i'm sure you know what he wants

Batfam as things my coworkers have said
  • Bruce, overheard on the phone as he's leaving WE: Wait, your brother is at work? (...) Oh thank god, that means I can sleep when I get home.
  • ---------------
  • Dick, giving Duke a tour of the Batcave: I'm sure you'll fit in just fine. Everyone's really nice here. Except for Jason.
  • Jason, from across the cave: That's messed up!
  • ---------------
  • Stephanie: *sees Cass's hand is bandaged up* Oh my god, are you okay?
  • Cass: Yeah, I just stabbed myself. It's fine.
  • ---------------
  • Tim: What, you think that because you're bootylicious, you can do whatever you want?
  • Jason, nodding: Yeah, pretty much.
  • ---------------
  • Damian: Alfred knows everything, he just pretends that he doesn't.
  • Alfred: Well, somebody needs to know something around here.
  • ---------------
  • Stephanie, inspecting Tim's under-eye circles: You need some makeup, fam. That shit is unsettling.
  • ---------------
  • Dick, to Roy: I hereby name you an official member of the family!
  • Jason: It's a trap, dude. You don't wanna be part of this family.
  • ---------------
  • Tim: Has anyone seen my coffee?
  • All: No.
  • Tim: Looks like it sucks to be Steph today. *picks up Stephanie's coffee and walks away*
  • ---------------
  • Duke: You've gotta be crazy to work here.
  • Jason: You don't HAVE to be crazy. We can always train you.
  • ---------------
  • WE Employee: *walks into Bruce's office to hear a loud alarm coming from his computer while Bruce fills out paperwork, seemingly unperturbed*
  • WE Employee: How can you just sit there and listen to that?
  • Bruce: Do you have any idea how many kids I have?
2

everyone I talked to said let Ford say fuck

I’m back - if you said you wanted to collab, I’ve got funny or angsty Stans and Fords, and mullet Stans, lemme know what you want to line/color

If you guys thought that Sirius didn't use the map to become the biggest gossip queen you're wrong.
  • Sirius: WAIT, GUYS, SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!
  • Remus: What is it, what's wrong?
  • Sirius: Emmeline and Fabian have been in the fourth corridor broom closet for at least ten minutes now.
  • Remus: Sirius that isn't an emergency.
  • Sirus: It will be when Gideon finds out.
  • ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  • Sirius: Oh ho ho, what's happening here?
  • James: What now, Padfoot?
  • Sirius: Oh nothing. It just looks like Evans and McKinnon are taking a long walk around the lake together. What do you think they're talking about?
  • James: Sirius-
  • Sirius: Boys, perhaps? Come on.
  • James: Where are you going??
  • Sirius: To LISTEN, obviously! The map can only do so much, Prongs.
  • ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  • Remus: Pads, can I see your potions essay? I want to make sure I'm doing this right.
  • Sirius: Oh, I'm not going to write that. Longbottom is going to write it for me.
  • Remus: What - when did he say that?
  • Sirius: He doesn't know yet.
  • Remus: He's not going to write your essay for you, Sirius.
  • Sirius: He will if he doesn't want anyone to find out that he skipped on Quidditch practice to spend half an hour in the empty dorm with Alice.
  • Remus: ...We didn't make the map for blackmail!
  • Sirius: I know, who thought it would be as useful as it actually is??
  • Klance stuck in the elevator; Lance: Hey Keith?
  • Keith: What
  • Lance: Do you like to swim?
  • Keith: Uh yeah, sure
  • Lance: Oh cool, just wondering cause you know we were on our way to the pool-
  • Slav from the air vent: There's a 89% chance he asked you that question because he wanted to know if you liked water, his natural element, and he totally wants to fuck right you rn
  • Both: WTF
Fake Chats #144
  • Jungkook: how come you don't get happy when I hug you anymore?
  • Jimin: I'm always happy when you hug me.
  • Jungkook: but you don't show it.
  • Jimin: am I supposed to jump up and down?
  • Jungkook: no, but...I'm still your baby, right?
  • Jimin: you've always been my baby. Everybody knows that.
  • Jungkook: but I'm STILL your baby, right?
  • Jimin: okay, what's wrong? Are you homesick?
  • Jungkook: not exactly.
  • Jimin: do you wanna talk about it?
  • Jungkook: no.
  • Jimin: do you want cuddles?
  • Jungkook: I was a cuddle bunny for Hoseok-hyung earlier.
  • Jimin: so you're cuddled out?
  • Jungkook: no, this bunny is always happy to have cuddles.
  • Jimin: you get weirder every day.
  • Jungkook: uh huh, and you get cuter every day.
  • Jimin: are you sure nothing's wrong? 'Cause you're totally koala-ing me right now.
  • Jungkook: so maybe this bunny is having an identity crisis and think he's a koala for an afternoon.
  • Jimin: oh, my adorable, baby bunny-koala, what am I doing to do with you?
  • Jungkook: love me, obviously. Now c'mon, cuddle.

