i'm not satisfied but i never am

The signs as Sylvia Plath quotes
  • Aries: “Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously near to wanting nothing.”
  • Taurus: “Would it be too childish of me to say: I want? But I do want: theater, light, color, paintings, wine and wonder.”
  • Gemini: “What is my life for and what am I going to do with it? I don’t know and I’m afraid. I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want.”
  • Cancer: “How we need another soul to cling to, another body to keep us warm. To rest and trust; to give your soul in confidence: I need this, I need someone to pour myself into.”
  • Leo: “Frustrated? Yes. Why? Because it is impossible for me to be God—”
  • Virgo: “What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle-age.”
  • Libra: “I love people. Everybody. I love them, I think, as a stamp collector loves his collection. Every story, every incident, every bit of conversation is raw material for me.”
  • Scorpio: “I’m dramatic and sloppily semi-cynical and semi-sentimental.”
  • Sagittarius: “Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night…”
  • Capricorn: “Nothing is real except the present, and already, I feel the weight of centuries smothering me.”
  • Aquarius: “Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren’t having any of those.”
  • Pisces: “It seems to me more than ever that I am a victim of introspection.”
4

the calendar (2011) vs. the good, the bad, and the dirty (2016) -

Me: Wow I really think I could actually sleep well tonight I’m gonna go to bed now.

My brain: He will never be satisCOULD I BE ENOUGH to be satisfied SatisfIED SATIS- history has it’s EYYYYYYYYES OOON YOOUdo you write like you’re running out of NON STOP look arOUnd look arOUnd SATISFIEEYES OONN YOOUU why do you write like HISTORY HAS ITS EEEEEYYYYEEES ON YOOOY i am NOT throwin away my JUST YOU WAIT i am NOT THROWIN AWAY MY JUST YOU WAIT I AM ALEXANDER HAMILTON HAMILTON JUST YOU WWAAAAAaaaaaAAAIIIIIIITTTttT

I A M N O T T H R O W I N A W A Y M Y S H O T

BUM

2

i’m away without my laptop tonight but i’ve been thinking about the spinoff au of my twin au where it’s all about nino/felix

nino’s the only person in paris to spot that there are two chat noirs (bridgette isn’t separate from marinette in this au so there’s just one ladybug), and while avidly trying to interview the second cat which the media can never catch he ends up totally getting the hots for him and landing a serious smooch

the resulting problems are a) felix doesn’t know how to process this Disgusting Emotion especially when he sees nino at school every day, b) nino hates felix and only tolerates him because of adrien, so if he finds out who the cute mystery superhero truly is he’s going to flip out, and c) felix might actually be developing a VERY inconvenient crush

“I was once a slave. I know too well the pain of the yoke on my shoulders and of the freedom of having cast it off. So I’m resolved, I will be no slave again. And as I am free, I hereby claim the same for Nassau. She is free today, and so long as I draw breath, she shall remain free. Richard Guthrie was engaged in an effort to see her return to the rule of a king, to see the yoke returned. He betrayed Nassau, and thus, as always, to traitors.”

charles vane memorial week: favourite season

Listen up

What she says: I’m fine

What she means: I just really feel trapped in this feminine stereotype where girls supposedly are so extra that they’re never taken seriously when they (as their own person, so the best one to know said feelings) say they are currently feeling satisfied as a human being at this exact moment. Why must men feel so anxious about women’s feelings all the time. I am a woman. I can take care of my shit. I know how to identify my own feelings. I will let you when I am not fine anymore just like I would want you to do the same. I will let you know when I need your help because that’s what life partners/friends do. When I say I am fine, it’s because I am fine. Thank you for asking tho, that’s really sweet.

