i'm not happy with this but i'm too frustrated to even care at this point

anonymous asked:

Hello, you're a fantastic writer and I'm enjoying your stories. Thanks for all the great TMNT fan fiction! I especially appreciated the "bi" story with Mikey. I'm bi and there are so many negative stereotypes floating around that kill relationships before they start. Thanks for understanding Mikey! I was wondering how each of the turtles would react to an S/O who had a lot of dating and sexual experience in her past. Would they be turned off? Would they be intimidated? Not care?

Ello there, my Anonymous friend. Haha, I can’t take full credit for ‘understanding’ or ‘getting it’ because I am pan as fuck. Totally get what you’re saying. Anyways! Onto the matter of your ask. Well….

Leo -

It probably wouldn’t bother Leo that much. They have experience? Great! Because he certainly doesn’t. What matters for him most in a S/O is how they click on an emotional and a personal level. Anything else, eh, it’s not his place to judge and even if it was, he wouldn’t dream of it. His S/O is perfect as they are.

He might feel a little… Inadequate however, knowing she already has standards of what she expects and worrying if he’ll be able to meet them or if it’s just going to be a big disappointment all around. This would probably wear off quickly enough.

Raph -

Raph is a pretty territorial kind of guy. He’s got that feral thing going on for him. So actually, he might be a little jealous to hear about the other guys (or gals) his S/O has been with in the past… Unless! Unless they were bitching about them. In which case, Raph would get his gossip on quicker than a speeding bullet. Encouraging his S/O just to get it all out and scream her frustrations about this ex.

But over all, it wouldn’t bother him, per se. At least, it wouldn’t bother him about them. If one of their ex partners came snooping around, trying to get back together, then the idea would really get to him- Likely to the point he goes out of his way to terrify said ex, if not outright put the hurt on them if they’re especially a douchebag.

Donnie -

Oh, yes! It would worry Donnie to no end. Statistically speaking if they have all these other choices for a partner, why in their right mind would they pick him? What did he have to offer them? He was just some mutant nerd who lived in the sewers. It might even get to the point he becomes distant from his S/O, worrying about this far too much.

However, after a long talk, some coffee and a couple of kisses, he would be feeling much better about it. The issue might drop up once or twice more but with the same caring treatment and the longer the relationship goes on, it’d soon be forgotten about.

Mikey -

Mikey would be more interested than worried for threatened by it. What where these previous partners like? What did his S/O like about them? What didn’t they like? He’d use it more as a social experiment kind of thing, to try and work out how he can be the number one boyfriend™.

After all, Mikey is always about making his love happy. Why would he worry about their past when he could be making their future together brighter and happier?

anonymous asked:

Hi Leela! What do you think about this? "[...]Maybe I'm not just a ken doll for you to objectify and ship and wish I lived the life you wanted.[...]" I know he is talking about important topics here but the ship part caught my attention. I know that Dan and Phil deeply appreciate their fandom, and sometimes they push their own boundaries a little bit and laugh with us about the phan things we make: fanarts, fanfics, edits, etc. But after this little clip... I'm really getting concerned. [1/3]

What if this whole time I have been hurting them? I’m an artist and I have never tagged them in my phanarts, I just share my drawings with the people who like the idea of phan and that’s all. But even if my drawings are just innocent illustrations of them holding hands, they are phanarts, pieces of art about the idea of them being a couple. So, I have fueled the idea of phan, I have contributed to it. And I know D&P have embraced the phan thing too- as a funny part of their branding. But what if the shipping thing has reached a point where D&P no longer feel comfortable with it? Dan sounded so sincere… and I really don’t know how to feel right now tbh.

ahhhh let me start by just saying, it’s okay. i totally, completely understand why dan’s comment may have upset you or worried you but please don’t feel badly. i promise that all of the things you’re doing as a member of this fandom and just as a viewer of dnp generally are all okay. good and great, even, because they bring you happiness and that’s the point. 

dan’s ken doll comment was nothing close to an original or new thought, and it’s a frustration he’s shared a number of times throughout the years. in his roast yourself video he asserts that he only gets views bc he’s a white guy in a cute ship. in the description of the pinof 7 bloopers he talks about how he’s a piece of meat for us vultures to consume and pick apart. a few years ago in live shows he’d say things like, “for those of you who only watch me because you like to fantasize about me being in a sexual relationship with my friend, i’ll go get my friend,” as a way of introducing a phil cameo. let’s just be completely honest here: dan’s relationship to the concept of people actively talking about, writing about, thinking about, his relationship with phil is not a positive one, and even more broadly than that, dan’s relationship to the concept of people following him and consuming his content due to anything personal about him (whether it be his pretty face or anything else) is not a positive one (unless of course the personal things are ones he’s shared himself in a very controlled/comedic exaggerated manner. aka basically every dinof vid.)  

and his observations about this are valid because his career really is founded in part on his constant objectification and the flattening of his humanity by viewers, just as all persona-driven entertainment tends to be. in choosing to grow a following by making content about himself dan necessarily offers himself up for analysis and that is intrinsically dehumanizing. in choosing to remain ambiguous both in sexual orientation and in relationship status with phil, he unwittingly encourages speculation on both of those issues, a speculation which has stayed constant in its fervor over a remarkable number of years. his choices have led to intense scrutiny and a thirsty audience that uses him and his partner as vehicles for fantasy and speculation and that’s also dehumanizing. 

all of this sounds bleak but let me just do a quick attempt at telling u why it is also okay. it is okay because it is dan’s choice ultimately. dan could recede from the public eye completely and make content that has nothing to do with himself as a person. he could divorce his real self from his on-screen persona even more. he could continue and even strengthen the boundaries he has drawn up between himself and phil in the public eye. he could just do behind-the-scenes writing or producing or filmmaking instead of continuing to be a youtuber. he could never collab with phil again because the pressure of being scrutinized through a romantic/sexual lens is too great. but. in truth dan has only chosen to become more open about how much he loves phil, closer to him in the public eye than he has ever been. he’s chosen to share more and more of his inner thoughts and monologues about his insecurities and his mental health struggles and his fears and his triumphs than ever before. 

