i'm really emotional about all of this

Can we please talk about the faces Keith makes in s1e4 when Lance gets injured?? He arrives behind Allura and is like-

-and then he catches sight of Lance and it’s just-

he is so shocked. He’s reaching out, he wants to do something, he wants to help, but then Shiro is already there so he just-

-he just comes as close as possible and he does that thing where he crunches his right eye up a little-

-and then that Arusian guy comes and complains about the sentries in his village and Keith just-

-he’s looking back at Lance, he really doesn’t want to leave Lance, but he knows he has to and just. Fuck. All the others share these expressions too. But then these frames happen-

-and you know that he is so very upset. So incredibly worried about Lance. You can see him shoving his emotions aside to do what he has to do. I’m a m es s,, ,

listen like….lance being the first one to step up & comfort keith is real cute for a lot of reasons, but just in terms of lance as a character it makes me so emotional cuz like!! you can see he does it because he actually cares and not because anyone asked him to. everyone is looking at him like they know he’s the only one who can get through to keith––which in and of itself is a beautiful thing. but what makes me really emo is that he doesn’t even notice everyone watching him….he’s just looking right at keith and steps up totally unprompted because he cares!! and everyone can see that, everyone knows that he’s the emotional support of the team which is why they all look at him that way, and yet he doesn’t know––he doesn’t even know that’s the quintessence of the blue lion, he doesn’t know how important that is, he’s just genuinely that good & caring and gOD wow i love lance so much ok

Concept: Kara and Lena’s friendship growing, they learn each others secrets, they have keys to the others apartments, they start having dinner together regularly, Lena started subconsciously referring to Kara’s apartment as home, “I’ll be home for dinner around 7″, Kara starts keeping Lena’s favorite foods in their apartment, Kara starts subconsciously referring to her apartment as Lena’s home, “I wont be home until 8 Alex, but Lena will be home by 7:30″, Kara reminds Lena to eat and go to her doctor appointments, they cuddle at night and end up falling asleep on the couch until Kara carried them to bed….

And their best friends, they tell each other they love each other, the know the other’s hopes and fears and secret guilts, but they don’t realize that either of them have even looked at another person romantically in months, they dont think about other girls/boys/etc, they’ve fallen into a relationship without realizing it

so when the hugs and cuddles turn to cheek kisses and hand-holding and the cheek kisses and hand-holding turn into spooning and the brushing of lips and the spooning and brushing of lips turns into touching and kissing they don’t really notice and they don’t comment because it was all so natural. They fell in love with their best friend and nothing seemed as easy as that. 

can you believe that sana’s dad is a quite busy man, but he always makes sure he doesn’t miss any of his daughter’s basketball matches? and he’s always there in the stands, cheering for her, telling everyone around him “that’s my daughter right here! isn’t she so amazing?” and he’ll tell his colleagues and his friends and family all about her matches, about how “there were just two minutes left, and she scored the winning points!” 

but honestly? he treats all of her matches like victories, not matter if her team won or lost, no matter if she scored or not. he’ll great her with a huge grin when she comes to him at the end of a match and he’ll clap and say “well done, you!” and he’ll wrap an arm around her as they walk to the car, and he’ll tell her that he hopes she had fun today, because that’s what matters the most to him, his daughter enjoying what she does. and he thinks she’s a star, really, with or without shiny medals and trophies, and he’ll always, always be proud of his sana 

niall always talks about the other boys and we know he loves them but do you know what makes me really happy? that he always knows what the other boys are doing. He saw harry’s music video when it came out, he read louis’ interview and he knew about the mick jagger thing that harry did and he didn’t watch/read these things because someone showed him the videos or articles in an interview..no he probably watched the videos at home or maybe he read louis’ interview when he was on a plane idk all i want to say is that he genuinely loves the boys and he always knows what they’re doing and i’m sure he bought every song on itunes to support his boys and i love him so much

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God Don’t Leave Me (Sana Bakkoush)

