i'm just kind of experimenting for now

anonymous asked:

Part 1 So I've been pretty sure I'm asexual for quite a long time now (like 3 years or something, I'm almost 18), but I've never given it much thought, like I think in the past I haven't thought about how people actually experience sexual attraction because I just never really thought about that kind of thing? I only knew that I find sex kinda disgusting and unnecessary and that I don't understand why people need it, and also it always got on my nerves when people made dirty jokes and stuff ...

Part 2 Basically I’m still romantically attracted to guys (I’m a girl) cause I’ve been in love and I love romance novels and all the cute stuff and I don’t get why there have to be sex scenes in some of them. Anyway the point is, that the only time I was ever with someone was with a really cute guy at camp last year in summer and we were kind of talking all day on one of the hikes we did, and at night we had to sleep outside and we kind of ended up sleeping next to each other and I took the …             

Part 3 the initiative and we kind of ended up cuddling like all night and slept while hugging but we didn’t kiss or anything because I had my hand in front of my mouth, I didn’t want him to kiss me I guess? Anyway it was the first time I ever did something like this but I definitely didn’t experience any sexual attraction (not that I know what it feels like but I didn’t want to have sex with him or anything like that I just wanted to cuddle) and I also know I wasn’t in love with him, I just …

Part 4 really wanted someone to cuddle with and since I had never done that before I was like “camp is the best time to try it” but now it just hit me like: what if he was experiencing sexual attraction towards me? Omg and I didn’t notice!! And generally I think it’s disgusting when people are looking at me with such a lustful stare that I get they are sexually attracted to me but I just didn’t get the feeling from him at all? So I’m wondering right now if he actually felt something like that?..

Part 5 and btw in the end it turned out he had an almost girlfriend so that whole thing was weird anyway but like… what? I just wanted to cuddle and maybe he wanted more than that but he had whatever reason to not to? I feel so stupid rn because it just never occurred to me that he could’ve actually felt like that…  sorry for writing so much I just needed someone to talk to so what do you think of that whole situation?

Aw, honey. You’re not stupid. I do think that you’re probably ace and that you sound like you’re sex-repulsed (which is in no way a bad thing; I’m linking you only because you may not know that there is a term for it and that you’re not alone in how you feel).

Without knowing this guy or being there when it was happening, it’s impossible for me to give you a definitive yes or no. I’d like to say that you would have noticed if he was, but I find I can be pretty oblivious to that kind of stuff, so I get what you mean when you say aren’t sure.

There’s a chance he wasn’t sexually attracted to you. Maybe he just wanted cuddles too. Cuddles are nice no matter what gender or sexuality you are (unless you don’t like to be touched, of course). Maybe he just thought it would be nice to sleep beside a cute girl. Pretty much the only way to know for sure is to ask him and I’m guessing you don’t want to do that.

I don’t know, anon. This obsession with sex baffles me as much as it does you. I wish I knew the perfect words to tell you, but I don’t.


Art of May!!! (ok I couldn’t put them all on one post because it was starting to be really too much ^^’)

Painted on PS [2017.05]

It was a really good month, I experimented a lot and had so much fun. Also I want to particularly thank all of you for your supports, your likes, reblogs, comments, tags and messages. I am sooo overwhelmed and I feel so blessed by all of you and yup Thank you guys, you are amazing and I am so lucky!!  Have a really really beautiful day

And it falls and shatters on the ground. And you see two side-by-side visions in this black cloud that appears as it shatters on the table. The first one just looks like an ocean made out of tar, with a black sky above it, and this tar is like bubbling, and you see some stuff moving under the surface of the tar but you can’t make out what it is, and that’s on the left picture. And the one on the right is just a grey world, covered in ash, that is just completely barren and lifeless. And Paloma looks up over this black cloud, and she looks completely- when she’s done her other prophecies it kind of looks like she’s having this out of body experience, now it just looks like she’s is just a baker possessed, and she says, in this deep voice:
In the future, you will be offered a terrible choice, between two options that will determine the fate of reality itself. In this moment of crisis, remember: There is always a third option.
—  The Eleventh Hour, Chapter 5

Frisk, you’re so kind ♥ You’re right, Flowey would be immediately toasted xD

Take a step forward, my child…

First page / Page 113 / Page 114 / Page 115

To my utter delight, Tangled: Before Ever After seems to have writers who want to look into the flaws and traumas of the characters and show a deep, nuanced story about how Eugene and Rapunzel made it to the wedding. The most important and promising addition the writers made to this plot line is the character of Cassandra.

