i'm sorry he's a douche

Sometimes my SO and I literally are Nursey and Dex.

SO: *brings a parcel inside*

Me: “Did you get me a present?”

SO: “No.  I got me a present.”

Me: “What is it?”

SO: “…I don’t want to tell you.”

Me: “Why?”

SO: “Because when I do, you’ll just call me a douche bag.”

Me: “That can be my present.”

A Letter to Viatryx

Dear Viatryx,

First of all, what a profoundly ridiculous and complicated name. I thought Trolls were bad with their apostrophes and million vowels and consenants, but that takes the cake, especially if I’m told right and you’re a worgen? Aren’t you suppose to have a human sounding name? Like Bob or Sara?

At any rate, I’ve had a demon help me translate this letter to you, because let’s face it, I’m a blood elf and we really don’t give a rats ass about how the other side lives so why on earth would we care to learn how to write in alliance tongue?

I’ve found something that undoubtedly belongs to you: A little imp named Gobtip. Now, if he’s to be believed, which not all imps are, I’d say that he was a family servant and he’s been spending far far too long of a time looking for you. He’s actually quite a bit of a shit, and when I tried to take him home, he’d have none of it without pestering me. You’re lucky I didn’t send him back to the abyss where he may rightfully belong. It seems like he’s no use to anyone except you and your family.

If you’d like him back, I figured maybe we could meet some place neutral like Shattrath, Dalaran, or light forbid, Booty Bay. Or, if you’d like, we can write back and forth and I could continue to berate you until you come get this little bastard from me. I’m pretty sure he’d much appreciate living longer and I don’t think my observer is going to tolerate him much longer, nor will my fiance.

Hope to hear from you soon,
Quintius