i'm just going to miss moments like this so much

4

my favorite scene*

The barely-suppressed panic in Delphine’s voice as she tries to dissuade Cosima from leaving, spouting arguments that ring hollow because she has forfeited the right to say “I love you, don’t go” and she knows it. Cosima’s tearful smile when she says “I came back for you” (aka the point at which I get something in my eye and/or my allergies start acting up). The way Delphine’s voice breaks when she asks “Why didn’t you tell me.” She’s trying so hard to hold it together.

And that kiss. The desperation in it; the longing. This is the truly remarkable thing about this scene: I want these two to kiss–I’ve been dying for them to kiss for the past seven and a half episodes–and when they finally kiss, it breaks my fucking heart. Because it doesn’t change anything. This isn’t them getting back together like they need to do, goddamn it; It’s just a slip. A moment of weakness.

It was tragic. Tragedy doesn’t necessarily have to be someone murdered in cold blood. Done correctly–and I will fight anybody who says this scene didn’t do it correctly–it can be two people who need one another kept apart by duty and circumstances.

Here’s where I finally start getting pissed off about Delphine’s shooting in 3x10. It didn’t bother me much when I first watched it. I already knew she’d be back. I wasn’t saddened or shocked or outraged. At worst, I was annoyed. Eight or nine episodes without my fave. Great. But lately, I’ve been comparing and contrasting it with this scene, this achingly beautiful, profoundly sad moment, and it’s like John Fawcett and Graeme Manson didn’t even know what they had. Somehow, they were able to watch this and say,”Eh, it’s just not tragic enough.” Shooting Delphine was cheap, obvious, and utterly unnecessary.


*it’s possible that this will eventually be supplanted by something from 5x05 or 5x08. Too early to tell. I’ll let you know after I’ve watched all their season 5 scenes a zillion times.

((I started thinking about how Jeremy comes to terms with his feelings for Michael and then I started literally crying because it’s such a bittersweet moment like? He’s just sitting there watching a video feed of Michael at a tournament whispering “I love you. I love you. I love you” over and over until he breaks down crying and sobbing and saying “I miss you, Ehm, I miss you, I want to see you” and it hurts so much since he knows how badly he hurt Michael and he’s so terrified that they’ll never be friends again but he wants to see him so much!! But he’s too scared to approach him about the matter and just watches and pines from afar…

Just ughh my heart these boys wreck me))

All I have is my humanity.
I am so soft.
I am so soft.
I am so soft.
I often repeat myself.
As if I am trying to convince myself of what I am saying.
As if I am running from my words but they are stones in my shoes and I am falling after every breath.

Listen;
Someone told me I should write a book.
Instead
I looked at the clouds and counted how many looked like the way your lips would feel across my neck.

Listen;
I am tearing out pages of the bible and strangling God with prophecy that is my soul.
I know the moon too well for her to spill my secrets.

I thought we would grow old together.
Birth babies like laughter together.
But I am waking up in the middle of the day to see your face screaming voicelessly and I would rather run straight for the fucking edge of this earth than never hear you say my name.

I am shaking, darling.

People are staring at my paranoia and my suffering is so loud.

Last night I had a dream that we were standing in a room of mirrors and I tried to reach for you.

Last night I had a dream that we were standing in a room of mirrors and I tried to reach for you.

Goddammit.

Last night I had a dream that we were standing in a room of mirrors and I tried to reach for you.

I could see you cracking open your ribcage and I wanted nothing more than to hide your hands in mine and kiss you back together.
Kiss every broken bone created by you and by me and by me.

I know you are scared of my hands.
They have always been so destructive.
But for you,
I would break them back and make them as soft as Beethoven’s fifth secret.

I know you are scared of my heart.
It has always beat everyone who has tried to turn me into water.
Something that flows so easily.
No rough edges.
No cracked centers.
But for you,
I would break it open and make it as holy as the verses you whispered into me the night you told me you loved me.

—  There is a dream stuck in the head of every lover. A dream of about to be hit. But even God will expose her bones if it means she gets to sleep inside of hands forever.

anonymous asked:

Hello! Any tips on surviving the Cancer season? I'm already feeling extra emotive and missing a man I used to see. I feel like I'm not gonna go through this season without making the mistake of following my ~heart~ instead of my reason... sigh

hello~if it’s one thing about cancer season you should know, it’s that following your heart, gut instinct and emotions are not mistakes. just like any cancerian lesson, do not dwell on your past for too long, so much that your heart lives in it, but instead deeply reflect on it & utilize it for the present moment. 

