i'm still thinking who i will use

I’ve lived in this house for 6 years and still don’t know any of my neighbors names

Good news: I applied for a job editing instructional videos for music lessons and I’m getting a phone interview in a week or two!

Iffy news: One of the students on my study abroad also applied, who I think is probably at an equal skill level to me but has a bit more experience.

I’m not sure how many people they are hiring, but I hope it comes down to one of us (preferably me), or that we somehow end up getting to work together!

It’s not about hating Sidney Crosby. It’s about hating the NHL’s bias toward him and other big named players like him. It’s about the danger that comes along with protecting the NHL’s golden boys. In the eyes of the Refs, players like him can’t do any wrong, and because of that, players like Methot get seriously injured. This isn’t necessarily Sid’s fault. He didn’t ask the NHL to protect him unnecessarily, but he needs to be held accountable for his shitty actions. He got away with two dangerous moves, two games in a row.

If you think that it’s okay for someone to take part of someone else’s finger off with no repercussions, just because “Well, he’s just really good at hockey,” then you’re part of the problem.

I hope I don’t regret choosing these hair and uniform colors in a few weeks.

[See in Full Resolution to appreciate the watercolor effect.]

Friendly reminder that Klaus’ letter was preceded by “that is the beginning of another story”, which is meant to highlight key components in the letter, such as Klaus wanting to thank Caroline in person. This suggests that they do eventually meet up, and that their meeting is not a mere fleeting chapter in their lives.

This isn’t a nod to their friendship. They’ve never been just friends. This is a promise of a romantic future. 

There is no doubt in my mind that if Caroline and Klaus were to ever reunite (and according to the finale they do) that Klaus would want something romantic from her. And if you believe otherwise, you’re kidding yourself. 

However long it takes is a throwback to a romantic scene. A romantic scene that suggests a promise of a romantic future between the characters. This isn’t mere banter between friends. Because Caroline has never been just a friend to Klaus. It’s a promise of a romantic future. 

“that is the beginning of another story”
“however long it takes” 

Eventually this story will be realized. And it isn’t a story about friendship. 

Because I haven’t seen a shout out for this yet.

Shout out to all the asexuals and aromantics out there who never felt relief when they discovered their orientations were valid 

Shout out to all the asexuals and aromantics who are fine with themselves one day and then hate themselves for what they don’t feel the next

Shout out to all the asexuals and aromantics who put off using the titles because they didn’t want to be this way and still don’t

Shout out to all the asexuals and aromantics who feel sick when they think about their orientations for too long because they’ll never feel normal or not-broken, no matter how many times someone says their feelings are valid

Shout out to all the asexuals and aromantics who constantly feel like they’re missing out, and would give anything to be allosexual or alloromantic 

Shout out to all the asexuals and aromantics who don’t feel okay, who don’t have ace or aro pride

Shout out to all the asexuals and aromantics who struggle with accepting themselves even more than society does

Shout out to all the asexuals and aromantics who feel out of place in ace and aro society because they wish they didn’t belong there

Shout out to all the asexuals and aromantics who want to change, but just can’t

You are not alone

Thoughts on Quiet BPD

When asked about BPD, most people who know about this disorder immediately think of the “classic” symptoms: impulsive behaviors and episodes of rage. The same holds true for even mental health professionals.

But rage and impulsivity are only two out of the nine criteria in determining whether someone has BPD. Some people with BPD—myself included—meet the criteria for a diagnosis but do not use these “acting out behaviors.”

So what does it mean to have quiet BPD?

You probably still suffer from extreme mood swings and emotional reactivity, self-harm and suicidal ideation, chronic feelings of emptiness, paranoid ideation, dissociation, a lack of identity, and the intense fear of abandonment we love so very much (disclaimer: we hate it.).

And it may well be that your relationships are stormy as well—even if the other person has no freaking idea how distressing said friendship is to you.


How is that possible? Well, we feel the same things other people with BPD feel: we idealize you and become deeply emotionally attached to you, then suddenly we become emotionally cold and distant toward you over just a minor disappointment, we’re kept awake at night by paranoia that you secretly hate us because you didn’t text us back immediately, we spiral into crushing depression over the littlest things you say and do.

But the difference lies in how we express it.

With “classic” BPD you may tell the other person what you’re feeling. You may accuse the person of lying to you, avoiding you, abandoning you, etc. You may display anger toward the other person or get into arguments. The other person becomes aware of what you’re thinking and feeling. Not so with quiet BPD.

I almost never tell my friends what’s going through my mind unless they ask. I’m too terrified of being a burden to them. I internalize this tempest of dysphoria, letting it fester for weeks and months. I will drop off your radar, distancing myself from you without you even noticing. Unless you reach out to me, you’ll never hear from me again. I’ll isolate myself, forever convinced you hate me and that you’re better off not dealing with my burdensome self… even if there’s no evidence to suggest this. Even if we’ve literally been best friends for years.

