i'm sorry

“What We Do In the Shadows”

Undead hilarity for all your Roleplaying needs

  • “I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool”
  • “I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.”
  • “We’re Werewolves, not Swear-Wolves.”
  • “He’s a really great guy. A bit a of a pervert.”
  • “Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet!”
  • “I lost a really nice silk scarf in about 1912.”
  • “I tended to torture when I was in a bad place.”
  • “We should get some slaves!”
  • “If you’re going to eat a victim on my nice clean couch, put down some newspaper on the floor and some towels.”
  • “We’re vampires, we don’t put down towels.”
  • “The point is that you have not done the dishes for 5 years.”
  • “I was thinking, maybe… I just should bring a broom down here for you if you wanted to sweep up some of the skeletons.”
  • “Well, I’m glad to hear that I’m cool.” 
  • “At first I wanted to kill him. But now I’m glad I’ve spent the time to get to know him.”
  • “I transformed into a dog and had sex.”
  • “What are you doing tonight? Are you going to kill some perverts?”
  • “I go for a look which I call dead but delicious.”
  • “Yeah some of our clothes are from victims. You might bite someone and then, you think, ‘Oooh, those are some nice pants!’.”
  • “Vampires don’t do dishes.”
  • “The other day, I dragged mans body down the hallway, and noticed that there was no dust. Like, I kind of… I kind of swept the hallway.”
  • “We have the kind of master-servant relationship which works nicely.”
  • “Who would have sex with her, I wouldn’t.”
  • “Like one big circle, just biting each others dicks.”
  • “I am doing an erotic dance for my friends. And you ruined it.”
  • “I don’t want to break that friendship but.. then again, what do you do when
    someone tells you that they’re a vampire?”
  • “Get up and stand on this ceiling like a man!” 
  • “Well, his soul is in hell, so…” 
  • “Get your hands off my balls, Beast!”
Kiss Me

Word Count: 298 (I know it’s really short, sorry about it)

A/N: Loosely based off of the song Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran because I love him and his music and I was listening to his entire album last night.  This was pretty bad too but oh well, enjoy! :) 

You were Bucky’s addiction, you knew it, he knew it, everyone knew it. Bucky could never get enough of you, of your lips against his skin erasing all of the pain, all of the hurt. Your lips attaching itself to his neck as you straddled him causing him to want you even more.

Every morning, the two of you would wake up cuddling into each other, legs tangled, the bed sheets messily covering the two of you. You were always the first one up allowing you to wake up Bucky by peppering sweet kisses from his jawline and down his neck. If that wasn’t enough to wake him up, you would suck on his sweet spot on his neck causing a moan to slip out from his lips.

Your eyes were yet another thing on the long list of things he adored about you. The way you two would get lost in each other’s eyes showing just how vulnerable the two of you were.  Whenever he was with you, it was like all of his worries would just disappear.  

Whenever you were at a low point, Bucky knew exactly what to do to comfort you.  He would wrap his arms around you causing you to wrap your arms around his waist.  He would snuggle his face into the crook of your neck and whisper sweet little nothings in your ear.  

The feeling he received whenever he was with you was an unfamiliar feeling, a feeling that he was told repeatedly he would never receive.  The longer he was with you, the more he realized just how in love he was.  The sparks he felt whenever you guys touched and whenever he attached his lips to yours.  He knew from then on that he was deeply in love with you. 

Chris Chow and Caitlin Farmer

Caitlin Farmer is on the volleyball team, and while many of her peers and colleagues think that she is beautiful, Caitlin always shrugs it off with a laugh, and thinks, ‘Oh. I’m nothing special.”

She wears shorts that are slightly longer than her teammates’ when they practice because she’s self conscious about her stretch marks, and the way her thighs jiggle when she jumps agile into the air like a feline, and lands powerful and resolute, like the slam of a mallet into the earth.

In front of the mirror, Caitlin Farmer squeezes the small amount of pudge on her belly, and although it’s just a small sheathe to her formidable core, she pulls her shirt down lower and shakes her head. Irritated.

Until one day, when Chris Chow kisses her gently, and brushes her hair out of her face. Chris Chow smiles gently, and she finds herself smiling along. 

She is reluctant. She is reluctant to show the pudge, and the marks, and the scars, and the imperfections that come with being Caitlin Farmer.

But there’s something about Chris Chow’s eyes, kind but intense, gentle but passionate, dark but shimmering.

She removes her armor, and she is vulnerable now.

But Chris Chow sees a goddess. A warrior. Chris Chow sees Caitlin Farmer.

“God, Caitie. You’re beautiful.”


Chris Chow is on the hockey team, and while many of his peers and colleagues love to treat him like a little brother, too pure, and too innocent, Chris always shrugs it off with a laugh, and thinks, “Oh. They treat me special.”

He thinks twice when he beams for pictures because he’s self conscious about his braces, and how he thinks they make him look juvenile, even when his smile shines brighter than the sun, and could light up Samwell to be seen from miles away.

In front of the mirror, Chris Chow pinches his cheeks, and stares at his braces, and though sunshine beams from his smile, he pokes at his braces, and wishes he didn’t look so young sometimes. He walks away, annoyed.

Until one day, when Caitlin Farmer kisses him gently, and rests her hand against his cheek. She looks up at him, and smiles. He realizes he had been smiling all along.

He becomes aware of his braces, and closes his mouth, but there’s something in Caitlin’s smile and even more in her eyes; she is innocent and she is wild, her eyes are full of wonder and full of secrets, her smile is small and it is inviting.

He helps her remove her clothes, and he sees a goddess. He sees a warrior.

“God, Caitie,” he whispers, “You’re beautiful.”

She pulls him closer and he can hear the pride in her voice as she whispers in his ear.

“Only for my man.”