i'm vomitting

One of the most satisfying things about witnessing Harry’s success is knowing that he’s a genuinely good person. Like we’ve seen time and time again how lovely and kind and humble he is, and how no matter how huge he gets he appreciates every positive thing that comes his way. For as long as he’s been in the public eye, he seems to have always understood the transcience of fame and commercial success and so has never taken any of the overwhelming support for him for granted. Even a few days ago when he was doing one of his radio interviews, he kept thanking the host for playing his song and having him on the show, and the interviewer let out a chuckle like ‘are you kidding me???’ and said “No, thank YOU.” Because he’s Harry’s Styles so of course being interviewed and praised should be something that he’s pretty used to by now. But after all these years, Harry still makes sure to stay kind and grateful and thoughtful about how he interacts with people around him and what he puts back into the world. Like there is something so wonderful about knowing that Harry is both tremendously talented and fiercely good-natured and that he’s someone you can just root for wholeheartedly. In case it isn’t clear, I’m so proud of him and I’m so proud to support him in any way I can because he is loving and deserving and so much the kind of person I aspire to be someday.

Hey to all those people telling people “ it’s not so bad, just power through the cramps” when they're on their period because it’s not an excuse to miss school/work etc.!

I had bad cramps today, but I tried to “power through it” and went to class anyways, even though my grandmother had to drive me because I couldn’t walk to the bus.

I tried to “power through it” when I started to feel like I was going to throw up in the middle of my lecture, leaving to take a walk outside in the cold to try and clear my head, even though walking made my right side feel as though it was being ripped in two.

I tried to “power through it” when I started getting cold sweat all over my body, taking off my sweater and then putting it back on two seconds later because my body couldn’t decide if it was hot or cold.

 I tried to “power through it” when spots started to appear in my vision, and just kept walking towards the exit.

I tried to “power through it” when I started to dry heave, and started walking faster.

I tried to “power through it” when my ears started ringing and the spots took over my vision and I was so so hot but shivering and my side felt on fire and twisted into knots and stabbed all at once.

I tried to power through it to the point where I collapsed in the middle of my college hallway. A stranger brought me to Outreach Services, where I lay on the floor, vomiting, for an hour until somebody could pick me up and take me home.

The school paramedics told me that I had passed out because I put too much stress on my already taxed body. My body was taxed because of hormonal fluctuations and blood loss aka my period.

Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. In the past when I’ve had cramps like this, I’ve stayed in bed and eaten strawberries and watched MASH all day.

So don’t you DARE tell me that you should “power through the cramps and do it anyways”. Powering through made me pass out. Powering through made me have to be wheeled out of the school in a wheelchair because I couldn’t keep my balance to walk. Powering through made my grandmother with osteoporosis and a tendency to panic have to come pick me up from school and help me up the stairs and almost break her hip when I started to collapse backwards on the front steps. Powering through made my 13 year old brother have to supervise me while I took a bath because I was afraid I would pass out and drown (he was super sweet about it actually; we closed the curtain and he read me Voyage of the Dawn Treader). Powering through made my mother who works to support our family pretty much on her own have to take time off work to come home and make sure I was okay.

In conclusion; If someone feels crappy because of their period cramps, leave them alone. Don’t make them do things anyways, because you might make it worse. And definitely don’t make them feel bad for not wanting to do things because of cramps; that’s the reason I even got out of bed this morning. Be nice to people on their period. Possibly buy them chocolate or painkillers. Nut don’t make them do things when they have cramps, and definitely don’t tell them “it’s nothing, power through” because cramps? Cramps can be one of the worst things you could possibly imagine.

Seriously. Fuck you all.

4

Dear Merlin, I am telling you now, because I’m afraid that it might be too late one day if I don’t: This was the most fun I’ve ever had. You’re next to me in my life. You’re the best person in the world, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Please remember me, even when I’m not there anymore one day to pick on you, and laugh at you, and call you names. You said I made you feel special. Well, you are special. And I would spend centuries with you if I could. I fear that the universe would rip in half if we went further apart than this, but I don’t think we have a choice. It’s not fair, but none of it ever was. Whatever the future holds, though, I don’t want you to change. I want you to always be you. Let’s make it the best life we can. Love, Arthur. 

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I’m gonna deconstruct this scene because I’ve been thinking about it ALL DAY and what the hell, I’ve got time. This clip demonstrates what I love most about Taika Waititi’s filmmaking and it shows off Chris and Tom’s chemistry in the fiercest way. It’s hilarious, sweet, bittersweet, surprising, and poignant.