You may not notice this shift at all, simply because I don’t express it. The friendship may not be distressing for you, but it’s sure as hell distressing for me. I’ve cycled through so many friendships in this way, in near constant agony as a result—and the vast majority of my friends had no idea.

I’m obsessed over this idea that I’m a burden. That my very existence is an annoyance to everyone, and so I very frequently deny myself the very emotion so often associated with BPD: anger.

I loathe myself so much I feel I don’t have the right to be angry for myself.

Sure, I can feel anger all right. If you slight a friend or family member of mine, I cannot begin to describe the rage that wells up inside me.

But if you insult me? I’ll sink to depression and probably agree with you (this has happened multiple times).

People with different types of BPD respond differently to the same triggers. For some, if they feel you’re going to abandon them or that you don’t care about them, they respond with anger. Others act impulsively in hopes of relieving some of their pain. But I respond by turning inward. I justify these “signs” that everyone in my life hates me—the same signs recognized by people with “classic” BPD—by deciding that if I’m going to be abandoned, well, it’s because I deserve to be. If you do hate me, it’s because I am, in fact, absolute scum. My BPD takes these signs and twists them into reinforcement of my extreme self-loathing. If anything, I’ll be angry with myself.

This translates into “acting in” behaviors that aren’t as obvious as impulsive behaviors. I self-harm and don’t tell a soul about it, I lock myself in my room and cry for hours, I become so emotionally numb I just stare at the wall all day, I’ll sleep for an entire weekend to escape my pain, I’ll even deny myself food because what’s the point of extending my lifespan, especially if I don’t deserve it?

Any kind of BPD sucks, quiet or otherwise. But raising awareness about quiet BPD is crucial: professionals may not realize we have BPD because we don’t fit the “classic” model, and thus we end up spending years misdiagnosed or in treatment that doesn’t address what’s actually going on with us. We could be spared YEARS of additional suffering by getting the correct treatment as soon as possible. So let’s raise awareness, shall we?

10

you wouldn’t mind if I tagged along, would you? ( for @poisonpam )

I just feel like all that slow, gradual, painstaking progress we scrimped and saved for over a hundred years was all for nothing. The sense of basic protection is gone.

anonymous asked:

you aren't even american though, are you? why the hell do you care about this election??

No, I’m not, but wow, if you still think that this election only affects the US, you’re bloody ignorant.

Also, and most importantly, excuse me for feeling for other people. For feeling sad for the people who, for the past 18 months, have been targeted, harassed, bullied, and hated on by this ‘man’ the US has elected president. For being disgusted by the fact that their own country basically showed them the middle finger and told them they don’t matter by making this choice. 

This specimen is openly racist, islamophobic, sexist, homophobic and pretty much every other hateful term in the dictionary, and the majority of people SUPPORT him; lots of them for exactly those reasons and views, and they absolutely disgust me. Others because they just didn’t want Hillary; they are to blame, too. 
I don’t care if you only gave him your vote because you don’t like her (for some reason I will never fully understand) - you supported him. I don’t care if you voted 3rd party - it was obvious and you were told those candidates didn’t stand a chance thus you ultimately gave that vote to him. You contributed to this result and everything that’s gonna happen because of it, including possibly even more hate crimes and discrimination; this ‘President elect’ stirred up hatred with what he’s been saying and presenting to the public for months now. You’re responsible for it and have to live with it…just like we here in Germany will always have to be aware of and live with the fact that we let a similar sorry excuse for a human being come into way too much power over 80 years ago.

I don’t need to be American to be enraged and disappointed and most of all worried. People are scared, and not without reason…I care a whole lot about them and how it might affect them. It’s called empathy.

4

We kind of stayed the same I think. From the beginning, we all knew who we were individually, what our style was and what we liked and disliked. Nothing changed, it just evolved. We like to be individuals because more people can relate to us. People relate to Leigh-Anne differently than they relate to me and so on. We’re all tight knit, but we embrace our individualities too.

me up at 3 am thinking about about Kallias 

Since some folks cannot seem to shake the asinine assumption that queerness & blackness are mutually exclusive, lemme shout it out for ya.