Yuri on Ice x Ciel in Wonderland ( •᷄ὤ•᷅)?

__
I don’t know what this is… but I know for sure that I want to thank you all for your love and your support! 

@lumenlight prompted me, “Sterek AU where Stiles tries to seduce Derek but Derek has the habit of only dating older people (Jennifer, Kate …). So he says no to Stiles and Stiles is really disappointed but by chance he keeps seeing Derek and with time Derek realizes that he may have made a mistake?”

Hope you like it!! 

~4000 words, rated M. (I don’t usually write smut, but I felt like this was that kind of prompt.)

on ao3

Stiles usually doesn’t venture as far out of town as the Preserve—there’s not much out here but trees—but today that’s kind of the point. If he’s going to start up a jogging regimen to prep for lacrosse in the fall, he’s sure as hell not going to do it in his own neighborhood, where all his neighbors can (and will) watch him flailing around looking stupid.

He doesn’t actually end up jogging at all, though, because before he finds the trail he’d marked on his map, his Jeep abruptly sputters and dies on him right in the middle of the road. That’s also about when it starts raining.

“Oh, come on,” Stiles groans, hitting his head on the steering wheel a few times.

He pulls out his phone to call someone—his dad, a tow truck, Scott—and there’s no signal. Right. Because he wanted isolated, and he got it.

There’s no sound at all except the drumming of the rain on the roof of the Jeep, coming down harder and harder, taunting him for being such a fucking idiot.

He thinks about waiting it out, but who knows how long that could take, and if he doesn’t make it back home in time for dinner or at least get somewhere where he can make a phone call, then his dad is probably going to think he got eaten by a mountain lion or something.

“Fuck it,” he mutters. He pockets his phone and keys, grits his teeth, and jumps out into the downpour.

*

He has to walk for about twenty minutes before he finds any sign of civilization. It’s a house, or at least part of one. It’s tucked away down a long dirt driveway on the edge of the Preserve and looks sketchy as hell. It’s been burned, badly, and even though it looks like maybe someone’s been fixing it up, it’s still not exactly what Stiles would call habitable. Part of the charred roof is caved in, and most of the windows on the second floor are shattered, their jagged glass gleaming ominously in the dim light and the rain.

Stiles would assume it’s abandoned, except that there’s a shiny black Camaro parked out front. That at least looks well cared for.

It’s that detail, plus the rather compelling fact that this is probably the only house for at least a mile and Stiles can feel his feet starting to rub raw in his wet tennis shoes, that finally gives him the courage he needs to squelch his way through the mud and onto the porch to knock on the door.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Idk I dont think Shiro was that bad lol. I mean yeah he was kind of a dick but it wasn't out of character. Piloting the lion gave him a purpose & a way to cope with his PTSD so when it was taken away from him he just projected all that shit on Keith and lowkey used him as a punching bag. That's a totally human reaction. I know he wanted Keith to become a leader but it's has always been in the context "well when I'm dead" so tbh Shiro has never imagined a situation where he'd have to witness that

i’m honestly not sure if this ask is trolling. when has shiro ever, ever projected his insecurities on keith? when has his “totally human reaction” been to use keith as a punching bag? no, to the contrary, this:

is how:

shiro deals:

with his insecurities:

if you’ve missed that for the past two seasons, i don’t know what to tell you.

