i'm not actually a serial killer

Comments from Skam’s official website under some of the clips in season 3.

okay i found this kinda funny. since we’re in the beginning of a new season and we speculate on what’s gonna happen next, i went back to read the comments on some of the early clips on season 3 and thought i’d translate some. (if you don’t bother to read the long comments i’ve bolded the best part.) btw my absolute fav is X’s comment on the Ikke vær frekk clip omfggg


CLIP 3 EPISODE 1: Går ned på chicks:


hvor er først? (where is first?) wrote:
Sana and Eva seems hostile? Wonder what Isak used his rent on. Why doesn’t Jonas try to get an entry pass to try and look, (for the weed at eva’s) since Isak is met with an icefront. The season opens with so many questions that i’m going insane. Anyone else got the impression that Eskild was keen on Isak, but Isak wasn’t on Eskild?

Mari wrote:
handsome guy Isak spotted!!!

Ole Brum wrote:
I think Isak is actually not gay

gjesp wrote:
hope it doesn’t get this boring the whole season

Selima wrote:
OMG ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BET THAT ISAK’S BOYFRIEND IS GONNA BE NAMED JULIAN DAHL!!!!!!!!!!

Noen (somebody) wrote:
Isak looked at a boy. HE’S IN LOVE OMG.

randomhoe wrote:
bruh, Isak is booooooring, this whole season is gonna be boring, think about it. William quit and now “ISAK” that little cute guy has the main role?

CLIP 4 EPISODE 1: Kose-gruppa:

Evak 4 life wrote:
I bet that Isak and Even are gonna get together, I ship them, Evak (heartemoji). But I swear if Even is using Isak to get to Vilde then I swear I’ll be really mad. They are so cute together.

Mari wrote:
what was the deal with the paper towels Even took?

Kjedelig bruuuh? (boring bruuuh?) wrote:
I honestly think season 3 has been boring, I miss Noora and William.

CLIP 5 EPISODE 2: Grindr:

Hei wrote:
Now I think some of these comments are being too negative. This season is probably gonna be just as good or even better than season 1 and 2.

Zwup wrote:
Isak is bi and unsure, he’s curious about boys.

Anna wrote:
am I the only one who deep inside hopes Isak and Emma are gonna end up together?

Cath wrote:
I think it’s building up to that Isak is gonna believe/think/hope Even is gay, with support from Eskild’s comment on blowjob. And then Isak dare to either fall in love or hit on Even. Then he’ll be rejected and hurt and it’ll be stress and drama, cause Even isn’t gay. The moral to Andem must be to show that no hints can show who a person truly are, and through Isak we’ll learn this. I think Even and Emma are gonna fall for each other, and Isak will get a real downfall before he falls for another boy.

slitsomt wrote:
(some stuff about how boring it was that people loved Noora and William the instant they talked, and doesn’t like that people did the same with Isak and Even and) I rather hope that Isak “thinks” he likes Even and that Eskild supports Isak both against his christian parents and so on, and in the end they’ll fall in love because Eskild was always there for Isak. If Even and Isak ends up together it’ll be to obvious.

Snopet wrote:
I think Eskild and Isak will end up a couple. In the end Noora probably comes home from London and it’s over between her and William.

vet ikke (don’t know) wrote:
is Isak gay? or does he like girls?

Nila wrote:
the show sets up to that Isak is gonna come out of the closet, but I guess Julie Andem is gonna fool us all in the end. He’s not gay after all.

CLIP 6 EPISODE 2: Even:

lille my wrote:
I think they are charging up to season 4 already, sana <3<3

H wrote:
already better than season 2, feels good to finally have the real Skam back on after the Sahara of dry excitement last season.

UREALISTISK (unrealistic) wrote:
who the FUCK is dumb enough to take it (the weed) with them to school? not sana at least. Skam seriously?

