i'm thinking i shouldn't be allowed to make these

  • mom: let me know what stresses you out so I can help you with it. even if I'm contributing to it, just let me know.
  • me: okay, well, sometimes you yell at me and it makes me upset, because you always blame me for it and I'm not allowed to disagree with you or else it's all my fault.
  • mom: wELL EXCUSE ME YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL I GUESS I SHOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN BECAUSE EVERYTIME I OPEN MY MOUTH I UPSET SOMEONE.
  • me: that's not what I'm saying.
  • mom: YES IT IS.
  • me: .....anyway

.

anonymous asked:

I have an issue, my wicked friends. I am a demon, but many people say I couldn't be such, I couldn't be evil, because I have "standards." It wounds me personally, to think I'm doubted because my evil doesn't prey on the hapless or true innocents. Shouldn't even demons be allowed their own morals?

Isn’t it amazing how, when someone is so quick to tell you how to live your life (”You should… You can’t be…”) they are equally quick to ignore your chance to do the same? (”Don’t tell other folk how to live their life. I will make my own decisions.”)

If external pressures are so valuable, why do they deny you the chance that they so readily take? Simply put: they are seeking to control that which they cannot (and have no right to).

You will do as you do and the consequences of your actions (for good or ill, for action or lack) will result, as with every other creature before, current or since. You are your own, responsible for yourself. Not responsible for them.

anonymous asked:

kid! nigel and adam discuss sex from what they've heard about it

‘My uncle said something really fucking weird to me last night.' 
'Niiiiigel, you can’t say bad words! Miss Gillespie-’
'I’m ten and a half, Adam! I’m over half and a half of a whole adult! I can say things I want. Besides, it’s the playground. This is where we have fun.’  
'Can’t you have fun without doing things you shouldn’t?’
'What are you, my mom?’
’…' 
'No but Adam, this thing my uncle said to me, it’s…I don’t know.’  
'What was it about?' 
'Well…what do you know about sex?' 
'Everything.' 
'What…really?' 
'Yes. I read about it. It’s how animals produce offspring.’  
'Oh.’  
'Why? Is that what your uncle told you about?' 
'Yeah, but he said more about people doing sex than animals.’
'People are animals.’
'Yeah but its different for people! My uncle said!’
'I mean I guess.’
'My uncle said that if I’m anything like my dad I’ll start chasing skirts in no time.’ 'Chasing skirts?’
'Yeah I think that means sex.’  
'That doesn’t sound like fun.’
'I know! And then he asked me if I had my eye on anyone pretty and I said yeah.’
’…' 
'Why’re you making that face? It’s you!’  
'Oh. Ok.’
'And he said that I shouldn’t pull your hair or put gum on it or do anything mean to you.' 
'I don’t think pulling hair or gum has anything to do with producing offspring.’   
'Adam! Listen! And then he explained that I might want to do things to you.’  
'If you want to produce offspring with me–' 
'What the fuck? Who said anything about producing offspring?’  
'Well, I just want to tell you that we can’t produce offspring.' 
'WHAT!? WHY!? WHY CAN’T WE!?' 
'Uh, we’re both male. Biologincally. Boys can’t-' 
'But then why was my uncle talking about not getting you pregnant?’  
'Nigel, are you sure?' 
'He was very serious about me not doing that. His face was really serious.’
'I don’t think your uncle knows a lot about sexual reproduction, Nigel.’   
'Are you sure you can’t get all babied?' 
'Yes.' 
'And I can’t either?' 
'Nigel, we’re boys!’  
'My uncle is weird.’    
'Yeah. Even I think so.’     
'He also said that I shouldn’t touch you at all unless it’s ok with you. He said I could be like his half-brother and go to jail if I don’t…sooo…can I hold your hand?' 
'You always hold my hand.' 
'Yeah, but is it ok with you? I don’t want to go to jail.' 
'Yes, Nigel. And you’re not allowed to go to jail anyway. Only bad people go to jail.’
'And I’m a good people?’
'Person, Nigel.’  
'Whatever.' 

People speculate about their superpowers, like, what power they would most likely have, not just the one they would want.

I already know mine. I already have mine. Unfortunately, it’s kind of lame.

I have SuperSmell.

It came to my attention today that other people cannot, in fact, smell most foods through the packaging. And that reminded me of the time that I broke our summer camp team-building exercise by sniffing our way back to camp after the leaders dropped us off in the woods, because I could smell the horse paddock…..from a mile away. Also, I smelled an onion going bad in our apartment 4 days before anyone else smelled it. I just couldn’t find it because everyone insisted their produce was still good–the nastiness of the onion had started on the inside and they only discovered it when it got through the skin. I can smell who is up and about in the morning based on the combinations of shampoos, soaps, toothpastes, and hairsprays. I can also smell what is in any food before tasting it, though tasting helps; I can recreate any food based on how it smells (and tastes), because I can smell my way into remaking it. I can smell what people around me in class have eaten.

It’s kinda freaky now that I think about it, but also kind of proud and kind of upset. Because hey, I have a superpower! But as far as superpowers go, super smelling isn’t necessarily super helpful. I don’t even know what my super hero name would be.

The Mighty Nose. Sniffer Supreme. SniffSnuffler.

No, there’s no way to make it sound good.