“You’re a good person.”

by Briony / red-jamie

anonymous asked:

Sam doesn't eat unless he has to while Dean's a demon. When he gets Dean back, the first thing his big brother notices is how skinny and weak he is. Dean goes into ultra protective mode and is so gentle and loving to Sam. He makes him food and when they have sex, Dean is gentle and he makes Sam feel so safe and secure again. Dean goes on and on about how his Sammy needs to be good and healthy, and how well he's doing as he keeps gaining weight. Dean supports him through all of jt.

he’s not purposely starving himself, you know? it’s just… he’s worried about other things, about more important matters, about his brother. trying to find dean, trying to find a cure, trying to figure out a way to make sure that he can actually get his brother back, it all seems more important than eating. now he isn’t stupid. he knows that he can’t continue living without eating something it’s just when he does eat, it’s just enough to take the edge off his hunger that isn’t really there.

he just knows that he’s this far from finding a cure and if he pushes through this then dean will be alright and he’ll be back to his old self and sam can stop worrying about that. he just has to push a little harder for just a little longer.

demon!dean makes a comment about it, how sam looks as skinny as he did when he was a gangly teen and they were doing things that no brother should do in the backseat of the impala. demon!dean would smile as he said “don’t you remember how i would just split you open on my cock, sammy? how you would beg for it. how much of a slut you were for it. begging me to stuff you full and tear you in half. i’m sure that if you released me now, i could still split you open, still make you beg for it. hell, i probably wouldn’t even fit. your body is too tiny now to take me all the way.”

it wasn’t like the other jabs that demon!dean sent his way, saying that dean had cared his ass for all his life, always looking after him and how he never wanted that. and it wasn’t like the jab that he sent towards sam saying that dean never really wanted sam in that way, he just couldn’t stand making the kid sad. but regardless it hurt to hear because sam was certain that dean was right. he probably wouldn’t be able to fit dean inside of him anymore. it’s been too long and he’s lost so much weight and yet sam would still probably beg for it. he would beg and cry until dean broke him in half and still want more.

but then sam cured dean, purified that demon blood or whatever and then sam had his brother back and he felt weak and small. his body sagged on his bed (dean didn’t want to be around him anymore. he ran off to his room the moment that sam released him and he took the hint. dean didn’t want to have anything else with him.) and he felt like he would just sink through. he was hungry, more than hungry. he was starving and yet he couldn’t bring himself to walk into the kitchen and get something to eat. it seemed like it was too much effort.

curing dean, it was supposed to fix everything. everything was supposed to go back to how it was before he was a demon and everything was supposed to be alright.

there’s a tentative knock at his door and he’s expecting cas, telling him that dean has finally gotten to sleep and that he should eat something or something like that but he’s surprised when the door pushes open and it’s dean standing there, holding a tray of food in his hand, standing in the door like he’s not welcome which was weird to see because dean was always welcomed in his room.

yet there dean was, standing in the doorway like he was a stranger, waiting for sam’s permission to come in.

you don’t have to ask, dean.” sam finally said when it was clear that dean wasn’t going to walk in on his own. “you’re always welcomed in my room. always.” he’s not sure why he’s trying to make that point but he is. he wants dean to know that anything of sam’s is something of his.

oh… uhh… okay.” dean said, pushing the door open wider and he’s almost blushing, like he was embarrassed to think that he wasn’t welcomed or maybe he was embarrassed to think that sam still wanted him. after everything he did. everything he said. “i… uhh… i made you some food. you just… you look…

dean trailed off. how were you supposed to nicely say that you’ve lost so much weight that you look unhealthy.

but sam sat up straighter on his bed, leaning against the head board and his heart hurts in his chest because it looks like dean actually tried to make him something that he would like. the salad looked fresh. the chicken still looked hot. the apple that dean had sliced open looked good and it was nothing like what dean normally ate and yet he still tried. he was trying to make it up to sam.