Even er ikke intr (Even is not interested) wrote:
I think Even seems slick…. I’m sure he’s just gonna get Isak in trouble… and IT’S NOT gonna be Isak and Even.. Even seems obviously interested in girls,,, the way he looks at them and dig. It looks like he’s more interested in Vilde, nobody has noticed or commented on this? (and that thing about that somebody is gonna die.. Skam is going to a new level.. GOOD episode!)

Isak, Emma, Even :) wrote:
anyone else who thinks Isak should go down on chicks? maybe Emma?

CLIP 7 EPISODE 2: Ikke vær frekk:

X wrote:
This is starting to look more and more like Twilight. The stare between Isak and Even. Even’s hairstyle. The music that is being used. And even tho Even’s stare lasted to long I have to say that the director is getting some “inspiration” from the Twilight-movies. It’s like they met at the writers table and said “what if Twilight was about two boys instead of a boy and a girl?”. because Even is almost pale enough to play a metrosexual vampire.

lol wrote:
I thought season 3 was gonna be shit actually. but it’s alot better than before tbh XD

M wrote:
if Skam keeps this up Baz Luhrmann is gonna be able to sue NRK for copyright infringement. Fair enough with some Romeo and Juliet references but yeez, calm down.

  • Inspector Megure: *arrive at a crime scene, see a dead body and start looking around* So where is he?
  • Random police officer: Where is who?
  • Inspector Megure: Edogawa Conan. If there is a dead body, he is bound to be around here somewhere.
  • Random police officer: Is this Conan person a potential suspect?
  • Inspector Megure: No. He is a 6 year old kid.
  • Random police officer: Why would a 6 year old kid be at a crime scene?
  • Inspector Megure: You'd be surprised. I'm working under the theory he is either an actual angel of death in human form sent to punish me for some pass transgression. Or the most prolific serial killer Japan has ever seen.
  • Random police officer: Inspector?
  • Megure: *sigh* Nevermind. What do you have?
  • Suddenly from just off scene: Arere?

Imagine that Jungkook is a serial killer that was caught and thrown in prison. While he is there he get a fan letters and stuff but he only gets one visitor. That visitor is Jimin who is actually the type that Jungkook went for to strangle and gut. Jimin confesses his love every time he sees Jungkook and Jungkook kicks his lips as he eyes Jimin.

“I would love to touch you Angel.” Jungkook says and Jimin smiles.

“I wish you could touch me.”

Just so everyone is perfectly clear:

  • serial killer = killed two or more people, all at separate events/times
  • mass murderer = killed a large number of people (usually 4+) in one event
  • spree killer = killed two or more people in a short time at multiple locations

Because not everybody knows the actual definitions of these terms, and at times I see people misusing them, and I just want the proper information to be known.

anonymous asked:

INTJ here. This may just be a me thing, but if an INTJ talks to you about something dark and morbid it's a sure sign they're comfortable with you. Like, for example, if I talk to you about serial killers and the best ways to get away with murder I trust you enough to not think I'm insane. Just wanted to add my two cents.

YES. YES.
Great tip right here, it’s actually 100% true

anonymous asked:

If you have seen the new Friday the 13th all of the Jason kills could you do something with the vagabond since he's the most serial killerey. *finger guns*

Hey now, Ryan will have you know that mercenaries and serial killers are two distinctive entities thank you very much. That said, i just watched the video and good grief yes. Ryan’s got the right frame for it too, the strength to swing those axes, spikes and machete’s with deadly force, so when he goes through a bladed weapon fad Los Santos is left in shambles.

They’re all killers but Ryan certainly has more capacity for playing with his food than any of the others, a streak of wretched creativity the world could live without. It’s clearest to see in his utter apathy concerning bodies, the sick amusement that shines through in moment’s like the one time Ryan snapped someone’s neck all the way around, laughing as he called to anyone who could hear Look guys, I owl’d her!

