i'm starting to get an idea of where all this is going and you're gonna need more lube

Teaching the kid everything he needs to know.
  • Bro [BRO] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~
  • turntechGodhead [TG] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~
  • BRO: *Kicks in the door* Alright, Dave. It's time for.. THE TALK.
  • TG: oh god
  • TG: what talk
  • TG: THE talk?
  • BRO: Now, as a young man, you're going through changes.
  • TG: no please
  • TG: dont do this bro
  • BRO: Most rad dudes your age begin to develop feelings.
  • BRO: For girls.
  • BRO: UNIRONICALLY.
  • TG: no!
  • TG: get your talk out of my FACE
  • BRO: *Proceeds to push TG from his chair, and straddle the chair reverse-ways*
  • BRO: Listen up, kid.
  • TG: NOT THE REVERSE DAD SIT
  • BRO: Before you get your mad sword-fighting on with some dude, or decide the slay the demon with some chick...
  • BRO: You're gonna need some rubbers.
  • BRO: At least welve.
  • BRO: *Begins throwing condoms of various brands at Dave*
  • BRO: Fuck, cover your entire body in 'em.
  • TG: its like christmas in here
  • BRO: Become a sexually-safe knight of virtue.
  • BRO: Now, I know what you're thinking.
  • BRO: 'But, Bro. I already have all of the sex'
  • BRO: And I know Dave.
  • BRO: I know.
  • TG: how the
  • BRO: But I want you to have ALL OF THE SEX SAFELY.
  • BRO: Lemme demonstrate a sec'.
  • TG: THIS IS WEIRD
  • TG: but proceed
  • BRO: *Pulls a smuppet from his rear jean pocket and points to it's nose*
  • BRO: See this smuppet nose, Dave?
  • BRO: Do you see this quivering probiscis of phallic symbolism?
  • TG: yes
  • BRO: Because I fucking do.
  • TG: indeed you do
  • TG: well you look at it all the time bro like cmon
  • BRO: *Retrieves a green smuppet from under his hat, pointing it towards the other green plush ass first*
  • BRO: You don't just do this, Dave.
  • BRO: *Starts slamming the puppets together vigorously, maintaining shade-contact with Dave throughout*
  • BRO: Y'need to get some foreplay in there.
  • BRO: Hell, maybe some lube.
  • BRO: Scratch that.
  • BRO: Always lube.
  • TG: *face of terror comes onto his face*
  • BRO: Where do you keep your lube, Dave.
  • TG: oh fuck no im not telling you where im keeping my stash
  • HABIT: BRO: So you have one.
  • BRO: I'm gonna guess it's real fuckin' obvious.
  • BRO: Oh shit.
  • TG: no its not
  • BRO: My lube-dar's going crazy.
  • BRO: BING BING BING
  • BRO: *Begins moving towards the desk*
  • TG: your lubedare is wrong
  • BRO: BINGBINGBINGBING
  • TG: bro no
  • BRO: OH SHIT, IT'S LIKE FUCKIN' CHRISTMAS UP IN THIS BITCH.
  • TG: NO
  • BRO: *Yanks open the drawer and rummages around*
  • BRO: GOT MORE PING THAN A SWEDISH GAME SERVER
  • TG: FUCK YOUR SWEDISH GAME SERVER
  • BRO: You take that back.
  • TG: never
  • BRO: The Swedish have done nothing but provide for this household.
  • BRO: Aha.
  • TG: the swedish have done nothing for this family
  • TG: but tear it apart
  • BRO: *Retrieves various pictures and lube from the desk*
  • BRO: *Proceeds to tear up the tasteful photography and leaves a smuppet pulled out from under his shirt in it's place*
  • TG: bro you opened jar of mayonnaise left in the sun
  • BRO: Alright.
  • BRO: Now for the grand premiere.
  • TG: oh god theres more
  • BRO: *Jams all of the smuppets into the drawer, pouring all of the lube over them. He then slams the drawer shut, resting his forearms on the chair.*
  • BRO: I have no idea what I'm doing.
  • TG: I COULD SEE THAT