i'm such a weird mess right now

to put it in perspective, i’m a 5′4″ girl who weighs like 135 pounds and is a US size 4 (UK size 8), size medium on average, and i feel fat. i’m not saying i am, and i’m not saying i’m not, because i have fat. my belly sticks out, i have fat rolls, i’m squishy. but i’m not even ‘overweight.’ it’s a complicated thing, because everywhere you go you have to have a flat stomach to be seen as beautiful, and everyone always says “no you’re not fat, you’re beautiful!” as if you can’t be both. i work out, not all the time, partially because i know the reason i work out is because i’m ashamed of my fat. i used to work out for sports, but now it’s because i feel like i’m not good enough. it’s all in my head. and i don’t want to be another person who can only feel beautiful if she’s thin. i’m a DD cup, got a reasonable booty, but i also have some pretty jiggly thighs and arms. my torso is short and i’m not tall and i have very broad shoulders. and i want to love this body. i do. i don’t want to keep exercising and dieting myself into feeling pretty, because i know i won’t ever stop. because i’m not even ‘overweight’ to begin with. if i am ashamed of my body, i have no right to tell anyone else to ‘work it’ or ‘own it’ because i can’t do the same. so i’m going to do just that. i’m going to embrace my body because it’s doin its best job and keepin me alive. if being called ‘fat’ is the worst thing i can be called, then i’m perfectly fine with that

Several things before I fall into bed and stay there awhile blessedly unconscious:

- I made it back home safely tonight and am happily reunited with the hubby. <3

- This trip was wonderful and I’m so glad I decided to go — I got to spend a lot of good quality time with many dear family members and made a lot of memories with them I’ll treasure.

- Last night we got some really bad news. My dear uncle and aunt, who we just spent the day at the lake with a week or so earlier, had a plane crash yesterday evening. Miraculously, my uncle was able to bring the plane down in a way so that they both survived, despite having to land in the trees. My aunt got out with some minor injuries, but my uncle is in the ICU with multiple serious injuries. Thankfully, we heard today that he is stable, he can move all his limbs, and two surgeries to repair his pelvis and stop internal bleeding were successful. He is still in critical condition however and has a long recovery ahead of him. Prayers would be appreciated, for him as well as for the whole family.

- I feel a renewed desire to dive back into writing fic (and reading others’) and to engage in creativity of all sorts. We’ll see how this goes. I also feel a renewed desire to be productive around the house/garden but considering that the trip has taken somewhat of a toll on my health, I’m less optimistic about that, at least for the near future (and correspondingly more optimistic about having time for creative pursuits that don’t involve as much physical effort).

And now, onward into glorious sleep


help! a week ago i bought this snail, along with 2 other apple snails. i didn’t really notice how weird the snail looked until i got home. it didn’t look like an apple snail, but i didn’t want to take it back, so i gave it a chance. but now i see that it is making a huge mess! is that poop?!! i think it is. what did the pet store give me?!?? i’m tagging some people to help me out @bettersplendidfish @bettagal @hella-free-space

  • Alicia: On a scale from 1-10 how drunk are you?
  • Elyza: [Mutters] Not drunk enough to kiss you.
  • Alicia: [Chuckles] I think you're mistaking liquid poison from liquid courage.
  • Elyza: [Sighs] Things people do when they're drunk is what they wish they could do when sober.
  • Alicia: So what's stopping you?
  • Elyza: There's no way you'd be willing to put up with my smartass, you may not be into girls, you might forget the kiss even happened, hell, you don't reciprocate my feelings. It wouldn't be right. I mean kissing when being being drunk never ends well. Of course, I'm one to talk when I used to be all about no strings and one night stands. Then all that shit changed when I met you. On my god! I'm turning into a romantic sap- Holy fucking shit!
  • Alicia: So if we were both sober right now would you do it?
  • Elyza: I don't know, it'd be weird to kiss you out of the blue without even asking you out or- And I need to shut up. What the hell is happening to me? Anyways no, I probably wouldn't have the guts to do it.
  • Alicia: Just kiss me now then.
  • Elyza: But-
  • [Alicia pulls Elyza forward by her shirt and presses her lips against the blonde's, by the time the brunette pulls away Elyza is a blushing flustered gay mess]
  • Alicia: Wow, didn't know I could make the great Elyza Lex a rambling nervous wreck.
  • Elyza: Shut up.
  • Alicia: I've liked you for awhile now. You either miraculously remained oblivious or refused to make that assumption and acknowledge it. Speaking of which, there's no way I could forget ever kissing you.
  • Elyza: [Panting] How can you say all of that right after what just happened?! I can't even catch my damn breath!
  • Alicia: If a single kiss is going to leave you breathless, I can't imagine how breathless you'd be in the bedroom. [Winks]

admittedly the streets were not the best place to pace but that wasn’t really something alphys was thinking about at the moment. At the moment she was panicking, trying to figure out where she was and how she got there. with her mind in the clouds it shouldn’t have been a surprise she walked straight into someone. the apologies started immediately. “o-oh my god i’m so sorry i w-wasn’t looking, and now you’re clothes don’t look quite right. n-not to worry, i’ll fix it!” she reached out, moving to straighten their clothes without thinking about it. it was only then that she saw her hands, quickly bringing them away from the stranger and to her face. “no claws! these are hands, just hands. i don’t have any claws. what’s going on?” she was frozen now stuck staring at her hands and standing much too close to a random stranger for it to possibly be comfortable.

aromantic-dad  asked:

so i was thinking about how in your blind!dean au dean and cas technically first met a little after dean first lost his sight as a kid, and i was wondering if cas would ever just be reminded like, "hey, i remember once i met this kid with blindness. how weird--i'm like dating someone who's blind right now." and then he tells dean and dean sort of squints at him like... "why does that sound familiar"

LOL I like that!!!