1) “Loki, I thought the world of you.” 

Even though there was an instinctive part of me that screamed, “OK, WELL, YOUR ACTIONS TOLD A DIFFERENT STORY, THOR” due to residual bitterness over what a dickbag Thor was in the first film, I’m 1,000% here for this line. I’m proud of how much Thor has matured, thrilled that these two are actually talking to each other, and happy that Loki’s hearing something he’s probably always wanted/needed to hear even though it’s bittersweet because Thor’s using the past tense.

Tom’s reaction here is SO GOOD. Just the tiniest shift in his eyebrows to indicate that Thor has Loki’s attention and he’s fucking locked in and hanging on to every word.

2) “I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever, but at the end of the day you’re you and I’m me.”

I know there was a minor (?) uproar over Chris’ comments that Thor will be “indifferent” to Loki in Ragnarok, but this scene seems to suggest a kind of acceptance rather than indifference. Maybe for the first time, Thor truly seems to have accepted that he and Loki are fundamentally different beings–and by extension, he’s accepting Loki’s nature. Yes, part of that acceptance means letting go and moving on (note: I did not say giving up) and that’s sad, but realistic I think. How many fakeout deaths and stabbings can a person be expected to withstand? “You’re you” is a significant break in pattern for Thor and Loki appears genuinely taken aback by it.

“You’re you” is a huge deal because to me, the brothers’ central conflict has always boiled down to the fact that Loki isn’t Thor (thanks, Odin, for exacerbating this tension). For Loki, that fact is a source of self-loathing and resentment, something that he can act out against and, as Tom has often said, define himself in opposition to.

By the same token I think it’s become clearer that what Loki thinks of Thor matters to Thor. For an older sibling, having a younger sibling who looks up to you and wants to be like you is perhaps one of the biggest indicators that you’re a good–dare I say worthy–person. Ever since Loki let go of Gungnir Thor has struggled to make sense of Loki’s rejection, to define himself without the security of having his brother by his side. With that in mind I’ve always seen Thor’s past attempts to bring Loki back to the “good” side as heartfelt and genuine, but also somewhat ego-driven and shortsighted because it came at the expense of Loki’s autonomy and self-identification.

Cut to now. By acknowledging that he and Loki are each their own person, Thor’s relieving Loki of the pressure and expectation to be anyone other than himself. In a way that’s a gift, but it’s also terribly sad because it’s accompanied by loss for both of them. Which brings me to:

3) “I dunno, maybe there’s still good in you but let’s be honest: our paths diverged a long time ago.”

It’s in this moment that Loki really seems to realize where this conversation is headed. And he doesn’t like it.

We know Loki lives to test Thor. It’s his (super dysfunctional and unhealthy) way of making sure Thor still cares about him. In The Dark World, Loki tests Thor’s assertions that he doesn’t trust him and has lost hope for him by … getting himself impaled. Yeah, “dying” was also his “get out of jail free, usurp the throne” card, but it’s not insignificant that he calls Thor’s bluff in the process. 

4) “Yeah. It’s probably for the best that we never see each other again.”

Speaking of calling Thor’s bluff, I think Loki–because he’s a smart little fucker–says this in order to get ahead of the conversation. He knows what’s coming, so he pulls the classic “I’ll reject you before you reject me” move. But I don’t think he means it. It’s more likely that he’s trying to balance the scales so he’s not on the utter losing side of this conversation. And honestly? Deep down I doubt he can bear to hear Thor say it and by proactively agreeing with him he’s holding out hope that Thor will pull a “JK!” and change his mind.

5) “That’s what you always wanted.”

OMG THOR HAS GOTTEN SO SMART. I mean, I guess it’s within the realm of possibility that Thor is still really dumb about Loki’s feelings/motivations, but personally it’s more fun and satisfying to think he sees Loki’s test and raises him an even bigger one.

Loki’s face is so sad-funny. His plan backfired, he’s panicking a little, but he’s got to save face and play it cool, and he’s also legit sad because he knows this outcome is the culmination of his past actions and he did his part in paving this road for both of them. And at the end of the day he’s still the younger brother who doesn’t want to appear weak, so he’s doing his best to match Thor’s tone and attitude.

The moment when Loki lifts his chin and gives a little nod is a dead giveaway; never seeing Thor again is the opposite of what he wants, but he’s prepared to accept that it’s too late for anything else. It’s SO far from an apology, but for Loki it’s about the most mature thing we’ve seen him do.

