Part 1 So I've been pretty sure I'm asexual for quite a long time now (like 3 years or something, I'm almost 18), but I've never given it much thought, like I think in the past I haven't thought about how people actually experience sexual attraction because I just never really thought about that kind of thing? I only knew that I find sex kinda disgusting and unnecessary and that I don't understand why people need it, and also it always got on my nerves when people made dirty jokes and stuff ...
Part 2 Basically I’m still romantically attracted to guys (I’m a girl) cause I’ve been in love and I love romance novels and all the cute stuff and I don’t get why there have to be sex scenes in some of them. Anyway the point is, that the only time I was ever with someone was with a really cute guy at camp last year in summer and we were kind of talking all day on one of the hikes we did, and at night we had to sleep outside and we kind of ended up sleeping next to each other and I took the …
Part 3 the initiative and we kind of ended up cuddling like all night and slept while hugging but we didn’t kiss or anything because I had my hand in front of my mouth, I didn’t want him to kiss me I guess? Anyway it was the first time I ever did something like this but I definitely didn’t experience any sexual attraction (not that I know what it feels like but I didn’t want to have sex with him or anything like that I just wanted to cuddle) and I also know I wasn’t in love with him, I just …
Part 4 really wanted someone to cuddle with and since I had never done that before I was like “camp is the best time to try it” but now it just hit me like: what if he was experiencing sexual attraction towards me? Omg and I didn’t notice!! And generally I think it’s disgusting when people are looking at me with such a lustful stare that I get they are sexually attracted to me but I just didn’t get the feeling from him at all? So I’m wondering right now if he actually felt something like that?..
Part 5 and btw in the end it turned out he had an almost girlfriend so that whole thing was weird anyway but like… what? I just wanted to cuddle and maybe he wanted more than that but he had whatever reason to not to? I feel so stupid rn because it just never occurred to me that he could’ve actually felt like that… sorry for writing so much I just needed someone to talk to so what do you think of that whole situation?
Aw, honey. You’re not stupid. I do think that you’re probably ace and that you sound like you’re sex-repulsed (which is in no way a bad thing; I’m linking you only because you may not know that there is a term for it and that you’re not alone in how you feel).
Without knowing this guy or being there when it was happening, it’s impossible for me to give you a definitive yes or no. I’d like to say that you would have noticed if he was, but I find I can be pretty oblivious to that kind of stuff, so I get what you mean when you say aren’t sure.
There’s a chance he wasn’t sexually attracted to you. Maybe he just wanted cuddles too. Cuddles are nice no matter what gender or sexuality you are (unless you don’t like to be touched, of course). Maybe he just thought it would be nice to sleep beside a cute girl. Pretty much the only way to know for sure is to ask him and I’m guessing you don’t want to do that.
I don’t know, anon. This obsession with sex baffles me as much as it does you. I wish I knew the perfect words to tell you, but I don’t.