i'm not even tired and it scares me

  • Namjoon: Hey Jungkook.
  • Jungkook: What?
  • Namjoon: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
  • Jungkook: What is it?
  • Namjoon: Well, I sent you a text...
  • Jungkook: Mmhm.
  • Namjoon: ...Early in the morning.
  • Jungkook: Yeah.
  • Namjoon: Because I have to go out of town for one weekend this month, and so, I was like, I won't give specific dates, but "Do you have any preference whether I go this weekend, or the next weekend?"
  • Jungkook: Mmhm.
  • Namjoon: Your response...
  • Jungkook: *Starts laughing*
  • Namjoon: At 9:30 in the morning..."Motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg Jesus Christ fuck dude motherfucking Facebook movie bullshit Jesus can you fucking believe this shit"
  • Jungkook: *Laughing louder*
  • Namjoon: ...No punctuation ...Random capitalisation. So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now." Forty-five minutes pass. I get a text from you: "Goddamn created Facebook and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking Winklevoss twins goddamn rowing the boat fuck yo shit I can't even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse Eisenberg man"
  • Jungkook: *Laughing even louder*
  • Namjoon: I respond, "Jungkook, you're scaring me." An hour passes. You respond, "Motherfucking Spider-Man Spider-Man you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking build shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit Jesse Eisenberg ...I'm very tired"
  • Jungkook: *Crying with laughter*
  • Namjoon: I'm just like, "No problem, man. I'll do most of the talking at the interview today." Immediate response, I'm talkin' like five seconds later: "No man I'll just talk about the Facebook movie all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over Spider-Man crazy Winklevoss twins rowing Trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Facebook I don't like dying I cant think of who the fuck invented Facebook all I can think is the guy who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook" And then, in all capital letters, two hours later, "MARK ZUCKERBERG"
  • Jungkook: *Hysterical laughter*
"I'm scared to discuss allowance"

Let me start of by saying, what in the actual fuck. The whole point of being a SB, was to get $$$$ honey. I’m so tired of my fellow new SB saying this, so let me break this down for you.

Baby your sugar daddy ain’t gone be scared to ask for nudes, videos, extra pics (even though you already have 5 on your profile), and sex.

Your landlord and bill collectors won’t be scared to ask for their due.

Your school won’t be scared to ask for that board, tuition, meal plan. Your teachers won’t be scared to make you get the most expensive books.

Your 9-5 won’t be scared to cut your hours or let you go.

Your car won’t be scared to break down. Your plumbing won’t be scared to go to shit.

Your hair and nails will not give a fuck about you trying to stretch your last. Your stomach will not be afraid to growl. Your hygiene products, groceries, medicine, and other essential will need to be bought.

So you better get your damn nerves together or go clock in at another 9-5. Shit you might fuck around and let them short your check.

  • Akira: Hey Ryuji
  • Ryuji: What?
  • Akira: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
  • Ryuji: What is it, Akira?
  • Akira: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning.
  • Ryuji: Yeah
  • Akira: Because I have to go out of town for one weekend this month, and so I was like, I won't give specific dates, but I was like "do you have any preference whether I go this weekend, or the next weekend?"
  • Ryuji: Mmm-hmm
  • Akira: Your response...
  • Ryuji: *starts laughing*
  • Akira: At 9:30 in the morning...
  • Ryuji: *continues laughing*
  • Akira: "Motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg Jesus Christ fuck dude motherfucking Facebook movie bullshit Jesus can you fucking believe this shit"
  • Ryuji: *continues laughing even louder*
  • Akira: No-no-no punctuation. Random capitalization.
  • Akira: So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."
  • Akira: Forty-five minutes pass. I get a text from you: "Goddamn creator of Facebook right fucking lawyers and shit right fucking Winklevoss twins goddamn rowing the boat fucking shit i cant even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse Eisenberg man"
  • Ryuji: *continues laughing*
  • Akira: I respond, "Ryuji, you're scaring me." An hour passes. You respond, "Motherfucking Spider-Man Spider-Man you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking build shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit Jesse Eisenberg. I'm very tired"
  • Ryuji: *laughs*
  • Akira: I'm just like, "No problem, man. I'll do most of the talking at the hideout today." Immediate, like, response, I'm talkin' like five seconds later: "No man I'll just talk about the Facebook movie all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over Spider-Man crazy Winklevoss twins rowing Trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Facebook I don't like die I cant think of who the fuck invented Facebook all I can think is the guy who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook" And then, in all capital letters, two hours later, "MARK ZUCKERBERG"
  • Ryuji: *hysterical laughing*