he’s chosen to continue inviting us into his life in various ways, on a number of levels because of at least two very important truths: first, that being reduced and objectified is not intrinsically harmful if the person still has control over their lives and everything in it and everything that’s important to them. second, that this same rabid audience is the one that makes dnp some of the most successful creators on youtube–their audience loyalty is completely unrivaled. and this is almost entirely, in my view, a result of how much they actually hold back in comparison to everyone else on the platform. bc of their restraint we go crazy over even like 3 seconds of footage of them in other people’s videos. we watch and re-watch their content and we analyze everything they do to the nth degree. this is their remarkable skill as public figures and entertainers. it’s GOOD for them, not bad, when we sit here at 11:30 pm writing essays about them and their behavior. it’s good for them that you make art celebrating them and their love. all of it is good. and they’re showing with each passing week that they care less and less that part of what we love about them is their connection and love for one another. because we’re not imagining it or creating it out of thin air or forcing two people who don’t love each other to act like they do in order to carry on being profitable. we celebrate it because it’s there and it exists in everything they do, and in return they’re realizing that it’s simply easier for everyone involved if they let themselves be more comfortable and open with it. 

so yes, we objectify dan. that’s true and it’s important to be aware of it. yes dan becomes irritated about it at times because he has deep-set insecurities about this life as an entertainer and the aspects of his content that keep people watching (he doesn’t want it to be things that are personal to him. he wants people to watch for the content itself). and despite all of this, the objectification/dehumanization do not harm dan in any substantial way because ultimately dan still has complete control over what parts of his private life he shares and what sort of content he makes. knowing this, i think now more than ever before, you most certainly do not need to feel bad about your art or anything else you do as a follower of dan and phil who also “ships” dan and phil. just rewatch the pastel edits vid and ask yourself if that seems like a couple of dudes who are in any sort of pain/hurt about the idea that people like watching them together. nah. 

someone: how are you?

me, internally: voltron s4 comes out on friday, oct 13 2017. it’s single-handedly transforming friday the 13th into an incredible day that thousands of people will be looking forward to. this is unprecedented in history. however, i am extremely concerned. an interview, and now the trailer, both independently hint that keith does something that separates himself from the group. the fact that he is not present in not one, but multiple of the group scenes in the entire trailer suggest that this is a physical separation, not merely a mental or emotional one. however, what could possibly have caused him to leave the group? they’ve found shiro. keith doesn’t have any major personal problems at the moment. unless–and this is just a theory–he has figured out that the shiro that’s returned to them is actually a clone? in that case, it would not be out of character for him to recklessly decide to leave and search for the truth. but would he really do so without telling anyone else? what was season 3 for? what about the trust formed between himself and lance and the others? his opening up to them? his character development as a leader? or maybe he has told the others. maybe they’ve just doubted him; maybe they couldn’t tell that something was up and keith left in frustration. then again–he was shown piloting the black lion. the other members of the castle would easily be able to track black if they wanted to, wouldn’t they? so it’s not as though they can’t actually find keith. why wouldn’t they go after him? furthermore, the fact that he’s actually taken the black lion suggests that he has black’s approval in whatever he’s trying to do. maybe black can sense it too? that’s why black hasn’t let shiro pilot him? anyways. branching off from the keith’s-figured-out-shiro’s-a-clone theory, i honestly cannot predict why keith would leave without a concrete reason. he might have his own self-doubts as a leader, but he is obviously essential to the team. he pilots the most important lion and leads the team even though shiro is back. surely keith would know that his leaving would mean endangering the team? surely he’d know not to make that mistake? what could possibly outweigh that? also, when the lions appear onscreen, leaving clouds of color behind them, black isn’t there. keith wouldn’t be absent at a diplomacy meeting for no reason. the whole point of that kind of meeting is to have people (or, i guess, aliens) ally with voltron. and what worse way is there to do that than to not have voltron in its complete state? keith must really be gone. untrackable? lost? who knows? anyways, off the issue of keith–rolo and nyma are back and supposedly getting along with hunk and pidge. are they doing so to be manipulative? are they lying for their own benefit again? most likely not. they don’t seem like the kind of people who would be benefitted by lotor’s policies. but then again–i don’t see why they would want to ally with voltron. aside from that, let’s talk about lotor’s generals–narti does appear in the fight scene at the end, but at 0:26 she isn’t there. at 0:32 she isn’t there. in both of those instances, all the other generals (zethor, axca, and ezor) are all present. where is narti? okay. okay. at 0:58 we can see allura in her paladin armor, fighting against lotor’s generals. have i mentioned that i love her? she is so brave. and 1:06!! lance, the team sharpshooter, being paired off with another long-distance combatant? sign me UP. wait a second–upon closer inspection of the scene–that’s allura, pidge, hunk, lance. no keith. no shiro. where are they? shiro’s absence is relatively understandable, as he doesn’t have a lion to pilot for missions–but keith? anyways. shiro seems to be staying back for quite a few of these missions. maybe he will be the one to save team voltron in the future? i hope so. i hope he gets redemption. in season 3, he really, genuinely almost died trying to get back to the team. he can’t be evil. he wouldn’t have gone through all of that trouble without anyone watching if he really didn’t care about the team. if he is a clone, though, maybe the galra have the potential to control his mind (or at least influence his thoughts)? maybe they’re just waiting for the right moment? but that doesn’t explain why he would be different. his personality and appearance are a little skewed. why? shouldn’t cloning preserve personality or physical features? unless–he’s been exposed to quintessence. which makes a lot of sense. why else would his hair be long? quintessence essentially promotes growth (including that of hair), doesn’t it? or maybe he’s a future version of shiro. but then why would their timelines overlap? can wormholes bend time? i have so many questions. anyways. let’s talk about lance. the pose he made while saying ‘razzle-dazzle’ was like some futuristic version of jazz hands. he’s so cool. my heart is warm and happy. and those finger guns? 12/10. i’m so proud of him. he’s doing great. his happiness is certainly a welcome relief in contrast to the darker tone of the trailer. i don’t know what the trailer is supposed to imply about s4, but now i am reasonably more worried than i was earlier. it definitely seems like it will be quite a heavy season. 

me: i’m great, thanks :)

