i'm sick

I am gravely ill. If I die then all of my things go to Buccellati. The rest of you greedy little rats get nothing. 

Since I’m regrettably not dead on the outside yet, this can’t be the work of @reasonablydrawn-purplehaze. At least when that fucking thing kills people by riddling their body with disease it does it properly.

i just want to choose something small every day to fall in love with. how often do i really just like… study the heck out of a sunbeam. learn a new word and find out how to use it, teach it to others. watch birds because birds are nice. find a new favorite color. to find out something about each person in my life to compliment them on that’s genuine and better than “you’re pretty,” i mean realizing they always get water for other people before they sit down at lunch or how neat their notes are or how they always have a good pun. i want to listen harder and talk a little less and say more important stuff. and i want to watch out for stuff to just obsess over like a cool cloud or a tree and just. learn stuff from people. ask more questions about how her hair is so silky and just. fall in love with everybody.

Uh there’s an ad on YouTube rn where a woman just paints her hand with glue and then talks about how she doesn’t understand why people love doing it. First of all, this is really creepy because she is whispering the entire time. Second of all, it’s almost all close ups of her hands and 💀 no thanks. Third of all, she says “is it sexual?” Like… omg no.. HUN it’s glue. We all put glue on our hands as a kid. Naturally, it’d be a nostalgic experience?? Like lol don’t get even weirder.

Finally, she starts the video off by whispering “this is for you” so sensually and I just can’t do this rn ma'am I really can’t lol

Barba Theories Part 5

(Part 4 here, Part 3 + previous links here)

As always, (my thoughts) on your thoughts.

(last post for now since we won’t even see Barba again for like another month and a quick-ish one at that, because i’m a little sick today, boooo)

New Theories - Personal

Going through my inbox (which is overflowing, thanks and also sorry it takes me forever sometimes <333) I found this lil’ nugget which was probably sent by a sweet anon weeks ago, lol:

The hacking reveals something with his health - I’d bet on psychiatric, maaaybe rehab of some kind.

Whoa. That’s something I hadn’t considered!

It certainly makes sense, and if it involves rehab (which would potentially mean he was impaired while trying some cases) it would definitely put his career in jeopardy! Plus it’s consistend with Barba’s previous characterization. Not that he’s ever shown to be an alcoholic, of course, but all those shots of him downing whiskey/bourbon while stressed could be re-interpreted as suggestions he may have had an issue with drinking in the past, or that he has a habit of turning to alcohol when he’s stressed (say, after the death threats?.

I’m not sure I trust the SVU writers to handle mental illness well, so that option would be trickier to pull off, but still. This is a very intersting idea, and a deeply personal secret, and something Barba might possibly want to keep private, even from Liv.

@leaper182 (also probably a few weeks ago, lol <3) said:

I wonder if maybe Rafael had an affair with a politician who’s married or something. I can’t see Rafael himself being in the closet – he comes across more as someone who doesn’t advertise that he’s bisexual, but he wouldn’t deny it if he were asked point-blank about it either. But maybe if he made the mistake of having an affair with a married man or something, and it’s this big ~shocker~ because this guy was all about straight marriage or something…? Hmmm. :\        

Ooh. An affair with a married male politician, maybe even a conservative one, who might have more to lose than Barba? Now that’s a good theory. If the secret involves Barba being bi or gay, this would be a good way to do it. It wouldn’t give us personal angst for Barba; it would show us a middle-aged successful professional like him, being comfortable in his own skin. At the same time, though, it would show us that for some people, being in the closet might be seen as almost imperative. A message could still be sent, without getting too preachy.

New Theories - Professional

Another anon said:

Barba secret theory. He cheated on a big test. Something like the bar or the sat. Something that makes his education nullified even if he is really smart anyways.

Ooh, that would be a non-salacious but literally career-threatening secret. It’s pretty much what happened to my boo Cutter on the Mothership, but SVU has been recycling storylines for ages, so why not that one, too? It was a good one, lol.

Yet another anon said:

my pet barba theory (without giving away how much i’ve clearly thought about this…) is that it has to do with  his time as a brooklyn ADA. he requested a “lateral move” from brooklyn which we learn in his first episode, Twenty-Five Acts.  i guess it’s a bit hopeful to expect the writers to go hard with continuity. but i think something happened to him back then that he’s been hiding.

That’s a great theory, actually. Whatever the actual secret is, it’s likely to involve Barba’s career prior to his joining Manhattan SVU. Lateral moves are definitely suspicious, if Barba wasn’t moving up, why did he want to leave? I agree that contonuity is always an issue with SVU, but this idea would be really easy to work into the episode, with just a throwaway reference. Plus it would explain why Liv doesn’t now, and maybe even why Barba won’t tell her, because it would involve Brooklyn detectives/precincts and Liv would have no jurisdiction. Barba wouldn’t want Liv to step out of line for his sake.

Death Threats? What Death Theats?

An anon said:

I think the Barba secret will have something to do with the death threats because remember what Heredio said – “we know things about you, things you wouldn’t want people to know” No idea what the things might be (love the idea of a juvie record and maybe something to do with his dad) but I hope he doesn’t fuck up too bad. And I ship Barson hardcore so I’m sad he doesn’t go to Liv :( 

Ooh, another great callback! I would love it, just for continuity purposes, if the writers were inspired by that line to create a secret for Barba. Heredio’s line sounded like it involved something personal, so let’s see what happens now. Also, I’m with you, I can’t see why Barba wouldn’t just go to Liv. Whatever his secret is, and however we all see Barson (platonic or with the potential for romance), they’re friends. She trusted him with Noah’s paternity, which was huge for her, and deeply personal, and I think Barba should also trust her with this. But, honestly, Barba can be more of a hothead, more impulsive, so perhaps it makes sense that he’d do something more drastic.

Speaking of Liv, another anon said:

I’m not feeling anything about Barbara secret because I know it’s just going to get all twisted around to be all about liv because I love her but jfc the whole season has been about her and no other fucker has had a storyline or even a story word

Hehehehe well, even if Barba doesn’t tell Liv immediately, I’m sure she’ll find out eventually, and it’ll be all about her in the end :) I just hope the writers try to show us that she’s a great friend, so maybe Barba can have part of the spotlight, while still propping her up. Like, it can still be All About Liv, but if Liv is determined to help her friend, Barba gets to shine, too, you know?

Barba’s Aspirations

An anon said:

I hope Barba’s secret is some kind of a political scandal where you can clearly see his ambition to become the next DA. But I am afraid that we all get excited only to be disappointed. And in the end it will be a cheap shot like a secret affair with the wife of someone with political influence. Or it is coming out of nowhere (Hello Hank Abraham) and Barba is framed for possession of child pornography. 

Absolutely agreed. It really chaps my ass how we never see anything about Barba’s ambitions, or his goals. Will he be an ADA forever? Why don’t they make him an EADA like Cutter? Who is the DA? Why not cast someone in that role? Or (if it’s still Jack McCoy <3) why not cast an EADA to be Barba’s sort-of boss, put some pressure on him and show us what Barba is going through at the office?

Lastly, I truly hope it won’t be anything remotely similar to the Abraham case. I don’t think it will be. They wouldn’t do that to Barba. I’m sure of that.

Welp shit

I’m sick and my whole body hurts. I have a temp. of 100 degrees. I’m chilling, eating me some good bacon. So, ask me stuff or anything really. I hope for the best for other people who have the flu with me. My little 4 year old sister has the flu also with a temp. of 102 degrees. I fear that this is a worldwide virus. Please be safe and have a good day!