i'm tired...idk what i'm doing

Gravity Falls Crack au: Stan somehow officially and (mostly) legally adopts everyone. By the time he’s got Ford out of the portal, he has a small army of adopted children who may or may not be criminals. Soos is the get-away driver bc he’s the oldest (he’s like Short Round, but less annoying), Wendy is a boss at breaking and entering, Mabel forgeries are incredible, Dipper is the best pick pocket and usually helps Stan plan their family bonding nights (heists), Pacifica is a natural grifter and knows all the laws inside and out and can talk them out of anything, Grenda is the muscle and can break any lock that can’t be picked fast enough, and Candy is the family mad scientist. Ford gets a much bigger family reunion, and thanks to the kids discovering the portal early on, he gets home several years ahead of schedule.