The fact that for once they’re not arguing with each other is what made me tear up. It’s like they both know they should’ve had this conversation years ago, when it could have made all the difference, but at the same time they know that moment has passed. THIS IS FUCKING TRAGIC.

(If I wrote this movie, this would be the moment where they both dissolve into tears, fall on the floor, and cry-hug it out, which is why I write poetry and not screenplays.)

6) “Hey, let’s do Get Help.”

This was the beginning of the death of me, I will never be the same. I laughed so hard. On the surface this whole exchange may seem like just a gag–and it IS funny as hell–but I feel like it’s working on so many levels and reveals something deeper about Thor and Loki’s bond.

First of all, if you’re me, everything that preceded this moment was really uncomfortable and sad and almost unbearable to witness so I don’t think it’s a stretch to assume that Thor and Loki were feeling some of that too.

What I love about this transition is that Thor immediately cuts through the tension, probably to put both of them at ease and bring them back into the more familiar territory of their rapid-fire banter. Loki seems a bit surprised but relieved.

IMO, this brief exchange of dialogue does more to convey Loki and Thor’s bond and establish their history than anything we’ve been shown in the previous films (not counting that deleted scene from the first movie). I thought it was really poignant to see them revert to/rely upon something from their distant past. You can tell this is an argument they’ve had a zillion times before. You can tell from the stunt itself that it’s something they’ve had many opportunities to perfect. 

Even though Loki is reluctant to participate, he does, because he still craves inclusion and acceptance. Even though Thor is no longer quite as overbearing and arrogant as he once was, he regresses into that role so that he can get his younger brother back for just a moment. It’s like they’re consoling themselves without admitting that they want to be consoled. And yeah, on a practical note they also need to find a way off of Sakaar.

In conclusion, they’ve both just conceded that their relationship has reached an impasse with no real way forward, yet in the immediate aftermath of this supposed acceptance they choose to revert to an older dynamic that reflects presumably happier times. They don’t want to quit each other. This is fine. It’s fine. I’m not crying. I love them. The end.

I’m deep in my feels right now and probably projecting a lot (HI, HELLO, I HAVE A TROUBLED YOUNGER BROTHER, I’VE NEVER USED HIM AS A PROJECTILE BUT I UNDERSTAND THE IMPULSE), but even without having seen this scene in the full context of the film, it’s my favorite Thor/Loki moment to date. It’s what I’ve always wanted. It actually brings “We were raised together, we played together, we fought together” to life in a meaningful way, whereas in The Avengers I felt like those were just words.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

chrysanthemum - truth, enduring, devotion

sincerity can blind you to other’s deceit

4

This whole storyline that started this season about Cam and Arastoo adopting has seriously warmed my heart, but in all honesty, the one thing that gets me about the whole thing is that at the end of the day, Cam went to Brennan of all people to discuss about their adoption plans (you can tell from her ‘you ready to tell them?’ remark earlier that Brennan knew about Cam and Arastoo’s plans all along - and it brings back memories of all those years ago, when Cam first started working at the Jeffersonian and both Brennan and Cam clashed so much, and it was that one conversation in the diner about Brennan being a foster child which led them to working out a plan to function better as a team and colleagues, and all that has led up to this moment now. That she can now confide in Brennan, and Brennan in turn, was there to offer her the advice and support required, is what makes this entire scene even better for me. Because it shows just how far these two have come after all these years, from colleagues who couldn’t get along, to becoming dear friends. And in all honesty, that is all I could have ever asked for with these two. ❤️

I love you (And the Other 100 Ways of Saying It.)

Prompt: I love you (And the other 100 ways of saying it.)

It’s Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter Eight Year in Hogwarts. The new blooming friendship has started since the very next day after Voldemort died. Harry has visited the Manor to give Malfoy his wand back. They forgave each other. They let go. They moved on. Rebuilding Hogwarts for four months is also a good way to build a friendship, you know? Once school started, they have been quite close, closer than expected because apparently Hermione and Ron don’t come back. Somehow The Hogwarts Express has been awfully late.

1.      The next compartment is empty, but you’re alone. “You mind sharing a compartment? The rest is already full.”

2.      “Happy belated birthday, Potter.” Puts a small gift on his lap.

3.      It’s awfully late, I bet you haven’t eaten anything. “Stop staring, Potter, it’s rude. Here, I’m full anyway.”

4.      Idiot, stop kicking your blanket to the floor, it’s cold. Put the blanket in place and cast a sticking charm over it.

5.      “Here’s your trunk.”

