i'm never gonna be done with this

7

Me: *watching How to Train Your Dragon* Doesn’t Toothless look kind of like Deku’s mask?

Me: …..you know what, he kinda does…. 

Me: WAIT WHAT I F–

10

you make me begin ; Kim Taehyung [6/6]
”As long as i’m with hyung, i’m happy no matter where we go. - Jeon Jungkook

8

it’s always sunny in philadelphia character tropes charlie kelly; would it be weird if you survived an abortion? would it be weird if, like, you shared a bed with a man who may or may not be your father? would it be weird if you eat cat food to go to sleep and you have such a fascination with cats that maybe you glue cat hair on the back of your neck every now and then?

  • Wonder Woman herself: It's about what you believe. And I believe in love. Only love will truly save the world.
  • Black Panther himself: Vengeance has consumed you. It's consuming them. I'm done letting it consume me.
  • Internet which wouldn't deserve either: *pits Wonder Woman and Black Panther against one another, two of the most relevant movies in all genres (not just in the superhero business) in the last few years because they're gonna inspire children all over the world who never had anything like them be the hero before, even though there's literally half a year between the two movies if anything to fire their idiotic DC vs Marvel thing*
A Short Biography of Elrond
  • Elrond: Hi! I'm Elrond, and I live with my mommy and daddy and twin brother Elros. I love my family!
  • Eärendil: *sails away*
  • Maedhros and Maglor: Hello
  • Elwing: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, BITCHES!
  • Elwing: *jumps off cliff*
  • Elwing: *turns into a bird*
  • Everyone: WTF
  • Elrond and Elros: Mommy...
  • Maglor: Oh no, oh no, don't cry, smol baby elves, we'll be your new dads now!
  • Maedhros: Wait, what?
  • Elrond and Elros: Yay!
  • Elrond: And you'll never leave us, will you, new dads?
  • Maedhros and Maglor: ...
  • Maedhros and Maglor: *run off to steal the silmarils*
  • Maedhros: *jumps off a cliff*
  • Elrond: Wait, not again-
  • Maglor: *takes a long walk on the beach and is never seen again*
  • Elrond: Well, I guess it's just you and me, Elros-
  • Elros: Actually, I'm gonna become a human and die.
  • Elrond: Oh... ok, that's cool. That's cool. I'm just gonna become bffs with the new king Gil-Galad
  • Gil-Galad: *dies*
  • Elrond: Well, at least I have a beautiful new wife Celebrian
  • Celebrian: *get's attacked by orcs*
  • Celebrian: I must go into the West to seek healing.
  • Elrond: Of course, darling, don't worry about me, at least I still have our three beautiful children-
  • Arwen: Actually I'm gonna become a human and die.
  • Elladan and Elrohir: And um... we're not coming West with you.
  • Elrond: You know what? I'm done. Nobody fucking appreciates me in Middle-Earth. Sayonara bitches, Elrond out.
Nervous Starters
  • "I can't do it"
  • "I think I'm gonna be sick"
  • "I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous"
  • "Excuse me, hi- I- Sorry, I just- sorry"
  • *incoherent stuttering*
  • "I've never done this before"
  • "I've got butterflies in my stomach"
  • "I froze up"
  • "I'm just working up the nerve"
  • "You're a little intimidating"
  • "I'm worried about _____ "
  • "My heart feels like it's going to beat out my chest"
  • "I'm not nervous"
  • "You ramble when you're nervous"
  • "Just go over there and talk to them"
  • "Go on, you can do it"
  • "Are you nervous?"
  • "A few nerves are a good thing"
  • "Do I make you nervous?"
  • "Relax, no one's looking"
  • Cedric: I realized I never really thanked you properly for tipping me off about those dragons.
  • Harry: Forget about it. I'm sure you would've done the same for me.
  • Cedric: Exactly. So I'm gonna tip you off about something as well. See, Justin told me that he heard from Hannah, who talked to Parvati, who caught it from Lavender, who overheard Pansy, who was eavesdropping on Blaise, that Draco Malfoy has a huge crush on you.
  • Moody: Diggory! That's not the message I wanted you to pass on!
  • Cedric: Oh yeah, that's right. So Moody told me that Flitwick asked him, after he talked to McGonagall, who was instructed by Dumbledore, who nearly jinxed Snape when he didn't want to spill, to tell you that Draco wants to meet you at the top of the Astronomy tower at midnight.
  • Moody: There you go!
  • Harry: I'm so confused right now!