  • it honestly amazes me how well akaashi knows bokuto. besides the whole list of weaknesses + solutions to combat them, he really knows how to read bokuto’s body language and mood well. he tries his best to understand bokuto through his ups and downs and that just screams how much akaashi cares about him. but seriously, i think it’s cute how they hang out outside practice too bc it shows how akaashi thinks of bokuto more than just the “ace/teammate.”
  • maybe… when bokuto started getting frustrated that his cross-spikes were getting blocked, maybe that’s when all the endless spiking practices started and akaashi agreed to practice w/ him because a happy bokuto is a happy akaashi. he’ll help bokuto jump over any hurdle they meet.
  • akaashi knows bokuto is capable of reaching his full potential (and beyond) on his own. in ch.244 when akaashi says he can only draw out bokuto’s top condition for a short time, i’d like to think that akaashi knows that bokuto just needs a little push from time to time, but the rest is all bokuto. akaashi believes in bokuto.
  • several months ago, i said how bokuto has complete trust in akaashi and i’m screaming bc of they think so fondly of each other and i’m just :’))) please get together. the day akaashi directly compliments bokuto, i will cry. will it happen at some point during spring interhigh?? bokuto’s graduation?? /cries
  • sometimes i wonder how far fukurodani will make it in nationals (i’m on the empty boat that thinks fukurodani’s gonna win, mainly bc my heart is gonna shatter if they don’t) but i really can’t decide. 100% sure nekoma v. karasuno will happen soon, but WHEN lol… i’ll just let the manga unfold itself c:

anonymous asked:

Shino Aburame scenario please? He's a favourite character of mine that feels so unloved

I did a modern high school AU scenario draft if that’s cool bc I just love those AUs and it seemed to work so like???? Scenario drafts work well with modern AUs idk why. And I assumed you wanted it with a s/o but I started this as a reader insert my bad? Hopes this is okay