sam barely ate three of the apples slices and picked at the salad before he pushed the tray away, claiming that he was full and dean didn’t doubt it for a second but he still urged sam to eat just another apple slice.

sam looked at the apple and then looked up at dean, his jaw locked in that childlike defiance and dean ran a hand through his hair.

listen, sammy, i know that i’m in no position to ask you to do anything. in fact, i’m the last person that should ask you to do anything but you’ve gotta eat a little more, man. please. just a couple bites of chicken. we’ve gotta… you’ve gotta get healthy. you’re skin and bones and it’s all because…because of me. even though dean didn’t say that, sam knew what he meant to say. and he wanted to deny it. it wasn’t because of dean, sam had every opportunity to eat, he just didn’t.

instead it ate a full slice of chicken and a couple more pieces of apple and he looked up at dean, his stomach stuffed and he didn’t miss the fond little smile that was on dean’s face. except dean was sitting at the edge of the bed, so far away and sam wanted him so much closer. needed him closer.

good job, sammy.” dean praised, picking up the tray and backing out of the room. “you did such a good job.” he paused at the door, looking as if he wanted to say more before he walked out. “i’ll see you in the morning.”

for breakfast dean makes oatmeal and the hot meal feels good going down his stomach and it tastes so good that he can’t help but eat it all. it was so much food and a few minutes later, it comes back up and sam knew he shouldn’t have eaten it all. his stomach couldn’t handle that much food after not eating for so long. he needed to take it slower but dean was there, rubbing light fingers up and down his back, saying that it was okay. they’ll try something else and he pressed a cool washcloth to the back of his face and when sam gained the color back to his skin, dean backed away from sam, ceasing all contact and sam missed that the most.

dean helped sam gain weight back. every meal that sam had was a home cooked meal and it was something different and dean would ask how sam liked it and sam would reply truthfully. there was one night that sam stumbled upon dean fast asleep with his head resting in some book in the library. and upon further inspection, sam saw that it was a cookbook with post-it notes sticking out all over the place. sam gently pulled the book from out underneath dean’s head and on it post-it note was dean’s handwriting, writing down notes, whether or not sam liked whatever was on that page and sam’s heart swelled at the sight.

it took a while. that’s a lie actually. it took forever for dean to actually touch sam like they used to. dean had folded back into himself, refused himself to touch sam longer than he absolutely had to and whenever sam would try to initiate any kind of contact, dean would cut it off, make up some excuse why he had to leave and do something else.

however, slowly sam started touching dean longer and dean allowed himself to stay there while sam touched. a couple of fingers to the back of the hand. elbows and knees pressed together while they’re sitting next to each other at the table. it’s small but it feels like some much to sam.

there’s one night where dean doesn’t seem as shielded as he normally is and they’re in sam’s room watching some movie and sam managed to crawl up under dean’s arm and dean wrapped it around sam’s shoulder for the whole movie. now in the morning, dean seemed even more distant that he had before and anytime there was even the smallest point of contact, dean flinched like he was burned.

sam had long gained back the weight that he had lost when they first had sex. dean was in his room, leaning up against the headboard, staring off into nothing when sam let himself in and crawled onto dean’s bed and all but begged dean to touch him. that he needed it and it was low because sam knew that dean would do anything that sam asked but it wasn’t a lie. he missed dean. he missed him tremendously and having dean just within reach and yet having dean seem like he was miles away hurt more than any kind of pain could feel.

it started out with sam touching dean. slowly undressing him, kissing him, whispering praise and forgiveness for everything that dean ever said to him in his skin and soon dean was trembling underneath sam’s touch and it was everything that sam wanted.

he was fully content with riding dean, taking whatever he was willing to get but sam sunk his teeth into the flesh the spot where dean’s heart was, sucked a deep, purple spot there and it seemed to flip some kind of switch inside of dean.