Another thing we need to talk about is Frank’s tone of voice when he says “Just this once? Wh…No, No, Red, That’s…That’s not how it works. It’s…You cross over to my side of the line, you don’t get to come back from that. Not ever.” Because damn.

keepmyserenity  asked:

1. Either 2. Molly, what do you do about men? They're so like.... you know. You know how they are. They're horrible and precious and stupid, and I'm stupid, and we're all stupid. And it's all so human, and I'm so bad at humaning, and I don't know how to do things. It's just scary and everything goes wrong, but it goes wrong because I get scared that it'll go wrong and I sabotage everything, and its just like what even is anything. I don't know.

i think the question that has plagued people who are attracted to men since the dawn of time is, “what do you do about men?” so far nobody has a great answer, other than, “yell at them.” and that’s very tiring. i rarely have the energy to yell at men unless they’re my dad or my congressman.

luckily for me, it doesn’t sound like your question is What Do We Do About Men, but actually What Do We Do About The Fear Of Being Vulnerable With People We Love Or Might Love? and unfortunately we can’t necessarily blame men for that fear, as much as i love blaming men for things.

it doesn’t make you bad at humaning to be scared of getting hurt. in fact, i think that’s just about the most human thing there is. sometimes it feels like we’re all walking around with these tiny breakable glass hearts in our hands, and it’s very natural to want to put that heart in a box and that box in a bigger box and that bigger box in a hole in the ground where it won’t be disturbed. it’s very scary and very brave to trust that beautiful little spun glass sculpture to somebody’s else’s care and ask them not to crush it. we’re a very crushable species.

here is what i think: hearts break. it’s about the only thing they can be counted on to do. but they heal, too. there isn’t any way to make it through life without carrying hurt around in your heart. even if you were to never open yourself up to ~romance, you are going to get scarred in other ways: friendships that end, loved ones who die, opportunities that go to waste, distant tragedies and tragedies that are right up close. and through all of that heartbreak, you’re going to keep moving forward, and keep finding things to laugh about, and keep being human. that isn’t a choice. it’s just the way being alive works.

so. be brave. you don’t have to be brave every time. wait until you find someone that is worth being brave for. it isn’t something that will happen just one time. you’ll have to be brave again and again, and you might not even get rewarded for it. it might not last. that doesn’t mean that you or they or the relationship failed, just that it ran its course.

you’ll survive it. you are stronger than you think. so when you find someone that makes you want to take the first step, trust yourself enough to take it, even if you don’t know what the second step will look like, or the third, or the fourth. being scared isn’t bad and doesn’t make you bad. it just means you’re human, and you’re doing just fine. <3

why antis gotta have no chill? why? why y’all gotta ruin a good thing??? i know the other day at work i saw a little boy getting himself a voltron toy and goodness was it so refreshing cause this was like maybe a 6 year old child that enjoyed voltron and was innocent of the nastyness that is the older (teen and up) side of the fandom. like… it was so nice to see someone innocently loving voltron. a show that was made with children in mind. like dudes, why is it so hard to just enjoy something like that little kid? y’all ain’t gotta be nasty about it. i’m mainly looking at antis here, but shaladins gotta follow what they preach too. this fandom is a war zone and it’s become toxic. y’all anti’s preach about keeping people safe, but what are y’all gonna do when an excited child (no particular age, just able to use a computer) that is looking up more stuff about voltron and is ignorant of the horror that the fandom is, stumbles upon one of your accounts and sees y’all just being nasty, ruthless, and vicious towards anyone opposed to you. they won’t think you’re protecting them at all, it’ll scare them off most likely. One day (hopefully) y’all gonna regret all the shit you’re doing. i just don’t feel it’ll be soon enough. a good thing is being ruined.

