i'm sure this has been done but i had to

  • Yuri: *can't find Victor in a crowded room* Yurio, do you know where Victor went? I can't find him any-
  • Yurio: I got this
  • Yurio: *cracks knuckles* *uses hands as a megaphone* *takes a deep breath* yURI KATSUKI SUCKS ASS
  • Victor: *nonchalantly strolls up to Yurio* lol ya my ass
  • Yurio: ...
  • Yurio: ......
  • Yurio: bippity boppity back the fuck up
  • Yurio, probably: Katsuki is complete and utter trash, he should retire
  • Yuuri: I agree
  • Yurio: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! I WILL SHOVE MY KNIFE SHOES DOWN YOUR THROAT!!! HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT KATSUDON SHOULD RETIRE

Hi my name is Delphini Augury Riddle-Lestrange and I have long snowy white hair and an augury tattoo (that’s how I got my name) with blue streaks and silver tips that reaches my mid-back and soulless black eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Tom Riddle (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Draco Malfoy but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a Darklord but my nose is straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, but I didn’t go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m terrorizing in my seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A pointless side character got in my way. I killed him.

  • Jimin: from now on we will be using code names
  • Jimin: you can address me as Eagle One
  • Jimin: Jungkook, your code name is: Been There Done That
  • Jimin: yoongi, you're: Currently Doing That
  • Jimin: Hoseok, you're: It happened Once In a Dream
  • Jimin: Taehyung, you're: If I Had to Choose a Bro
  • Jimin: and Namjin, you'll be Eagles Two and Three
  • Namjin: oh thank god
  • Dan: (in a crowded room and can't find Arin) Desperate times call for desperate measures
  • Dan: (cupping hands around mouth) Arin who invented Facebook?
  • Arin: (from across the room): Motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg Jesus Christ fuck dude motherfucking Facebook movie bullshit Jesus can you fucking believe this shit Goddamn creator of Facebook right fucking lawyers and shit right fucking Winklevoss twins goddamn rowing the boat fucking shit i cant even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse Esemburg Motherfucking Spider-Man Spider-Man you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking build shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit Jesse Eisenberg I'm very tierd No man I'll just talk about the Facebook movie all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over Spider-Man crazy Winklevoss twins rowing Trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Facebook I don't like die I cant think of who the fuck invented Facebook all I can think is the guy who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook
  • MARK ZUCKERBERG!!!
  • Dan: There he is

Kylo: Honey!
Hux: What?
Kylo: Where is my lightsaber?
Hux: What?
Kylo: Where…Is…My…Lightsaber???!
Hux: I put it away.
Kylo: I need it!
Hux: Uh-uh! Don’t even think about running off and killing your family again!
Hux: We’ve been planning this dinner for two month!
Kylo: But your stormstroopers are in danger!
Hux: My evening’s in danger!
Kylo: TELL ME WHERE IS MY LIGHTSABER, HONEY!
Kylo: WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATHER GOOD!
Hux: “Greater good”? I am your husband!
Hux: I’m the greatest good you are ever gonna get!
Kylo:
Kylo:
Kylo: FINE!

  • Judy: Are you alright, Mr...?
  • Nick: Nicholas. My friends call me Nick; at least, they would if I had any friends. So, did they give you a name along with all that fluffy bunny hair?
  • Judy: Uh... Well, I-I-
  • Nick: Are you always this articulate?
  • Judy: Judith! My-my name is Judith.
  • Nick: Judy, huh? I think I prefer Carrots.
4

Josh talking with his mother about her suicide attempts:

The third time, you tried to kill yourself, there was, like, a day where we didn’t know if your stomach had been pumped in time. If it had been pumped in time, they assured me you would be fine. But if it hadn’t, you were gonna die slowly over two weeks.