that wouldn’t allow more questions she replied:
“Only call them when most needed. I can perfectly handle it on my own.” -She assured, closing the door.

* * *

“When did you become a prankster? You’re crazy if you think I’m going to let you put that anywhere near her.” -Rebecca was trying to understand what she heard, which was exactly as she thought on the first place, Eric had a medication that according to him was the ultimate solution, and that was his only explanation. He didn’t say what it was, nor how did he get it or -why- did he get it.
“Did you feel guilty when you came around yesterday?” -He raised an eyebrow, surprised -for almost a second- that she knew. “Oh, I know.” -She said curtly.
“I’m only telling you to not hear your dumb questions later, not to ask you for permission. The stuff you’ve been giving her aren’t much help.”
“It can’t cure her overnight!” -Rebecca protested.
“This can, in just a few hours.”
“This territory, as well as the people in it, they’re out of your jurisdiction, Eric. Don’t you forget that.”
“You want me to kick her out?” -Rebecca threw him an angrier look. “It’s what I thought.” -He had the same look, just angrier.
Outside, the door knocking was interrupted by Eric’s impatient manners
“What do you want?” -He looked at Sophie uptodown.
*Fuck. Is he everywhere??!* I came to visit a friend.”
“She can’t take visits now. Don’t you have something better to do?”
“But–” -He was about to shut the door in her face.
“Wait!” -Rebecca shouted behind him “Come in, I think Olivia’s awake.”
“Thanks…” -Sophie flew to the other room, out of his sight.
“You can’t treat them like that!!” -Rebecca nagged him, though her words sounded like air to him.
“Who cares? This is important!”
“Important for who? Her? Are you going to ask her, at least?”
“No. She will get the shot whether she want it or not.” -It was his final decision.
Olivia was indeed awake, and by the looks of Sophie’s face, things haven’t gone better for her, either.
“Please tell me you’ll be back tomorrow!”
“Something will change if I do?” -Olivia closed her eyes for a second. Even Sophie’s low voice felt painful.
“I don’t know… Maybe. Everything’s been worse since you’re here” -She took a chair and sat next to the bed.
“Sophie, no one wants me out of this bed more than me, but I’m not feeling better, it’s the opposite. One thing I can’t be for you right now is a shoulder to cry”
“I did most of my crying internally, so…” -She stretched her arms over the head and smiled. “You’re still on #1.” -She said referring to the board.
“Is that board really important?” -Olivia couldn’t care less. She could be a lot of things, just not a number that could tell her she was better or worse than other people.
“It is for those of us who can’t be you!” -Sophie mocked.
“Where are you?”
“Somewhere after #10, I’m not sure. The environment is so depressing I didn’t want one more reason to slap myself. And the other girls are so dumb, they’re either competing with each other or flirting with Eric; aren’t they crazy or what? Who’d want to get romantically involved with that freak? Or somehow involved at all…” -Sophie took a quick view at the door, begging she said that low enough. “That’s why I need you back”
Olivia frowned at the word 'need’. “Yeah, I need you to kick their asses for me” -Sophie smiled innocently, putting her hands together in a plea.
“I can’t do that.” Olivia smiled righteously. “I’m getting weak here, what should I expect?”
“The unexpected, my friend. If he does to you what he’s doing to us, well… Don’t you dare to get cut, you hear me?”
“It takes more than a cold to cut me. I’ll make it through” -She expressed with confidence.
“Bring it!” -Sophie raised both thumbs up “I’ll be waiting for you” -She didn’t mention Eric was outside. Not in a million years she would’ve thought he was there for Olivia. “Tomorrow” -She called it goodbye. Olivia nodded and smiled softly.