Okay so it’s safe to assume that Caleb is beefier than Adam. I mean, cmon the boy plays fuckin football; idk if it’s ever been mentioned what position he plays (I’m thinking fs, I really can’t see him not playing defense. Except for maybe wr but still it’s a hard maybe), but like no matter what the boy is probably mostly muscle. And like naturally larger muscles means larger hoodies……I think y'all see where I’m going. I’m not saying that Adam wears Caleb’s hoodies, and that they’re big enough that he can do the whole “sweater paws” thing, and that Caleb may or may not find it fucking adorable, but that’s literally exactly what I’m saying IM TRASH BYE
(also id just like to say that I don’t know everything that’s been confirmed outside of the podcast, I know some stuff but there’s just so much, so if this is actually canon idk. If it is thank u Lauren for blessing me and also I’m gonna lose my gd mind)

When Alec lets out that heavy breath and shakes his head after saying “I don’t care how many people you’ve been with.” What’s being left unsaid, but communicated loud and clear is:

“I want you anyway.”

“I want you more than that matters.”

“All I care about is how I feel with you. Right now.”

“And I’m willing to fight for you.”

Alec has always been more physical in his expression, using body language and actions to speak for him when his words fail. The beauty of this simple action is that Magnus got ALL of this. Loud and clear. And Alec pours all of that and more into another physical action. A kiss.

After Alec says “I hear relationships, they take effort,” Magnus’s smile says he knows what Alec means is:

“I’m here to stay.”

“You are what I want.”

“And I’m willing to fight for you.”

Magnus’s reply of “I’m all for effort.” Is the last piece Alec needs, to know that Magnus is right there with him.

“I’m here, now, with you.”

“I know you feel what I feel.”

“And I’m willing to fight for us.”

Drama Queen
  • Victor: Hey Yuuri, do you hear... Super angsty music playing?
  • Yuuri: You know, I thought I heard crying but the music was so loud I wasn't sure. I'll go check.
  • Yuuri: *knocking on Yuri's door*
  • Yuuri: Hey... Are you okay? What's wrong?
  • Yuri: NotHING! GO AWAY!!
  • Yuuri: I'm coming in!
  • Yuri: No, stupid pig!
  • Yuuri: Aww, poor baby, is it boy trouble?
  • Yuri: *sniffling* ...yeah, Otabek hates me and wants to break up with me!
  • Yuuri: *holding Yuri* Oh... This seems... Sudden. Victor, honey, come up here. Did you know about any of this?
  • Victor: Of what?
  • Yuuri: Yuri and Otabek's problems?
  • Victor: No... They didn't have any problems last I heard.
  • Yuri: He hates me and won't text back!
  • Victor: Haha, he probably just forgot to! I do all the time!
  • Yuri and Yuuri: HOW COULD YOU BE SO INSENSITIVE? YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT!
  • Yuri's Phone: *dings*
  • Yuri: Oh, he texted back.
  • Yuuri and Victor: AND?!??!!!
  • Yuri: Lmao, he just forgot. Silly Beka Bear!
  • Yuuri and Victor: *walking away* What a drama queen.
  • *Music and crying resumes less than a minute later*
  • Yuuri and Victor: Jfc

tazumihanako  asked:

I was wondering about a continuation to Keith's Mom. Since they went to bed that night I was wondering what would happen the next morning. I really love what you did with the ask and I'm desperate to see more lol

hey dude! i’m so glad you asked because i’ve actually had this sitting in my drafts since the same day i posted part 2 but i wasn’t sure if anyone wanted it to continue or not lmao so here ya go! :)

