i'm not looking to get maced

50% OFF starters.
  • "You can't have sex with your neighbor's backyard above-ground pool."
  • "let me help you out of that swimsuit-- POOL."
  • "I sure hope we become best friends! but I don't hope we have a falling out, leading us to have a tense, emotion-heavy, dramatic, competitive, love/hate relationship later on."
  • "so anyways I regain consciousness, there's cops everywhere, (name) is covered in blood, got an icepick-- haha it was kind of a weird tuesday."
  • "we're gonna be late for anime school!"
  • "I'm just saying, is it illegal if I'm in my OWN pool?"
  • "WHAT'S UP SLUTS. GUESS WHO JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON!"
  • "(name) WAS A BITCH-ASS POSER."
  • "oh no, he's hot when he's sad!"
  • "this reminds me of prison. this reminds me of prison. this DEFINITELY reminds me of prison."
  • "look at that little pimp. he's gonna grow up to be a prison ass mothafucka."
  • "let's skip all the fluff and get to the part where we're shirtless."
  • "homeboy looks like shark week, I ain't messin' with that."
  • "It wasn't a dream! We got arrested for trespassing! We went to JAIL!"
  • "Nah, man, we went to holding. there's a big difference."
  • "Yeah now we owe Easter Dave a favor-- that is NOT a position you wanna be in."
  • "Wouldn't we have seen him around by now? I mean he is a bipedal shark-person."
  • "I'VE GOT MACE!"
  • "Was macing us really necessary AFTER you remembered who we were?!?"
  • "you took the fall for me and I said thank you."
  • "I went to jail!"
  • "I spent 6 months at a correctional facility!"
  • "I stabbed a girl in the yard!"
  • "I think that guard you killed had a family!"
  • "look at that majestic ass mothafucka. like a dolphin or some shit. a dolphin with legs... and arms... and a jetpack."
  • "BITCH GET IN THE POOL!"
  • "that's how they do it in Austrailia."
  • "20 bucks on jabber jaws."
  • "hey, man did you Tivo Glee last night?"
  • "I'm not allowed to watch Glee, my dad says it might turn me into something bad. A musical theater major."
  • "Neither one of them even died!"
  • "they won't let me back into sewing club because apparently when I threaten someone with sewing needles it's deemed 'inappropriate' and I 'have to leave'."
  • "I have to tumblr this!"
  • "a guy with emotional issues who swims away his problems? Lady, that's the whole team, you're gonna have to be more specific."
  • "I ship them! and them!"
  • "they hate each other, but they also fuck each other!"
  • "hey we try not to get this part of the gym wet so whatever you're doing is gonna have to stop."
  • "so do you wanna come back to my place, listen to some Dave Matthews and talk about my work out routine?"
  • "I wonder if that stuff I hid is still here? ...nah, cops probably took it."
  • "do you know? do you know for sure? Because I don't need another incident."
  • "If I get out of this chair I guarantee you'll end up in one with wheels."
  • "Ok. I'll admit, I'm a little threatened."
  • "'sup bitches!~"
  • "aren't you that guy who drowned a kid? and burned down that building?"
  • "get back to it before you learn a lesson in post-war, urban torture practices."
  • "Remember, snitches get stitches!"
  • "shut up you're high as balls!"
  • "you're just mad because mom and dad thought you were a girl for the first year of your life."
  • "right, son. and speaking of crushing disappointments-"
  • "coach tried to get me to vandalize a police station again."
  • "good thing I wore my Heelys."
  • "he's so hot but so crazy! which makes him even MORE hot!"
  • "Come on let me get those digits baby!"
  • "It should be illegal to be that fine!"
  • "oh just basic addition and subtraction. he was subtracting from my profits so I'm going to add a few extra holes in him."
  • "this doesn't seem like the time for polka-renditions of Ke$ha songs."
  • "I hate it when you leave but I love watching you go."
  • "Yeah I've seen him. He's in my scrapbook class. He cuts the eyes out of magazine photos."
  • "your arrest record is extensive... and amateur."
  • "the fact that you continue to avoid indefinite incarceration is insanityAND THE FACT THAT OUR LAW ENFORCEMENT CAN'T PUT AWAY SOMEONE WITH SUCH BLATANT DISREGARD FOR CONVENTIONAL CRIMINAL FUNCTION BAFFLES THE MIND."
  • "I want that boy to be my bride!"
  • "Pilates will do that man, works your core."
  • "what are we waiting for? let's go bro! let's gbro!"
  • "wow you sure said that."
  • "WOOP! WOOP! hold it, I'm gonna have to pull you over for exceeding recommended hotness."
  • "One time we went camping in the woods, I just left 'em there. Nobody found them for like 5 days. I don't even think their families cared, kinda sad, really."
  • "So, what you're saying is, if they disappeared, no one would notice?"
  • "well I've gotta go not talk to you anymore."
  • "I learned how to swim the old fashioned way. When I was five my dad took me out to a lake and tossed me right in the water."
  • "I'm so happy right now! --and it's not just cause I get to see you in a bunch of different swimsuits. Ok I lied, I'm sorry, that's mostly the reason."
  • "SHE'S A WITCH! PUSH HER IN THE POOL!"
  • "hey I know you! You helped me smuggle some stuff out of the country! How've you been kid?"

anonymous asked:

Due to that last answer I'm now thinking of obi trying and FAILING at putting Anakin into the crèche, like Mace and Yoda are just "you didn't use a condom, you get to look after the child"

Obi-Wan is like “BUT HE’S NOT MINE” and Bant is like “well technically his mom did DIRECTLY give him to specifically YOU and ask YOU to protect him so in a SENSE …” “THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING AND YOU KNOW IT.” 

Obi-Wan Kenobi with a baby sling and his weekly arguments with Qui-Gon and Yoda about letting him turn in the FORCEDAMN baby. HE HAS A MISSION THIS WEEK, FFS, IS HE SUPPOSED TO BRING THE FORCEDAMN BABY?? 

“Yes,” Yoda says. 

“Noooooo,” Obi-Wan groans. Anakin swats contentedly at his braid. 

eshnoazot  asked:

Alternate Concept: "I have had a vision" becomes a Jedi Meme that can mean everything from "Just Trust Me Okay", "I absolutely know what I'm doing" to "Yeah I can't explain this one".

Literally everyone in the Senate develops a compulsive twitch in response to that phrase, and/or a compulsive need to hide under their desks, except Padme Amidala, who just gets an unaccountably fond look on her face (yes she heard it from Ani first, OF COURSE SHE DID). 

Palpatine, meanwhile, develops a compulsive need to MURDER something.