Her own words made her think. Sure, she was feeling down and ill, but she went through worse. This wasn’t the right moment to be weak. She’d tell Becky, and even with fever and headache, life goes on. She wanted to get out, or her mind would eat her alive.
With what it felt to be a big effort, she stood up and got out of the room. “Becky, I need to talk to you–” -She stopped when she saw Eric. “It can wait…” -She stepped back and stood there to wait.
“Why aren’t you in bed?” -Eric asked irritated as ever, as he was trying to convince Rebecca, after he decided he’ll do it any way.
“I have a cold, I’m not paralyzed.” -She said explaining the obvious.
“We’re talking in private here.” -He indicated her to leave.
“Okay, sorry…” -She sighed and went back inside.
“So?” -Eric turned to Rebecca and their conversation. She wasn’t thrilled about it, but Olivia’s cold was a strong one; an alternative to the medical treatment could be good, but it could also be the exact opposite.
“What if she gets worse?” -She asked full of doubt.
“She will if you don’t listen to me. And I can’t delay my program because of one single subject.”
“You should’ve thought about it before, you jerk” -She attacked.
“It’s done now. And it can’t be undone, but I’m trying to fix it.” -He grabbed the box and took out a big syringe, and two test tubes.
“I don’t know what you’re doing and I think neither do you. Once something has begun, you have to let it happen… You can’t just put an end to it or make another mess on top of it.” -Rebecca started pacing the room. As a doctor, she’s self-controlled; but the fondness she developed for Olivia so quickly, was now making that control to betray her.
“Relax… this comes from Erudite.”
“You’re not Erudite!”
“But I was born one, so I trust it. Believe me, it’ll work.”
“All right- Give me the needle.” -She gave in by exasperation, but she really wanted the remedy to work.
“No, I’m doing it.”
“Why? You don’t know!”
“It doesn’t take a fucking scientist to give a shot, Rebbeca. You wait here.”
“Eric, I believe you.” -He stopped before opening the door. “So this better be right, if you wanna see the sun come out tomorrow.” -He didn’t look back, but she could picture the wrath all over his face.
Olivia was seated on her bed waiting, when she saw him approaching holding something in his hand “What is that?”
“It’s medicine; give me your arm.”
“Where’s Becky?”
“Quit the questions and give me your arm.” -He easily grabbed her right arm without looking at her in the eyes.
It was a dry jab. There was no time to breathe or resist, he injected the entire content of the syringe in a second. At first it was like a hot sensation running fast throughout her body, trying to reach every corner of it. Immediately the feeling turned into sharp pain holding onto every inch, wrapping every organ, even the air entering her lungs. All she did was pressing her hand to the arm, like if that could make it stop; it was already everywhere. She closed her eyes, a noiseless lament escaping her lips as she fell on the bed as though she couldn’t held her own weight.
“It’s temporary.” -Eric told her, knowing she was in pain and only seconds aways to lose consciousness.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” -She articulated with difficulty, seeing him getting closer and whisper
“More than you think…” -He smiled mockingly. It was the last image she saw and she was gone.
Eric waited a few seconds to check her pulse, his hand against the warm skin of her neck. It was low, but the pulse was there, hanging onto life.