Shino scenario draft

Keep reading

Everyday situations with BTS
  • Jungkook you need to be stopped.
  • These are getting longer.
  • I take requests.
  • *
  • Jungkook crashes into a clueless Hobi who was obscured by a corner that JK was taking at high speeds back stage.
  • Hobi: ?!?! *manages to stop both himself and Kookie landing on the floor* Kook-ah! Why are you running around back here?! It's dangerous!
  • Kook: Omg hyung you scared me. I'm running from noona.
  • Hobi: okay which noona? we have quite a few scary noona's backstage.
  • Kook: *laughs despite himself* y/n.
  • Hobi: oh? What did you do?
  • Kook: Nothing!! I just walked in to show her the trophy. And she gave me that look. You know the one. The one she gave Namjoon hyung when he dropped her iPad and that one she gave Yoongi hyung when he asked her to diet with him for support and thought he was implying she was fat!
  • Hobi: *understanding* ohhhhh. Yeah even Yoongi went paler.
  • Kook: so I ran.
  • Hobi: clever.
  • ....
  • Where's the trophy then?
  • Kook: .... shit. I don't know?
  • *
  • Hobi: Noona! Noona-noona~~~ *throws himself on the sofa next to him* play with my hair, noona? *puts head in lap*
  • You: *laughs* your stylist noona's hate me doing that.
  • Hobi: *pouts* I'm at home though!
  • You give in and it doesn't take long before Hoseok goes from humming contentedly to sleeping. You're happy for now so leave him. Yoongi comes in and is high key jealous Hoseok got there first which amuses you greatly.
  • You: Get here faster next time.
  • Yoongi: I don't care *shrug* *liar*
  • Kookie walks in.
  • You give him a Hobi worthy bitch face.
  • Yoongi laughs mostly in shock, waking Hobi.
  • Yoongi: What the hell? You've been scaring Kook for the last few days?
  • You: *grumbles* Jimin teaches him too much.
  • Hobi: We almost lost the trophy because he was running from you noona. Luckily Jin found it.
  • You: The kid needs to stop ok he is barely 18-
  • Yoongi: 20
  • You: in international age ok!! He's so young!!
  • Hobi: .. What's your point?? He's the maknae?
  • You: I just... he just... Have you guys not watched him on stage?
  • Yoongi: ... Sometimes??
  • Yoongi & Hobi: *confused face at you*
  • You: Don't you think he's a little too... sexy?
  • *brief pause*
  • Hobi: OH MY GOD *flies out of your lap laughing hysterically* Kookie Kookie noona thinks you're hot-
  • You grab Hobi by the shirt and give him a menacing look.
  • You: *chilling voice* Don't spread misconceptions, Hobi-ah...
  • Namjoon: Could you unhand Hoseok before you break him please noona?
  • Jimin: What's happening?
  • Kookie: ... Can I come in?
  • You: Oh god this is actually embarrassing.
  • Kookie: Noona, I'm sorry for whatever I did?
  • You: Oh jeez *feeling guilty* please don't apologise it's not your fault Kookie... kind of...
  • Yoongi: Tell him it's because you find him sexy.
  • You: MIN YOONGI! I swear-
  • Namjoon: wait what noona you like Kookie that way?
  • You: No! He's a child!
  • Kookie: *paralysed with awkwardness*
  • Jimin: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!! *mischievous grin*
  • Hobi: *cackling*
  • You: Look okay, I just don't appreciate it that when I go to support you guys Kookie - and you too as well Jimin - feel the need to be such extra noona killers. You guys are babies to me and it is not okay. I am very angry about the fact foetuses like you make me feel some way I am 100% not okay with it and you need to stop. This isn't a confession either so pipe down Hoseok.
  • Yoongi: Right so. You're mad that you find them attractive?
  • You: In summary, yes.
  • Yoongi: Do you find me attractive?
  • You: Yes?
  • Yoongi: But you're not angry.
  • You: No. Of course not. You're my age.
  • Yoongi: So?
  • You: It's not okay, okay?
  • Jimin: ... Noona you're not making sense...
  • You: *frustrated sound* I am!!!
  • Kook: *cocky af all of a sudden* Oh, noona~ I am so sorry~ *sexy smirk*
  • You: Don't you fUCKING EVEN- I am leaving.
  • You leave with a dramatic slam of the door.
  • Namjoon: *a little stunned* Um. Er?
  • Yoongi: *shrugs* Don't ask me.
  • Namjoon: ... She'll forgive.. you guys soon??
  • Jimin: Hyung how can she we'll always be this hot though. *smirk* *high fives Kookie*
  • Hobi: Ah... you know... I think I just saw her point.
The signs from a Cancer Point of view (use 🌞 + 🌜):
  • (My posts are backwards on purpose)
  • Pisces: Oh my lord, you can be so silly. I love how infectious your giggle is. You can think of things in ways I would have never even thought; you're almost too creative for your own good. I know sometimes you're not so good at art, like most posts predict, but the way you speak is beautiful, like your words were perfectly arranged to form a mosaic of variegated interpretations. You let everyone's experiences influence you to the point where you take them on as your own, and that's ok. I know that just helps you stay close to the ones you love, as if living in their memories with them strengthens your connection with them.
  • Aquarius: You can be distant, but care with every pulse of your heart. Sometimes that's what confuses me. There's a reason for everything to you. You want to know cause and effect, but I'm worried for the day when you realise that not everything has an explanation; at least not one easily confined by mere words. You're not devoid of emotion. You're just much better at deciding when and how to deal with them. How do you do that? How do you know how to reach out for help without burdening everyone?
  • Capricorn: We are opposites. You work so hard to be happy, that sometimes I think you hardly stop to enjoy even the small things that have a magical air to them; like the plush towels against your skin, or the pattern of the sky that will only freeze for a few seconds more. To you, it's all about pushing forward and getting things done, and I love your motivation, but don't you realise how stressed out you get yourself? You can be cold, but that's only because sometimes you don't want to stop to feel...you know what will happen if you do.
  • Sagittarius: I am amazed at how much patience I have with you. You're so carefree, and I don't believe I have ever seen you stressed. Sometimes I get frustrated with how you treat others, but I know you don't mean to hurt people on purpose. I love how you want to be a free thinker, you don't let others cloud your thoughts or decisions, unless you really love them, then in that case you trust their opinions. Not everyone can or could ever earn your trust. You have clarity when most others are stressed because you've detached yourself from them so successfully. I'm glad that you of all people could take the weight that you do, though I'm not pleased that you have to in the first place. You handle beatings with grace, and you hold your ground firmly.
  • Scorpio: You're the most passionate person I know. When you talk about what you love or hate, I can see the propellers churn in your eyes. You love to love and hate to hate. I know it's hard to let people in, but I'm thankful you chose me of all people. I'm sorry I can't always be there when you sob in your bed late at night, but you always hold off when you're ready. That's ok too. I know you don't like to be pushed. Sometimes you let others passions overtake your own and you get so confused and tired that it's hard to face anyone. You want to love so badly, but you're always doubting yourself. Your thoughts can be overwhelming and it seems lonely in crowds, even around your own family, but even you need to trust more than one person.
  • Libra: You of all people know what to do and say all the time. I enjoy just sitting back and watching you talk and interact with people; you get that everyone is different, and you treat them according to how they are. If only people had that same respect towards you. I love how you can diffuse conflict as if you're stroking the nuzzle of a wild horse. You listen and think before you speak. You thrive on the subject of philosophy because you think, and it does, makes you a better person. You love everyone and you value friendships and relationships. You don't know who the right partner is, but I know when you find them, they will make you feel like the only person in the world, just like you do with everybody else.
  • Virgo: There's a lot to worry about. You are the one that I wish I was the most like. You live in the moment, without leaving the past or planning for the future. You're aware of the things larger than life, and you respect them, but you understand how all the little things contribute to the infinite tapestry. I wish I could notice and appreciate as you do. I know you focus too much on the tangible, and I understand that it's easy to get lost in the world of perfection and imperfections, to ignore the thoughts and feelings of others. Most people think you are cold, but I think there's more to it than that. Maybe you just know what to do with your feelings, and they're under your control, and yours alone. You're calm and always seem to be at ease. In no way should that be a crime, after all, many could learn a thing or two from you.
  • Leo: I find a lot of admiration towards how confident you are. Your presence alone is awe-inspiring. Everything you do--the way you walk, how you speak, your gestures, everything--looks so effortless but well thought out. Watching you is like enjoying a movie where every movement is perfect. I love the way you make me feel like we've know each other for years. I am at ease and comfortable by your very presence. One might expect your voice to be loud and authoritative, but it's soothing and suggestive more than anything. You want to make everyone feel like your friend, and I know it has no malevolent purposes, but it's for your own conscious because you can't bear a single person disliking you.
  • Cancer: I could tell you how seething your own mind is, but I'm sure you already know that. You can be so optimistic that you become blind to the worse in human nature. You have fallen victim to many schemes of manipulation, and each time you've beaten yourself up for it. It's ok to yell and scream and cuss. In fact, it's normal to let yourself explode. Nothing could ever right the wrongs that you can never seem to forget. I'm sure that even though they haven't made it up to, or apologised, that they still love you. Not everyone is like you where they can hold onto their emotions and keep it from lapping over the edge. People say things they don't mean, and they make mistakes. It's ok to not be able to forget, you just have to find a way to love again despite their wrong doings.
  • Gemini: When I am with you, I am never bored. There's always something to talk about, and you're willing to look at every side of a story because you love to be fascinated. You are so animated when you speak, as if you're trying to replay and exert the experience to everyone so that they can experience it as you once did. I love your acceptance of art in all its forms but most of all, I appreciate your desire for knowledge. You may not be the smartest, but you are the one to show me how to think.
  • Taurus: I see a lot of posts categorising you as being a glutton for food. Truth is, you love to enjoy things you like, and by no means is that bad. Some people talk about what they like and you feel their radiance through their words, but with you, you don't have to say anything. I feel your content seeping into my veins and I too become enveloped in this world of yours where the finer things of life are adored. I value your opinion because you learn to know and feel every inch of something before you can decide to love or hate it. You have to know for sure because once you make a decision, by God you stick to it. I love how you're supporting and refreshing for anyone who needs it. You've made some good calls, and also so bad ones, but you've learned from both and you can separate truth and fiction like nothing I've seen before.
  • Aries: You are the epitome of fire. I know it's easy to think of everything at once, and it gets extremely overwhelming. I think you tend to overlook other people's feelings for the small minute things that really don't matter. Your opinions and desires matter, just understand that you can't make anyone agree with you. You have a silver tongue, and it's hard to resist your logic, because despite how wrong you may be, you take record time in thinking up of an argument and at the same time shred your adversary to pieces. Some say it's water that wears you down slow and painfully, but I have witnessed the hot flash of your flames burn and dissipate. You get caught up in the moment. It's no biggie. I respect that you have confidence, I love that. You are into fast paced things, and I don't think I've ever seen you relax without falling asleep. You really amaze me at how adept you are at working under so much pressure. You've been through a lot, heaven knows, but we both know you've become a better person because of it. Your optimism is what pushed me through my own experiences, and I am most grateful for you especially.