“Rapunzel” is a slightly squicky fairy tale. Even in the sanitized versions, it’s a bit creepy that she marries literally the first man she’s ever seen. To really convince us that Rapunzel and Eugene belong together, we need to know that Rapunzel has other friends aside from the man who brought her out of the tower.

Cassandra is just the type of friend that Rapunzel needs. She knows palace life and can help Rapunzel navigate the etiquette and routine. She’s blunt and a bit of a rule-breaker, and can provide a break from the prim-and-proper princess routine with some straightforward talk or an adventure outside the castle.

Most importantly–she hates Eugene. I don’t care about the exact motive–for whatever reason, she cannot stand the man formerly known as Flynn Rider. Rapunzel needs to have friends who don’t think that Eugene is the greatest person ever. It gives her a different perspective on his character and personality. Cassandra challenges her first impressions and forces Rapunzel to consider Eugene’s flaws and decide for herself if he’s a person she wants as a friend.

Now, if Rapunzel marries Eugene, it won’t be because of lack of experience with other people. It’ll be because she’s been around other people–some of whom don’t like him–and still come to the conclusion that he’s the sort of person worth marrying. It makes Rapunzel into a more well-rounded person, and gives the romance a much stronger foundation.

anonymous asked:

I remember this a long time ago you made a post saying you were glad that you were no longer out partying and going to a rave every other day and waking up in stranger's houses or something to that effect. I used to think it was odd you felt and thought that way cause I thought that would be a kind of apex of teenage life. I'm 21 now and I've been partying for one whole year straight and I'm finally pulling the brakes and its been 18 days of complete sobriety and now I know what you meant.

First off just wanna say congrats on your sobriety dude 👍🏾🤘🏾✌🏾

Also I want to clarify by saying it was my experience going through my mid-late teens going balls to the wall and entering my early 20’s where my priorities shifted dramatically and I decided that lifestyle was not conducive to my growth as a person or how I wanted to spend my time

You get older and you realize the party doesn’t have to be excess all the time and you can have boundaries for what you will and will not do and still have a good time

It’s also solely depends on the individual of course but I grew tired of the hard partying lifestyle around my early 20’s for some people it’s later and life and for some people it’s never

I don’t judge there is no one right way to experience your life or youth it’s not black and white

If you feel better now it’s essentially the world and your body letting you know you want to move forward doing other things or you need to take a clean break and reestablish your priorities

The party is only fun when you’re enjoying it genuinely when you are at a point in your life that you feel you have to be partying because that’s “what people do” in their 20’s you’ve lost your sense of balance

Either way hope this sober portion in your life is giving you a new and fresh perspective


Dinner (served with a delicious dollop of Greek yogurt) was delicious! And, now back to my book for a bit while Conner cleans up and the husband reads the news! 😍

I’m honestly kind of disappointed in this book. It just FEELS like a retelling of Doaa’s story…it’s missing something. It does detail the Syrian refugee experience fairly well, but if you’re just looking for that, read Crossing the Sea with Syrians instead. I wanted more of the connection to an individual’s personal experience. I’m going to finish it, but I won’t be recommending it to anyone. It’s a bummer; I had high hopes. 😞

littlepieceoftheworld  asked:

I started dating a guy when I was 15 and we only broke up after 5 years. After that, I realized I am bi but I fell in love with another guy. Now I'm single again and I've been thinking about my sexuality a lot. I like girls a lot and I'm really surprised it took me so long to figure it out. I'm kind of pissed at myself for being so blind! I still like boys but omg have you seen girls??? I need more bi friends to talk about how everyone is so gorgeous.

Oh God, my experience exactly. I couldn’t have been more bi as a kid, but hadn’t realized it. Just be happy you can now live your life as a beautiful bisexual!

anonymous asked:

I'm sad. I miscarried a few months ago, but was due today for my little one. I really need a hug, and I just feel really alone right now, and I'm so stressed about finishing school, too. Any advice for coping...?

You are so precious and strong and my heart breaks for you. Miscarriages are an awful thing to experience and you deserve all the hugs and comfort. Things will get better from here.

I encourage you to see a therapist! Because this kind of thing can be really damaging and you deserve to have a professional to talk to so they can help you get through this. It’s really tough but I KNOW you can get through this. You’re amazing. If you ever need anything never be afraid to contact me!

anonymous asked:

what's the worst anti-kylo ren claim you've ever seen? (i'm really frustrated right now and kind of need to hear you vent. but you can wait until you're in the mood.)

