i'm sure it has

college gothic
  • someone in your class mentions communism. they speak about it at length. you are in biology class.
  • you text your mother. she does not respond for 3 days. you text her again and then realize that it has only been 2 hours since your first text.
  • freshmen travel in packs. what are they afraid of.
  • your class is in room 153. the numbers start at 201. you cannot find the first floor.
  • someone is talking about communism. it is not the same person as last time. this is an english class.
  • your transcript says you have an A in philosophy 3310. you do not remember taking this class. what did you learn? what did you do?
  • you meet your elevator buddy. you do not speak. you never do. you ride in silence. one day, they are not there. you miss them.
  • your advisor refers you to the registrar. the registrar refers you to admissions. admissions refers you to both the registrar and your advisor. you have spoken to two people who do not exist and one who has been dead for ten years.
  • the boy who sits next to you wears the same clothes everyday. you think this is strange but when you mention it, he tells you that this is the first time he has worn this outfit. you realize that you have lived this day before.
  • you pass someone sleeping in the quad. he has always been there. stop looking at him.
  • someone answers, “communism.” it is not someone who has been previously mentioned. the question was, “what is an example of the art of ancient greece?”
  • you have a doppelganger on campus. you have never met them. they know all of your friends.
  • the seniors speak only to professors. their eyes are dead. they have given up the safety of the pack long ago.
  • the professor is talking about STD’s. your math class is very strange.
  • the powerpoint is in comic sans. you suspect that your economics professor is an extraterrestrial being after all.
  • “communism,” the man serving you lunch insists. wearily you nod. that’s what everyone says.

au where padme lives and raises her two children thinking that anakin died on mustafar and works behind the scenes in the rebellion

and anakin/vader thinks that he killed padme

and they both think the other is dead and vader hates the shadowy leader of the rebellion and padme hates the emperor’s black-suited attack dog

i just have a lot of ideas about this idk

3

So instead of doing anything else, I got obsessed with the Howls Moving Castle AU.  

The Houses as Bookworms
  • Gryffindor: absolutely adores books but still wishes they read more, takes really aesthetic book photos, doesn’t waste their time on a book they know they won’t like, pretty critical about book to movie adaptations, considers other people’s reviews before picking up a book, reads their books in class even when they probably shouldn’t, loves borrowing books from others
  • Hufflepuff: will plow through book after book and then not read for an entire month, attempts to organize books alphabetically or by colour but in the end just tries to squeeze them in anywhere, probably re-reads more old books than they read new books, only presents they want are books, may not finish books super quickly but loves them nonetheless
  • Ravenclaw: reads books at an alarming rate, can and will read on any form of transportation, wears glasses, instead of listening to music they’re actually listening to audio books, starts reading a good book but then gets distracted by another and completely forgets about the old one, usually critical of the protagonist.
  • Slytherin: attempts to read over 20 books at the same time, ships everything, loves it when they’re friends read a book that they recommend,they have to finish the whole series no matter what, gets defensive when someone doesn’t recognize them as a reader, wants to read all the books their friends have read so they can contribute their own opinions to discussions

My contribution to the humans are space orcs, it’s probably been seen before but oh well.

So, You guys know about pursuit/persistence hunting right? Where we just follow the prey without stopping until it slows down or drops dead from fear and exhaustion? 

What if when aliens first discover earth, the thoughts of these bipedal predatory omnivores are bad enough but we seem pretty obsessed with farming our food so maybe we aren’t much of a threat.

Once humans are zipping about in space, that’s when they realise that these harmless bipedal omnivorous farmers are actually hunters who just never give up.

If someone hurts their crew, they just follow it for days before killing it. These soft fleshy things are terrifying. These soft fleshy things may not be the strongest or fastest but we are some of the hardest damn things to kill because we just won’t die and if we survive we won’t stop until we get you

We farm things because we can and because it’s easy. Not because we have to in order to survive.

We farm things because we’re too busy fighting each other to hunt for everything.

We stake out areas, we mimic its noises, we stalk it, we put ourselves in danger to kill a food source for fun. 

THE SIGNS AS WIKI-HOW ARTICLES
  • Aries: How to clean your dishwasher with kool-aid
  • Taurus: How to accept that your computer is slow
  • Gemini: How to feel a guy's muscle without looking gay
  • Cancer: How to act shy so that people think you are cool and you will be the best
  • Leo: How to wake up from the American Dream
  • Virgo: How to take a shower smoothly
  • Libra: How to practice nudism in your room without anyone knowing
  • Scorpio: How to become a civil war corpse
  • Sagittarius: How to win an argument when you know you are wrong
  • Capricorn: How to be inspired by Michelle Obama
  • Aquarius: How to overthrow the patriarchy
  • Pisces: How to overcome anxiety naturally with foods
general li mulan

okay so i LOVE mulan okay. as far as i’m concerned it’s a Perfect Movie and doesn’t need any fixing. but i was thinking today and -

- what if mulan didn’t go to war to save her father?

say her father is dead, okay, killed by the previous war. so she’s raised by her mother and grandmother, women who’s complacency and softness has been worn away by necessity. she needs to marry well, for her family’s sake, because her mother has refused the hand of every man who offered. but mulan is even more rough around the edges than before, is educated not only in books (her mother said men wouldn’t find smarts attractive and grandmother pointed out that men aren’t always around and off to school mulan went) but in the sword too, taught to her by her classmate, ping.

mulan is considered in the lower end of the upper class, coming from a family of military men and scholars and successful merchants. ping is near the top, the son or nephew of an advisor to the emperor. his family is very rich and very important, and the reason they become friends is because mulan manages to notice something about him that he’s been hiding from everyone else - he’s going blind.

