i'm shaking

But the worst the absolute worst feeling is after everything and you finally think you can move on and you start talking to a new person is when all you can do is feel sick and your stomach hurts and all you can fucking think is “no no no this isn’t right it’s supposed to be you”

I tell myself
Be a funny girl, baby.
Don’t let them see you
without a smile.
I tell myself
Don’t be boring, baby.
They’ll never stop teasing you
if you don’t make them laugh.
Fat girl.
I tell myself
I can be a funny girl, instead.
Funny girl can make people
forget.
I tell myself
Don’t you dare be sad
in front of them. Don’t you
dare cry.
I tell myself not to fall in love
with the first boy who likes
my poetry.
I tell myself not to fall in love
with the first boy who doesn’t
like my jokes.
Funny girl, he can see how serious
you are.
I tell myself not to fall in love with
the first boy who doesn’t ask me
to make him laugh.
Funny girl isn’t a clown, I think.
Don’t fall in love because
it’s been so long, baby.
Don’t fall in love because
he likes it when you cry.
I tell myself to be careful.
Funny girl is running out
of punchlines, and she is using
her own jaw instead.
Funny girl is dying with a smile,
swallowing down a panic attack
when she has to squeeze into a seat
on the bus.
I tell myself
No one can hurt you if you
hurt yourself, first. They will be
too busy helping you clean up the mess.
I tell myself
You don’t have to wear this armor
if it is too heavy.
You don’t have to
be afraid of your silence.
Funny girl, you are so much more
than what you’ve let yourself become.
You are not a circus, okay?
You are not a circus.
You are not a circus.
—  Funny Girl (after Fat Girl by Megan Falley) | Caitlyn Siehl
Anxiety Attack

 
At first it’s a distant thought

Then you start thinking “what if”

And now there’s no letting go

Here comes another panic attack

Now it starts to sting your eyes

To make your chest feel tight

You close your eyes and try to breath

But nothing is working right

Your heart’s now pounding in your ears

It’s bound to beat out your chest

Shaking begins without control

But damn you try your best

“It’s nothing to worry about”

But your head

It’s the enemy and they have no clue

How much you want to be dead

Hyperventilating subsides

Dizziness replaces

Now you sleep, begin to dream

Taken to far worse places