I think the worst one is that he’s a fedora-wearing Nice Guy MRA school shooter misogynist. These traits are always lumped together in a nonsense mad libs attempt at media criticism, the kind of scattershot, inaccurate thinking that weakens any power those words may have once had. Because this reading of Kylo Ren isn’t just going a little far; it’s based on nothing. Brain synapses twitch helplessly in people’s brains as they watch a male character experience the feeling of anger, and they can’t help but reflexively ascribe to him characteristics of every person or strawman they’ve ever hated–even when absolutely none of those are present in the film or even in the subtext of the film. 

So the version of Kylo Ren people get in their heads is that he’s a whiny (WHERE) entitled (HE HATES HIMSELF) mansplainer (WHAT) who cries too much. Emotions + man = ??????

And it’s just–very obvious that some people just do not have experience with complex characters. And I’m not talking extraordinarily “complex” in the sense that we need all day to unpack his layers; I’m talking about a character who simply has two traits that don’t ordinarily go together. A Dark Jedi who feels like he has to beat the Light out of him to be evil. Someone who tortures people for information but who shakes in sad ominous lighting as he watches planets burn, regretting his inability to save them. Very, very basic storytelling pulses that tell us that this isn’t the final form of Kylo Ren, that we must see the boy where the man now stands, that we must hold him in sympathy even as we’re horrified by how far down the bad path he’s gone. Narratively, there is no way any of us viewers can write him off yet. That’s all anyone is asking. But the never-ending waves of hatred and dismissiveness and repulse that his non-fans feel isn’t rooted in the text. It is a thing that exists outside of him–he’s just the latest vessel that they can use as a repository for things they hate in the real world, and they can mold him into that, ignoring any textual cues that might tell us he’s not totally into this whole Dark Side thing. And this gives them the opportunity to pursue soft targets, teenagers who were introduced to the great villains of Star Wars through him, Girls on the Internet, fans who would maybe like to see him hug his mom before the series ends. It is easy to impress your views on such people if you are loud and angry enough. You risk nothing by demanding that they please shut up about Kylo Ren, don’t you know that he’s horrible, unworthy of sympathy or even attention, he’s a literal fascist

These arguments are an embarrassment. I know it is easier to fight misogyny or whatever by creating these fake enemies in your mind and attacking people you can actually control somewhat, running someone off their blog or making them nervous about voicing even a vague interest in a character who has these contradictions at his heart. But doesn’t it embarrass you that that’s what you have to do to feel secure in your moral tastes? Don’t you have any concept of your fellow humans as people capable of holding two ideas in their mind at once, that characters like Kylo Ren invite us to find ways of resolving the darker and lighter parts of our soul? That people can think about his place in the narrative and even genuinely like him as a character without being planet-killers themselves? The hyperbole is ridiculous, and people will start tuning you out because it’s clear you don’t have a damn clue what you’re talking about.

anonymous asked:

I've identified as pan and bi before and more recently (in the past six months or so) I've been connecting with the idea of being a lesbian bc i love imagining dating/sleeping with a girl but I just don't want to see myself w a boy? now whenever I have crushes on boys I feel grossed out with myself and I can't stand the experience but with girls it's almost always pleasant but kind of scary like I'm always wondering whether I really like them or if I'm fake help me out here

If you feel grossed out thinking about boys and don’t want to be with them that’s a textbook compulsory heterosexuality symptom, you aren’t fake at all, it sounds to me like you’re a lesbian and you have every right to that word

I absolutely love Layla Rourke. She is a beautiful character, full of the gentle kind of love I wish Dean could experience with someone. She is so soft with him, even after she thinks he stopped her from receiving a miracle from the faith healer. And Dean, who is just as soft inside, needs someone like her so much and after watching Faith, my heart just aches that it’s been twelve years now and he still hasn’t found someone to love him like this. </3

anonymous asked:

(part 1/3) Hi! I've just found your blog and I'm very glad I did! I've been questioning for a while now if I might be asexual. I don't want to have sex (I'm not repulsed by it though) and I don't know if I experience sexual attraction as I'm not sure what sexual attraction is/feels like. I can see someone and think that they're hot/beautiful/pretty/etc. and just kind of want to keep looking at them, if that makes sense?

(part 2/3) I’ve also thought about sex with certain people but it was more of wondering “what would that be like?” rather than “that would be good/enjoyable.” Recently I read a post by a Christian who said God doesn’t make people asexual and that if you’re married you should be having sex with your spouse because that’s what God wants. It made me wonder if I’m going against God by not being interested in sex and possibly being asexual. 

(part 3/3) I’ve been praying about it every day but I’m still confused and scared. I’m not sure if there’s a specific question in this, I guess I’m just looking for some guidance and assurance. Thank you for creating this blog and for any help you can provide me with.


