i'm not ready to have kids

anonymous asked:

Yo could you share some of your headcanons for the deh kiddos :O ?! I'm really curious!!

*cracks knuckles* HEADCANONS UNDER THE CUT (these are generally feel-good and going off of a Connor Lived And Everything Gets Better AU set of ten [+ one extra] headcanons for the kids where they’re all friends)

Keep reading

  • What she says : I'm fine.
  • What she means : The reason HIMYM finale was a tragedy lies in the last seconds where Ted and Robin get back together. Not only did the writers destroy the most interesting and romantic couple this show has ever had, but they also gave the annoying stupid excessive male character his happy ending while ruining the independent woman and the sensitive womanizer. Worse, they admitted Robin should have been The Mother, which would have been catastrophic since she's never wanted kids. Also, Ted was ready to marry any girl. Robin never left Barney's mind. For Ted, there has been Stella, Victoria, Tracy, etc. For Barney, there was only Robin. She was The One™.

I fully believe Lance has worked at a summer camp at least once (but lbr he totally worked every summer, camp is good for the soul) because you don’t jump on an obvious swear that isn’t a swear like “Quiznak” and use it for an all purpose non-swear unless you’ve worked around kids that you have to maintain a general pg rating around (you’re the“Guidance”) and ensure they have a good relaxed time with you but that will totally rat you out to their parents and get you in trouble with your boss if you use recognizable swears. 

Lance uses words like “this place has gone apples and bananas”. He totally works around kids ok. What self-respecting teen who HASN’T worked at summer camp would use words like that?No one. And because you have to condition yourself to use those silly fillers instead of swears it leaks into everyday vernacular and you. just. don’t stop after summer ends and maybe you sound ridiculous but hey you aren’t scaring small children with your bad words.

Maybe I should just cave and write a summer camp au. Lifeguard!Lance, anyone?

  • Gavin: So, what's the best thing your baby has done so far, Michael?
  • Michael: Y'know... she's, ah... she's been breathing a fair amount.
  • Jeremy: Nice.
  • Michael: Shitting. Eating. And some pissing. That's most of what she does.
  • Ryan: That's... you've described the first year pretty accurately, yeah.
  • Michael: And she's even more so because she's premature. So they were like, she'll literally just sleep for a month, just to catch up.
  • Ryan: She was not ready to face the world yet.
  • Michael: She was and she wasn't. She felt like she was. She was a decent size, but, like, she was due fucking June 23rd, she was born May 24th.
  • Gavin: Ain't even that now. That's class. Such an efficient pregnancy.
  • Michael: They said it'll take her about a month for her, for Lindsay, to get back up into shape, so she can be, like, fully functioning again. And I'm like, look at that. She's ahead of schedule. You were gonna be having the kid, now you'll be good to go. Now make my dinner. I'm here putting in the work, y'know. I gotta go do my job. Remember when you were a kid, and your dad went to work to play Minecraft? And then he came home and was like "Ah, long day at the office. The commute into Achievement City is bullshit."
@ people embarrassed of ahl

without it we wouldn’t have:
-chim chim
-turn up
-jimin ready to beat a 14 year old white kid
-international playboy jungkook shitting his pants while filming with girls
-tooonnnyyy
-$3 dollars
-namjoon teaching jimin “let’s not give a fuck”
-do you know annyeonghaseyo?
-this is my shiteu
-2seok meditating
-jiminie pabo!!
-what the hell?
-tae ruining every interview by knocking something over
-yoongi buying the kids ice cream :’)
-jungkook’s iron man socks

