i'm still really upset

i wish i could explain what it feels like to have to unravel a lifetime of learned thoughts and actions and question yourself so thoroughly and deal with the uncertainty that comes with examining compulsory heterosexuality and how it has affected your life. how it makes you doubt yourself. how it makes you dismiss parts of yourself, or not even notice them at all. and how much work and effort and reflection and confidence it takes to overcome it. it’s a fight. i’m proud of everyone who’s dealt with it in the past or is currently working through it and exploring who they are, and of those who will go through it in the future. it’s not always an easy thing to do but it’s so, so worth it in the end.

Honestly I got so hopeful over finnpoe being Canon. Like the actors kept hinting at it and that one guy retweeted that fanart, it just made me so hopeful that’d I’d get a beautiful gay couple in my favorite universe. I didn’t think they’d make it obvious like a kiss, but I’d hope they would at least have them hold hands and maybe even flirt a little.
And now I’m hearing about that Kathleen kennedy bitch laughing at the thought of a gay couple and my heart is just sinking. I never should’ve felt hopeful, I never should’ve trusted those people.

Like I shouldn’t really be surprised but I’m still so upset ya know? Like why does this still have to happen? Why do people still have to be so hateful? I just wanna feel like I’m not disgusting for loving my boyfriend and I want to see the guys on screen fall in love and it not be some huge joke.

And to see it in my favorite universe would’ve meant so much to me.

“The king lifted a hand to her cheek and kissed her. It was not a kiss between strangers, not even a kiss between a bride and groom. It was a kiss between a man and his wife, and when it was over, the king closed his eyes and rested his forehead in the hollow of the queen’s shoulder, like a man seeking respite, like a man reaching home at the end of the day.” 

The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner

I just reached the episode about Clay’s tape (finally, it was Tape 9 in the book I swear not Tape 11) and I have to stop the binge watch now because I am so drained, I think I’ve cried a river of tears. Just like when I read the book, I’ve never felt so sorry for someone as when Clay finds out he’s only there because Hannah needed him to hear her story; she needed him to know why. It wrecks me every time.

Originally posted by kiamkiamkiam

Ugh, so my FNM was totally fucked last night.  Never mind the fact that I was at the DMV ALL DAY right up until FNM and was almost late for that.  But I sit down to play and the first match of the night was Living End, which I do fine against typically.  But IDK what was up with Rico that night, but he as a royal cunt.  All because I got out sword + foundry pretty fast because of a good hand.

It got to the point I had two Sword of the Meek out on the board with Thopter Foundry and ate one of them twice but he misheard me and thought I did both of them at the same time and said he exiled both?  Which confused me because I don’t even think that’s possible.  I told him that wasn’t as so and he started screaming at me.  Like when my response to “you sacced them simultaneously” is “you can do that???” its pretty clear it wasn’t my intention.  And I was rather clear on I was doing one twice because I had grabbed the sword to put it in the grave.  Not both.  One.  At this point I wanted to call a judge but she was over giving the owner of the store in the other building something.  This is a regular occurrence.  But he kept screaming at me to the point that a couple of players turned around and one of them commented how fucked up it was.  I just wanted the yelling to end so I placated him and said “This isn’t what I did, but I’m tired of the yelling.  Next thing to happen and I’m calling the judge when she’s in.”

At this point I am kinda really upset.  Not over losing 2 of Sword of the Meek to something he shouldn’t of been able to do.  But to him screaming at me.  He had no reason to literally scream and make a scene.  And I told him as much that yelling at another player is completely unacceptable.  And he got really huffy.  And was an asshole the entire match.  I had to call the judge 3 times on him.  One for not letting me cut his deck when he shuffled it.  Which I’ve had people try to cheat before, this sent up major red flags.  While the judge was there he called over one of his friends to vouche for him, blessedly they weighed in my favor.  At this point, I conceded because if I played more against him, I’d just be off even worse for the entire evening.

Problem was what he did was so noticeable that my second opponent told me as he was sitting down “don’t worry I won’t do that to you.”  While I appreciated the gesture, it was embarrassing.  Third opponent and it was pretty much the same.  I like the solidarity but its embarrassing.  Instead of trying to seem like the Good Guy™ why don’t they go ahead and deal with their friend who’s being a cunt?  I never snapped at him, I just nodded and continued on because I really don’t have it in me to fuss at someone who is innocent.

I’m fed up however and ended up going to the judge in between rounds and explaining everything to her and she outright admits she’s received complaints about Rico before.  And that he just has “bad days.”  I’m reasonably upset at this point because nothing’s being done about him.  If there are previous reports and complaints about a player literally yelling and screaming at people and trying to refuse decks being cut.  Its a problem that needs to be addressed.

The judge is unwilling to do anything about him and while I made him look like a cunt in front of his friends after that because he was shit talking me.  Basically giving them fetches and free shit that they needed for their deck earlier in the day and just then handing Rico a few foils for his deck since I pulled them and have no use.  It still isn’t enough.  Taking the “high road” feels hollow.  Like now I don’t feel safe at my LGS because people are willing to excuse that kind of behavior.  One time is okay by me.  But as soon as I hear there are previous reports and nothing has been done about it, I can’t sit there and pretend like its okay.