dean flipped them and then it was sam’s turn to be worshipped with fingers and lips and the entire time dean couldn’t stop himself for apologizing, saying that he wanted sam, that he needed him, that he didn’t mean any of what he said when he was a demon. it was all a ploy to try to get sam to let him go and sam ran a hand through dean’s hair and told him that it’s okay. that he knows.

as much as dean hates to admit it and he probably won’t ever admit it, he buried his head in the crook of sam’s shoulder as he pushed inside of him and cried.

sam felt like crying too because it was all too much. the way that dean was treating him, like he was this fragile thing that dean didn’t even deserve touching, treating him with so much care, being so gentle that sam wasn’t sure that this was still his dean because dean hadn’t been this gentle with him since the first time they did this. or when dean sold his soul for him to bring him back from the dead.

so it’s kind of a give and take, ya know. dean nurses sam back to health. holds his hair back when sam throws back up his meal because he just can’t keep it down and sam shows dean that he is worthy of forgiveness.

Cole Sprouse took the character Jughead and turned him into something completely different than any other actor would. Every dark expression, small smile, even soft touches with Betty, all of that is Cole. He may have a script, but HE is the one who really created Jughead to be as lovable and wonderful as he is. The depth we get from his character is intensified by how Cole interprets him. Jughead may have already been a lovable outcast, but it was Cole who brought him to life, Cole who made him magical and soft.

anonymous asked:

Please write a short fic about tony catching peter drinking i would die omg

“Hey, Peter,” 


He froze, eyes widening as he heard the all-too-familiar sound of expensive leather brogues scuffing along the floor a few meters from him, and he turned quickly, brow furrowed into a deep V as he watched Tony wander up to him, all smiles and casual posture, hands buried in the pockets of his grease-stained jeans. He looked like he’d come straight from the workshop, stopping only to throw on a leather jacket along the way.

Why he was here at all, however, made no sense at all.

“T- Mr Stark,” Peter said, trying to communicate with him through eyebrow movements alone. If it turned out that he had to suit up and help out somewhere, he was pretty fucked, considering the fact he’d had a bit to drink at the party he’d been invited to.

Well. He said ‘a bit’. It was possibly more accurate to say ‘a fucking shit-ton’, but whatever.

Tony looked at him blankly, before shooting another smile toward the circle of people who were stood around Peter and staring quite blatantly at the both of them. “Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid I have to take Mr Parker away. He’s an intern at Stark Industries, you know how it is. Lots of work, yadda yadda, okay bye,”

And before Peter could even open his mouth, Tony had grabbed him by the arm and snatched the solo cup out of his hand almost angrily, pulling him away from the group of people and through the crowds of rowdy teenagers that littered the huge house.

“Uh, Mr Stark, wha’dd’ya want me for, exactly?” Peter asked, speaking loudly above the blaring music and wincing at how slurred his voice came out.

It had been a weird month, okay. He was just trying it out. 

Tony paused, and Peter saw him purse his lips even tighter before beginning to walk again, guiding Peter through the crowds and holding him tight as he stumbled a little.

“Hey, Parker, leaving so soon?” Flash called out from somewhere to his left, and Peter stopped turning to face him as the other boy wandered toward them. “We haven’t even begun yet, Jesus, are you a pussy or what-”

“Kid,” and suddenly Tony had let go, spinning around and walking up to Flash, who seemed to suddenly recognise who exactly Tony was, because his eyes went hilariously wide and he stumbled backward a few steps. Peter snorted involuntarily, and he saw Tony turn briefly, before shaking his head and looking back to Flash, “it seems like you’re having an absolute ball here, but I’m gonna say something and I’m only going to say it once.”

Tony looked down at Flash, eyes harsh as he drew a little closer. “Leave. Peter. Out of it. Do you understand? He is not here for you to manipulate, not here for you to bully into trying out crazy shit for your amusement-”

“Tony, what the fuck,” Peter blurted, frowning and stepping forward, more than a little put out. He’d only just managed to get accepted by Flash and all the other popular kids, and Tony was just going in, ruining it all, “you’re not my dad- don’t tell me or my friends what I can and can’t do.”