I am currently very tired so this probably might not even make sense in the morning but… 

I’m imagining a D&D minigame (probably lasts 1-2 hours tops unless you’re having fun with it) meant to break the ice for new groups, in which the DM controls an adventuring party and the players control NPCs as they naturally pop up. Specifically, it could help new players get comfortable with roleplaying without the pressure of sticking to a character they just made. If you do this before the character creation stage, then even better because they may stumble into a character they like acting out.

Rules that I’m just rambling out please forgive me if they are nonsensical: 

  • It’s all improv. Don’t break a scene to look up game mechanics like prices, or which checks to make, or what would give advantage/disadvantage. This is about the acting so if it’ll throw off the groove, make it up on the spot. It’s all about quick thinking.
  • No modifiers. You’re all making things up on the spot so if you have to roll something, don’t waste time justifying who would have what stats. You could even go without dice altogether. The d20 is just an optional element of chance here.
  • Mandatory introductions. I don’t care how goofy it is. state your name, race, class/occupation, a random character trait, and how their day’s been going up until this point. As many as you can off the top of your head. Go nuts because things get silly before they get really creative, in my experience. Note: Character voices are encouraged. For funsies.
  • Everyone participates in a scene. No pressure on how much they interact, but in each new setting, every player has to put one NPC in that tavern, shopping square, riot crowd, etc.
  • Plot not needed. The adventuring party strategically wanders in a way that builds a town/city/etc as the players make it up. The DM isn’t in charge of telling a story here, just keeping the energy of the improv scene going. This includes-
  • Leading Questions. This one’s the challenge for you, DM who likely already has a control complex and likes to plan out every detail of everything in their world because it gives them a sense of security. If anything, you are the one who most needs to be good at rolling with whatever your players hand you. For the sole purposes of making you uncomfortable, the newcomer adventuring party knows absolutely nothing about this town. Thankfully, the citizens know everything about it. Which is good because you need directions to find your way out of your rented hovel room let alone to the temple–oh that’s right. Who’s the patron there? You sure don’t know! Better ask someone! Get that DMs?? YOU KNOW NOTHING. 
    • Important: If the scene starts slowing down, it’s up to you to either encourage and interact with these townsfolk some more, or get moving somewhere else.

Example scene: order of NPC choice is determined by an initiative roll. 

DM: “Alright, so four adventurers walk into the tavern you’re in–”
Player 1: “Oh! I call the bartender.”
Player 3: “Aw… I had a bit I was gonna do.”
Player 1: “Okay, okay fine, I’m the owner of the tavern, Marcus McMuffin the half orc–stop laughing–and uh… I have a tattoo of a dwarf lover that literally no one else knows about? And my day’s been…hm. It’s been awful because I got stood up for a meeting. DM, I basically live in here, so I’d know they’re new, right? I wanna know if these guys look like trouble makers.”
DM: “The Barbarian’s flexing at anyone who looks in his general direction but other than him fancying a typical bar brawl, they seem decent–if lost.”
Player 2: “I’m the elven bard in the corner and I start trying to seduce the Barbarian with my beautiful voice!!”
DM: “Listen… you can’t just use your character from the last game. Cherry the Elven Bard would’ve totally seduced the barbarian but who are you now?… Nah it’s fine, dude. Take your time. We’ll come back to you.”
Player 3: “I’m the crazy old village drunkard who’s a human named Steve–”
Player 1: “I thought you said you wanted the bartender!”
Player 3: “–Who samples a lot of the wares and is thus the village drunkard! I said I was doing a bit, jeez! DM, I start rambling loudly at the strangers about something that sounds like one of those super infuriating sidequests–you know the kind–where you have to go through a lot of bullshit busywork and the longest fetch quest of your life but there’s a promise of GREAT loot at the end so you consider it anyway. You know what I mean? What do I do for that, roll deception? Persuasion?”
DM: “Nope. No rolls. Personally, I am so on board with this but I need you to make this speech right here and I need you to sell it.” 
Player 3: “Oh boy.”

If for some reason you want to try this please give me a rundown of how it went because I feel like it’s the perfect recipe for hilarious trainwrecks that come with all good icebreakers. (I feel like it’d be a fun drinking game somehow? But I don’t play enough to know how to work alcohol in in a reasonable manner. I’ll leave that one up to house rules.)

Taverns & Tanneries, never coming to a game store near you lmao

Edit: I just realized that when the group starts playing a real campaign, you can embarrass them by working their goofily-named NPCs in, keeping an entirely straight face while doing so. Watch as they squirm and laugh-cry over having to discuss the fate of the world with Marcus McMuf’an. If only they’d known. 

If only they’d known what was to become of Marcus McMuffin.