i'm ~~new at this~~

the signs as john mulaney quotes
  • aries: hi, I'm very gay, and I'd like a few dollars
  • taurus: I don't look older, I just look worse. honestly, when I'm walking down the street, no one's ever like "hey! look at that man!" I think they're just like "woah, that tall child looks terrible! get some rest, tall child! you can't keep burning the candle at both ends!"
  • gemini: I'm really sorry about last night, it’s just that I'm mean and loud. it probably will happen again
  • cancer: I have had a very long day. I am very small... and I have no money... so you can imagine the kind of stress I am under
  • leo: some babies will point at me, and I don't care for that shit at all
  • virgo: when I was a little boy, I was more like a 67-year-old gay man that's kind of over it sexually
  • libra: everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds
  • scorpio: I'll keep my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll die
  • sagittarius: sometimes, he will watch a movie on TV, even though he already owns that movie on DVD. pointing this out to him confuses and upsets him
  • capricorn: cars were pulling up and looking over to see who just did that piece of shit move, expecting to see a 100-year-old blind dog who’s texting while driving and drinking a smoothie. instead they see a 28-year-old healthy man, trying his best
  • aquarius: I look like I was just sitting in a room in a chair eating saltines for like, 28 years, and then I walked right out here
  • pisces: in terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroine
cassandra clare's writing has evolved so much from City of Bones to Lord of Shadows I'm so proud of her

Originally posted by meonlyingifs

Family | part one

pairing: kihyunxreader
length: 3k words
genre: slight angst and fluff
summary:ย  โ€œNot ready for Sumi to have a father? Or not ready to fall in love with him again?โ€
comments: To make everything a little easier, I have already named the daughter

other parts

Originally posted by iamonstax

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