(or first ever attempt at trying to organize my
thoughts) There is this feeling I cannot shake since watching that ground-breaking
show that is Skam. And particularly, that beautiful soul, named Even Bech
Naesheim. And how Isak might be …. his anchor. In this universe in this moment.
I was taking a shower and when I got out of the shower I found my front door open. I found my boyfriend had let himself in (broke in?) somehow, completely unannounced, and he was reading through my journal. Now, THANK GOD English isn’t my first language and I write in my journal in my native language but he still got some of it. So he’s pretty drunk and he’s telling me how he’s a psychopath and he’s can’t feel empathy and how he’s only faking it to seem normal, and how I’m the only thing in his life that he cares about (”you and the fact that you’re mine, only mine, forever”). When he notices how upset I am, he starts hurting me and hitting me, but trying to make it seem like he’s just playing around but he gets angrier and angrier the more I tell him to stop because he’s hurting me. Then he starts hitting my cat which is when I go into hysterics. I take my cat and I lock myself in the bathroom with her. He’s outside yelling at me. (This was when I posted on tumblr btw.)
Neighbors called the police. My boyfriend managed to convince them that I was having a psychotic break and was trying to commit suicide. Seems probable because I’m having a panic attack and I have self harm scars. One of the police officers was a drinking buddy of my boyfriend. The police wanted to take me to the psych ward but I refused. Eventually they left. I left my apartment and wandered around outside for a while, when I came back my boyfriend had gone.
Now I blame myself a lot because I was acting pretty hysterical and irrational, since I’m terrified of burglars and finding my door open sent me into a panic. Woke up today to a text from my bf saying “hey sexy” so I guess I still have some talking to do.
Been on the phone with people from the psych ward the whole day, trying to convince them that I don’t need to be brought in.
I just wanna say THANK YOU to all the people who sent me support, either through here or through texting me. It’s unbelievable to me how srangers can care so much about my safety. Thank you so so so much
image season 3 they get a small break and lance and hunk get to go visit home *prays 4 the boys to also get a season dedicated to them*
oh my gosh yes okay imagine them being at lance’s family first and like lance sees his family and his family sees him and they have that like slow motion run to each other scene and his mom hugs him really tight and his entire family hugs him and there’s lots of crying and like
“we thought you died”
lance, all choked up but trying to smile “i was out saving the world”
they end up seeing hunk and they hug him too and all the paladins are watching lance reunite from the sides and they’re just so happy for him being able to see his family and lance introduces them all and it’s great!!
and then hunk gets to see his family and please i want to see hunk get really emotional we haven’t really seen that a whole lot i just want the kind of hug where he holds on for dear life
but y e s i need more of them in season 3. i want lance to face his insecurity, i want the team to help him through that. i want to see the team complimenting him and telling him he’s essential (bc he is!!) i want lance being irreplaceable and i want development please give me a lance that can be a leader and a lance that motivates and inspires people
give me hunk kicking ass!! give me hunk being kind to his friends but brutal to anyone that tries to hurt them. give me hunk being vulnerable. give me a hunk backstory!!! i need that. just give me more hunk in general that isn’t all food. he’s so so much more than that and i want a season that focuses on his development instead of making food jokes and fat jokes
“Clarke already started to love superheroes. Like, she screams and laughs every time I show her a picture or a video, that’s so cute! I think I must have expected that considering both of her parents play superheroes on tv.”
ok but bodhi definitely keeps his hair long as sort of a protection/cover??? like if he shaved his head he would feel so uncomfortable and out in the open and he likes to kind of conceal himself from others with his hair (even though he just ends up pulling it back anyways)
I need to rant to get it out of my system (and because lately I can’t draw to get my feelings out) about some things I really liked in the new episode:
The possible character development for Yurio. As I mentioned previously, it seems likely that Yurio’s development will be a bit similar to Yuuri’s, based on the fact he skates on the twin piece of music, “On Love”. His love isn’t the same than Yuuri. Yuuri was more about discovering romantic (and sexual) love (even if it meant realizing the love he was surrounded by too). Yurio, to me, will be more about recognizing and accepting the love on a more “innocent” form (Agape) he can receive but always refuse. He only accepts his Grandfather’s love (maybe because it’s the only one he ever received ?), but when presented with manifestations of affection and support from others (Yuuri and Viktor), he gets angry and sees them as pity or teasing. Maybe it will be his character development. At least that’s how I saw it foreshadowed in this new episode.
