i'm not sorry i'll never be sorry

When tumblr recs a pr0mn/is blog for me to follow I’m just like “you don’t know me at all.”

I miss you. I won’t admit that to your face, or over text, but right now my heart feels like it’s shattering over and over again and I just want you right now.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write. (#60)
I’m a horrible person to fall in love with because I’ll introduce you to all these things I know you’ll love. And I’ll make you feel like a part of my family. And I’ll randomly send you candid pictures I took of you cuddling with my dog. And I’ll make sure you associate everything that makes you happy with me. And then one day, without much warning, but because I have to, I’ll leave.
When I say I’m over you, I don’t actually know if I really am. While the thought of you no longer hurts. I know how easily i would fall for you again if you ever came back.
—  Day 147
I’m not the same person you fell in love with, nor will I ever be that same person again. My heads gotten a tad darker, and my hearts’ gotten a tad colder, but I still know who I am. There’s a lot that’s changed about me, yes, but the way I look at you and want to grab your hand every time you’re around has never changed. My love for you has never changed darling.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write. (#58)
And it feels like all that comes out of my mouth are apologies.
    I’m sorry.
I never do anything right, I am always messing something up.
   I’m sorry.
I don’t do enough for people, I’m not good enough sometimes.
   I’m sorry.
But I’m trying, I’m trying so hard to do things right for you.
   I’m sorry.
I want to be good enough for you, but I’m just so tired of trying.
   I’m just so tired of saying sorry.
—  sorry for being the apologetic one
4

- Quote

She moved on. I never understand how she did, or how she could bring herself to, but she did. She was living her life to the fullest day by day with that amazing smile I fell for. And as I sit sipping on this glass and feeling myself slip into a dazed and foggy state of drunkenness, I seem to miss her more and more.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write. (#62)
Would things have worked out differently for us if we’d met at a time when I was completely and entirely anything but myself? Now I can look back and say that I’ve changed, at least a little bit, but back then… I have no idea what I was working with. There was simply no me to begin with. I looked in the mirror and saw the same smile cut out of every picture but it didn’t mean much of anything. Did I even have thoughts back then? Did the sky have much of a color in those eyes of mine? I don’t even know.
—  🖤
Just because I left
does not mean you are nothing
just because I left
does not mean you can never be happy
just because I left
does not mean this is the end
just because I left
does not mean I do not love you.
—  I left when I promised you I wouldn’t // A.M

Parts of me are ready for you to make my life more wonderful with your presence, to be able to hold me tight, and tell me that you love me.

The other parts of me are ready for you to walk out of my life, and to tell me that you can’t put up with me anymore.

I don’t think I can put up with myself anymore either.

—  4am // @loveactivist