Another stand out moment comes along when Ryan decides to use the shattered metal pole he found lying around a warehouse to speed up an interrogation he’d grown bored of. Driving the pole into the ground like a pike, pressing his captive’s face right against the sharpened tip, threatening to impale his head like a shish kebab if he didn’t talk. Unsurprisingly it proved to be one of Ryan’s more effective tactics.

While he gets away with the liberal use of axes and machetes, horrifically messy but thankfully a short lived amusement, the month of Jesus Christ what is Ryan playing with now comes to a screeching halt when he somehow gets his hands on an utter beast of a trident. Huge and heavy with razor sharp tines it wouldn’t be out of place in hell and Ryan, twirling it all around the penthouse with reckless abandon and an utterly giddy laugh, clearly couldn’t be happier. Then he takes it on a job, runs someone through and lifts the body like a trophy, and the rest of the Fake’s just pack it in, 100% fucking done and entirely unwilling to witness whatever grisly mess he’s determined to make. They leave, Ryan indignantly stays, and in all the years of FAHC shenanigans the LSPD have never faced a more horrific clean up. The trident never makes another public appearance, lost or confiscated or relegated to Ryan’s torture kit, but the stories from that day live on infamy.

So this past week I watched Hannibal for the first time. And, granted, I came in partway into the 2nd season bcuz my best friend was watching it and I just kinda sat around while she continued it. But of course, I quickly got invested lol

The main thing I took away? Murder husbands. I know understand why they were shipped by the fandom. The show full on encourages it. It’s brilliant.

I have never seen a “proud boyfriend” look as strong as the one Hannibal had when Will bit off someone’s cheek, with his hands tied behind his back.

Fuckin pleasure to watch, Mads is so fucking amazing, fascinating, a bit ridiculous, and generally captivating. Good show.

Actual things I thought while reading Killing Stalking
  • Me: Mmm, that stalker is bad news, lmao I don't know man he's kind of creepy. Need to watch out for that guy, hahaha.
  • Me: Sangwoo is a precious cinnamon roll awww
  • Me: Holy shit, I was wrong.
  • Me: Fuck I was wrong.
  • Me: Burn that fucker with fire RIGHT NOW.
  • Me: You know people normally just have skeletons in their closet but you sir, you don't half ass it do you? Nope, you just HAD to one up everybody and have a FUCKING NAKED HOSTAGE IN THE BASEMENT.
  • Me: I can't fucking read this anymore
  • Me: *still fucking reads*
  • Me: A FUCKING DOORFRAME ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
  • Me: No! Don't kiss him!
  • Me: Okay, at least they're not doing anything sexual.
  • Me: JESUS WHAT DID I JUST SAY!
  • Me: YES HE'S GONE. GO! BE FREE!
  • Me: Fuck.
  • Me: FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK.
  • Me: Yeah he's a stalker you and that's creepy sure but at least he's not a SERIAL KILLER.
  • Me: Well it can't get much worse.
  • Me: IT DID. IT FUCKING DID.
  • Me: DON'T GET TURNED ON BY HIS SCREAMS GODDAMMIT.
  • Me: A fucking card game are you kidding me?
  • Me: Yoonbum you didn't actually kill him okay? Sangwoo was just beING A HUGE DICK.
  • Me: YES! SEUNGBAE WILL SAVE HIM!
  • Me: YES Seungbae!
  • Me: NO SEUNGBAE.
  • Me: Phew, Seungbae.
  • Me: *suspicious crutches look suspicious*
  • Me: Gee a shopping trip sounds like the perfECT TIME TO ESCAPE.
  • Me: *started binge reading at like 2am* Fuck is that the sun?
  • Me: ...........Fuck I'm hooked.

anonymous asked:

Why do you think serial killers charged with multiple murders never confess to the murders they're suspected of? I'm sure there are plenty they're not actually responsible for, or even don't remember commuting if the count is high enough. But surely there are cases where it's perfectly obvious, but they just won't admit?

There are several reasons as to why they don’t confess. Some killers aren’t proud of what they have done and don’t want to admit to it. They don’t want the world to know how heinous they have been. Some refuse to confess to other murders to save more heartache for their own families.

