hey I was wondering if you could expand upon that ask you sent @lefbians when you said the current definition for asexuality is racist. I'm not ace, and I don't disagree with you; I just wanted to know if you could further clarify.
The current definition of Asexual that the community goes by is “does not experience sexual attraction.” Sexual Attraction by definition is hazy in the community and there is. A lot of controversy over what sexual attraction actually is, but a pretty much agreed upon definition is “that feeling you get when you look at someone and you want to bang them.” Sounds reasonable enough, but then you get asexuals who… do not experience sexual attraction but still want to bang people? Or aces that only feel sexual attraction after getting to know people? Or only feel it rarely? Hold on.
See, the Asexual community believes that non-aces, or “Allos”, look at people they find attractive and immediately want to bang them. And this happens often and on regular occasions. But. Most non-aces don’t feel that way. In fact, the Ace community’s very definition of “sexual attraction” is the same definition of the “male gaze.” Which is already very creepy, but let’s get to the racism.
There are so, SO many cultures and societies outside of colonialist “western” society that do NOT experience “sexual attraction” at all. Like my family that is indigenous does not experience that. In fact there are SO many societies and cultures that find OUR obsession with sex absolutely ridiculous. Would this mean that there are entire societies that are Asexual? Obviously not. It means that the Asexual community’s current definition of Asexual is valid only within our society. Which is not how sexuality works; there are gay men in every culture, multi gender attracted people in every culture, lesbians in every culture etc. But in cultures outside of our own, the Asexual community doesn’t hold up.
But please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that Asexuality doesn’t exist. I’m just saying that people saying they are Asexual but they still love and enjoy sex or that they are Asexual but they are only turned on by people they feel close to are unknowingly enacting colonialist-based racism. And since the definition of “sexual attraction” is what the current Asexual community has built itself on, the very core of the Asexual community is racism.
And listen. I thought I was Asexual. I had zero sex drive. I found women absolutely beautiful, but I did not objectify them in my mind or instantly want to bang them, because I do not have the male gaze. When I started on birth control, I discovered that I had a sex drive and wondered if my Asexuality was based upon a hormonal imbalance. When I lost my health insurance, my sex drive disappeared again verifying my suspicions. I do not identify as asexual, because my complete disinterest in sex branches from a medical problem I have. But there are people without a sex drive and without and interest in sex because that is their genuine sexuality. And those are Asexuals.
The Asexual community’s belief that “Allos” are always sex obsessed and that they want to bang anything they find attractive is racist. Hetero demisexuals who want into the LGBT community are heterosexuals following a racist ideology. And AGAIN, Asexuality is real and it is valid, but the Asexual community needs to take out its trash.
Like the amount of homophobia and racism that spews out of the Asexual community blows my mind. Straight people hating on gay people? What’s new.