Random H5-0 thoughts post finale:
  • Max mentions Mindy in 624 because he’s taking a sabbatical. DOES THIS MEAN WE WILL SEE HER IN S7?! YES PLEASE.
  • Chin’s thinking of being a Daddy. I’m on board. Plus, I like Abby so don’t just make her disappear writers. FFS. I know how much you like doing that shit.
  • Why am I never satisfied with the amount of Danny on my screen? I need MOAR.
  • Speaking of Danny, what a BAMF. JFC. Is it wrong that I’m turned on by him and a gun? #sorrynotsorry
  • Scott Caan’s acting chops were on serious display. All the scenes in the plane were so emotional. My bb has so much talent.
  • I won’t lie. Steve McGarret and a pair of aviators. That’s hot.
  • Mindy. Did I mention Mindy for S7?
  • Chin and Grover swapping McGarrett stories had me crying ya’ll.
  • DANNY GIVES STEVE HIS LIVER. Sobbing forever. The bromance is strong.
3

whyamiafool’s 2nd follow forever
When I was making my first follow forever, I never thought I would be making one this fast but yet here I am. After making the first one I promised myself I would be making another one when I was satisfied with my blog. It took me a while and I had my ups and downs but now I can say that I am proud of whyamiafool with confidence.
This is also another thank you to all of you; the blogs that I follow and ofcourse the wonderful people that follow me. Thank you once again for your support, for making me happy and for being here!

To start I would like to thank a special someone; baekhyunn-bits
I know we don’t talk a lot but when we do, it means so much to me. I do feel the need to apologize; I haven’t been talking to you lately and I’m sorry. I know I keep apologizing to you but I really mean it. There are times that I need space or feel like I’m annoying so I tend not to talk to anyone. Please don’t take it personally; you’re a wonderful person and you deserve so much more. Honestly, thank you for making me laugh, thank you for your effort and thank you for being here bae. It really means alot to me!

Secondly, to all of my followers and the people I follow:
Thank you for making me smile,
Thank you for being here,
Thank YOU!


A-E
baconips // baekhyun-ah // baekhyunn-bits // bakafirefly // banhsoo // buttkeyk // closetblinger // closetmvp // cumbaek // cutietae // darkanoir // dazzlingkai // death-by-jongin // doresque // eggsooo // everyone-loves-jinki // exobabes // exo-healing-unicorn-lay // exo-is-a-bias // exo-love-in-my-shineeworld // exolutely // exoturnback

F-J
fantaesies  // herewegobebe // intaexicated // jinki-and-his-bitches // jinkispineapple // jjagiyah // jjongrose // jjongmintk // jongtaes // jonginmotion // jonginsoo

K-N
kaibility // kaimint // kairamelo // keybummed // key-goon // keypur // keyvictim // kkaepsong-yehet-ohorat // krellysworld  // kwibom // leetaes // luhangoestohollywood // mintokkies // mintytaemin // mminseok // mrkimm // noxarcanax

O-Z
ohdeer-exo // ohmilkey // oh-xiuseok // on-ho // onleeace // parkchny // purpleuhan // sehun-yo // sehv-n // shawollet // shinees-back // sirjinki // sluttyjinki // taemdeok // taesdays // theloveinlifex // tokkipup // ughkibum // ughperf // valekim // v-dyo // yixingsosweet


I feel like I miss like a million people, so if I did; I’m sorry!
+blogroll

What she says: I’m not here for you

What she means: bitch whAT THE FUCK Y U SO STUPID WHO THE F GAVE U THE RIGHT U LITTLE SHIT IM THIS CLOSE TO GIVING U THE BIGGEST VERBAL BEATING OF UR LIFE U DONE GO CHEATING ON MY SISTER AND THEN TELLING THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IT AND-

What she says: i know my sister like I know my own mind you will never find anyone as trusting or as kind

What she means: -AND LITERALLY U OWE EVERYTHING TO ELIZA WHAT THE FUCKYOU DONT DESERVE HER GET OUTTA HERE YOU BITCHASS AND IM TRYING TO KEEP ALL MY CHILL RIGHT NOW-

What she says: I love my sister more than anything in this life I will choose her happiness over mine every time. Put what we had aside, I’m standing at her side

What she means: -I CANT BELIEVE I EVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT WASTING MY TIME ON U WHAT THE FUCK Y U TELL THE WHOLE WORLD THIS IS A PRIVATE SITUATION I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU COULD BE SO STUPID-

What she says: You will never be satisfied gOD I HOPE YOUR SATISFIED

What she means: Fuck you.

