i'm not concieted

Beauty is a curse.

For all of you out there who may perhaps be slightly unfortunate looking…

consider yourselves lucky.

I am known around as “the beauty.” Girls tell me I’m “perfect” and that they are “ridiculously jealous.” They say they wish they looked like me.

I get complimented often on my long, thick hair, bright hazel eyes, and hourglass figure. People say that I am “perfect enough” to go into modeling.

Everywhere I go, I get started at. I was actually once in my room, with the blinds drawn open when I looked out, and happened to see three teenage boys who live in my neighborhood just standing and staring. I thought this was the creepiest thing.

People would automatically assume that, because you are regarded as this “great beauty” that your life would be perfect. The thing about beauty, is that it’s often assumed that with good looks, life is easier.

Haha, funny how that is. It’s the exact opposite.

Ever since seventh grade, it feels as though I’ve been constantly living life under a microscope. Girls do not trust me, and gossip about me. They tear me down because they think they can make themselves feel better. I am often criticized harshly by others.

Guys that I like don’t approach me because they assume I’m not single, or are intimidated. While it’s flattering, it’s also a downer, particularly if you have feelings for someone who won’t ask you out because he feels as though he doesn’t have a chance. I tend to be attracted to the shyer, quiet guy.

Oh, and speaking of guys? I act friendly, and every girl automatically assumes that I’m about to steal their boyfriend. They get insecure, nervous and panicky, and then start the whole gossip/rumour mill. Thus making me feel as though I do not have a single friend in high school.

I hang around with guys, which sparks rumours that I must be a slut. They tell me I’m overly flirtatious, when all I really mean to be is nice. My guy friends develop crushes on me that I cannot reciprocate, and then I am blamed by others for not having feelings for that certain person.

Creepy boys will hit on me and do certain things that make me feel uncomfortable. Face it. Do you REALLY want an irritating, 17 year old stalker on your case, begging you to take nude photos?

You can’t be confident, or your stuck up.

You can’t flirt, or else you are a whore.

You can’t make yourself look too nice, or else your regarded as “vain.”

If beautiful girl may say something slightly ditzy, she is patronized for it more then the “less attractive” girl.

People avoid being your friend out of jealously, or because they believe that you are stuck up.

Everyone assumes that beautiful girls aren’t insecure, when the reality is that actually, many of them are MORE insecure about themselves then the average-looking girl!

Sometimes, I feel as though nobody really cares or knows me for anything else then my looks. I feel so much pressure to maintain the way I look, it’s the worst! I work out 6 days a week, approx. I have to constantly keep my hair healthy, and my hair is super hard to maintain!

I went through an eating disorder for almost 3 years, because other peoples expectations constantly left me feeling chained.

So the next time you think bad thoughts about a beautiful girl, think again. Our lives aren’t very fun either.

I hope I didn’t come off as conceited.