  • Papyrus: Sans, can I share something with you from earlier today?
  • Sans: What is it, Pap?
  • Papyrus: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning. Because I have to go out of town for one weekend.
  • Sans: Yeah.
  • Papyrus: So I said "do you have any preference whether I go this weekend or next?"
  • Sans: Yeah?
  • Papyrus: Your response.
  • Papyrus: At 9:30 in the morning.
  • Papyrus: "motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg JESUS Christ fuck dude mother fucking Facebook movie bullshit JESUS can you fucking believe this shit".
  • Papyrus: No punctuation.
  • Papyrus: Random capitalization.
  • Sans: *laughing hysterically*
  • Papyrus: So I respond "I have no idea what we're talking about right now".
  • Papyrus: 45 minutes pass, I get a text from you.
  • Papyrus: "God damn created Facebook then fucking lawyers and shit right fucking winkle boss twins God damn rowing the boat God damn this shit I can’t even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse Eisenberg man"
  • Sans: *now crying from laughing so hard*
  • Papyrus: I respond "Sans, you're scaring me". An hour passes.
  • Papyrus: You respond " motherfucking Spider-Man Spider-Man you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking build shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit Jesse Eisenberg"
  • Papyrus: "i'm very tired"
  • Papyrus: I just said "No problem, I'll tell your dumb jokes for you today".
  • Papyrus: IMMEDIATE response, like five seconds later, "no man I’ll just talk about the facebook movie all day shit man you must be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude I just watched the year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man man he fucked over Spider-Man and crazy winkleboss twins rowing"
  • Papyrus: "Trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented facebook I don’t like dying I can’t think of who the fuck invented Facebook all I can think is the guy who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook"
  • Sans: *rolling on the floor dying of laughter*
  • Papyrus: And then, in all capital letters, two hours later,
  • Papyrus: "MARK ZUCKERBERG"
  • H.G.: Hey Ernest.
  • Ernest: What?
  • H.G.: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
  • Ernest: What is it, H.G.?
  • H.G.: Well, I sent you a telegram...
  • Ernest: Mmhm.
  • H.G.: ...early in the morning.
  • Ernest: Yeah.
  • H.G.: Because I have to go out of town for one weekend this month, and so, I was like, I won't give specific dates, but "do you have any preference whether I go this weekend, or the next weekend?"
  • Ernest: Mmhm.
  • H.G.: Your response...
  • Ernest: *starts laughing*
  • H.G.: At 9:30 in the morning...
  • Ernest: *continues laughing*
  • H.G.: ..."Motherfucking John Cusack Jesus Christ fuck dude motherfucking The Raven bullshit Jesus can you fucking believe this shit"
  • Ernest: *continues laughing even louder*
  • H.G.: No—no...no punctuation... Random capitalization. So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."
  • H.G.: Forty-five minutes pass. I get a telegram from you: "Goddamn created The Raven and critics and shit right fucking Rufus Griswold goddamn rowing the boat fuck yo shit I can't even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just read this shit fuck John Cusack man"
  • H.G.: I respond, "Ernest, you're scaring me." An hour passes. You respond, "Motherfucking Spider-Man Spider-Man you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking build shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit John Cusack
  • I'm very tired"
  • Ernest: *dying on the floor by this point*
  • H.G.: I'm just like, "No problem, Ernest. I'll try to do most of the talking at the writers' conference today." Immediate, like, response, I'm talkin' like five seconds later: "No man I'll just talk about the Raven poem all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about The Raven fuck dude I just read it a year and a half ago fuck John Cusack man he fucked over Spider-Man crazy Rufus Griswold rowing Trent resin or did the review fuck this guy who wrote The Raven I don't like dying I cant think of who the fuck wrote The Raven all I can think is the guy who played the guy who wrote The Raven who the fuck wrote The Raven?!" And then, in all capital letters, two hours later,
  • "EDGAR ALLAN POE"

perfectlyrose  asked:

7 + a ship of your choice :)

7:  if I could do this all over again, I would

(kelsey, you have no idea – i’ve been trying to finish this draft for what seems like a million years and your prompt finally pushed me to do it! i hope you enjoy it <3)

running scared | AO3

(Just running scared each place we go
So afraid that he might show) 

“God, I’m tired,” she mutters and laughs—breezily—rubbing her eyes. “I don’t even know what’s my name anymore. Did we really have to chase that Flox up to here?”

He grins helplessly and shrugs his shoulders, as though to ask, ‘what can I say?’

She chuckles again. “Yeah, forget I asked that.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Please I need some comforting what a beautiful finale but those Adam and Eddy interviews are making me really scared as a CS fan for S7. About how we should enjoy their happiness "right now" aka before it goes to shit or they destroy it by killing Emma off or divorcing CS and Killian move on. IDK maybe I'm overreacting, did you read those interviews. What are your thoughts? JMO doesn't even know what episode she's going back for or what will happen in it, that scares me. Cause she's contracted.

I was really tired last night by the time I finished my review so I may have missed some of the interviews (I read TV Line, EW and THR), but I am more than happy to share my thoughts and theories on where we’re at.

Obviously Henry’s been cursed. That’s why he doesn’t remember his daughter. Or, likely, the rest of his family. Which means it’s likely everyone else has been cursed too, and/or scattered to other realms. And it will be up to Lucy to convince her dad of the truth, re-introduce him to everyone, and eventually break the curse (likely when Lucy is in some sort of peril).

I think Killian, Regina, and Rumple are going to be minor characters. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re not in all the episodes, or if they’re not even in the same episodes. A&E said Storybrooke wasn’t going to be their home base. So to me, that’s says, “here’s how we’re going to get away with not having everyone in every scene without killing all the happy endings.”

Remember in season 2 how Henry wanted to go live in the Enchanted Forest? I’m guessing that’s where he went when he decided to leave home. And he fell in love there, had a family, and then pissed off some witch (or his wife did), and bam, new curse.

(But prior to that curse, his entire family swooped in to help and now they’re stuck in a cursed state, too).

I love this show because it’s fun and because the actors have brought the characters to life in such an amazing way. But writing is not the show’s strong point. The writers repeat themselves all the time. I have no doubt Henry’s love story will fall into the Snowing/CS pattern. And I’m looking forward to it, especially if they hit another chemistry homerun with whoever they hire to play opposite Andrew West.

But because A&E love to repeat themselves is exactly why I’m not worried about CS. Or Rumbelle. Or Snowing. Or Regina/Zelena’s sister bond. A curse might separate them, but Henry and Lucy will bring everyone back together again. 

the new Thing that i keep seeing pop up with my liberal feminist friends is that disliking the word queer is TERF propaganda. it’s really grating on me to see this idea accepted and spread by people i trusted and care about and there’s always been a wedge driven between me and my non radfem friends, but this feels like a new line has been crossed. they’re making it clear that not only are the feelings and experiences of gay and lesbian people unimportant but they’re somehow actively hateful and wrong. they keep getting more and more aggressive with their outright homophobia and misogyny and it’s wearing on me so heavily. my only hope as it drives me away is maybe it’ll drive others away and inspire others to dig deeper and discover the same wisdom, protection, and comradery radical feminists have provided me

i wish to pause my existence
i do not wish for death
i wish for an escape
before i drown in the sea of deception
before the darkness consumes me whole
and i am no longer my own person

i do not wish for the last breath
i wish for a pause
while i mend and heal
while i become whole
but time waits for no man
and i am not an exception

i have to be brave
i have to be strong
no matter how hard
or how they thought i was wrong

it won’t be easy
but i’ll have to try
because my only salvation
lies in me, myself and I.