Yuuri and Viktor’s maturity. I already loved how, in general, Yuuri acted pretty mature especially toward Yurio (not picking up on his attacks, the “Viktor came because he wanted” and not beating himself over it, treating him like a valid opponent all by keeping in mind he’s way younger…). But here it really got me. He, and Viktor, were genuinely happy for Yurio. To see how he improved, how he really made the Agape his own (even if it still needs improvement). They cheered for him, Yuuri was happy to see Yurio again, and even Viktor (in his really awkward way) showed some happiness to see him again. Even though he is one of their opponents, and even though Yurio clearly showed animosity toward them, they didn’t pick on him and instead cheered him. It was heartwarming, and also a proof of maturity that’s refreshing (so many shows display adults that act like kids in the wrong sense of the word).
As mentioned in an other post : the maturity Yuuri displayed by immediately telling Viktor about Makkachin and telling him to go back. He didn’t keep it for himself (communication holy shit), he didn’t play any emotionally manipulative game (”it’s makkachin or me”), but instead showed empathy, took his own experience as something he didn’t want his lover to go through, and showed maturity by not being over dependent on Viktor’s presence (”I can do it without you, I’m an adult, and I don’t want you to suffer. I can handle not having you by my side all of the time, but I don’t want you to have your dog suffer/die without being able to be with him when I don’t need you right now”).
Speaking of dependence : Viktor and Yuuri will be separated. And that’s something I’m really happy to see. I really hope Makkachin doesn’t die though, and I think he won’t and that it’s really just an excuse to have them separated for a moment. And I think it’s important. Because currently, they always been together, and they’re pretty fusional. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with it, but it becomes wrong when it’s sign of overdependence on each other, when each part can’t function properly without the other. Now that they really reinforced their relationship in last episode, and that they’re confident in their relationship, it’s like a “proof test”, to have Yuuri having to perform without Viktor being here. I am confident it should go well (not that it will be easy, but that Yuuri will overcome it), and that it will be an other evidence of their healthy relationship. I think they need to be separated at least a bit, because it’s something that will happen sometimes. And also, it will be a “test” of Yuuri’s confidence. Did he really become confident or is it only tied to Viktor’s presence ? He only performed and won with Viktor always at his side so far. I do believe he actually gained confidence, but it will be a nice situation for them to “test” their relationship, its strength and Yuuri’s confidence. And it’s not a wicked test, but the one that can normally happen in real life. It’s not a “jealousy” proof test or anything. Just a “life makes it so I need to be at a place you can’t be because you have something else important to do right now, and neither of us can ask the other to drop everything to be at our side, so we have to split for a moment and it’s ok”. I’m really excited.
The Eros Programm really being a metaphor of the Viktuuri relationship. Especially in the beginning. At first, Yuuri was just copying Viktor’s smile. But then their relationship evolves, and Viktor starts to pull Yuuri so they can be more on equal grounds (”seduce me with your own charm” aka “you don’t have to copy me anymore or use any tricks, you have the ability to charm me in you”). And then he doesn’t just smile, but licks his lips. It’s seductive, it’s really Yuuri wanting Viktor (”Keep your eyes on me”) and it’s about where they are in their relationship. But then the relationship evolves again. They really get on equal grounds when Yuuri sees Viktor fucking up and when they both expose some of their weaknesses. And then they kiss. Their relationship is healthy and official, and so, next time, Yuuri blows a kiss at Viktor. It’s a nice reference to the kiss they shared before, and an evidence of the development of their relationship : it’s not about seducing anymore. It’s about expressing your feelings and your confidence in the other. The kiss and skating is for Viktor. And to parallel this, you just have the way Yuuri skates all the way. He starts off unsure, messing up some jumps, having to stay really focused on his story or the katsudon or the woman to be able to skate it right. And in the last episode ? He didn’t do any of that. He’s confident in this program as he is in his relationship with Viktor. And that’s. so. great.
This episode was less emotionally charged than the previous, less centered on Yuuri and Viktor (they’re just an established couple now and I love it. They don’t even fear to do things like the laces tying or the kiss on the skate. It’s awesome), but more on Yurio, his future development, and his relationship to other. It was great and the possible interpretations of what is to come are really interesting.