@butternutstyles, my thoughts on your party slothry idea exceeded message length so here you go…

[to anyone else: this makes a lot more sense if you know that ariana grande once rented a sloth for a birthday party.]


Taylor plucks a sharpened pencil from the mason jar on her desk and starts a numbered list on a monogrammed notepad. “Small Talk Topics,” she heads it, and underlines the title precisely.

  1. Just Hold On
  2. Freddie – birthday
  3. Condolences (sincere)
  4. Zayn

She taps the pencil eraser twice against her lower lip, considering. It would be so satisfying to tell Louis that it’s been a pleasure to work with Zayn. (Whether that’s true is beside the point.) “He seems really happy these days,” she might add, sweetly.

No. She scratches a neat line through item 4. That’s exactly the kind of pettiness Louis was probably hoping for when he hung up on her assistant and demanded that Taylor call him herself. Taylor reminds herself, from long experience, that conversations with Louis are not a question of winning or losing. They’re a question of whether she wants to walk away with or without her dignity intact.

She’s put the call off for a couple of days, considered not calling at all. But next Saturday is coming up, and people have certain expectations about parties these days. Taylor hates failing to live up to expectations. She hates it even more than she hates talking to Louis Tomlinson. Taylor takes two centering breaths and dials the number.

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anonymous asked:

I have a huge problem and I would love some advice you see, my problem is that I can draw.... But only when I'm looking at other peoples drawings so I'm pretty much copying other people's work (of course I never flaunt it around claiming it as mine) but it gets me irritated that I can't draw my own work and when I try it looks bad. I hear a lot of people go through this but how do they grow out of it this problem has been going on for a long time to the point where I think I should stop drawing

Morning dear anon❤ Sorry for the late reply as it took me sometime to think the question through and organise my thoughts.

I thought to share some of my personal experience with you, as I went through something quite similar myself. Though it may not be what you are fully experiencing at the moment but I do hope it could be helpful to you somehow. 

The answer is quite long so I have tuck it in under the cut. 

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fault lines of the heart

a/n: wut are dis?? not smut?? ummmmmmmmm, not exactly one-sided but kind of is??????? sugapark lol sorry i tried ;u; at least it’s kind of angsty?????


yoongi’s thoughts may still be thick and muddled by drowsiness, but he has a very clear idea of who might be knocking on his front door at three in the goddamn morning. he rolls over under his sheets, hoping that if he ignores it, it might go away. out of sight, out of mind.

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"american beauty" sentence starters
  • "I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world."
  • "Well, you have absolutely no interest in saving yourself."
  • "Lose my job? I didn't lose it. It's not like, 'Whoops! Where'd my job go?' I QUIT."
  • "I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up. Fast."
  • "You're right. I suck dick for money."
  • "Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge, to boot?"
  • "Management wants you gone by the end of the day."
  • "Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something to be proud of."
  • "It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful... you can look right back."
  • "When I was your age, I flipped burgers all summer just to be able to buy an eight-track."
  • "All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me."
  • "I rule!"
  • "She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel better about yourself."
  • "It's never too late to get it back."
  • "I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated."
  • "You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated here?"
  • "Both my wife/husband and daughter/son think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right."
  • "I'm looking for the least possible amount of responsibility."
  • "You should see me fuck. I'm the best piece of ass in three States."
  • "Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?"
  • "Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?"
  • "I don't think we can be friends anymore."
  • "Just don't fuck my dad, all right? Please?"
  • "You're way too uptight about sex."
  • "I want to look good naked!"
  • "Someone really should just put him out of his misery."
  • "I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here."
  • "You don't really think [name] and I were..."
  • "Want me to kill him for you?"
  • "I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school."
  • "I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone."
  • "Remember those posters that said, 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life'? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die."
  • "She hates me. She hates you, too."
  • "There's plenty of joy in my life."
  • "Go fuck yourself, psycho!"
  • "My parents are coming tonight. They're trying to, you know, take an active interest in me."
  • "Gross. I hate it when my mom does that."
  • "Fuck me, Your Majesty!"
  • "I was hoping you'd give me a bath. I'm very, very dirty."
  • "You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have."
  • "I'm so sorry for the way things look around here."
  • "I think using psychotropic drugs is a very positive example to set for our daughter."
  • "Who are you looking for?"
  • "This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living."
  • "There's nothing worse than being ordinary."
  • "Everything that's meant to happen does."
  • "You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak."
  • "Welcome to America's weirdest home videos."
  • "Oh well, all right, let's all sell our souls and work for Satan because it's more convenient that way."
  • "I'm sensing a real distance growing between you and [name]."
  • "My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell."
  • "Don't you mess with me, mister, or I'll divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin!"
  • "Your mom's the one who's embarrassing. What a phony. But, your dad's actually kind of cute."
  • "If he just worked out a little, he'd be hot."
  • "You don't get to tell me what to do ever again."
  • "I'm serious. He just pulled down his pants and yanked it out."
  • "Never underestimate the power of denial."
  • "Are you trying to look unattractive today?"
  • "How dare you speak to me that way in front of her."
  • "Jesus, what is it with you?"
  • "I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist."
  • "Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in."
  • "See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident."
  • "Don't interrupt me, honey!"
  • "[Name]'s a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."
  • "I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die."
  • "You better watch yourself, [name], or you're going to turn into a real bitch, just like your mother!"
  • "I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you lose your job."
  • "You're boring. And you're totally ordinary. And you know it."
  • "You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."
  • "Uh, whose car is that out front?"
  • "Your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink."
  • "In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times."
  • "She's... she's really happy. She thinks she's in love."
  • "I think you just became my personal hero!"
  • "Man, you are one twisted fuck."
  • "The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing."
  • "You know, this really doesn't concern you."
  • "I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable?"
  • "I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it."
  • "Your wife is with another man and you don't care?"
  • "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."
  • "In less than a year, I'll be dead."
  • "[Name], today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus."
  • "I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."
  • "We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time."
  • "I can't believe you don't know how beautiful you are."
  • "Well, at least I'm not ugly."
  • "This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here."
  • "[Name], are you masturbating?!"
  • "If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model."
  • "In a way, I'm dead already."
  • "You are so busted."
  • "I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up."
  • "Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably."
  • "The car I've always wanted and now I have it."
  • "God, it's been a long time since anybody asked me that..."
  • "Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about."
  • "I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose."
  • "Our marriage is just for show. A commercial for how normal we are when we're anything but."
  • "It would be nice if I was anywhere near as important to him as she is."
  • "Gotta spend money to make money."
  • "I refuse to be a victim!"
  • "I was filming this dead bird."
  • "Do you party?"
  • "Oh, what? You're mother of the year? You treat her/him like an employee."
  • "Could he be any more pathetic?"
  • "I think it's sweet."
  • "You need structure... you need discipline."
  • "He's just so confident, it can't be real."
  • "So, you're fucking psycho-boy on a regular basis now? Tell me, has he got a big dick?"
  • "He didn't even look at me once!"
  • "I don't think you'd fit in here."
  • "It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn."
  • "Excuse me for speaking so bluntly, sir."
  • "Oh, I'm in trouble."
  • "I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting."
  • "This country is going straight to hell!"
  • "[Name], when did you become so joyless?"
  • "I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious."
  • "What is this? The fucking Gay Pride parade?"
  • "Sorry about my dad."
  • "To you, he's just another guy who wants to jump your bones."
  • "This is my first time."