Furthermore, some serial killers don’t want to admit to specific murders because of the stigma attached. For example, Bundy would never speak about the murder of Kimberly Leach because she was a child.

However, a lot of killers like the power they have being the only person who knows what happened to their victim and where they are buried, etc. By keeping this information private, they have something to hold over investigators and family members alike. It’s something they can barter with, so to speak.

  • Negan: Eugene my sci-fi doc, did you find what you were looking for?
  • Eugene: I could say it was a successfully mission.
  • Negan: Very well my freaky doc. By the way, have you seen Carl?
  • Eugene: Of course, he was in the run with me.
  • Negan: I know, that is the reason I'm asking *sight* I mean, do you know where is my serial killer right now?
  • Eugene: Sorry Sir, actually he was looking for an specific objetc that he got himself just for you. Don't get me wrong but I think he has a real bad crush on you.
  • Carl: Hey!, what are you two talking about?
  • Negan: Oh babe... I just listened you got me a gift because you have a crush on me?, that's embarrassing.
  • Carl: We are married, you fool! *leaves*
  • Negan: Still... wait my love, Carl. It was a little joke.

yes but there’s also 

  • ‘I’m hella sick but not old enough to purchase cough medicine and that sounds really pitiful coming from a college student but would you please go buy me some NyQuil???’ au
  • 'We made a bet at the beginning of the laser tag game to see who was better and guess who won. It’s time to pay up.’ au
  • 'Who keeps using my wifi?’ 'Literally everyone, your password is hella easy to guess.’ au
  • Tried to unlock the wrong car in the parking garage au
  • 'I’m on the FBI’s most-wanted list for killing a fuck ton of people, but calm down I just wanna date you bc your face is v smoochable and you give me butterflies.’ au
  • See also; 'Dating a most-wanted serial killer and never getting a heads-up before they come home covered in blood so you’ve gotta be ready to draw the curtains and hide a body every time you hear a car pull into the driveway’ au
  • 'We really should not have played Monopoly’ au
  • Life-sized version of Clue in the old manor on the hill au
  • 'I originally followed you on Instagram bc you’re hot and I’m thirsty but now I’ve developed actual feelings for you bc you’re a genuinely good person’ au
  • 'Fuck me you’re cute why did we have to meet on the one day I decided to stay in my sweats??’ au
  • 'I went to the bar last night bc I just got dumped and wanted to drink away my pain but then one thing lead to another and somehow I broke into your house thinking it was mine and now I can’t find my left shoe but are those waffles I smell?’ au
  • 'I saw that you were reading Eleanor and Park have you gotten to the part where she leaves him and if so can we talk about it because not a lot of people have read this book and I need a shoulder to cry on.’ au
  • 'You passed out in Disneyland and I’ve been taking care of you for the past two hours oh my god are you okay??’ 'Yes I’m okay but who the hell are you supposed to be?’ 'I’m the face character for Peter Pan but that’s not important’ au
  • 'I don’t really know you but I noticed that this creep has been trying to chat you up even though you’ve already turned him down, so I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend/girlfriend  until they leave you alone.’ au
  • Bonnie and Clyde au???
  • Attend same-sex privet schools that are right across the street from each other au
  • Masquerade au
  • 'I don’t like you and you don’t like me but our best friends just died in a car crash and left their one-year-old daughter in our custody so now we’ve got to act civil and end up falling for each other’ au
  • [Basically a Life As We Know It au]
  • 'Found your number inside of a library book that looks like it hasn’t been checked out in ages and decided to text you to see if it worked au
  • 'The biggest rule of immortality is to not get involved with mortals but whoops I was in a coffee shop one day and fell in love with you and now I’m freaking out bc in the grand scope of things we don’t get a lot of time together but fuck no please don’t leave me not yet no.’ au
  • 'I just moved into the apartment next door and I am 100% sure that it’s haunted bc this building used to be a hospital and anyway I heard I noise coming from inside the walls can I please just crash here for the night?’ au
  • 'I know that you’re really into school and probably don’t want to risk your spot on the college football team, but would you mind if I smoked in our dorm room??’ au