With his hand still on her neck, covering most of it; his eyes deviated to her hair, messy as always, thinking about what would it feel like to touch it. He laid her in a more comfortable position and stood there, with both arms on the bed, staring at her carefully for a few minutes.
“Ok, I was told we should give it a couple hours to make effect.” -He said as he came out of the room.
“I just had a call from Max, he wants to talk to me. I need you to stay here-” -He growled angrily, it was too much asking. “Please, Eric!! This was your idea!” -Rebecca pleaded him. “And I don’t have to remind you where you at, right? Or to behave.”
Eric accepted, extremely reluctantly. “If anybody shows up, I’ll tell them to fuck off”
“No…” -This time she laughed, there was no doubt he will do that. “If somebody comes you tell them I’ll be right back without giving them the scare of their lives. Clear?”
“Just go, Rebecca! I have things to do too.”
“Alright, alright…”
And so she left; and he stayed. The early minutes vanished away very slowly on the clock. And the wait was hideous, but what was more hideous was to be waiting for her. Now he had to take responsability for his actions; and what an awful contradiction: he didn’t want to care but he kind of did. He wondered what she could’ve seen to ask him if he liked to see her suffer, and his answer was true; he was. It brought one final result: the girl has to be fully recovered so she can be teared down again. That would get him through the next hours.
When Rebecca came back holding several files she found him leaning against the wall.
“Have you checked?” -She expected good news.
“No”
“Not even once?”
“No” -He answered more irritated.
Quickly reaching for the keys in her pocket, Rebecca thought what in the world made her leave a patient who just received a shot of an unknown medicine without the assurance that there won’t be side effects.
“What are you doing?” -He snapped at her hurry. “It’s open”
“Shit!…” -She realized and opened the door, letting the files fall over the desk, and when they entered the room Olivia wasn’t there.
“Olivia?” -Rebecca looked all around her. “Olivia!!”
“I’m right here” -She was coming out the bathroom and walked past to them. Both Eric and Rebecca looked at her like she wasn’t the same.
“How are you feeling?” -Rebecca asked insecure.
“So much better. And ready to leave.” -Olivia seated on the bed, running both hands through her hair and massaging her temples. She was still confused, and seemed upset.
Rebecca examinated her, and everything was alright. “I’m sorry” -She said whispering. “Pills were having little effect on you, so we decided to go with plan b.”
“ “We”?” -Olivia asked low. “You are my doctor” -She looked disappointed.
Rebecca slowly shook her head no. “I don’t understand it myself.” -She tilted her head towards Eric, acknowledging it was a mistake to let him do what nobody asked him to. “But look at the bright side, your health is completely renewed; and you’ll catch up with the class tomorrow… I-” -She hesitated for a second “I’ll never let anything bad happen to you.”
For Olivia that was a dangerous promise. Those were words she heard before, and only taught her that nothing can be stopped from happening. Especially the bad.
“Tonight you stay in observation, and because you’ve been such a good girl, you’ll get a lollipop” -Rebecca joked, trying to ease things for her but Olivia was utterly displeased she had to stay.
All the time Eric was looking at her like she was a broken object he wouldn’t bother to pick up. She glanced at him, but her eyes dropped with embarrassment.
“I’m too old for lollipops” -Olivia accommodated the pillow, nothing close to a smile on her face.
“Relax, honey. You’ll be discharge tomorrow.” -Becky helped her with the covers and dedicated a few seconds to look at her, smiling, thanking everything turned out okay. That once again Eric was right.