(part one)    (part 2)

i have no idea how to portray the next bit in text form but just know that lance sprinted through the halls of the castle until he got to keith and then absolutely destroyed him with kisses. :)

(part one)    (part 2)

Bilingual Klance be like
  • (Lance and Hunk sitting down in the lounge room)
  • Lance: OK, but Hunk- mi amigo-
  • Hunk: Yes?
  • Lance: I just don't understand it! How can Keith be so-
  • Hunk: Lance!
  • Hunk (points to Keith walking into the room):
  • Keith:
  • Lance: Dios mío
  • *Oh my God*
  • Keith: Lance:¡Hunk, sólo míralo!... ¡Mira!¡Él es absolutamente hermoso! ¿Cómo puede ser tan caliente? Dios mío...
  • *Hunk, just look at him! Look! He is absolutely beautiful! How can someone be so hot? My God...*
  • Lance(puts face in his hands): Lo quiero tanto...
  • *I want him so much*
  • Hunk (didn't understand a single word, but got the jest and pats Lance's back): Y-yeah... sure thing buddy
  • Keith:
  • Keith (walks up behind Lance and kisses his neck): Te quiero, tambien... embeleso.
  • *I want you too... sweetheart.*
  • Keith (walking away): Hasta luego, mi amor.
  • *See you later, my love*
  • Lance (blushes furiously):
  • Hunk: What did he say?
  • Lance: N-nada... I mean...
  • Lance (immediately leaves the room): NoThINg!!
  • -I'm sorry if my Español is a little rusty lol... I only learned it through the school system for five years... if I said anything incorrectly please let me know-
wanna one as things i've said
  • Daniel: my sweater smells really good right now but i know if i wear it for the day it won't smell as good and i'm afraid that i'll never be able to get this smell again.
  • Jihoon: i look so cute right now but no one wants to go out but you know what? fuck them i deserve to show the world my beauty.
  • Daehwi: yesterday i cried while making toaster strudel. i didn't cry because of the toaster strudel i cried because i saw a stray cat and he looked so lonely.
  • Jaehwan: i am so talented in so many ways but people can't seem to see it? sure, i almost set my kitchen on fire making noodles and lost my dog while walking it but doesn't everyone?
  • Seongwoo: sometimes i wish i wasn't as loud and extra but then i realize that that's my brand, my gimmick it's what people are gonna remember me for.
  • Woojin: it's 3:55 am and i just heard a loud noise i'm not sure if it's a murderer or a tree but either way i'm still not going to be able to sleep.
  • Guanlin: i hate and love when people tell me what to do because on one hand i like being independent and strong but on the other i forget how to tie my own shoelaces
  • Jisung: some days i feel like i'm 80 and other days i feel like i'm 4, like one second i want to sleep for nine years and others i just wanna yell about everything.
  • Minhyun: i thing i could be a better person. not in this life but maybe another. i could be reincarnated into the nicest fucking bird in the world and everyone would love me.
  • Jinyoung: i'm tired of people thinking i'm depressed because i don't smile. like i'm not sad it's just i don't care about what you're saying and i'm thinking about ducks.
  • Sungwoon: i wish it wasn't weird for people my age to go trick-or-treating because now if i want candy i actually have to buy it with my money. i wish i could still dress up as a furry and not be judged.
Sugar with Destiel
  • Sam: What's wrong?
  • Castiel: Dean, bit me.
  • Sam: And?
  • Castiel: He bit me on my ass.
  • Sam: Why?
  • Castiel: He said he wanted to know if I tasted like sugar. I'm pretty sure it was a terrible cover up for Cannibalism.
  • Sam: Cas, I don-
  • Castiel: *pulls Sam closer by his shirt* HE. BIT. MY. ASS, SAM. What don't you understand about that?
6

I don’t know how Tada-nii would react to Hiro dating, because Hiro has never dated.  Huh.  Wonder why.