not totally blind, enough to get around, but blind enough that reading is difficult and swordplay is even worse, although once he has it down he has it. ping is no fool, he’s not weak or bumbling. his eyes just don’t work. so mulan notices and confronts him about it. she promises to keep it a secret, and hey, she’ll even help him with his assignments by reading the books out loud and helping him study. but in return he must teach her the sword, must teach her about military and tactics. he agrees.

ping and mulan become very good friends and there’s some raised eyebrows about it but they are TOO far away in class for it to be inappropriate, so they make tutting sounds and disapproving faces and let it go.

then the draft happens. ping can’t go to war, he won’t survive it. not with his eyesight like it is. so mulan offers him a deal - she’ll go to war for him, in his place. in return, if she survives, he must marry her. if she dies he must take care of her family.

ping can’t make this kind of family decision on his own, so he goes to his mother and tells her everything, about the eyesight and how he’ll die if he goes and mulan’s offer. his mother says he must keep it a secret from his father, but agrees - if mulan fights in her son’s place and survives, a wedding will be arranged. either way, mulan’s family will be taken care of. ping will be sent to live with some cousins in the meanwhile.

“you’re not in love with me, are you?” ping asks, helping mulan saddle her horse in the middle of the night. she scoffs and rolls her eyes, “not even a little. but marrying you will make my family happy, and besides, you’re my best friend,” she says, smiling, “better you than some grabby old man.” he smiles and hugs her and says, “i’m not in love with you either. but don’t die out there. we have a wedding to plan.”

so mulan goes to the camp, pretending to be ping, and she’s a little bit less lost but things still go as they go. she’s educated and trained, so it’s not hard for her to pass as ping. shang is keeping a special eye on her, thinking that she’s the son of an advisor, one of his father’s friends. and he sees how easily she excels, how quick thinking and smart she is, and starts giving her more and more responsibilities. by the time they’re called out, shang considers ping ie mulan to be his right hand man, and possibly his best friend.

he’s also a little bit in love with ping, and he’s long known he’s attracted to both genders, so he watches ping laugh and smile and the crease between his eyes when he frowns and does his best to let his feelings chase away the best soldier he has. every time shang looks at ping his heart clenches and he things to himself: i wish i could have you, i wish this was a time and a place where one man could have another, i wish you were a girl, is wish i was a girl - i wish we could be together. he’s literally a step away from doodling ‘li ping’ with little hearts over his battle plans. 

so the battles happen. shang and ping lead their men together, respected and loved. they each get promoted, and promoted, and promoted. it’s been years, and it comes to a point where they’re both generals in their own right. they trust each other, care for each other. and are both secretly in love with the other.

mulan is so conflicted. because she wants this war to end and to go home and settle back into life and become ping’s wife, so she can have an easy life spent studying and learning with her family taken care of. that’s what she’d wanted. but now what she wants is shang, her best friend, her brother in arms, her fellow general. she wishes to be everything to him, aches to be the woman on his arm and in his bed, but knows it’s the one thing she can never be.

then that final battle happens. mulan’s quick thinking saves them all and ends the war - but she’s injured.

shang finds out the ping has been a girl all along. he demands explanations - so she tells him everything, that she traded places with ping to save him, to become his wife.

and the lies should sting the sharpest, but they don’t. she’s still the same person, after all. it’s that she’s promised to another man, for one second he’d thought he might have her, but no. so he agrees not to reveal her but he’s furious and furious at himself for being furious and they’re not the same now, broken and splintered and neither of them know what to do.

the war is over. they leave. mulan returns home, and thanks to her ping is now known as a respected general. she’s done her part and survived, and now she gets her reward - ping’s hand in marriage.

but she sees ping for the first time and flings herself into his arms and starts crying. she tells him everything, because he’s still her friend, her very best friend besides shang, the man whom she lied to and betrayed and loves. and ping listens and takes her by the shoulders and says - i’ll uphold our bargain, if that’s what you want. you can be my pampered wife, you’ve more than earned it. but if you want to go to shang, i won’t blame you. you deserve your happiness.

and mulan goes back and forth, but ultimately she decides she has to try. if shang rejects her she’ll return and marry ping and uphold her family honor. but if shang wants her - he’s not as high up as ping, but he’s high up enough to satisfy her family, and also she would love him and want him if he was no more than a farming peasant so it doesn’t matter much anyway.

she rides to the capitol. she finally meets ping’s father, running into him while looking for shang. “ah mulan,” says this man who was never supposed to know of her until she became his daughter-in-law, “i didn’t expect to see you here. how fortuitous. walk with me.” she does, wary, and that’s how she discovers - he and the emperor had discovered her deception a year in, but at that point she’d already proven herself too skilled and valuable to lose. he tells her that he will uphold his son and wife’s deal and gladly welcome her to his household - but that she’s earned her rank as general, and that he and the emperor have no problem with letting her keep it.

she says thank you, shocked and joyful, but that she has to talk to someone first. “ah, yes, young general li,” he says, eyes twinkling, “i do believe he’s around here somewhere.”

she has no idea how he seems to know everything, but she finally tracks down shang who’s ecstatic to see her and hates himself for it. she confesses - says she loves him, that she’s engaged to ping but willing and able to break this engagement for shang. who is dumbfounded and elated and says yes, of course, finally and forever.

and mulan accepts her rank and marries shang, and they become the literal power battle couple of the general li mulan and general li shang. ping becomes a scholar and marries a very nice young woman who loves reading and is happy to read aloud to her husband with his failing eyes.

and they all live happily ever after.

5

Happy birthday to the smol and precious birb and Karasuno’s loud No.10, Hinata Shouyou. ^^

June 21, 2017

8

pride & prejudice + mr darcy’s declarations of love