gansey’s alive at the end of it all, magically, impossibly, amazingly, and it should feel like a victory - it does feel like a victory.
but it also feels like a loss, hollowing and sobering.
because now gansey is left Purposeless; his quest is over and his sacrifice spat him back out,
not to mention having died again and lived again, but this time with no questions to answer, no meaning, Just This, just life,
and he’s lost and kind of numb and sort of angry, which feels weird and Other in him, because it’s not so neatly controllable and disguisable as his usual emotions, because there’s no one and nothing to really be angry at,
and it’s, like, a smoldering version of gansey on fire when he starts taking down his glendower maps in the middle of the night,
initially removing them by the pins and then just pulling them off so the corners still stick.
ronan wasn’t sleeping either, not a chance,
and he knows the sounds of insomniac destruction anywhere,
so he comes out of his room and stands in his doorway until gansey says