  • Followed by 'Nah, I don’t care, as long as I can shotgun some smoke from that pretty little mouth of yours.’ au wow that got sexual and I am not sorry.
  • Went to the beach for the first time au
  • Ancient Rome au
  • Rival team captains who know nothing about personal space and constantly get into fights where they end up face-to-face every single game until one day one of the coaches yells at them to either kiss or get back to the game au
  • 'Hey, so I might have just robbed a bank right now and I kind of need a getaway car, would you pleeeeeaaase help me I can pay you back in sexual favors but also cash.’ au
  • 'I know that you don’t know me, but you were on the receiving end of my girlfriend/boyfriend’s heart donation and being around you kind of makes it feel like they’re still here I’m sorry if that’s kind of weird.’ au
  • 'Shit I wasn’t watching where I was walking and ended up spilling my Rockstar all over your white sweater I’m so sorry here have my jacket.’ au
  • Caught yelling at Go, Diego, Go in the hospital waiting room and after an awkwardly long period of silence the other person joins in bc they’ve got nothing better to do with their waiting time au
  • 'The person living in the apartment across the wall to mine is a nymphomaniac and yeah okay they’re p hot but it’s v hard to write an essay on feminism when all I can hear is sexual screaming.’ au
  • It’s three am, I just wanted some clam chowder, and some how I ended up on Hollywood Bl. can you please tell me where a good restaurant is I think I’m going to cry.’ au
  • 'Fuck my ex just walked into the restaurant with their new girlfriend/boyfriend could you pretend we’re dating so they don’t think I’m hung up on them I swear I’ll pay you later.’ au
  • 'I work at the daycare that you drop your daughter off at every week and she got me sick.’ au
  • 'So I know we just met but it’s raining and my tent has a hole in it, could I sleep in your camper with you?’ au
  • 'Okay okay okay I know we’re just friends and I don’t want anything to change that but I may have told my mom that we’re dating so she would stop trying to set me up with people would you be up to going to my sister’s wedding as my plus one so my mom won’t know I lied?’ au
  • 'Hit me, we’re on college campus and you’ll have to pay for my tuition’ au
  • 'Your headphones aren’t plugged in all the way so that hardcore porn fic you’ve been listening to for the past ten minutes has been broadcasting through the bus on full volume.’ au
  • The Breakfast Club au
  • Wimbledon [the movie] au
  • West Side Story au
  • 'Constantly getting confused as the girlfriend/boyfriend of the lead singer for a heavy metal band bc I’m always going to concerts and getting backstage passes but I’ve never even met the lead singer until the day he/she got drunk and we hooked up in his/her tour bus [whoops now we’re actually dating shh]’ au
  • 'It’s two am, we’re standing outside of our apartment building bc someone pulled the fire alarm, and you look cold and unprepared, do you want to share my blanket?’ au
  • Heartache On The Big Screen au
  • Breakfast At Tiffany's au omg pls
  • 'The zombie apocalypse started two years ago I can’t believe I still have to work at this fucking book store.’ au
  • Long Way Home au
  • We like each other but our dogs don’t so I’m going to have to ask you to stop taking this walking route you attractive fucker’ au
  • 'Sometimes, your soulmate and the love of your life don’t end up being the same person. And that’s something I had to learn the hard way.’ Au
  • What they say: I'm fine
  • What they mean: Christine and Raoul's relationship in the book is actually so developed and complex and OTP material but this isn't accurately portrayed in any of the big adaptions and their roles in it are always warped and cut down and the depth of the relationship they had as children is never shown and although Erik can be a pitiful character Phantom is actually a sadistic serial killer who spends much of the book being torturous and completely lacking empathy for Christine's suffering as he forces and grovels his way into trying to form a captor's relationship with her but the musical doesn't show much of Raoul and Christine's past or Phantom's crimes and romanticizes the relationship of Christine and Phantom so much and that is why so many people think Raoul is a dense, fickle or useless character and dislike their ship and ruthlessly ship Phantom and Christine I just want a meticulously accurate aesthetic crazy film adaption of the book I'm so mad

I wish he had a chance to try and get the thought a little more quiet and actually have a chance to have been loved.

