i'm not that much of a poet

look, maybe we could start over, maybe
we could love softer, maybe it would hurt
less this time. maybe we could pretend it
never hurt, just like before. i don’t know if
i’m drunk yet or just lonely but i really just
want you back, just want someone to be
here. and yeah, i know it only hurt us both,
i know you don’t want to stay, i know i hate
you and love you, somehow at the same
time. i’m just tired of my bed being empty,
of my heart being tired, of my body wishing
it were something other than a body. i need
something to fill all this goddamn space.
—  THIS IS THE LAST TIME I’M ASKING YOU BACK, I SWEAR  (sarah kate o.)
I know that, in theory, love is supposed to be soft.
I have felt soft love, before, but—
for the last two months, love has been
sledgehammer to my nervous system.
It keeps taking me out at the knees.
For the thousandth time, I remind myself
that want and need are two different things.
I remind myself,
to be needed is not love.
I kiss like a seed trying desperately
to put down roots in wet soil.
I keep trying to turn wild animal.
He keeps trying to make a home from my skeleton.
Neither of us is doing this the right way.
In spite of that, we keep crashing our bodies together:
expecting someone to catch us even when we’ve become
falling anvils,
cartoon pianos,
sticks of live dynamite.
I’ve done this song and dance before. I already know
I will let him turn me shelter
even while my roof is leaking.
I’ll put my mouth everywhere that hurts.
I’m good at it: unearthing my foundations
and giving them to other people.
It’s no wonder I have trouble standing on my own two feet.
It’s no wonder I’m so prone to slide downhill.
Even then, I still believe in a love that will meet me
at my own altar.
A love that patches the holes in the ceiling.
A love who comes, heart in hand,
and means it.
—  UNTIL THEN by Ashe Vernon
your hands;
a slow burn under my stomach
growing unbearable
uncomfortably warm, it itches
but my hands are tied up in yours

and you did make me feel beautiful
you said it over and over
spitting the murmurs out like sugar pills
until I started to sink into the words
taking them as gospel
from the lips of a goddess

I crave feeling needed
and it seemed like you really required
the warmth of my breath
and the iciness that always accompanies my fingertips
to bring your own heart to beating
but I should have seen how soundly you slept without me

you were my sunshine
you were my golden everything
that coated the world in a rosy hue
and promised only the best times ahead
you were heaven to behold
and I was luckless Lucifer

but I no longer see myself as helpless
nor you as the savior I waited for
for you are a storm, a poison to my system
wrapped up in the sweetest of smiles
and for the toxins we carried on our tongues and fed each other quietly
the only antidote is time

—  See, Someday I Won’t Belong to You (December 20)
I would do anything for you if only you would hold me. But you told me to stop, so I did, for you. You told me to let go, but I couldn’t, for us, for me. My heart would shatter if I just let go of everything and I wish you would feel the same. Somehow I don’t see the pain I’m in reflected in you. You, with those big dry eyes and perfect face with pretty hair that falls around it. Did I love too much? Did I lose my sanity when I thought you were the best thing in my life? The worst part is that even with all my poems and late night crying, I don’t miss the hugs and kisses and hand holding as much as I miss you being a friend. Just talking about our days and sharing stories, that security and knowing you would have my back when I feel bad. And now that I feel the worst I have ever felt, you don’t want to talk. Forget romantic love, where is the reliable, consistent love we give our closest friends and family? It’s not about holding hands, it’s about holding hearts and you dropped mine.
—  I’m not angry, never angry at you. Just disappointed. I’m sorry
I’m stuck in traffic, at a red light and it hit me, I can’t believe you’re mine.
There was a time when we were complete strangers, stealing looks like it was a crime. Now you’re part of my soul and you have so much control on my heart, but instead of being scared, I’ve never felt safer in my whole life.
—  giulswrites

Well fuck me sideways ladies and gentlemen, the time HAS COME!!

I am utterly amazed that I have actually come to this point…I honestly never thought I would have this blog for as long as I have, nor did I imagine I would ever reach this milestone.

But here we are! 

This makes me so happy and grateful to you all who stuck around! You’re all wonderful and amazing people that I have had the pleasure to meet and chat with and forged wonderful friendships with! I just want to take this moment to really just thank you all! You’re all wonderful! 

Keep your chins up! Life may be tough and sometimes it’s hard to but know that you’re not alone and you have others whom you can rely on! Don’t ever think you’re alone! 

*AHEM*

Sorry got a little emotional right there :’D

But i truly do appreciate you all and I wish you all the happiness in the world~! You all granted me that happiness and I want to give you all the same~! <3

NOW! 

Lmao, I’m not gonna do a giveaway this time ( because I still owe the others their prizes from the last one >_>;;; )

So I’m just going to do a small thank you! It’s not much but I just want you all to know that I really love you all! <3

MORE UNDER CUT! <3

Keep reading

If you’re ever cheated on:

Do not ask them to tell you exactly what happened. You may want to know at first but if they tell you, it will repeat over and over in your mind forever.

Don’t blame yourself. They didn’t cheat because you’re inadequate, they cheated because they’re too much of a bitch to end things before they were with someone else.