Fake Chats #136
  • Seokjin: one kid...
  • Taehyung: present and accounted for!
  • Seokjin: two kids...
  • Jimin: Tae, have you seen my- that's my phone!
  • Seokjin: old kid...
  • Hoseok: I can't find my left shoe.
  • Seokjin: not kid...
  • Yoongi: it's right here, you idiot. And here's your scarf.
  • Seokjin: red kid...
  • Jungkook: Jimin-hyung, I'm borrowing your beanie, 'kay?
  • Seokjin: blue kid...
  • Namjoon: another phone case lost, bother.
  • Seokjin: and that's all the kids. Is everyone ready?
  • Taehyung: *earbuds already in*
  • Jimin: *Jungkook already secured*
  • Hoseok: *fussing with scarf*
  • Yoongi: *already half-asleep*
  • Jungkook: *fully attached to Jimin*
  • Namjoon: what about you, hyung? You should wear a warm coat. And a hat, too, so your ears aren't cold.
  • Seokjin: Joonie, shoes?
  • Namjoon: ah, right.
  • Seokjin: you'd all be dead without me.
  • Namjoon: I'm sure Yoongi-hyung is capable enough-, I mean, yeah, no, we really need you. Those ungrateful kids, too.
  • Seokjin: nice save.
  • <p> <b></b> Eileen - What I'm saying is, I really want a baby.<p/><b></b> Sam - I don't know Eileen, kids are a lot of wor -<p/><b></b> Dean - I'm going out.<p/><b></b> Sam - Do you have enough layers of flannel on?<p/><b></b> Dean - *groans* I have two.<p/><b></b> Sam - Ugh, here take mine. And try not to pick any fights with demons. And stay away from Crowley. DO NOT accept pie from witches.<p/><b></b> Sam - Right. I just don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsi -<p/><b></b> Sam - CAS GET YOUR FINGER OUT OF THE TOASTER OVEN.<p/><b></b> Sam - It's just a huge commitment, and I don't know if I'm cut out for being a parent.<p/></p>
The various Optimus Primes I've seen
  • IDW Optimus: somewhat out of touch robot dad, has no idea what's going on and makes poor life choices.
  • G1 Optimus: laid back young robot dad, probably secretly encourages his kids picking fights with Old Man Megatron next door.
  • Beast Wars Optimus: post-college student and his gang stranded on a weird planet with the neighbors from hades. Also sort of raising the group Kid Brother, Cheetor.
  • Transformers Cybertron Optimus: ok I was like 12, all I remember is basically "Oh for the love of Pete, what's Hot Shot gotten himself into now?"
  • TFA Optimus: "Wait what I'm a dad? When did this happen and why am I in charge of all these kids? I'm a kid too?"
  • TFP Optimus: Serious robot dad, has seen a lot of bad stuff and is not going to let any of it happen to you. Always ready with some good fatherly wisdom. Just don't threaten his charges in his presence.
  • RiD 2015 Optimus: older robot dad, kids all grown up and he's trying to let them do their own thing but old habits die hard.
  • Bayverse Optimus: "Hello, yes, I have spontaneously adopted an entire military squadron and a few jittery teenagers. Come near my kids and I'll literally tear your face off."
Just a quick PSA

if you plan on having kids, be ready to accept and love them for who they are. If your kid comes out to you as transgender, bisexual, gender fluid, gay, lesbian, etc, be ready to accept them. Don’t tell them they are mentally unstable and mentally ill and are crazy because If you’re going to do that, don’t have kids. Only have kids if you’re prepared to love them unconditionally.

when you and the squad all ready to go out but none of you can drive so a mom has to

hi I’m awake and Alec said i love you like a dawning realization of being able to put the feeling into words and Magnus said i love you too like he couldn’t believe he was finally saying the words out loud; they’ve been lying on his tongue for so long

:3c

itsonlyreality  asked:

How would everyone react to having to kiss Mikasa??? I'm trash for her tbh 😆

Same tho

Reiner: Try to make it look like a joke, but be dead scared
Bertholdt: slip on his own sweat
Annie: ‘accidentially’ use tongue
Eren: “Why tho?!” does it anyway
Jean: “ok” gets ready to smooch
Marco: Thinks it’s okay as long as she consents, because she deserves it
Sasha: Fantasies come true from Avenue Q plays in the background
Connie: “Ahahah fuck this I’m out” is too intimidated
Historia: Finally
Armin: Kisses her like she’s his mom
Ymir: “I love being gay”
Levi: Too many germs
Hanji: Okay :)
Erwin: “I don’t kiss kids”
Nanaba: Only gives her a peck, because she’s a cutie
Mike: Pretends to make out with her, but only gives her a very soft smooch
Moblit: “NO!”