I wish jeff was still alive to see how much love and support he has from the tc community.

Jeffrey Dahmer brakes my heart.

random zodiac squads
  • concert junkies: sagittarius, aquarius, pisces, cancer
  • "ball is life": aries, gemini, leo, libra
  • smart & detached: aquarius, capricorn, libra, gemini
  • super vain: taurus, leo, libra
  • drug addicts: aries, sagittarius, aquarius, pisces
  • sleep is for the weak: aries, scorpio, sagittarius, aquarius
  • sleeps for a week: taurus, leo, libra, pisces
  • potential serial killers: aries, gemini, scorpio
  • cries for days: cancer, pisces
  • workaholics: virgo, capricorn
  • i have no idea what i'm doing with my life: sagittarius, pisces, aquarius, taurus
  • loves their pet more than actual people: cancer, scorpio, pisces
  • nerds: aquarius, virgo, capricorn
  • lowkey nerds: aries, gemini, sagittarius
  • anime: cancer, pisces, aquarius
  • definitely going to hell: gemini, scorpio
  • super kinky: gemini, leo, scorpio, aquarius
  • party!!: gemini, leo, libra, sagittarius
  • hates astrology: gemini, leo, libra, capricorn
"Things Friends/Coworkers/Classmates Have Said" sentence starters
  • "I'm in cappuccino hell!"
  • "You're an egg."
  • "It looks like I don't know how to do my makeup."
  • "We're gonna go to jail!"
  • "All hail the dead possum."
  • "Does that count as sexual harrassment?"
  • "I got my boyfriend by sending him memes."
  • "Go to the murder room."
  • "It was her idea!"
  • "How old are you? I'm not allowed to sell you anything, but I can tell you about them."
  • "A lady came in saying she hadn't had an orgasm in two years. Three hours later she came back to give me cookies."
  • "Do you want to trade off with the straight jacket?"
  • "Does my face look realistic?"
  • "Tell ______ to come get his/her blood."
  • "Even the professionals jump."
  • "How old are you? Lets go to a hooka lounge after this."
  • "I'm not a drug dealer!"
  • "It's hard because ______ has so many freaking freckles!"
  • "I usually use a popsicle."
  • "My mom keeps telling me I'm gonna go to hell."
  • "Meme it."
  • "You wanna fucking go, ______?"
  • "Fight me, coconut boy!"
  • "The hole's nice and smooth."
  • "I was a good child."
  • "What's a shortstack? Like...a short stack of pancakes...?"
  • "______, shut up, I can't hear ______!"
  • "No--you can't cheat on an IQ test, stop it!"
  • "My IQ is not 1.39, that was a crumb!"
  • [text] 👉✊💦
Villainous Traits

aggressive | callous | cannibal | careless (he doesn’t plan all that much, but damn he’s lucky enough that things work out) | compulsive | cowardly | domineering | envious | greedy | hypocritical | impatient | impolite | kidnapper | lazy | liar | lustful | manipulative | materialistic | murderer | obsessive | over-critical (when it comes to people of authority) | over-emotional | patronizing | sarcastic | self-indulgent | serial killer (sort of? i guess yeah) | torturer | touchy | traitorous | unclean | unpredictable | untidy (used to be, but then in the actual game he doesn’t have much stuff in his room so it’s not enough clutter to be messy lmao) | vain | vengeful

tagged by: @fatedswords
tagging: @the-king-of-the-wind @broadswordandpistol @considerate-sidekick @sunset-wings