anonymous asked:

I really want to be a makeup artist but dad doesn't want me to and he is refusing to pay for school unless I do something he wants me to. how can I convince him that it's what I really want? he think I won't make any money and I'm not going in for the money bc honestly I'm not even sure how much id make but I'm so passionate about makeup and I do it on all of my friends for proms and formats and just because! I feel really stuck. also of you don't mind- how much do you charge your clients?

Ahh, that’s a tough situation. Luckily, you don’t need a license to become a makeup artist.

Learn as much as you can online; there are millions of free videos and tutorials that can help you out. Books too! One of my favorites is called Shortcuts by Diana Schmidtke. Practice on other people with different face shapes and features (and take pictures!). Your friends would probably be happy to lend their face :) Take a class or two to learn more about anything you aren’t 100% confident in. It doesn’t need to be an entire course. Once you are confident, apply for positions at makeup counters or assist a freelance artist.

If you’re into proms and special events, learn everything there is to know about bridal makeup! That’s my specialty and I love it. It’s easy to network when you work with a bridal party because not only do the bridesmaids (who also could have a wedding on the way) get to experience your work, but everyone at the ceremony can too since those women are pretty much walking advertisements for you. In fact, I’d say 80% of my brides come from referrals. Not gonna lie, the money ain’t bad either.

The point is, you don’t have to spend a ton of money all at once to get into makeup. Gradually add to your kit, gradually learn new techniques. If your dad can’t support you in doing what you love, show him you can do it with or without him. If that means getting a part time job during the week so you can work makeup on the weekends, do it until you’re able to make makeup artistry a full time thing!

Hope this helps! I know it can be really frustrating when you don’t see eye to eye with a family member, and even more frustrating when it’s over something you really care about and will affect your future. Stay persistent and motivated! You got this! :)