I can’t stop thinking about ‘it’s quite surreal’, and 'amazing, yeah. This is incredible, isn’t it?’ Because that’s how Sam and Anthony were last year. And they lost it so fast because people are awful.

With Theo and Samuel we have two young men, at the start of their career, and I just think that as a fandom we should be respectful of them and not invasive or over-excitable or rude or any of the other countless things we could do to them.

They’re human beings, doing a job that should probably be the most amazing, fun job in the world. And it looks like they’re going to be spectacular at it. But can we remember that they are just that? Human beings doing a job. They’re not toys. They’re not play things. They’re not characters. They’re not for us to speculate over or ship. They’re people with lives and families and friendships.

So can we please be kind to them and show them we care about them and value them, and not drive them away and make them jaded? Let them have this amazing experience without us ruining it for them.

They’re so young. And they deserve to enjoy themselves and keep the wonder we saw in the video today. Is that so much to ask? Can people please be nice?

I didn’t see this process play out from the beginning last time, but I know it’s coming this time and it’s horrible. It’s beginning already, and I hate everything about it.

the second part to my ssc series. basically it’s an au about rose and Ben becoming best friends despite the rivalry between their clans. the feedback to the first part was amazing, thank you so so much ! I hope you’ll like this one and the ones that will follow !!!

After their outing at the marketplace - and the news of the Montague boy’s arrival spreading through town - Rosaline, nor any of the younger Capulets on that matter, had not been allowed to wander through the Italian streets, their afternoon strolls having been limited to the Capulets piazza and their gardens. Benvolio Montague had been the source of such weariness and beginning of many new rumors.

His name had been whispered behind the careful hands uof gossiping maids, spat across the table during what were meant to be peaceful meals and gatherings she knew her parents to be shielding her and Livia from the conflict brewing between the two houses, her Lord uncle did nothing to hide his hate or distaste, neither did his wife. Both were too convinced with the idea that Lord Montague was closing his ranks, preparing an army in the wake of a future attack. Both were too happy for Juliet to be exposed to the ugliness of the conflict and thus, for her to inherit their anger.

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We all know that daehyun has sweet honey vocals and is capable of singing live but watching this video breaks my heart. Daehyun’s voice is not stable and he is straining it more than he should and lip syncs majority of the song because of it. Daehyun (and the rest of b.a.p) are probably not in the right shape and/or well rested enough to do a comeback this coming aug/sept. We already see that he’s struggling with his voice because he said in the lastest vlive (and is looking awkfully sad). All I hope is that they take care of themselves and t$ better not repeat the same mistakes they once did.

I’ve been putting in as much effort as I honestly can in this blog lately and nothing has really come of it. There is a very high possibility that I will be leaving tumblr and all my blogs. I’m not done roleplaying, of course, but I think a more casual approach to the hobby will be better for me. 

I know that’s saddening, as I’ve been trying to reach out to people, I’ve sent out asks, even plotted recently, but whatever energy I had to keep up this blog is gone. I suspect that this was an escape for me in a very unstable part of my life. I could pour everything into this blog, and it was helpful! I very much enjoyed it and I think it was good for me. I don’t really need that anymore, though, and realistically it’s clear I can’t sustain it. My options are dropping 90% of my threads (and deleting some of my other blogs/muses) or quitting altogether, and again I feel myself leaning towards the latter.

Long story short: I’ll probably be leaving tumblr soon! I apologize for the inconvenience but I hope you all understand. If you are interested in keeping in touch or roleplaying through another system (skype/discord/another site) send me an IM! <3 I’ll do everything in my power to make it happen!

look,,,,,,i’m not happy about dean hooking up with that server for many totally justified reasons,,,,,but also,,,,,the dean/me ship really needs a gif of dean all disheveled saying “i’ll talk to you later” for my own personal spank bank

Why do I feel like I’m always the one who gets ignored

anonymous asked:

It seems your anons who are trying to start drama would appreciate the 1direction-,unpopularopions blog. I used to follow them until I realised unpopular opinions are mostly negative ones, they're afraid of saying on they blog's for fear of backlash.. If they want a reaction they'll probably find one.

Hi anon,

I get that I do but then just don’t say it maybe? Or create another blog to say it? or like you say visit that blog.  

I wrote this yesterday and I could amend it but it still stands, and I could write more but how I feel is how I feel and I’ll probably reblog posts that reflect way more articulately on this than me but….

Just tired that this always comes down against Zayn, and that’s just so sad and unacceptable.     

And whether the words that came from his mouth were lies or not (and yes, I don’t believe a single word of it) they were spoken nevertheless.  

I suppose I lived in some kind of fantasy world filled with some kind of optimism that at least this wouldn’t be shat on because there’s never been any indication previously that this would happen, and I have other thoughts that I can’t articulate but it doesn’t really matter anyway because right now this has upset people, and I completely get why.

And I still love Zayn so very much and I still love Liam so very much and that isn’t going to change based on this current mess vs what we’ve had previously over the years BUT that doesn’t mean that I should ignore what a mess this is overall.  

I had hoped that at least some music chatter was held back and I don’t just mean a token question here or there, and oh I dunno there’d be some groundbreaking promo (or that’s how it feels that it would be groundbreaking to focus on music) like letting Liam the artist show himself,  rather than what we’ve had and more fool me for wishing for any different and that is infuriating and maddening.

add it all together and I’m just….