Tony turned, eyebrows raised. “Friends?” He snorted, shaking his head and walking over to Peter once more, taking him by the arm. “You haven’t called in with Aunt May for two days now,” he hissed into Peter’s ear, “she’s worried sick. You are coming with me, right now.”

“No ‘m not,” Peter pushed his hand off, looking over at Tony in anger. “You are fucking….embarrassing me…. in fron’ of my friends-”

“They are not your friends!” Tony snarled, pulling his arm again, “your friends are all currently at home, worrying their asses off because this is not like you, Peter, and they didn’t know what to fucking do, so they ended up calling me. Now you will fucking follow me out of this goddamn place right now, or I am hauling you out.”

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The Tight Knit Family as John Mulaney Quotes
  • marvin: I'm really sorry about last night, it's just that I'm mean and loud. it probably will happen again.
  • whizzer: it's just... I've never had money before, and I want some
  • trina: I'll keep all my emotions right here, and then I'll die.
  • jason: I'm very small. and I have no money. so you can imagine the kind of stress i am under.
  • mendel: AND THAT'S MY WIFE!
  • charlotte: I think Emily Dickinson is a lesbian
  • cordelia: hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I'd probably apologize to you

There’s literally NO downside to stanning B1A4.
It doesn’t exist.
B1A4 is solely good things.

  1. Music is A+
  2. They produce and write most of it (these days pretty much all of it) themselves
  3. They have one of THE most skilled vocals in the entire industry and generally very unique vocal tones
  4. They have zero dance skills and it’s hilarious and adorable
  5. Hilarious and adorable is actually like the general mood
  6. soft af
  7. Have extremely strong visuals
  8. Actively sabotage Sandeuls diet and like three of the five members are either broad or chubby and everyone supports this concept
  9. Some of them have really quite dark skin and they have never shown any colorist behaviour towards them
  10. They and the fandom spend money on charity
  11. Even during hiatus they can be seen on tons of shows as guests or MCs
  12. They have skilled actors among them and can be seen in dramas or in musicals and that’s hella cool
  13. They’re from a small and not super well known company and yet they achieved SO MUCH
  14. Support their smol sister group Oh my Girl and it’s cute
  15. Unique and VERY beautiful concepts
  16. These very awful 2012 concepts which are also amazing
  17. Around for like 7 years and still have all their members together and win on music shows and have a good time
  18. idk just stan B1A4 they are really kind and like pure happiness what can I say just DO It

Originally posted by bayoungs

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means: While I'm excited to see another comeback from Monsta X, I'm also somewhat afraid. With both another comeback AND a world tour coming up, I'm really worried about their mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. They've been doing so much lately and haven't gotten a break ever since their last comeback, and now Starship Entertainment is pushing them into even more promotions. They always put everything they have into everything they do and I'm just really worried that they'll push themselves too hard in order to get #1 and make their company happy. All I want is for Monsta X to be able to rest without Starship breathing down their necks and pushing them to constantly promote. Let my babies rest, spend time with their families, and be happy for a little while.
4

Tucker’s just really glad Wash is okay.

pastelmogar  asked:

Ahhh, hello! Ive never talked to you, but i really love stardew valley too! Im in my second year and I've decided to romance Emily. She decided to dance with me @ the Flower Dance and now its the day after and! In the mail! Perrie tells me about the bouquet, Emily sent me the letter for her 8 heart event, and Demetrius (my closest friend in game) sent me an amethyst, one of Emily's favorite gifts!! It feels like Perrie and Demetri are playing as my wingmen and I'm so excited about this!!

THIS … IS THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST i am 100% in favour of top wingmen pierre and demetrius ……. demetri getting all emotional about his best friend’s blossoming relationship …. pierre delighted that the farmer is really finding a home in the community ……………….

amazonqueendianaprince  asked:

...or, you know, some of us think Cap is and was right about the whole thing because we're also opposed to the real-world implementation of similar fascist legislation such as The Patriot Act and it has nothing to do with liking him more?