thinking abt it though like they really fucked me up for good. I was trying to kill myself before I was ten, before I even really knew what it was. and I was harming myself ever since I was little like I would take my moms razor and cut with it when I was like 5/6. I’m scared that these feelings will never go away. that I’ll never change. tbh idek if I ever saw a future for me. this has been my entire life. people have always taken advantage of me and now I basically crave it. I never got to be whole. they all stole it from me.

Please don’t send vitrolic anons. Please don’t send them to anyone honestly. No one deserves the way the internet turns sour.

  • Roadhog: Hey Junkrat.
  • Junkrat: What?
  • Roadhog: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
  • Junkrat: What is it, Roadie?
  • Roadhog: Well, I sent you a text...
  • Junkrat: Mmhm.
  • Roadhog: ...early in the morning.
  • Junkrat: Yeah.
  • Roadhog: Because I have to go to a different watchpoint for one weekend this month, and so, I was like, I won't give specific dates, but "do you have any preference whether I go this weekend, or the next weekend?"
  • Junkrat: Mmhm.
  • Roadhog: Your response...
  • Junkrat: *starts laughing*
  • Roadhog: At 9:30 in the morning...
  • Junkrat: *continues laughing*
  • Roadhog: ..."Motherfucking Soldier 76 Jesus Christ fuck dude motherfucking Overwatch movie bullshit Jesus can you fucking believe this shit"
  • Junkrat: *continues laughing even louder*
  • Roadhog: No—no...no punctuation.
  • Junkrat: *still laughing* You just made me die- Oh.
  • Roadhog: ...Random capitalization. So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now." Forty-five minutes pass. I get a text from you: "Goddamn created Overwatch and fucking omnics and shit right fucking Shimada brothers goddamn rowing the boat fuck yo shit I can't even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Soldier 76 man"
  • Junkrat: *continues laughing*
  • Roadhog: I respond, "Junkrat, you're scaring me." An hour passes. You respond, "Motherfucking Widowmaker Widomaker you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking build shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit Soldier 76 I'm very tired"
  • Junkrat: *laughs*
  • Roadhog: I'm just like, "No problem, man. I'll do most of the talking at the Junker session today." Immediate, like, response, I'm talkin' like five seconds later: "No man I'll just talk about the Overwatch movie all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Overwatch movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Soldier 76 man he fucked over Widowmaker crazy Shimada brothers rowing Lucio deuce Santas did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Overwatch I don't like dying I cant think of who the fuck founded Overwatch all I can think is the guy who betrayed the guy who founded Overwatch who the fuck founded Overwatch" And then, in all capital letters, two hours later, "JACK MORRISON"
I made this

Basically, the thought that Emilie is going to leave, thus meaning  that Rumbelle is about to end (probably unhappily) forever, made me so angry that I wanted to rebel somehow.

My intention was to accept a fluffy prompt for every thing I’ll be able to tick off of this list after the finale (I probably forgot something anyway); unfortunately, my brain is not cooperating with me these days, so I really can’t take any prompts, but on Monday evening I’ll try to sprint a number of words (I still have to decide how many) for every thing I can tick off. 

Thank You

Note: This isn’t an imagine, nor a fic. This is my open mic. I’m talking about a dream and why I’m still believing in it. 

My dream has always been to be an actress. I began to take an interest in cinema that I studied for a few years and I even joined the theater troupe of my school. I wasn’t the best but I did something I loved and filled my void with joy.

I often listened to series and movies and analyzed everything. I had a passion for cinema but above all for the staging and interpretation of the actors that I watched carefully. I even came to guess the end of the films before they arrived. And nobody wanted to listen to a movie with me anymore.