You can forgive them but you’re never going to forget. When you’re mad, when they do something wrong, that will always be the first thing they will remember. No matter how much you love them, it will always be hard to move completely past it.

Don’t let it ruin your trust with everyone. Just because someone’s a piece of shit doesn’t mean you’re never going to find someone who will treat you right. You deserve to be treated right.

it’s more than just the words—

it’s the drooling o of
world,
the throbbing syllables of
heartbeat,
the hissing f of
fear.

it’s the soft lull in
music,
the shortness in
alive,
the fading s’s in
scars.

it’s the plea behind
let me go,
the truth behind
falling apart
the sting behind
never was yours.

it’s much more than the words
it’s their stories,
too.

—  referencing ‘this is gospel’

We sit awake in dreams of each other,
dreams of colour and
so much quiet.


but eventually
someone shifts position,
slides off the bed,
makes their way to the kitchen, or
the bathroom, or
the living room,


and the dream disappears.
We become human again.

—  Reena B.| Excerpt from a book i’m working on.
There are suddenly all of these reasons for why you don’t have time to talk to me. And yet, I still remember when talking to me was all you could do.
—  🖤

popotum  asked:

also can you give me recommendations for poets to read (especially for someone who enjoys beautiful things but doesn't read a whole lot of poetry)

this was supposed to be a quick & dirty rec list for my girl but then it got out of hand so i’ve broken it off into categories 4 ya! this is by no means an extensive list but i was starting to realize that this was verging on Too Long. happy readings & i hope u find something that moves along the soil of ur soul!!

FAV ESTABLISHED POETS 

margaret atwood / they are hostile nations, marrying the hangman, we ate the birds, the poet has come back
louise gluck / all hallows, mock orange, elms, nocturne, vespers: parousia, adult grief, mutable earth 
gregory orr / love poem, trauma (storm), gathering the bones together, origin of the marble forest, when eurydice saw him
mahmoud darwish / your night is of lilac, in jerusalem, in the presence of absence, now as you awaken, psalm one 
mark strand / the dreadful has already happened, eating poetry, keeping things whole, lines for winter, tomorrow
ee cummings / somewhere i have never travelled, buffalo bill’s, if there are any heavens, luminous tendril of celestial wish, pity this monster manunkind
michael ondaatje / application for a driving license, the cinnamon peeler, the time around scars, excerpts from the collected works of billy the kid
jack gilbert / failing and flying, it is difficult to speak of the night, the sirens again, how much of that is left in me?, the forgotten dialect of the heart
pablo neruda / one hundred love sonnets: xvii, white thighs, hillocks of whiteness, absencehere i love you, clenched soul
anne carson / glass essay, book of isaiah, compostela, short talk on hedonism & sylvia plath, ghost q & a, an excerpt from autobiography of red, excerpts from nox 

FAV ONLINE POETS

creuxing / obsessed with redefinding girlhood, the summer starts in your car, another meteor crashed outside, the girl with frizzy hair and thin wire glasses
teamcaptains / a terrible crime in the tropics, reaping, zach calavera, he left, and the pink electricity, golden age 
mythaelogy / an attempt in poetry, atlas hands, wandering hearts, her, psychopomp & circumstance, i thought it had gone away
wefragilehumans / non est, luck is a funny thing, war chant, severe weather warning, a study in restoration
deergodareyoulistening / home (reforming), lighting & thunder, a diagram, ceremony, red elk, how to eat a moon 
starredsoul / a creation tale, how we learn what it meansall along, the mother weepingdreams of the moon and birds singing together
starseas
/ deep sea diver.mp3, space age surrealism, the fact of the matter is you need to get your heart back, time travel wears a black tracksuit 
katejustkate / incase it doesn’t work out, iphone notes therapy, coma dreams, it took 3 long-ass days for you to respond to my ‘are u alive’ text
ohgdlights, the way out of winesburg, ohio, to m // for j // from me, we ran like wolves, variations on a tomato
inelegancies /  in the aftermath we are left with a girl, in another universes the sky is always pink, rules for the internet, for children

FAV POETRY

tonight, in oakland by danez smith
tinder by keith s. wilson
if being a lesbian were anything like netflix movies portrayed it to be by southwestwitch
bad poem by kelsey danielle
padlocked chest pt 1 / afterthelonely
a bronze god, or a letter on demand by clifton gachagua
lilac time by joan newmann
notes from the antichrist’s guardian angel by notbecauseofvictories
with ruins & persimmons by li-young lee 
for my best friend by  crimescened
my first lover speaks to me as i sleep with her by raven jackson
phoenix by overwhelmington
how the signs die, or fall in love, or both, maybe by cursedvideogame​ 
national geographic by elisabethhewer 
your airplanes by rachel mckibbens
sierra doesn’t watch when the world ends by wildflowerveins 
before by carl adamshick 
there is a gold light in certain old paintings by donald justice 
afterimage, 2015 by bhalbers
other lives and dimensions and finally a love poem by bob hicok
folly by antonina palisano 
albuquerque, nm by 7cigars
sometimes when on fire by kathryn regina
heart by bhanu kapil

i like those people you can joke around with and have so much fun with and then have a deep conversation with and it’s not weird at all
—  (via sturzpoesie IG)