i'm not saying you set out to victim blame but guess what

Sonny Thoughts

Based on this script spoiler posted here by @minidodds​:

Ummmm.

Thought 1: Is Rollins actually blaming a victim of abuse (a mother of an abused child, I’m guessing) for “letting” a man hit a child? Do the SVU writers think victim blaming is better when done by a female character? And can we get one single episode without a “bad” mother? And do Amanda’s issues run that deep, that she thinks every single woman (including herself) is possibly a terrible mother? What the fuck, writers?

Thought 2: Do we really need the male character to explain the cycle of abuse to a woman who’s probably had her fair share or run-ins with abusive assholes? Not to mention, a woman who’s suffered psychological abuse at the hands of her own family? If it were that easy to escape it, why has Amanda been completely unable to cut off her mother and my queen Kim? It’s one thing to have Amanda being judgmental about addiction (also troubling, but more consistent with a recovering addict who is trying hard to stay on the straight and narrow), but this? And, again, a man with no children chimes in to set her straight? What the fuck, writers?

Thought 3: What if the writers are attempting to retcon Sonny as a victim of abuse in his childhood?

(just spitballing here, of course, to balance out all the Barba theories with some Sonny ones)

Depending on how Peter plays that scene and if it doesn’t get cut and then posted as a “deleted scene" a week later, it’s a possibility. The text is somewhat suggestive, isn’t it? “It beats you up on the inside”? This would fit with Sonny’s anger (almost to the point of rage) when working cases with underage victims, and it might also explain why he’s always so sweet to children and teens.

It might clash with his early happy-go-lucky characterization though, and with the fact he’s always painted the picture of a happy family with a bunch of sisters and a dad who loved inflatable Santas. That, plus all the early interviews, when Carisi was first introduced, clearly stating that the “new guy” had a healthy family life, unlike Amaro and Rollins (and Barba). Then again, we have never gotten the slightest solid hint about Sonny’s home life (except when he said he never told his parents he was applying to college), and this type of retcon is nothing unusual for a network drama.

Or, what if Sonny sounds so knowledgeable because one of his sisters has suffered domestic abuse? And he tried to help her? Maybe when he was a teenager himself? What if she’s still struggling? That would be interesting, and it would honor the classic Carisi trait of saying “my sister…” every few minutes.

I’d imagine there’s a chance Sonny is just saying this because, like, he’s read it in a psychology book (also consistent with Sonny’s personality plus the writers’ aversion of giving anyone a personal storyline this season) or he had a friend of a friend etc, but still, he could be speaking from experience.

What do you guys think?

anonymous asked:

I just wanted to know on a level and while I'm still dealing with these things time to time I have to ask if you do too and if it effects your family or you and love You don't have to answer me like I said I have respect for you but a curious similar mind has to ask

Triggers

I’m sorry that you’re still struggling with this.

I don’t like to talk about this in real life or with my readers, Tumblr is like a safe spot where I can be the raw parts of me or the hidden parts of me, not all of me– but, that hidden part I only like to touch in order to remove it? If that makes sense.

I wouldn’t call myself a rape survivor, I stayed in a house with a family friend turned caretaker that molested me for a few years between 8-13, and as far as that went, or I guess as far as penetrative sex went, that was oral sex. There was other stuff, but the oral sex really messed me up, and I don’t know why that is.

I wasn’t unnecessarily unwilling victim, I wanted his attention. I wanted a near forty year old’s attention because I was eight and didn’t get it at home. I wanted someone who gave me affection and only had eyes for me, I really wanted to be someone’s child and didn’t know how to go about that,

I definitely drew a lot of comfort from being his favorite at first, before things became sexual. Even then it’s kind of muddled, I was really fucked up at that age emotionally and very alone, and now that I’m older I can see how he took advantage of that but I don’t want to go into a lot of details.

I remember stupid things, like that I wouldn’t go into my Papa’s hospital room when he was dying because I was too afraid to be around a man alone. I stopped letting my stepdad brush my hair after I took a shower because that caretaker shit on every innocent interaction in my life. I regret things like that.

I still struggle with it sometimes in my sex life, no one can believe you when you just say that you don’t enjoy oral sex and you wouldn’t like to receive it, and it obviously causes me a great deal of discomfort and I still get nauseous over it if someone tries– it’s very obvious that it’s a quick mood killer. And again, there’s this stupid stigma that it’s the greatest thing out there, hahaha
so it’s hard to just brush off your complete lack of desire towards it… that gets weird sometimes.

It’s embarrassing for me still. I haven’t had to share this with anyone I’m intimate with, thankfully, aside from the first time someone tried since my caretaker and I unfortunately panicked and punched at them, and it was a mortifying situation for me and quite possibly them as well. The person I share my daughter with knows, and tries to be respectful of how paranoid I am about choosing caregivers.

It strained the relationship between my sister, and I and it strained the trust I could have had in a relationship with my parents because some of me I guess blamed them for a long time.

It also strained a lot of faith in adults that I had growing up, because the first time anyone figured something was off was his wife (who has two young daughters), who sat me down and called me absurdly sexual for an eleven year old, and blamed me for seducing her husband and how unnatural it was that I’d sparked so much affection in him. I remember he had me take off everything but my underwear and do sit ups in front of him and his friend from work, and the man never said anything either, he was one of my mom’s closest friends.

It still affects me. The wife messaged me a couple of months ago saying she missed me and wondered if I remembered her, because she felt like she “shaped who I am today.”

I wanted to tell her she did.

I don’t like to be touched by older men, I don’t like to be left alone with men. I don’t like certain terms of endearment. I don’t trust people to watch my daughter, and I have a very hard time choosing babysitters. The other day she busted her lip swinging and told me when I asked how she did it, “it’s a secret and I can’t tell you, I don’t want you to get mad at me,” and I didn’t think a set of words could trigger me before so hard but I was so angry that that’s how the situation had been told to her to cover up the story behind her busting her lip (which was just the niece of the babysitter pushing her off a swing) that I fired my babysitter. A small thing, so small but I’m so worried about someone mistreating my child now, that I am very quick to overreact about situations and it could quit possibly be why I have a hard time coparenting. I lack trust.

I can’t stand the smell of French vanilla candles. They make me sick. Guns N Roses were his favorite band.

Sometimes if sex is too gentle and it’s with a man I start focusing on it too much and get sick, and shaky, and I feel this weird heat in my face and shoulders like when your sick, cold sweat, disgust. I generally can only have rough sex, I have to be completely distracted or it sneaks up on me sometimes.

I don’t know what to tell you, honestly, except that you’re right. My mom knows now and that surprisingly helped a lot, with how I felt. She said she had suspected something, so always trust your gut.

These are a couple of the things I still struggle with, and that maybe sometimes you see in my writing, but honestly I think I’m doing very well and I’ve learned to cope over the years with setbacks. Trauma is trauma, it’s hard to let it go at the strangest times. I hope your struggle becomes easier as well.