i'm positive this is a true story though

turtletotem  asked:

Your moral objection to fruit amuses me immensely. I'm just like "they taste bad" and you're over there judging their life choices. XD


So I have a lot of thoughts about these things called Fruits and I’d like to share them:

“Fruits time” used to coincide with my bedtime when I was a kid and I hated bedtime so there was an association made right there

But as I got older the association got even stronger and people always become so scandalized and puzzled as to why I hate fruits that I started digging for logical reasons why fruits are so obnoxious to me

At first fruits seemed like they tried way too hard to taste like candy (I like candy), and I was like “fruits are such wannabes” and they weren’t even good wannabes. Just… watery sometimes-sour versions of my favourite candies

And then after biology in high school, after learning about how fruits optimize themselves to get their seeds and offspring scattered by the animals that eat them, I just saw them as complete suck-ups and I became downright scornful of them. I am especially scornful of melons. They are big heavy suck-ups that can cripple your toes if you accidentally drop them (I mean if you’re already trying to suck-up to your predators why can’t you make yourself easier to eat??? These things act like we, the predators, have to earn it to eat them and they are not in the position to do that)


(I still have to eat them though. My mom makes me. We’ve had arguments about this but I have yet to win)