anonymous asked:

I think one of weirdest things about working in a kid/baby store. Is how many people insist I should have a baby when they talk to me and found out I don't. I'm a 20 year old, living at home. Working 10-20hrs a week. Getting ready for school. I don't think I hontestly need a fucking baby. Worse is lady that told me at 18 'you shouldn't wait any longer!' Like dear gosh I think I should. Plus it's hontestly none of your business.

seeing discussions about whether or not spanking kids is an acceptable form of punishment is so odd for me because i grew up in southern alabama, and it was really common there and my parents used it to punish me for misbehaving. i don’t consider what happened to me abuse, but im not about to tell someone else who went through it isn’t bc it’s ultimately up to them and how they view their experiences. obviously if i ever had a kid i wouldn’t physically punish them, but it is still rly disconnecting for me to see posts like that bc my experiences feel so radically different than what people are describing??? idk what im trying to say here but it’s just weird for me

Seventeen members as shit my classmates say
  • S.Coups: leave my kids alone, they're good kids just... a little fucked up
  • Jeonghan: out of the whole concert, thing I remember the best is his ass
  • Joshua: you've heard of daddy kink, now get ready for CHURCH
  • Jun: we have a wine to warm up so ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • Hoshi: I used to warm my pajamas in microwave
  • Wonwoo: my positive thinking ended when i learned that potatoes can have a cancer too
  • Woozi: you have lower IQ level than this yoghurt
  • Mingyu: fuck, there's a pan under my pillow
  • DK: I'm faking my own death yolo
  • The8: I couldn't remember the word for a tank so I wanted to say killer train
  • Vernon: I've been watching buzfeed videos for 4 hours straight, my brain works in a reverse, I believe in all theories, aliens are real, time is an illusion, we do not exist
  • Seungkwan: nata de coco, boku no pico, consumo a dico
  • Dino: BDSM is an abbreviation for buddhism right??
Delinquent Rover Adventures 4
  • *Everyone's getting ready to go on the trip to Farm Station
  • Bellamy: Is everyone almost ready? Make sure you use the bathroom now cuz I'm not stopping till we get to Farm Station.
  • Bellamy (to Clarke): You sure you don't want to come with us?
  • Clarke: Yeah, you guys go have fun. Someone has to take care of Jasper.
  • Bellamy: Ok, if you're sure. (Yelling to the kids) Everyone get your asses into the rover, we're leaving.
  • *All the kids come hug Clarke goodbye then get into the rover
  • Monty (hugging Clarke): I'm gunna miss you.
  • Clarke: I'll miss you too, Sweetheart.
  • Bellamy (climbing in the rover): Come on, Monty. Let's go.
  • *Monty gets in
  • Clarke (frantically running to Bellamy's side of the rover): Bell, remember to stay safe. Make sure you keep an eye on everyone. Don't let anyone wander off. Make sure you keep a close eye on Monty. You know how he always wanders off. Everybody listen to Bellamy and do what he says... AND WEAR YOUR SEAT BELTS.
  • Bellamy: We'll be fine, Clarke. Stop worrying. It's just a day trip. I'll make sure they don't die *wink*.
  • Clarke: That's not funny, Bell.
  • Bellay (laughing): Bye, Princess.
  • *They drive off as Clarke worriedly waves goodbye
  • *10 minutes later
  • Monty: Bellamy....
  • Bellamy: Hmmm?
  • Monty: ..... I gotta pee...
  • Bellamy: GODDAMMIT, MONTY! I TOLD YOU TO GO BACK AT ARKADIA!