6.      Cast a warming charm for the whole carriage. “What? The thestrals must be cold too.”

7.      “Welcome home.”

8.      Nonchalantly sit beside Harry in the Great Hall.

9.      Put two treacle tarts on Harry’s plate. “What? You like them.”

10. “Goodnight, Potter.”

11.  “Morning, Potter.”

12.  Slides a cup of coffee towards Harry.

13.  “Don’t forget your Charm books.”

14.  “See you later.”

15.  “How’s the day?”

16.  “Stop hogging the food, Potter.” Eat slowly, you git, you’ll get a stomachache.

17.  Casually put two glasses of water on their bedside drawer.

18.  Put an apple beside Harry’s breakfast. “You’ll die early with your diet.”

19.  Our first class is potion, will you be okay after Severus’ death? “You’re helpless, Potter. Sit back and observe, maybe you’ll learn something by being my partner.”

20.  Slap Harry’s hand away. “Idiot. Clean your hands.”

21.  “Remember, 7 times clockwise, Potter.” It will be dangerous if you stir only 6 times.

22.  “Finally, a decent result.” It’s a really good result, but let’s not feed your ego.

23.  You look extremely tired. “Stop being unmotivated git. Long day?”

24. “Don’t forget to work on your charm essay.”

25.  Smiles softly when he has finished his homework only to find Harry’s asleep on the sofa.

26.  Take off Harry’s glasses and fix his blanket.

27.  Check Harry’s charm essay and gives some pointers on wrong statements.

28.  Levitates Harry and tucks him in bed. Essay and glasses neatly put in their bedside drawer.

29.  “Wake up, Potter. Finish your essay.”

30.  “Your mood puts me in a bad mood, Potter. See you in DADA.” Cheer up, you git.

31.  “Fancy a duel?”

32.  “Impressive, Potter.”

33.  “That’s your best shot? Aim better.” Stop channeling your power without precision.

34.  “Focus, Potter. I could kill you.” Fuck you, Potter, that’s a fucking lethal curse. Thank Merlin you move.

35.  Grinning with twinkle in his eyes. “Nice duel.”

36.  I would love to see that expression on your face everyday. Don’t lose it.

37.  “Knackered?”

38.  “It’s Friday tomorrow, fancy a seeker match?”

39.  Your nightmares are getting worse.

40.  “You wish you’re the better seeker.” Whatever, of course you are better.

41.  “Nice game, Potter.”

42.  “We’ll crash the library tomorrow, Potter.” Your homework are piling, stop procrastinating, you git.

43.  Pointing the answer on the book. Rolls eyes exasperatedly.

44.  “Potter, accompany me tomorrow in the Room of Requirement?”

45.  “I’m brewing a potion. You’re here to distract me from sleeping.”

46.   You need this as much as I do, you git, that’s why you’re here. “Stop whining, Potter.”

47.  “Of course, you’ll sleep eventually.” Transfiguring the chair into something more comfortable.

48. ‘Modification of Dreamless sleep that doesn’t give you an addiction. Your nightmares are getting worse. –DM’

49.  “You are welcome, Potter.”

50.  Your nightmares are not getting any better. Are you okay? “Do the dreamless sleep at faulty?”

51.  Then why do you keep having nightmares?! “You’re still having nightmares.”

52.  “I’m so sorry, Potter. For all it’s worth, it didn’t fair.” I’m sorry. I hope they’re happy and proud wherever they are right now.

53. ‘Happy Halloween, Potter.’ Put a bag of Honeydukes sweets on the edge of Harry’s bed.

54.  “Happy Thanksgiving, Potter.” Put a large piece of Turkey meet on Harry’s dinner plate.

55.  “Look, it is finally snowing. First snow this year.”

56.  Throw a snow ball on Harry’s back.

57.  Have a happy snowballs fight.

58.  “Happy Christmas, Harry.” Put a Christmas present on Harry’s lap before leaving to the Manor.

59.  Put the charmed snow globe from Harry on the bedside drawer in the Manor. Thank you, it’s pretty. Mother and I’s miniatures look happy, playing in the snow.

60.  ‘Happy new year, Harry. May this year be good to you. –DM’

61.  “Stop slopping around, NEWT is just around the corner.”

62.  “Come on, I’ll help you with Potion.”

63.  “You don’t work hard enough.” Come on, Potter, you need to be better than this if you want to be an Auror.

64.  “Have you decided on your future career?”