That quote basically says, yes oversight is the right ethical and logical choice, but Cap is a good person, and that puts us in a quandary and I am saying that that is bad math.

It’s also a similar bad math that comes up in A LOT of 616 CW discussions, where Captain America himself (and the anti-reg side) essentially takes the position to non-metas that they should accept that metas occupy a position above the law/beyond equal prosecution by the law, because, you know, they’re different, and their circumstances are different, but you trust CAPTAIN AMERICA, riiiiight? Let the metas judge their own and police their own, what do you need the Constitutional right of equality under the law for? Obviously, this base position is immediately complicated by the clusterfuck of everything else in CW, but I’d argue that that’s deliberate. It’s one of the reasons I’m not a fan of the event, because I really like Cap, and I hate the things it makes him argue and I find them antithetical to him as a character.

I also don’t exactly get why so many people find a difference of opinion on a comics event, or, apparently, an actor’s opinion on an upcoming film none of us have seen as a personal challenge? I mean?? Yes I hate fascism? And the Patriot Act? And I think Cap’s political position is largely wrong in CW though I understand why, as the plot is manipulated, he fights? These things are not incompatible?

I get what you’re saying, but I’m responding to the quote as written and many, *many* other posts and comics CW itself, which initially sets up the problem as a constitutional legal problem of supers as American citizens whose identities allow them to avoid legal repercussions and prosecution and that’s constitutionally unacceptable under the law. Once that actually gets stated, there’s a problem.  

I’m not talking about the Patriot Act here, which I abhor, because it wasn’t part of the quote or what I was responding to, and I think the CW treatment of post-9/11 politics was really terrible, tone-deaf, and inconsistent in its understanding of xenophobia** and power dynamics. 

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I want to talk about Cassian...

Because of course I do. But I have been having some thoughts about him and his position both within the Inner Circle but also what he does in a wider sense for Rhys and the Night Court and the challenges he must have faced in doing so. 

“And we’re not lesser faeries, though some try to call us that. We’re just—Illyrians. Considered expendable aerial cavalry for the Night Court at the best of times, mindless soldier grunts at the worst.
“Which is most of the time,” Azriel clarified.

I want to consider how this idea must have shaped Cassian (and Azriel)’s time in the Night Court. This is the court a large chunk of which rejected Rhys – the most powerful High Lord in Prythian’s history in part because he was half-Illyrian. I don’t think it’s a huge stretch to imagine that this prideful court might not have reacted altogether that well when their armies were placed under the command of a bastard born pure Illyrian warrior like Cassian.

To them the Illyrians are ‘expendable’ or else ‘mindless soldier grunts’ they’re arrow fodder, they’re the consistent vanguard that does the brunt of the damage and takes the brunt of the blows from the oncoming battle and protects the far more important, far more valuable High Fae and faerie warriors of the Night Court behind them. They’re a shield and a battering ram, a tool to be used and little more.

I can’t imagine that they took well to having Cassian placed over them as commander, no matter how he might have proved himself in battle these sort of stereotypes and ways of thinking aren’t something you overcome because of a few good war stories. I can only imagine the backlash that Cassian suffered as a result of this and how these people he would lay down his life to protect more than likely thought him entirely unworthy of his position, unworthy of respect, unworthy of the honour of command, unworthy to lead them.

But I don’t really want to focus too much on that aspect of it. I want to focus on Cassian. And I want to focus on the way in which I think he would have won these warriors over (because he still commands Rhys’ armies. If he’d been unable to do so, unable to earn their loyalty and obedience he wouldn’t)

Methods of controlling/keeping subjects and inferiors in line is something that is brought up in this series. It’s not given a huge amount of attention but it is there. Tamlin is a good example of the other side of Cassian’s coin.