Hey there! From what you described, it sounds like you don’t experience sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is so hard to explain, especially when you don’t experience it. Thinking someone is beautiful, pretty, or good looking is aesthetic attraction. It’s completely normal for an asexual to feel aesthetic attraction, but not sexual attraction. 

Asexuals can and some do have sex. So wondering what it would be like or even trying it out doesn’t invalidate your asexuality. As for the Christian take on asexuality, most Christians just don’t understand what they don’t experience and I’ve noticed a lot of them ignore the verses in the Bible that reference asexuality. 1 Corinthians 7 is a good place to look for about relationships. Paul speaks about sex in this chapter. He says that to remain from sexual immorality, those who are married should only have sex with the one they are married to. He does say in verses 5-6  “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.” But, if you look at the context around this scripture, Paul is talking about sexual immorality. He is speaking to married couples who are sexually active and telling them what HE thinks is best to refrain from sexual immorality. The important part is what’s in verse 6. This is not a command, but Paul’s own thinking.

Paul goes on to say in verse 8 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” He’s saying it’s better to remain single, but if a couple “burns with passion” it’s good for them to marry.

In verses 25-28 Paul says “Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” Paul is once again giving his own judgement in this situation and tells us that this is not a command from God. He says it’s good to remain single, but there’s nothing wrong with marrying. He warns that marriage can lead to troubles. 

Finally, in verses 32-35, he tells us “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” In other words, those who are married (and it’s implied also, those who have sex) have divided interests. They want to please their partner while those who are unmarried can live with undivided devotion to the Lord.

That was just 1 Corinthians 7. In Matthew 19:12, Jesus says “For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” The different kinds of eunuchs that Jesus refers to could very well include asexuals. There are asexuals born without the desire for sex, those who became asexual for different reasons, and those who simply choose not to have sex. 

The Bible is very much for asexuals. There is nowhere in the Bible that God commands everyone to get married and have sex. If anything, He recognizes that everyone is made different and He has different plans for each of us. For some of us, that means not getting married. 

I know that was long winded, but I hope it helped. God will give you the answers you search for. He loves you for who you are. If you feel that the word “asexual” fits you, then feel free to use it. There’s nothing wrong with being asexual and Christian.

I see a bunch of posts saying if your asexuality or aromanticism is caused or influenced by trauma or mental illness or neurodiversity or something, it’s still valid.

I see a lot of posts saying asexuality isn’t something that needs to be cured, that a-spec people aren’t broken and don’t need to be fixed. That people are naturally born this way.

I also see a ton of posts telling everyone it’s ok if their labels change, that sexuality is fluid and identifying as something different before or after or now doesn’t invalidate the person’s orientation at any point. That if it’s useful for the person now, they can use it.

But I don’t see a lot of posts, actually basically none, that actually address the point where those things intersect.

If your asexuality or aromanticism is caused or influenced by something, your orientation is valid, and it doesn’t mean you couldn’t have been a-spec without it. Maybe you were born this way, maybe you were made this way, but no matter how you got here, you are still a wonderful valid person.

You are not broken if you do not feel you are.

It is also completely OK for you to feel like you are.

If you feel your orientation is something that is only temporary, because of mental illness or trauma, and you had labels you identified as before and want to identify as them again, you are so valid.

It is ok for you to think something broke and for you to want to repair or mend it. If you have a bowl because the top part of a clay vase broke, it’s ok to want a vase again. Kintsukuroi creates beautiful art out of broken pottery people mended.

It is also so ok for you to feel like some part of you is broken, and to want to let it remain that way. You don’t have to fix it. People make mosaics out of broken glass, and they are far more beautiful than the beer bottles they came from.

It’s also ok to not know how you feel about it. To feel like some days there is nothing wrong with you and other days to feel that part of you is just shattered shards of something else.

No matter what, you are valid and your experiences and feelings about your orientation are valid.

anonymous asked:

(Sorry long ask) So I've been seriously considering the fact that I'm asexual for a while now, but I'm confused on things because while I don't have the desire for sex or ever think of people in a sexual way I do love kissing and just lightly making out with people, but it's not a "I want your body" kind of thing? It's more along the lines of an emotional thing I guess? But I've had people tell me that means I'm not ace and others say I still am and now I'm back to second guessing myself.

This sounds like an ace experience to me, personally. It’s worth remembering that asexuality is not behaviour–and even in cases where you feel like you behaviour is a factor in your orientation, YOU are the only one who gets to decide where your personal boundaries are. Nobody else gets to decided that for you, or tell you who you are, or argue with the way you experience your life and your feelings. If ace feels right for you, it’s right for you. End of story.


anonymous asked:

Hey Mister, I'm sorry to bother. My daddy isn't feel okay this morning mood wise. He made me feel boring last night and because of circumstances (he's sleeping I can't even hear him) I hung up our Skype call. This morning I told him how I felt now he feels bad about it and that's okay but his mood is shitty like I've done something wrong or that we just fought over something I did. Any advice on how to help him feel any better?