65.  You’re one of the few who don’t think it’s an impossible job for me. Thank you.  Smiles softly.

66. “Do you ever think of applying to be a DADA teacher here? Or being recruited into a Quidditch league?” I just need you to know there are other options that will give you less stress.

67.  Well whatever your future job is, Harry Potter, please be safe and happy.

68.  “Stay away from dragon scale, it will trigger an explosion on your calming draught.” Stop being an idiot please, you could actually lose your life.

69.  “Good luck on your NEWTs.”

70.  “Potter, tomorrow is Charm, not Transfiguration.”

71.  “Here, have some.” Slide a box of Narcissa chocolates for Harry.

72.  “She’ll love that.” Yes, she also has been asking about you. I believe your visit would be good for Mother. Thank you.

73. “Ready for Potion? Relax, you’ll do well.”

74.  “How’s potion? Don’t tell me you blow anything.” Please remember potions can be lethal sometimes.

75.  “Remarkable, Potter.”

76.  “Cheer up, tomorrow is the last day.”

77.  “Thank Merlin and Salazar, it’s all done! How are you holding up, Potter?”

78.  “Can’t sleep either?”

79.  “Fancy a night stroll?”

80.  Rolls eyes swiftly and casually fixes the scarf on Harry’s neck.

81.  “You see that star? That is the reason Mother named me Draco.” Maybe you’ll remember the star, and you’ll remember me each time you look at the sky.

82.  “You’re a good company, Harry.” It’s nice being like this with you.

83.  Thank you for deciding in befriending me that day, you give me a new purpose to keep fighting. “Thank you.”

84.  For saving me again and again, from Voldemort, from the Fiendfire, from my own demons. For giving me a common sense to keep living. For offering your hand in friendship that day after the war. For trusting in my ability to become a Potion Master.  “Just for everything and anything, really.”

85.  You really are beautiful under the moonlight.

86.  “What do you think will happen after Hogwarts?” Would we still be like this? Could we? Is it ridiculous for hoping?

87.  “You really believe that?” Because I want that to happen too, for us to not stop being friends, maybe even more?

88.  Yeah, I like that very much. “Okay.”

89.  “Don’t forget your spare glasses, Potter.”

90.  “Seriously, you need to stop procrastinating and panicking on the last second.” Seriously, you don’t forget anything, just lock your trunk.

91.  “Tomorrow would be very different, wouldn’t it?” I’m afraid to go back to the real world. Are you?

92.  It might just be our last day meeting each other. “Accompany me to Hogsmead?”

93.  “Fancy a butterbeer? Come on, drinks on me.”

94.  “You what?” God, it must be a dream, right?

95.  “You’re being serious right now?” Cause if you’re not, I’ll saw off your balls and ship it to America right now, Harry Potter. If you’re joking, you’re a dead man.

96.  “Okay then, I would like that very much.”

97.  “Sleep fine?” You sleep as peaceful as a baby, I almost stop the train so that the bumpy ride doesn’t wake you up.

98.  “Mother said she will pick us up.” You sure want to visit Mother? It doesn’t have to be today, you know.

99.  “Mother, you remember Harry Potter? Harry, Mother. Mother, my boyfriend.” You git, stop smiling like you need to impress someone. You have a life debt toward Mother, just act normal. Salazar, help me, this is embarrassing,

100.  Marry me. “Scared, Potter?”

*

Bonus:

101.  “You wish.” Fuck you, I’ll be damned if I’m scared. I love you, you git.

10

”I started thinking that main characters are not only in dramas or movies. In reality, there are people who live like main characters, and some who live as supporting characters. Those kinds of thoughts….but now I have this thought. Maybe it was me who decided I was a supporting character. Giving up so easily by letting life dictate your path, wasn’t it me who turned off the spotlight shining down on me? If you don’t turn off the spotlight, and don’t give up on your dream, then maybe, something that’s even more fairy tale-like than a fairy tale might happen. The first love that was thought to never come true, comes true. Or a childhood dream which had been pushed aside in your distant memory comes true. Miracle-like things can really happen.”

tw spin-off 500 years into the future in which the reason we never saw allison’s funeral scene is bc chris was so devestated he went a lil nuts and froze her body and someone finally thaws it and she wakes up in 2500 lookin fresh and hot as ever and finds kira and the 2 of them fall in love and fight supernatural crime 2gether 

2

11.25.15. 

3/100 days of productivity | came to local coffee shop at 8am, and it is currently 4pm :^) although I was working for pretty much the entire time, I am still struggling heavily with this task…tbh all I want to do is sleep cries but I have another hour before I have to leave so !!!fighting!!!