Tamlin and the Spring Court before him is steeped in a tradition of control and control through fear. This is seen on a small scale with the way in which Tamlin responds to Lucien pushing back, he belittles Lucien, “Did I ask for your opinion?”  and uses his considerable power to punish Lucien for an insolent look (a punishment we’re never shown which adds to the sense of fear) 

But it’s seen on a larger scale with the Tithe. People are expected to pay their dues to him and they turn up and do so yes because it’s a symbiotic balance in a way – they provide for Tamlin and he keeps them safe – but also from the fear of him hunting them down and executing them if they don’t do as they’re commanded.

This method is no doubt successful but in the long term it has some very serious, gaping flaws. Ruling with fear leaves little room for anything else and I don’t think it inspires a whole lot of loyalty or respect.

The flip side of this is I think the method that Cassian would have used to bind his warriors to him. I can’t see Cassian ordering brutal punishments or executions for those who refuse to fall in line with him (largely because initially this would likely have meant executing pretty much everyone) I don’t think fear or brutality would have appealed in the least to Cassian (I don’t think he’s a pushover; and if someone betrays them or acts out of turn he will punish them) but initially, making people fall in because they fear him isn’t something I can see him doing.

I think Cassian would have won them to him with love. With compassion and empathy and that heart of his. I think Cassian, the greatest warrior Rhys has ever known, doesn’t use that aspect of himself to command fear and make his men too terrified of his wrath to disobey them – I think he inspires love in his men and I think this love breeds the loyalty and respect that Tamlin is lacking which is why Cassian has been so successful as a commander in the past.

Rhys loosed a breath. “…I’ve witnessed Cassian rip apart opponents and then puke his guts up once the carnage stopped, sometimes even mourn them.

There’s such compassion in Cassian, raw, strong, utterly unapologetic compassion. I think that in spite of being one of the strongest Illyrians in history and being loaded with the killing power, despite everything that’s been done to him and everything he’s seen Cassian retains quite a tender heart. Which is so rare from this type of male character? The cocky warrior with the skills and title to back that up is allowed to have that gentleness to him, is allowed to respond to the things he’s done in this way, is allowed to throw his guts up after killing, is allowed to mourn his enemy because he feels what he’s done so keenly.

Cassian is a warrior at heart. Born and bred and trained to be one of the best killers in Prythian but I think he’s far deeper and more complex than that. He is not only a warrior. He is a trainer and a brother, a friend, a lover and a dreamer. He is not defined by this warrior status. He is not a bloodthirsty killer who delights in battle and argues for war as the way forward in every instance. He is a fighter – the best Rhys has ever come across – but he doesn’t relish it. He doesn’t relish violence or death. He doesn’t take any pleasure in it. He doesn’t claim glory from the things he’s done or the title he holds.

Cassian shrugged, wings tucking in tighter. “I command Rhys’s armies.”
As if such a position were something that one shrugged off. 

But for Cassian that is the way he responds to it because that may be the title that he holds but it is not who he is. It does not define him. His pride does not lie in the number of warriors he has at his disposal, the number of men he can send to slaughter and die. It does not lie in the great, bloody deeds he’s done in war. It does not lie in the people he has killed. It lies in the people he has saved. Which is why Cassian mourns his enemies, the people he’s killed, the people that need not have died, the people that might have been saved and weren’t. All of them. Friend or foe.

When she finally noticed Cassian, she looked up at him.
His voice was rough as he said, “Five hundred years ago, I fought on battlefields not far from this house. I fought beside human and faerie alike, bled beside them. I will stand on that battlefield again, Nesta Archeron, to protect this house—your people. I can think of no better way to end my existence than to defend those who need it most.”

This I think is one of the most telling and important moments for sussing out who Cassian is and that last line in particular I think is one of the most defining Cassian quotes I can think of. It tells you what he values, it tells you what he loves, it tells you why he fights which is the most important question for someone like Cassian in the position that he’s in. He must always be ready to fight and die; he must always be able to rationalise it and justify it and live with it afterwards especially when he responds to death the way he does: he must know why he fights and what for.

