i'm simply asking you not to force that ship on me because it makes me feel UNCOMFORTABLE

Alright, today I saw someone claiming that Killian‘s declaration in the “you are my happy ending“ scene is ”undoubtably coercive“ on a pro-CS post and most of the time I ignore things like these and keep scrolling, but some things just really rub me the wrong way and make my fingers itch to write a little something about them, so here’s a mini-meta that grew a bit longer than I intended it to be.

Let me start with this quote:
“Just a lost little girl who didn’t matter and didn’t think she ever would” - Emma Swan, Lost Girl

For her whole life Emma thought she was unwanted. She thought no one was ever going to love her for just being who she is, or that she was ever gonna be enough for anyone. She thought everyone she ever opened her heart to was gonna grow tired of her and leave her.
The writers didn‘t intend for this declaration to be coercive. What we were supposed to get from this scene was Killian telling Emma he loves her and that he has no intention of letting her down or leaving her like everyone else in her life has so far. That to him, she isn‘t just the Savior. She - Emma Swan, the person - is enough; more than enough, actually. That she makes him the happiest anyone or anything possibly ever could by simply being herself.

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Doribull Thoughts/Defense

Okay, so I am attempting to write a respectful dialogue here, not invalidate people’s legitimate triggers. If you don’t like Dorian/Bull and find it problematic, that is totally fine and you are completely entitled to dislike it based on what doesn’t work for you, or what you find unpalatable (for lack of a better, stronger word), and you are so, so valid in doing what’s best for you by blacklisting it, ignoring it, etc., doing whatever you need to do. I respect that, I do. Tagging this specifically so people can avoid it if they need to.

But I have some serious issues with some of the arguments (and, in my opinion, some assumptions that aren’t supported by in-game canon) that are used to insist that these two MUST have an abusive relationship and this is the only legitimate interpretation, because I, personally, don’t agree, and I find some of the actual arguments REALLY super problematic in and of themselves. So in the interest of discussion rather than argument, I want to articulate why I don’t share this interpretation, and why some of the arguments for it trouble me in terms of Dorian’s agency as a character. This ended up a fucking TL;DR manifesto in length, but I wanted to be thorough and draw in all the canon evidence I could to try and make a case for why I respect the concerns but don’t share them, because this is a subject I don’t take lightly, as I have been in emotionally manipulative relationships myself in the past.


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anonymous asked:

I understand that the word fat is not ugliness. But a diabetic that doesn't acknowledge that they are diabetic and wants to ignore that fact will still suffer from the health consequences. You are likely overweight, even though you believe that the word fat does not represent you. This isn't a mean or hurtful comment, it's simply stating the facts. There are so many health problems associated with being overweight, and I guess i'm confused as to why you aren't realizing that for your future.

Originally posted by samisoffthewall

I wondered when I’d be seeing first sight of the Health Army in my inbox. It took me six years of having this blog before my voice made someone uncomfortable enough. I suppose I’ll have to speak louder next time. If you want to do this, baby cakes, let’s do it.

First of all, I never said the word “fat” wasn’t representative of me. It IS representative of me. I own that, and it’s not something I stick my head in the sand about like some ostrich, or as you’ve so lovely pointed out, a diabetic individual. (I don’t owe you any answers, but just so we’re clear– Diabetes is a horrible condition from which I have not ever nor currently suffer from/with, but it was tres classy of you to bring up a well known comorbidity of extreme obesity to shove in my face as a guilt trip. Nicely done.) 

How could you tell I was overweight? Was it from my double chin? The roundness of my cheeks? What if I were to post a full body shot and then you could see the roundness of my tummy or the jiggle of my arms or legs. Would that make you uncomfortable if I called myself beautiful? I bet it would, and I find that entirely tragic. This is not about health. You may think it is, but let me tell you what it’s actually about. This is about you needing to feel good about yourself. I don’t blame you for that, every single day every human being in existence seeks out ways to elevate themselves and feel better about themselves. We are biologically hardwired to seek happiness and joy and “higher ground”. You have chosen for your higher ground to be a coded message of self-righteousness and shame under the guise of ‘concern’ about my ‘health’, when you -an anonymous face on the internet- do not know a single thing about me apart from my name, my ship or fandom, and also, yes… that I am fat. 

The implications of this message are immense. There is prejudice here so heavy -mind the pun- that I sat with this for some time, digesting it before I gave my answer. See, you’d be shocked to find out, I think, that I have a healthy life. Fat people are often put under a health microscope because of pre-existing prejudices. If I struggle with depression, anxiety, or acid reflux, I will be reminded of my weight, a number that defines my relationship with gravity, by any person who thinks they have good intentions under the mask of ‘concern’. If a girl half my size struggles with the same things, no one will mention it to her. In fact, I have had physicians and other health providers who were so determined that a given condition was resultant of my weight that they literally refused to see any other option, and as a result of THEIR biases and prejudices, I have been dieting since the time I was six. On weight loss pills at the age of thirteen. Weight loss surgery at the age of seventeen. All of it with the same encoded message: You are not good enough like this. You don’t deserve to love yourself and be happy like this. Encrypted under a message of ‘health’. Was my health more in danger before I went through countless cycles of Atkins and South Beach, Phentermine and even a surgery? No, actually. It was better than it is now. And I am slowly bringing myself back to health. But not through shame, as you would have me do it. Not through hanging my head and chastising myself every single time something other than lettuce and water passes my lips. But through love.

I love my body just the way it is. I have beaten my body. Abused it. Run it through the ringer. I have put chemicals inside of it, taken knives to it, starved it, forced it to give up it’s sustenance, over indulged it. And still it works for me. Still, my arms are strong enough to swing my nephew above my head as my ears delight in the sound of his gleeful giggles. Still my legs are capable enough to carry me as I run after him and my dreams, both feet forward and never failing. Still my back shoulders the work of a household daily. I am still here. And I am strong, even if you would have me be weak for your own selfish need to be better than me. I am loving myself back to life, back to health. And yes, sometimes, that even includes tough love. That even includes me saying “no” to myself. But after a lifetime of telling myself no out of the fear that I wasn’t good enough to receive, I am also learning to tell myself “yes”. And you don’t get to take that away from me. You don’t get to reduce or dismiss me based on a number. I won’t let you have that.

Originally posted by darknessreminduswherelightcanbe

^^The end.