“I thought you liked your interludes secret and mysterious. Your boyfriends private.” “We weren’t having an interlude. And you are not my boyfriend.” “Yeah.” He hit the bag harder. “I noticed.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Zach stopped. The bag swung back and forth, keeping time as he shook his head and said, “You’re the Gallagher Girl. You figure it out.”
After a serious fight with her best friend Mal, Alina accidentally wishes for The Darkling, also known as the Goblin King, to take him away and he, who had fallen in love with her, grants the wish.
Once she realizes her mistake she tries to get the Darkling to free her friend, but he is relentless and tells her that
the only way to free the boy is to solve his labyrinth in less than 13 hours or stay in the boy’s place. Alina, thinking it’ll be an easy task, chooses to solve the labyrinth, surely she can save them both.
What follows next is an adventure full of magic, unexpected friends and allies, dream ballroom sequences with dresses as black as the King’s magic and offers of eternity of servitude and love. Will Alina solve the labyrinth and save both her and Mal? Or will the Darkling win the deal?
This is a guide as to why I fucking hate your class. And my class. Also why they’re pretty great. Can’t be negative all the time, yo.
OTHER WHITE MAGES:
Bad; The next time I’m in a raid, and I’ve already cast Stoneskin II, and you cast it again, I’ll personally bash your head in. Also, we both always run out of fucking mana.
Good: So many heals. A+
Bad: Look. I’m really sorry if I can’t remember the fucking ‘esuna’ move you guys have. Your class hasn’t been out that long, and all I did was unlock it. EXCUSE ME FOR NOT KNOWING IT’S ‘EXALTED DETRIMENT” OR WHATEVER. When I say you need to help me esuna, you better damn well know what I mean.
Good: Your buffs completely pass my healer expectations. Like. Holy shit. Y’all got aesthetic, great moves, damn good heals. Keep it up.
Bad: You guys eat your fairies??? Problematic favs.
Good: Your shields make me happy. So pretty.
BAD: LET ME FUCKING CAST MY OWN PROTECT FOR FUCKS SAKE
Good: Pop those cooldowns. I love you.
Bad: I haven’t even unlocked this class. My only ish is that when you guys fuck up, there’s no way I can help you. I know 0 of your moves. Apologies.
Good: Your Ravana EX sword drop? Pretty as fuck. Super jealous. Also, you guys got great aesthetic too, keep it up.
Bad: You guys have such fucking annoying macros. I KNOW YOU WANT ESUNA. KNOCK IT OFF.
Good: Y’ALL ARE FUCKING HEALTH JESUS. I feel blessed when I get a warrior with tank accessories on. God, I love high HP.
Bad: Y’all wanna pull aggro? Die. I understand the jump animation is awful and it kills you a lot but YOU CAN DODGE ANY OTHER TIME.
Good: If the tank dies, you’re my backup tank.
Bad: Stop fucking ripping aggro.
Good: I like it when you guys draw chalk lines (Ley lines?) but then an aoe falls right on you so you have to run away. It’s not really a positive thing but it makes me laugh and I’m sorry.
Bad: I’ve not played with a single decent ninja since I got White Mage to 60. IDK what Heavensward did to you all to make you so angry, but I’m sorry.
Good: Your level 50 AF gear gives booty shorts and I think that’s cool.
Bad: You guys think you’re DPS Jesus, but I’ve seen a lot of other Black Mages who actually ARE DPS Jesus. I’m sorry.
Good: The fact that you guys can handle and understand what the fuck the stacking system is blows my mind. More power to you guys. (Literally, I might add.)
Bad: Fuck you guys and your PVP shit.
Good: No really, fuck you guys. (Your outfits are great, and you get Akh Morn and I love it. I just love it when it’s not being USED ON ME.)
Bad: I heard at the beginning a lot of people kicked you guys out of raids and stuff. I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re awful. But if you use that fucking knockback move, you’re not getting healed.
Good: You guys are sometimes more likely to give me mana than the bard is. Thank you. Bless.
Bad: You guys never fucking listen when I say I’m out of mana, and then wonder why everyone is FUCKING DEAD.
Good: The new bard AF gear gives really nice butt. Not to mention some of you guys make macros and shit for your songs and I really love it. Inspiring motherfuckers.
Imagine Luke and Michael meeting their adopted baby girl for the first time and Michael holds the baby in his arms and kisses her forehead and makes cute faces at her saying “hi baby girl I’m your daddy,” and then he goes to hand her to Luke but she takes one look at Luke and starts crying because he’s a giant and Michael just hits him upside the head saying “now you’ve done it asshole” while Luke stands there confused
You wake up the next morning to something dripping onto your face right between your eyes. You open your eyes and immediately regret it as harsh sunlight hits you and your head throbs. What had happened last night? The last thing you remember is taking a shot with Lafontaine while a crowd of strangers cheered around you. And you remember a pretty dark-haired girl telling you to go home.
Your eyes focus on a dripping leaf hanging above your face. You reach up to pull it from the branch it’s attached to and twirl it between your fingers while you take a quick assessment of your body to make sure everything is in place. Once you’re sure it is, you finally acknowledge the feeling of something soft beneath your head and you force yourself to sit up. You turn and see you’d been lying on Lafontaine’s stomach. They’re lying with their head in Perry’s lap and Perry is leaning back against a tall tree.
You try and remember how exactly the three of you had ended up here, but nothing is coming back to you. You groan but that only sends another pulse of pain through your head. You raise a hand to your head and sigh.