YURI!!! ON ICE EP 10

Ok so I have a lot of feels again and I need to type out another rambly mess LETS GO
-victor perspective. VICTORS FUCKING PERSPECTIVE. shoot me already
- victor and chris are bros I love it
- yurio has fangirls who think he is a literal angel in other words they are legit all of us
- pitchits contact pic for yuri is a poodle if that isn’t the cutest thing ever
- pitchit is “peerless when it comes to skilful selfies”
- victor calls yuri “sleeping beauty” I LOVE VICTORS POV SO MUCH
- “yuris life and live has taught me about a whole world that I’d never known before” FUCK. ME. UP.
- the first thing yuri says when he wakes up is “where’s victor”. as though he is surprised to not see victor asleep next to him.
- “help me victor” enter: a near naked victor wanting to snuggle
- yuri leaning on victor to fix his skates
- and then telling him off for being too GOOD a coach make up ur mind boi
- yuri having the confidence to demand they go sightseeing this character development got me so emo
- look at them bopping around going shopping and being tourists
- throwback to ep 5 when victor said he wanted to burn yuris tie lol good times
- otabek taking no interest in getting to know the other skaters but he wants to be friends with yurio and I’m so happy for my son (also I low key ship them already soz not soz)
- victors gotten so much better at understanding yuri since ep 7 and i am living for this healthy communication
- the two of them walking through christmas markets and discussing presents and victors birthday I feel like I’ve read this exact fanfic so many times
- YURI FUCKING BOUGHT RINGS??? Did he just do that? He just did that. Here marks the spot where I McFreaking Lost It.
- eXChanGiNG RiNGs??! And yuris all blushy and victors tearing up and I just,,
- like soon we’ll be able to unironically call them husbands wtf
- reveal of the banquet backstory I have so many feels about this which have been more eloquently explained by others, so here I’ll just say: YURI VS YURI DANCE OFF?!?
- pitchit once again representing the fandom with the obnoxiously loud marriage congratulations
- also I 10/10 appreciate how in this universe no one thinks it’s unusal for two men to be engaged. No one questions it. The entire restaurant is applauding them. A direct comparison is drawn between victor and yuri getting married and JJ and his female fiancé getting married. Thanks @yoi writers
- victor is a romantic sap: CONFIRMED
- guang hong and leo are boyfriends: CONFIRMED
- minami is still yuri trash: CONFIRMED
- yuri is a sexual drunk: CONFIRMED
- I am dead: CONFIRMED

I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think you actually loved me, I was so naive to think you actually cared. Now here I am four months later still clueless to the reality that you only care when it’s convenient for you, and when you want to use me for your own personal game. Guess what asshole? I’m not a doll you can play with when you get bored. I’m a girl who has feelings and a girl who once loved you. I’m done. Stop playing games and leave me alone.
—  an excerpt from a book I’ll never write

I’m not crying because I don’t think we will get through it.

I’m crying because the majority of our country is voting for a man who openly admitted to sexual assault.

I’m crying because the majority of our country is voting for a man who is racist and misogynistic and homophobic.

I’m crying because the majority of our country is voting for a man who wants to set us back after years of progress.

Scourge: the guy who kicks a Metal Sonic in the nuts and expects it to work

I think I’m finally able to articulate what’s bugging me so much about Shaw as a YCP ambassador. 

I remember when he got suspended for using that homophobic slur, and how angry I’d been. But I also remember a story about a reporter from Chicago who was openly gay, who Shaw had always been kind to. I cannot for the life of me find the article now, so you’ll have to take my word for it, but Shaw made an extra effort to seek out that reporter afterwards and apologize, knowing that his words would have hurt him. The reporter went on to write about how he truly believed that Shaw didn’t have a problem with the LGBT community; he just needed a lesson in awareness of how words can hurt. 

Now, Shaw wants to make amends for what he’s done. I think that’s great. I’m a huge believer in the ability of a person to grow and realize the error of their ways and change for the better. That all said, this is not the way to do it

The incident is still fresh in everyone’s minds, and from the apology until now, Shaw has done absolutely nothing to convince us he’s changed. And yet, here he is, openly expressing welcome for any teammate to approach him should they ever need it. I’m inclined to believe Shaw is genuine in this, and that he is trying to be a better person. But we haven’t SEEN that from him yet. An open invite to talk is just words. It hasn’t proven anything. I think, if Shaw had actually taken some initiative to provide support for the LGBT community before this, like attend a pride parade for example, then the situation would be different. But he hasn’t done anything like that. Shaw doesn’t feel safe to talk to just yet. And he probably won’t until he proves it some other way. Just because he wants to be approached doesn’t mean he will be, or that he will even be seen as approachable. And at the end of the day, it’s not about what he wants; it’s about what’s best for the LGBT players

So: I think it’s fantastic that Shaw wants to help and support LGBT athletes through YCP. I think it can be proof that a person can learn from their mistakes and fight back against the rampant homophobia inherent in the culture of the league. But he hasn’t proven anything yet, and until he does, he’s not a safe bet for the LGBT community. 

fjrebolt >> njmphadora

it was about time for a change i think :)) i’ll still be tagging fjrebolt for a bit but will also be tagging princessnatalie and would love love love people to start using that from now on