Preference #5: Fan Rules
  • Calum: Being away from your boyfriend is as difficult as it is. Let alone have a million girls chase after him. You trust him but there's always going to be that voice in the back of your mind, reminding you that any second, you could lose the most important thing in your life: Calum. "Babe," Calum says for the hundredth time in the last ten minutes. "Talk to me, please," he pleads. You'd been giving him the silent treatment since this morning when you saw another picture of him giving his fans a kiss on the cheek. "What." You spit out. He throws his hands up in defeat and gets up off the couch, "I give up. I don't know what your problem is." You stand up too with a hand on your hip, "You wanna know what my problem is? My problem is this." You show him a picture collage of Calum kissing different fans' cheeks a fan tweeted you. "This, Calum, is my problem." He takes a moment to look at the picture. His jaw relaxes and he takes a seat back on the couch. He gently pulls you to his lap. "I'm sorry," he says, "I didn't know that bothered you. You never said anything." "What was I supposed to say, Calum? Don't kiss your fans? What if they do to you what the did to Ash? I really don't want to be that over protective girlfriend you get sick of. I thought of tell you but either way, someone isn't going to be happy, whether it's me, you, or your fans." "That's cute, babe," he smiles at you. You roll your eyes in frustration, "Calum, take me seriously!" When real names are being used, it usually meant it's a serious matter. "Y/N, I think it's really cute that it bothers you. It shows me you really love me." "Well duh," you laugh, "Let's compromise?" He nods, "How about if they can kiss me but that's it?" You smile, "I can deal with that." Calum places a soft kiss on your lips then cups your face with his hands. You stare into his big brown eyes, careful not to get too lost into them. "Next time something bothers you, I want you to tell me, okay? Don't ever feel like you can't. I'm always here for you," he promises before kissing you again.
  • Michael: You're at the hotel, packing up your bags, and getting ready to head for the road again. You ran out of space in your luggage so you asked Michael if you could put some of your things in his. You rearranged his suit case to make room and you come across a ziplock full of small strips of paper with phone numbers presumably from fans. "Michael," you call from the bed room, "get in here." He comes in and you hold up the ziplock, "What's this?" It bothers you that he'd keep a ziplock full of phone numbers. What would need those for? "Souvenirs," he answers. "Really? You collect phone numbers for souvenirs? What do you need phone numbers for, Michael?" "Babe," he walks towards you and takes the ziplock, "these are from my fans." "Michael. They're phone numbers. Phone numbers!" You rub your forehead in frustration and plop down on the bed. You're feeling all sorts of emotions: anger, confusion, hurt... Michael sits besides you and takes your hand. "You're right," he admits, "that was a pretty stupid thing for me to do." "I know how much you love your fans," you tell him, "and i think it's great they give you guys things to remember each one of them by. But phone numbers, Michael? You have a girlfriend for Christ's sake. What do you need those for?" He nods, "You're right, you're right. I don't need them. I just didn't know what to do with them. I'd feel bad if I were to throw them away." "Well don't throw them away. Give them away instead. Don't you have any single friends?" Michael flashes you a smile, "You're brilliant. I'll just send these home then. Sorry, babe."
  • Ashton: "Where's my boyfriend?" you ask yourself as you search through the herd of fans. 5 Seconds of Summer has really taken off and almost everywhere you and Ashton went, there'd be fans crowding the two of you. You and Ashton were on your way to the movies when a crowd of girls pulled him away from you. The crowd begin to disperse but you still couldn't find Ashton. You walk around some more then find him by the entrance chatting up some girl. A really pretty one of that, actually. "Ashton," you say. He looks over at you and smiles innocently. He hugs the girl goodbye and walks over to you, "Hey." "Hey?" you say exasperated, "I've been looking everywhere for you!" "Oh, yeah... I started talking to Justine. She's a pretty cool fan," he smiles. "I'm sure she is," you respond sarcastically. "What's wrong?" he asks, catching the red light. You shake your head, "Forget it. I'm not even in the mood to watch the movie. I'm going home. What about you?" He looks at you confused then takes out his car keys and you two walk back to the car. The car ride was awfully quiet. You never thought you'd ever get jealous of his fans. But seeing Ashton leave you alone to talk to a fan worried you. What could happen when he goes back on tour? You won't be around anymore to remind him he's off the market. He pulls up to the driveway and shuts off the engine. "Okay, spit it out," he orders. "What's to say?" He looks at you, unamused. "Seriously, Y/N. Cut the crap. What did I do?" "That Julia girl you were talking to." "Justine?" he asks. "Oh my god," you say under your breath. "You even remember her name." "What about her? Y/N, you're acting really weird. It's starting to scare me." "I'm just worried, Ash." "Worried about what?" You shrug, suddenly feeling silly and possessive. "Well I'm going back home in three days. And from the two weeks I've been here with you, I see how close you get with your fans and I just worries me. It sounds silly, I know." He shakes his head, letting some of his loose curls fall, and smiles. "Did I say something funny?" "No," he responds. "It's not silly. I understand. But I don't want you to worry. I love you and there doesn't go a day I don't think about you. Every day I miss you more and more and no one could compare to you. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel neglected or that I like my fans more than my own girlfriend. Me and guys just try and make it a point to bond with them as much as possible, you know? I'd never cheat on you." You smile and lean across to give Ashton a sweet kiss on the lips. "Besides," he says after you pull away, "My Y/N is a hundred times prettier than Julia." "Justine," you correct him. "Whatever," he laughs.
  • Luke: 5 Seconds of Summer is in the US, doing tours and radio shows. They're at an interview and they get into the topic of girlfriends. "Is it difficult?" the interviewers asks Luke, seeing he's the only one with a girlfriend, "Being in a long distance relationship, always away from home?" Luke nods and plays with his lip ring - something he always does when he's nervous. "Do you and Y/N ever get in arguments?" "Yeah," he responds, "Sometimes." Luke's a man of few words. "Like what?" He shrugs, "She goes to Uni so I'm very protective of her." "That's an understatement," Ashton chimes in. "He's super protective of her," Calum adds, "He's literally always phoning her and texting her and asking her questions." Luke smiles at the ground, slightly embarrassed. "What else?" the interviewer urges on. "Fans," Luke admits, "Sometimes Y/N feels intimidated." "Do you two have any rules?" "Yeah... we've each got things we can't do without the other present." "Unfortunately, Y/N's got more restrictions than Luke," Michael snickers, "Over protective bastard."

anonymous asked:

the years when andrew & neil are on seperate teams: one night they have games really close to eachother, andrew drives to neils hotel to pick him up they go get some fast food & drive to an empty parking lot overlooking a beach. they eat in silence & hold hands. then they share some kisses & take a nap holding hands. then andrew drops neil off at his hotel (a goodbye kiss bc why not) & they part with the anticipation of the next game they'll be in proximity of each other in a month :(

Ahh! I am so happy right now!! Thank you!! I love this!! Okay, I’m not ready to move on from this, so I’m going to try that thing where people write bullet points that are like plot points because a) creativity is fun, and b) if I try to write this like actual fic it won’t be done for like a month. And what have I done? This is so incredibly long. I got slightly carried away.

  • Neil arrives in town first. His game is close enough that the team drives, but only barely, and it’s in the opposite direction of Andrew.
  • Also, Andrew’s game is even farther in that opposite direction.
  • So, yeah, Andrew’s going to have to fly, unless he wants to spend the entire day driving to his game.
  • (He would definitely prefer that.)
  • (Actually, he’d prefer to skip the game all together.)
  • Of course, no one except Neil knows that Andrew doesn’t like flying, and no one’s going to find out.
  • The airfare is covered, and Andrew’s coach is like, “Don’t you dare miss this flight, Minyard.”
  • (Andrew has possibly missed flights before.)
  • (Andrew is not going to miss this flight; at least this flight is going to take him to Neil.)

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anonymous asked:

1) Hello! As someone that also likes to write fanfictions, I'm wondering if you could give me some advice? I have many ideas for stories in my head, but I can never seem to find the motivation for it. Honestly, I think it's because I've locked myself into a mentality that no one cares. I see people like you as well as other writers that have a following (well, deserved,I must say. This isn't a jealous anon ask, I promise) and I think that i just don't do it because I fear that it will just be --

Oof this a tough one nonnie.

To be honest I struggled with that mindset too. It’s rough. For most of my life I lived as a writer who didn’t share her work with anyone at all. I wrote things, and I hoarded them close to my heart and never let them see the light of day because I was afraid that nobody would care, or that nobody would like it if I showed it to them.

The thing that got me going—really writing and excited to share—was finding another friend who wrote fanfic. And at first it was just one thing I sent her, and then she sent me something back. And before I knew it I was writing volumes and volumes. She was proofreading and offering tips and giving me suggestions about where I could take a story or how I could better develop a character. I have written a multi-chapter fanfic that is just over 100 pages long, and she is the only person to have ever read it. She is one of the best things that ever happened to me, and we still exchange fics to this day.