What I had in mind for that, is Cas actually does remember him.He remembered that kid from the hospital.( He was really jealous of his relationship with his brother) But he never told Dean because… well he went through something traumatic how could he remember a strange kid like him?

BUUUUUuuuuuUUUTTT when Dean finally touched cas’ face and hair for the first time, and feeling how messing it was. Dean knew it was the kid from the hospital who told him that blind people see with their hands! (something just really improbable) 

and then they make out

larrycanunot  asked:

Finally, someone else who believes something is strange about all this. There are so many factors that are off, including the mgmt switch date coming closer and the fact that no one close to him knew about him leaving? And how it would take months of prep for legalities and stuff. Idk what to think anymore but I'm glad someone else sees it too

Hey!  I think we should all stick together right now if we have this mentality.  I feel so much better seeing that other people independently feel like this is weird.  

I feel really awkward to be blogging about how shady it is since the majority int the fandom seem to have just accepted it without question, but I’m doing it anyway because I’m really feeling the “how stupid do you think I am?” vibe towards this mess.  Whether he’s gone or not, what they’re telling us has tons of holes.  

The fact that this is supposed to be a sudden decision is the most suspicious of all.  

  1. If Zayn made this decision today, why is it being reported same day? Isn’t that awfully fast?  
  2. Why was the statement made through Facebook of all places? 
  3. When was there time for the decision to be made that the other boys would continue as a four piece?  
  4. If no one knew this was going to happen until today (because the decision was made today) then why were we getting the media ramping up so much yesterday for what looked like some sort of big announcement?  
  5. Was there supposed to be something else announced and Zayn’s quitting preempted it? 

Those are all questions that you don’t even need to look at different scenarios to wonder about.  They’re strange no matter how you look at it.  Then there’s the stuff that requires a bit more theorizing.  

For Niall’s post, shouldn’t the band have been informed at least a few hours before the statement was made?  Why would Niall (or a management employee) post a routine video at a time like that?  We’re told Zayn made the decision today, so the boys shouldn’t have been expecting it and, therefore, should have been agitated in one way or another. They shouldn’t be acting blase or normal.  

I haven’t heard of the boys breaking down and crying in concert or anything. The one video I saw of Harry was because he got hit in the eye.  If they were told only a few hours before the concert, you would think they would still be really upset and it would show in some way.  Harry wore his hair up exactly like Zayn- there’s no way to think it’s anything but a reference to Zayn.  Why would he grind dirt in that cut if he knew the news was going to come out in a few hours that Zayn was leaving?

The only other explanation if you believe what we’re being told- that Zayn is leaving because of stress and this was only decided today- is that the boys weren’t told at all and didn’t find out until after the concert. So Zayn didn’t think it necessary to consult the other 4/5 of the band he was leaving in the lurch before deciding to quit?  They didn’t think it wise to have a band meeting in person at least to discuss this on the day the decision was made?  They haven’t been on the same continent for about a week now.

It takes a bit of faith, but I just don’t think his relationship with the boys is such that he would do that to them.  I also personally have no doubts that Liam and Zayn are dating and have not been having any serious relationship trouble. So… Zayn would quit without telling his boyfriend first?  That’s about a 1000 times worse, and again, I don’t believe he’d do that.

The boys have looked to genuinely be having fun in concert.  They haven’t been AS good without Zayn, but they’ve been goofy and silly and I don’t think it’s all put on.  Liam covered Zayn’s face as a joke, if Harry was really the one tweeting then Harry thought today would be a good day.  Harry wore his hair up like Zayn did at the concert.  Niall posted a regular funny video just before the concert.  Again, I think it’s highly unlikely that Zayn decided to leave today and didn’t tell them.  

  1. They knew he was leaving all along and know it’s in his best interest
  2. They know the outcome to this is going to be positive in the end so they aren’t worried

I need another 5 or 6 posts to go through everything else that’s going on, but I think we can conclude we’re being lied to about at least 1 thing.  So who’s to say there’s not more?  I know it’s a sad day, but I don’t think we should stop thinking because I don’t like being lied to in such a stupid way.  Everything about this band has been shady up to now, and I see no reason to take even this at face value.

MY BLOG IS A YEAR (and a day) OLD

Thank you all for an amazing year! Thank you all for following me! I have over 900 followers, and it makes so happy to know that 900 people are following me for my drawings and story! I really can’t thank you enough!

In case you didn’t know, the day I started the blog was: January 27th, 2015.

text; ex girlfriend
  • spencer: it's kinda late and im kinda drunk and i took a walk because i was at some party and there were loads of girls there that didn't have the same eye colour as you and if they did they weren't the right height or had a weird laugh
  • spencer: and i'm now just remembering how we used to lay with each other and you'd place your feet between my calves to warm them up which we watched fresh prince
  • spencer: i just messed up so much babe and fuck i can't even call you that any more