* * *

Physically, Olivia was better than ever; mentally, she was a mess. Her mind couldn’t stop thinking about the morning she woke up and something felt different. After that, things started to get fuzzy. She realized she still bumps into people who cares about her, even when she wouldn’t want so. All the time she spent barely having contact with the outside world was a disadvantage, now it feels strange to coexist with them, but she finds easy to get along. She didn’t expect that there would be people who’d want more than what she could offer.
She forced herself to leave all thinking aside, that night she wouldn’t sleep. All that was left was leaving. She looked at the clock on the wall, it was 3:05 a.m. There was enough time.
She took off the sheets and searched for clean ones. Luckily, Rebecca had everything neatly organized, so she had no problems finding them. She made the bed, took her boots and got out of the room. On Rebecca’s desk, she left her a note to not make her worry
“I’m alright. Thank you.”
Olivia wasn’t mad at her. She never could. The woman seems to understand everything, and also have an answer for everything; just like the person she reminded her of did.
She walked barefooted through the hallways and went down to the kitchen. Searching for a lantern and finding it was a lot easier than it was to find a wrench. She remembered what happened with Eric that one night, and how next to him she felt tiny and cornered, but in an amusing way, 'cause he ended up doing all the work for her. She admitted to herself that while it was minimal, she still felt intrigue; the way someone does when they want to know what’s behind a door they were told not to open.
Going from the kitchen to the laundry room, she left the sheets and came back upstairs to the dorms. It was a miracle she didn’t bump into anyone at this late hour, and to make sure if she still was on a luck streak, she dropped the lantern, causing a loud noise. Nobody woke up, they didn’t even move. *They must be worn out* she thought. She silently took a quick shower in the dark, changed her clothes and went out to the street.
Inspiring the air as much as her lungs let her, it was the freedom of a new day. She started running, knowing the surroundings for the first time, finding there were plenty of abandoned buildings, and concrete blocks conveniently placed forming an askew tower. She climbed to the top, and the view made her whole body tense; the sky was about to give away sunrise. Moved by old memories, instant tears rolled down her cheeks. She covered her eyes with both hands, getting herself together.
When she came back it was still early and there was no one around at the compound, so she waited on some old stairs. Minutes later, hearing the group’s murmur getting closer, she got up and walked over to them
“Morning, everyone” -She greeted.
Eric was walking ahead of them, looking at his phone when he heard her voice. An awkward silence invaded the air, and his stare was so fixated it hurt, like he was about to scream at her.
Sophie broke the silent atmosphere, excited to see Olivia back again. She took her by the arm like she wanted her only for herself. Olivia noticed Eric’s stare, and it wasn’t any different than other times, but now she couldn’t understand why
“There’s something wrong?” -She asked Sophie, and she pulled her closer to tell in secret
“Apparently, he went looking for you at the infirmary and you weren’t there.” -Sophie giggled.
“I thought I heard you had to stay in observation until today” -He sounded more dry and malicious than ever.
“And I did. But I got out early… to avoid being late.” -She said softly, which enraged him more, if that was even possible.
He looked away without saying a word, and things kept going like before. Little had change in the training; maybe Sophie exaggerated a bit.
“We’re done for today, you guys can leave” -Eric called it a day.
Olivia and Sophie were from the last ones leaving; and Sophie couldn’t wait anymore for all the things she wanted to tell O.
“Not you, Miss "too-old-for-lollipops” -He shot sarcastically. Olivia stopped, fully aware he was talking to her, and turned around in her heels, Sophie stopped next to her not understanding why was he calling her that way.
“I’ll catch you in a minute” -Olivia told Sophie, who was already getting upset when Eric glanced at her to go away.
“I’ll wait for you” -She imposed.
“Better go” -Olivia whispered. “I’ll be with you soon” -Sophie bit her lower lip and did what Olivia told her, hating to leave her alone with him.
“You missed two entire days of training.” -He said, there was accusation in his voice.
“I know” -She walked shortening the distance between them.
“What are we gonna do about that?”
She twisted her lips to the side and raised her shoulders “…Anything you want, I suppose. You’re in charge”
“Am I?” -He attempted to laugh. Now that was funny; at least the girl was quick to get things right. He stepped closer and grabbed her by the arm with one hand, nailing his thumb right where the puncture was made. Olivia got flustered by his touch and their gazes met, she then looked down; his action wasn’t taken as a threat by her; and with the most benign look she slowly looked up, passing for his tattoo first, ending on his eyes. His grip tightened, now on both arms. He wanted to make her suffer for putting him in the position where he got to care enough to go find help. Olivia was quietly waiting until he decided to let go. And the coldness in his eyes that freezed her two nights ago was now boiling her blood. Or were his hands on her skin? He nailed deeper, feeling her veins beating, hoping to get another reaction, but she was a tough one.
“Don’t get sick again. This isn’t school, where you can have as many time off as you want.” -He brusquely let her go.
“Yes sir”
“Get out.”
Olivia left, having a similar feeling to the puncture of the shot, only this time it was in the center of her chest, her heart. Painfully cracking open.

mhaoir  asked:

RANDOM POSITIVITY TIME: okay so your hamlet is literally the best I've ever seen like??? your headcanons & fc are on point and now whenever I see someone talking about hamlet in a way that doesn't jive with your portrayal I get confused because your portrayal is so good?? I mean you're literally the reason I read hamlet in the first place & the reason I made an ophelia and basically you make me want to go back to her so!! anyway you're great keep up the good work ness ily. - love, percy :)

     ( cut to clip of me, crying on the bathroom floor )