~~

(little note, I’m not an ask blog and I usually don’t take requests either >.<  This was just a cute ask I had sitting in my inbox for a really long time, and happened to fit well with something I wanted to draw anyway ^ ^; Thanks for understanding! <3)

He fucking stripped the song of the seductive aura and completely made it about emotions, missing someone, wanting them back. In the acoustic version he took his time, slowed it down, let the lyrics really sink in. It was so emotionally driven, man.

Random Sentence Starters:
  • "Any time I say "asking for a friend" you know it's fake because I have no friends."
  • "God bless that ass."
  • "In eight hours I will have been awake for twenty four hours."
  • "If you want to get technical it costs exactly zero dollars to murder someone if you keep it simple."
  • "You can't snort Captain Crunch. That's what Cocoa Puffs are for."
  • "These skinny jeans are stifling."
  • "Are your pants made out of Fruit Loops?"
  • "Yoga pants are the reason corporations go bankrupt."
  • "Your mother would never lie to me."
  • "I'm pretty sure Ren and Stimpy were werewolves."
  • "It's like he has chicken pox but like... on his dick."
  • "Call the government."
  • "Everyone has that one emo band that got them through puberty."
  • "Between you and me I love her shoes but I hate everything that she stands for, if you know what I mean."
  • "The fact that the ocean exists is proof that God is a sadist."
  • "I don't speak German but I'm pretty sure that dude just said go fuck yourself."
  • "I'd sell my soul for a cheesy snack."
  • "I can't date guys who look better in eyeliner than I do."
  • "I didn't learn how to tie my shoes until I was sixteen and three quarters."
  • "If you know that vampires exist it's your civil duty to report that shit to someone."
  • "I'd really like to smack a bitch."
  • "Who gave you permission to breathe my air?"
  • "Would you rather fuck Edward Cullen or Peter Parker?"
“It was an angel, I really saw an angel”

requested // yes

requests are open // request here

AN // I’m so sorry this took so long, it’s been a weird week.

TW // smut, profanity

It was an angel, I really saw an angel

The most beautiful things are found where you least expect them. He found her sat on the pavement outside a liquor store in a skirt short enough to make even an atheist mother clutch a cross but she had eyes that could make flowers grow from places in you that you thought were long dead. Walking over and sitting next to her was almost instinct, like she was an old friend or a lost child, but talking to her until sunrise? Well that was just because her voice was like violins and it made him forget about time. She’s not left his side since you know, like he needs her with him constantly just to be sure she’s real. She’s his saving grace, she’s an earthbound angel and she doesn’t know it. She doesn’t believe in angels. But he does. He believes in her. Demons are so shy around her, other men stutter when she looks them in the eye and he can’t believe she’s his. 

He catches himself staring at her a lot but he can’t help it, watching her do anything makes him feel like he can do everything, and he can’t help but mirror her smile when she catches him too because I swear when that girl smiles so does the entire goddamn universe and her laugh could make him forgive her for thing she hasn’t even done yet. She would never confess, in her fine world, that she really preferred chaos but he knew and he thinks that’s why she’s with him. He’s sure she’s an angel and he doesn’t plan on letting her go because God has a whole choir and Harry only has her.

He’s her favourite sin, the only one who could get her on her knees with her wrists tied behind her back and her swollen cunt making unseemly suggestions. She’s his good girl and oh how he loves to ruin her, the image of tears and mascara running down her cheeks as she begs him to fuck her is constantly on repeat in his mind like his favourite movie scene. Touching her feels like euphoria. The arch in her back could cause a holy catastrophe and the only thing reassuring the devil of her angel stance in moments where she’s writhing is the chant of God and Harry’s name falling from her pretty lips.  He never knows what he’s saying when he’s moaning into her mouth. Is it her name? Is it gospel? He’s not entirely sure what the difference is but he is sure that the only heaven he wants to be in is her. He always has love dripping from him in everything he does with her, like when he kisses her wrists before he pins them above her head. The ecstasy they feel with one another is hedonistic and it’s nights like these, when she lays exhausted and filled with him on his chest, that he sings her to sleep just so she’ll dream about slow dancing with him. She’s an angel, his only angel.