Then I discovered a TV show. I already had many that I liked very much, but this is the show that made me realize that this is what I wanted to do. I was interested in a particular character and I didn’t need to analyze him. Because the talents and the interpretation of the actor were simply beautiful, I didn’t need it, everything was clear. I couldn’t detach my eyes from the character. I didn’t see the actor reading the lines and doing the actions, I saw the character in flesh and blood come to life. Every sentence he said came out of his mouth and not from the text he had learned.

I finished this show in a month and immediately after I talked about it to my mother. I insisted that we watch the show together from the beginning. First in streaming, I ended up buying the DVDs.

And so I listened to the show for the second time. Not long ago, my mother and I finished it and I just convince my friends to watch it with me again.

But in the meantime, I didn’t stop. I inquired about the actor who inspired me so much, to be able to see his other roles. And everything I watched gave me more of that spark of passion.

Two days ago I listened to one of his movies. A simple movie. He didn’t even have a lead role, but I only saw him. Don’t worry, it’s not only because he’s beautiful and because I am immensely admiring him that I saw only him. By automatism I began to analyze the film, including him. And I didn’t need to ask myself about his character because once again I saw him immediately. He was there, simple, funny but so true that I forgot I was watching a movie.

The movie, I saw it the first time two days ago. Yesterday I convinced my family to go and rent it at the video club to watch it. The moral of this simple movie is very powerful, it’s besides its morality that makes me write this. The movie showed me that if you believe in your dreams, you don’t have to be a genius or an ass to achieve it. You have to believe it. To fight for it. Accept change and not be afraid of what happened after. To be persuaded that you can do it.

I would like to be persuaded of my dream, but it is more complicated than it seems. You see, I’m a native of Quebec, in Canada. Here the job of actor isn’t a job with one you can live. The film industry doesn’t pay enough for living. My real dream is to go to Vancouver, where my favorite TV shows are shot and fight for a role. But again, it’s not easy. My first language is French and I’m not perfect in English, I have a strong accent. And then my experience is limited to two years in a small CEGEP theater troupe. Plus I don’t have the most beautiful body in the area, I have extra weight and all the rest.

I’m human. I have imperfections. Scars. Tattoos.

But I have a dream and I want to believe in it.

So every time I feel sad and demoralized, that I know that I could never live my dream, I look at this human being who succeeds in getting me back on my feet. This human being who only plays in movies and series? No. This human being who’s an inspiration. His work, his talent, all of him is an inspiration, a strength. I remain hanging on to my dream in the hope that one day it will become real. That I succeed, as he succeeded before me. Everything started for him through his YouTube channel, he started from the bottom and climbed the ladder one by one. I also have a YouTube channel, not to copy him or to imagine that the same thing will happen to me, no. Because I know I have to start somewhere and that YouTube is a good way to reach people all over the world.

And if one day my dream comes true, it may be because of my efforts or a stroke of luck. But it will be because of him. Him who brought me so much. Laughter, comfort, a little crush here and there. But to see him now where he is, to see everything he has accomplished, succeeds in showing me that despite all the obstacles that stand in front of me, there’s still hope.

He’s my hope. My reason for believing.

If my dream is realized one day I will have to thank him. Because it will be because of the hope and the strength that he brought me without even knowing it.

Thanks for everything, Dylan O'Brien.