In my experience with this kind of thing it’s not that you have done anything wrong… it’s that he feels incredibly guilty, embarrassed… and is probably suffering daddy drop, and needs some aftercare.

He may act like he doesn’t or try to play it off, but is men are a stubborn prideful bunch who need to learn that it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes.

A little is her daddy’s stuffie.

As much as you should allow him to be daddy, he needs to allow you to be his comfort. Draw him a picture, record yourself singing to him or expressing words of affirmation, bring up really awesome memories…. do things that make you smile a lot when you think about them in regards to him.

He should warm up and get back to normal soon.

I was just being emo and sentimental when I made that post about new fans like I didn’t expect it to blow up but I’m glad it did bc so many people have replied and said this is gonna be their first comeback and I get that nice excited feeling all over again and idk it’s just special to watch ppl experience something for the first time it kind of makes me feel like I’m seeing it with new eyes as well.

Oh my god so

i placed a hat on the end of my movable clothe rack i use for drying laundry and the forgot about it so when i saw it out of the corner of my eyes i almost died of a heart attack because HOLY SHIT IT’S TALL PAUL FROM THE BLACK TAPES AND HE WANTS MY SOUL so the lesson learned here is to

1 keep better track of your belongings and

2 don’t stay awake for forty hours or you’ll see demons

fandoms-4-life1595  asked:

Now I'm interested, what do the last names of the characters mean?

I just spent a while writing this and I just realized this is kind of sad. So heads up on sentimental stuffs.

The last names of the characters have a lot of meaning to me.

In fact a LOT of the characters I’ve created have some memories of some real person or something attached to them. They all share traits, past experiences, and sometimes personalities of real people/events.

I write what I imagine as well as things based off of real experiences, people, and emotions. 

That being said, the video game Final Fantasy XI had a HUGE impact on my life. Heck, the name “Aphmau” comes from that game. I played FFXI for 10 years and it’s… really hard to describe. It was amazing and life changing.

I had a lot of online friends in FFXI. Sadly, I’ve lost contact with almost all of them – we used to talk for days and had a lot of adventures in the game together. From enjoying the game for what it was to talking about real life things that were going on, those peeps were close to me… and I find myself missing them often.

 Eventually we all grew apart.Either real life or something else took us out of it and I lost contact with everyone. Most of us never got connected outside of the game either – so I have no idea where the majority of them are these days.

 The story of that game… the people I met… the experiences I had on that game were too real to even describe. It was when MMO’s were first on the rise so you couldn’t go to a website have all the answers given to you, you had to work with others in game to learn. (Not saying that you can’t these days but How-To guides that go up almost instantly pretty much suck the fun out of figuring things out.)

The last names of the characters are from area’s in FFXI.

Those last names have some ties to people and/or events in the game.


Valkrum Dunes

This is the only one I can get into character personality at the moment without getting spoiler-y. Valkrum Dunes was a place where noobs would first go to level up – it’s where you’d learn how to be your class in the game with other people in a party. Since people were noobs and wanted that sweet “I got me an online girlfrand!” status, there were a lot of new players who would flirt – you were bound to find someone with a Travis-like personality there eventually. I had this white mage friend who I compare Travis to sometimes. He was a white haired elf and he would only power-level pretty ladies – a real ass gem. I got to know him past that and he was a real cool guy. He just like the idea of flirting and stuff, but never really did that with me after we became friends. I have no idea where he is these days.There were events here I can’t get into for spoiler reasons.There is also a real person some of Travis’s personality stems from as well.



This place I really can’t get into the backstory of without getting spoiler-y. So I’m just going to show a picture of it.


Castle Zvahl Baileys

This place also has spoiler-y things involved in it. One thing I can reveal though that in the main plot of FFXI had the characters involved in this place experience a lot of strife.


Each has a “easter egg” story behind them and while I can’t get into them at the moment, maybe someday I can reveal that stuff.  

Heck, there have been times where I’ve thought about doing a FFXI-based RP about online friendships/relationships/adventures in an MMORPG and putting those actual stories into there.

Again, that game was something I cannot describe, nor have I ever managed to find another MMO that replicates those experiences/relationships.

Right now the people, fans, and artists who I have found through my YouTube channel are the next chapter in online relationships in my life right now and I couldn’t be happier to know them. (laaaaaameeeee LOL! …but really. Thank you for being with me.)