You know in all my time running this blog, shipping this ship…I’ve never felt UNWELCOME on my own dash. In my own fandom. I’m literally sitting here on the verge of tears because of some of the lowkey shaming I’m seeing because not all of us were satisfied with the 5.20. Saying we’re “doing the haters work for them?” Excuse me? WTF is that?

I am THRILLED CS is finally declared TL. A test by the gods? Sign me up. It’s different from what everyone else gets, unique to our pirate and princess. Yay! That doesn’t mean I think it was handled very well. Because now, to me, the show is saying that TL ISN’T enough. Now we all know Killian’s coming back next week, probably with TL involved somehow. So now we’re saying TL isn’t enough…UNTIL IT IS? I’m sorry, but to me that screams “we’re delaying this thing you really want because we have an episode order to fill” rather than allowing the story to unfold naturally. That has nothing to do with NOT thinking CS isn’t True Love now. Of course they are. I just expected the show to give them what acts of TL have given EVERY OTHER COUPLE has gotten with theirs: the chance to be together.

What emotional growth does Emma get from letting Killian go like this? Seriously, I’d love to know. She has suffered SO MUCH LOSS. why force her to endure this one like this? Why make her believe her love–while True–wasn’t enough to save the man she loves? Why make her believe SHE DIDN’T DO ENOUGH? After everything she’s been through, I think that’s cruel. Cruel and unusual punishment and I have a right to be ANGRY about it.

I have a right to think that my love for this couple is being taken advantage of in the name of fulfilling “the pattern.” Life doesn’t unfold in a pattern. It’s chaotic and messy and unfolds under its own steam. And yeah, sometimes life isn’t fair. People die. And you have to let them go. But when you’re in a universe where miracles happen, where TRUE LOVE IS REAL, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think that True Love should be enough for two people who have lost everything in their lives and just want to begin their future together.

I know it’s going to be okay. I know they are True Love. I know that Killian will be alive very soon (thank god for spoilers or I’d be even more pissed). That doesn’t mean I have to love everything about how we get there. I happen to believe my OTP of OTPs deserves better. I may wind up liking this turn of events when I see the whole season. That can happen. But right now, I’m pissed.

I’ve never seriously considered deleting my blog before. Or quitting the fandom. I’ve made so many friends here, you all have become a vital part of my life. But today, I don’t feel welcome. I feel judged and looked down upon because I’m not rejoicing in the latest around of artificial angst. And it’s ALL artificial because this is a TV show. It’s not happening in a vacuum. CS’s story in this arc didn’t have to unfold this way. The writers are perfectly free to change up their “pattern.” The fact that they didn’t says more about them than it does about me.

TL;DR I’ve prided myself on making my blog a place where people can voice their opinions. Without judgment, but it’s no longer that place FOR ME. I’m taking a break. I’ll be here, reblogging pretty gifs of my precious OTP crying (again) but I’m not posting spec. Or anything else that involves an opinion unless specifically asked. And even then it’ll be behind a cut since I’m “doing the haters work for them.” Don’t know if I’ll be in the mood to work on my fics because I feel so shitty. Call me when Killian’s back among the living. I’ll wait.

I hate having to fight against myself all the time. I never get to know when I authentically want something or I’m just acting impulsively/for attention/upon nearly any other symptom. It is also hard to figure out what I am actually feeling and most times I misunderstand my own needs so it’s even harder to express what I want and almost impossible for others to meet my needs. I’m never satisfied because of that, and I always want more, but also less because well I don’t know what I want…