  • 9: 30 a.m.
  • Vimes: Motherfucking Victor Tugelbend Jesus Christ fuck dude motherfuckin newspaper moving picture bullshit Jesus can you fucking believe this shit
  • Angua: I have no idea what we're talking about right now.
  • 10: 15 a.m.
  • Vimes: God damn created newspapers then fucking lawyers and shit right fucking Engraver's Guild god damn rowing the boat fuck yo shit I can't even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Victor Tugelbend man
  • Angua: Mister Vimes, you're scaring me.
  • 11: 15 a.m.
  • Vimes: Motherfucking Spider-man Spider-man you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking built shit with this bare hands fucking father shit Victor Tugelbend I'm very tired
  • Angua: No problem, sir. I'll just do most of the talking at the Watch Committee meeting today.
  • Immediate response. I'm talkin' like 5 seconds later.
  • Vimes: No man I'll just talk about the newspaper moving picture all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the newspaper moving picture fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Victor Tugelbend man he fucked over Spider-man crazy Engraver's Guild rowing Trent Resin Or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented the newspaper I don't like dying I can't think of who the fuck invented the newspaper All I can think is who played the guy who invented the newspaper who the fuck invented the newspaper
  • 1: 15 p.m.
  • Vimes: WILLIAM DE WORDE.

i used to have so much love to give. whenever i thought of having a gf i always day dreamt about being the one to ask them out and plan surprises and do the big romantic gestures. now i’m so tired and scared of being disappointed and hurt again that i cant even fucking open up or try to flirt with people and compliment them. i just want someone who shows interest and sends me stuff saying “this reminded me of you” and cute messages while i’m asleep and actually tries to fucking make me happy.

  • Candela: Hey, Spark.
  • Spark: What?
  • Candela: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
  • Spark: What is it, Can?
  • Candela: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning.
  • Spark: Yeah...
  • Candela: Because I have to, uh, go out of town for one weekend.
  • Spark: Yeah.
  • Candela: This month.
  • [Spark giggles]
  • Candela: And so I was, like, I won't give specific dates, but I was like, "Do you have a preference if I go this weekend or the next weekend?"
  • Spark: Mm-hm.
  • Candela: Your response. [Both laugh] At 9:30 in the morning... "Mother fuckin' Jesse Eisenberg Jesus chRIST FUCK DUDE MOTHER Fuckin' Facebook movie bulLSHIT JESUS CAN YOU FUCKIN' BELIEVE THIS SHIT".
  • [Spark laughs]
  • Candela: No punctuation. Random capitalization. So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."
  • [Spark laughs]
  • Candela: Forty-five minutes pass. I get a text from you. "GOD DAMN CREATED FACEBOOK AND FUCKING LAWYERS AND SHIT RIGHT FUCKIN' WINKLEVOSS TWINS GOD DAMN ROWING THE BOAT FUCK YO SHIT I CAN'T EVEN FUCKIN BELIEVE THIS SHIT HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT FUCK I JUST WATCHED THIS SHIT FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN".
  • [Spark is dying with laughter]
  • Candela: I say, "Spark, You're scaring me."
  • Candela: An hour passes. You respond, "MOTHER FUCKIN SPIDER-MAN YOU PUT IN THE TIME FUCK PUT IN THE TIME MOTHER FUCKIN BUILT SHIT WITH HIS BARE HANDS FUCKIN BEST FRIEND SHIT JESSE EISENBERG I'm very tired".
  • Candela: I'm just like, "No problem, man. I'll... I'll do most of the training at the tag-team gym battle today."
  • Candela: IMMEDIATE RESPONSE. I'M TALKING, LIKE FIVE SECONDS LATER. "NO MAN I'LL JUST TALK ABOUT THE FACEBOOK MOVIE ALL DAY SHIT MAN YOU HAVE TO BE SO INTERESTED IN THE SHIT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE FUCKING FACEBOOK MOVIE FUCK DUDE I JUST WATCHED IT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN HE FUCKED OVER SPIDER-MAN CRAZY WINKLEVOSS TWINS ROWING TRENT RESIN OAR DID THE SOUNDTRACK FUCK THIS GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK I DON'T LIKE DIE I CAN'T THINK OF WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK ALL I CAN THINK IS THE GUY WHO PLAYED THE GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK".
  • [Spark is physically wheezing from laughing]
  • Candela: And then in all capital letters. Two hours later.
  • Candela: "MARK ZUCKERBERG".