This is a man who fights because he must. This is a man who fights not for glory or honour or riches or legacy or for the simple pleasure of violence and killing. This is a man who fights for love. For compassion. A man who does these things because he has to, to protect those who cannot protect themselves - for this he will die, for this he will blacken his soul and bloody his hands with the acts of war that make him sick to his stomach again and again and again. To defend those who need it most.

The wrappings around my hands were now mere smudges of soot. Cassian’s upraised palms remained before me—ready to take the blow, if I needed to make it. “I’m all right,” he said quietly. Gently.
And maybe I was exhausted and broken, but I breathed, “I killed them.”
I hadn’t said the words aloud since it had happened.
Cassian’s lips tightened. “I know.” Not condemnation, not praise. But grim understanding.

This whole scene is beautifully written and put together and incredibly moving and it’s something I fully intend to meta on and pick apart much more completely than this when I reach it again in ACOMAF. But for Feyre for her recovery, for her grief and guilt this moment where she expresses it out loud is a huge turning point for her and incredibly important. But for Cassian too, for understanding him it’s hugely important for his character as well.

This was one of the first moments where I truly saw Cassian; saw the man behind the fighting leathers and the cocky smiles, saw to that burning heart he has inside. This is a point at which you realise that Cassian is a fighter and a warrior and a killer but in spite of all that, deep down, I don’t think that’s what defines him the most. It’s not the core of him, it’s not the heart of him. It’s an aspect of him, a very important one but it’s not the be all and end all of his character or existence.

Which again is something we very rarely see from characters like Cassian who are built up to be great warriors and fighters. They’re so rarely allowed to have the raw emotion that Cassian has. They would so rarely be allowed to make an admission like this, to respond in this way to an act of selfless heroism. He doesn’t try and rationalise it for her or justify it or offer her glory or try and brush it off. He doesn’t pity her. He doesn’t condemn her. He doesn’t praise her. He just understands her.

This is a man of empathy. A man who looks at Feyre Cursebreaker, the girl they hero worship for the thing that makes her vomit her guts up every single night, the thing that torments her awake and asleep, the thing that makes her feel that ‘it should have been me’ and simply says ‘I know’.

 Cassian understands this, understands her, because when history remembers them their legacy will not be cold sweats and fickle dreams. It will not be their grief and sadness for every death on every side. It will be as heroes. With no thought of the price of that heroism, the weight they carry, the blood they can never wash off. It will remember him as the army leader, one of the strongest Illyrians in history, the greatest warrior of his age. It will remember the people he killed. The great deeds he performed. The slaughter and the glory of the warrior incarnate. I hope it does not forget why. I hope it does not forget his heart. 

anonymous asked:

I don't mean any offense by this I'm just a little confused as to why you would charge people money to view your posts attempting to educate people about diversity? I'm just confused as to why you aren't just educating for free where more people can get this information?

How dare anyone ask for compensation for their time and expertise?

  • Why isnt university free in all countries? 
  • Why do authors charge for writing conferences and writing work shops?

The answer is simple: people deserve compensation for their expertise. Tirelessly saying the same things over and over again takes an emotional toll on people. Ive been educating for free on my blog for years and I get death threats over it.

I dont owe you or anyone really to be constantly talking about homophobia, racism, and ableism. It takes a toll on my physical and emotional health. I hate talking about it. But I also know that people benefit from my knowledge.

Do you know how much time I put into my blog and social media? Its a full time job with no compensation. I wont be able to afford to blog any longer very soon, at all. I cant physically work because of an illness thats killing me.

Beyond that, my patreon is a way to provide in-depth specific advice for everyone while also valuing my time in a safe environment. Nobody is forcing you to support me. Supporting and tipping creators for their content has been a thing for centuries.