She is also largely the reason that I even began to post my fics on tumblr. Because in my mind I thought if she likes them, maybe someone else will. And I cherished every meager comment, like, and reblog on my work because it meant someone approved. Some person, some individual with a life an interests of their own, really enjoyed my writing. And that was more than I ever expected.

And from there I made a very important step. I started to put value in what I thought about my writing instead of what other people thought. Now that I had real proof that multiple people liked my work (even if it was only a couple of them), I could put a little faith in my words. And I started to write for myself instead of for others.

And honestly that was an amazing leap because it freed me up to have fun writing. I could write what I wanted to write without worrying what people would think of it. I didn’t owe anyone anything. I enjoyed writing, I did it ultimately for me, and when I was proud of something I had the confidence to shove it out in to the world and say look at what I made! And gosh whaddayaknow? Some people really liked it! And I slowly accumulated a following (too many people to be honest, I have no idea how there are so many, but I am very glad they all appreciate what I do) until I reached the point I am at now. 

So if you’re not up to reading that massive chuck of text up there I’ll make a brief summary of my advice.

  • Find someone you trust, and who writes. Exchange work with them. Learn from them. Accept feedback and crtiticism from them. Be excited with them.
  • Share the work you’re proud of. If you like something you have written, put it out in to the world. Shamelessly show it to people.
  • And most importantly be persistent. There’s going to be disappointment. I’m going to tell you right now that my absolute favorite thing I have ever written and posted has almost the least amount of notes. Sometimes that grates at me. But to be honest, I go back and reread it and it makes me happy. And that’s enough.

Don’t give up my friend. Writing is wonderful. And I strongly encourage everyone to do it. We all start somewhere, and no matter where you start, how old you are, what skill level you’re at, what you write about, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

And consider this a blanket announcement to all of your writers out there. I am so proud of you for doing what you do. I am proud of you for being so brave and sharing you work. I am proud of however far you have come. Keep writing. Keep getting better. And keep being shamelessly proud of what you have created.

anonymous asked:

Sometimes i wish they would follow with at least one love interest from the books! Cough*Bellarke*Cough. From the very first book there was something there and they even kissed! I mean im not asking for a kiss now but a hand squeeze to reassure each other that what they had to do to save their people is not who they are. Or a hug works too! Or just a deep meaningful convo between them again. They also cant kill him off or the show would totally fail he's like one of the main parts of it!

Oh dear, I know that this show can be frustrating sometimes, especially when it comes to Bellarke. But I’m such a sucker for slow burn, especially for these two, and I really trust the writers. I believe that every little detail that’s been there so far, it’s because it’s meant to be there, because it means something, or because it will mean something one day. They are so careful with the two of them, and I feel like they treat the whole thing as the “grandma’s precious china”, they are afraid they might do something wrong and break the bound, which is definitely not something that any of us would want, and not something that they would want, I’m sure. And I… I want it to be forever. I want the “it’s always been you”, I want the small talks and the big talks and the comfortable and uncomfortable, the good and the bad and the fights and the hugs and reunions and I want them separated so they can realize just how fucked up they are without one another, the “I need to survive this. Clarke needs me.” or “I need to get through this. I promised Bellamy.”, I want it intense, but I don’t want it to be short and to take everything at once. I don’t want them to consume each other and then move on with their lives. *yeah like that could ever happen but you know what I mean*, or to try something when it’s not the right time and to be left with the idea that “it won’t work”. The way they’ve been acting around each other so far, I believe it’s a little more than just friendship, and I know that Bellamy doesn’t look at Clarke the way he looks at Octavia, and maybe this sureness comes from all the gifsets and edits I’ve seen on Tumblr, or maybe because of the way Bob and Eliza act, but I am sure of it. They keep fighting battle after battle, war after war, and just when you think it might be over, something new comes up, and they are constantly separated, constantly on the verge of dying, and it’s definitely not easy, and a relationship between the two of them couldn’t resist the power of war. But the power of war is going to carry their relationship, it’s going to decide where they stand and where they go for as long as war is going to exist. They carry more on their shoulders than Octavia and Lincoln for example, whose story it’s real and beautiful, and they will get their happy ending, because they’ve been in it from the start, they wanted it to happen romantically, and they weren’t afraid of the consequences and it all started when none of them were carrying so much on their shoulders. We already know how much Lincoln’s presence affected Octavia, and he is the main reason of her transformation, and the reason why she finally has a place, but I think Octavia’s arc was also influenced by Bellamy and Clarke and by what the writers have planned for them. I mean, she is clearly becoming this fierce, powerful young lady that finally has her own person, she learns to count on herself and no one else, to be the one to kill and to save at the same time, she is quickly assuming the role of a warrior, and of a second, taking everything that’s given to her, without thinking twice or regretting anything. And even if Lincoln would be gone tomorrow, she will stay strong, she will fight to revenge his death and she would fight to revenge the deaths of all the others and she wouldn’t stop, that’s how strong she became. But she still takes less lives than Clarke did or ever will, and Clarke doesn’t carry a sword with her or a gun constantly and she can’t truly feel like she has the power in her hands all the time but sometimes she does and she feels like everything she touches dies, and her arc isn’t meant for her to actually have time or to concentrate on investing in a better warrior version of herself, she is doing what a leader does, she carries the non-visible sword and the constant pain and regret and mourning, and not actually having this warrior side of her developed makes it harder for her to pick up all the left pieces, but she is still motivated to kill. And she is clearly hurt and broken at a level where she needs someone. And we all know there is only one person in this world, at this moment, that Clarke Griffin needs, and that could actually make her feel better. Bellamy. And since Octavia finally feels safe about her own person, she learns what death is, and she assumes that she can’t stop it and that it might happen one day, it makes it easier for Bellamy to give her more credit and to turn his eyes towards Clarke more. Their are each other’s arcs, and they pull each other out of the dark pit every time, and that’s meant to be forever, romantically or not. But let’s be honest now, at some point this ignorance will turn into more, and the war that keeps the barriers will be the one to bring them together in the end.