I’m sitting here just really sad and emotional because it’s one of those moments that’s like, okay it’s just over, it’s done and I think it’s just I’m going to miss the friendships on the show and the actors on set and hanging out and mostly just enjoying this whole thing with you guys. 

I’ve changed and grown so much throughout the entire series and you guys have been there for me through it all so thank you. Thank you for your support and friendship. 

That’s a wrap on a chunk of my life and I’m so grateful I got to share it all with you. 

Originally posted by chai-hansen

Originally posted by immortalityspencer

anonymous asked:

we're going to out my cat down tomorrow and i just can't believe it he's alive with us, right here, curled beside me and tomorrow he's just going to be lifeless. it hurts me so much to lose him, he's like my soul mate. no one else is going to love me like he does. no one else is going to always be there on those late night sobs. i'm going to miss him so much.

omg i am so so sorry. losing a pet is so hard. make the last moments count. pet him and tell him he’s loved. im sorry again :-(

So I watched the Last Dam Job last night, and I’m still having feelings about it today. I’ve seen every episode of Leverage multiple times, but I don’t always have good streaming quality for Netflix, so I’ve missed a lot of details. But last night I had excellent quality and was very much paying attention.

And there was that moment when Eliot is holding a gun and is SERIOUSLY considering shooting a guy in the face just so his father figure wouldn’t have to go through with it, and his hand is literally shaking. So bad.

I just

Little angry cinnamon roll isn’t actually murderous and is proud of who he has become and doesn’t kill people anymore

My heart

anonymous asked:

would you write a blurb about michael deciding he wanted to play teacher/student with you and there's a lot of dirty talk and he's really into you calling him 'mr clifford' omf

O M G 

You and Michael would be really close in your relationship, like, you honestly felt comfortable telling each other everything. It was like you would be best friends as well as bf and gf. But still you wouldn’t have been prepared for him to, like, completely randomly, ask if you’d play out his biggest kink with him. So you’d be on the lounge just watching a movie (and the movie wouldn’t even be related to anything sexual. Like it would TMNT or some shit) and he’d be cuddling you from behind and you could sense he was kinda distant but you didn’t mind because he had a lot going on and was probably sorting through it all in his head

But then he’d just mumble, ‘babbbyyy,’ and he sounded like a whiney little shit, but you knew he was probably really tired and delusional and you were willing to get the exhausted boy whatever he wanted. So you’d be like, 'hmmm?’ and then he’d put his head to rest on his hand which would now be propped up by his elbow and he’d really slowly and gently be running his fingers in your hair. And you’d look up at him and his face would be so un-readable, like, you wouldn’t have seen the facial expression before, and he’s just be flat out suddenly like, ‘I want to play teacher/student and I want to fuck you for being a naughty girl.’

AND MEANWHILE your brain is like… what the fuck. Was not expecting that shit at all man. And you’d go to say something but your words would choke up and Michael would notice and then he’d just laugh a little bit and be like, ‘I’m just joking, babe, don’t worry,’ and he’d crawl back behind you and you’d be like OMG. Because you weren’t even against it, you were just shocked because that came out of nowhere

So anyway, you would feel awful because Michael would’ve been acting super off and a bit not-talkative at all the next day and poor boy, like, he’s just been so over-worked and you felt so bad for your muffin. So you’d be like fuck this, he is getting a surprise when he gets home from work. And you’d actually go out and buy a really cute little tartan mini skirt and you’d get some super sexy underwear and like omg a white shirt that wouldn’t really fit over your boobs and your tie would fall between the cleavage and it wouLD BE SO FUN DRESSING UP, DONT EVEN TALK TO ME

and michael would get home from the studio and you’d be sitting in your bedroom like leaning back on the bed on your hands and your legs would be crossed and swinging off the bed. And Michael would just walk in and LITERALLY drop his shit on the floor and his mouth would drop too, and you’d be like, shit, need to say something so, ‘Hi Mr.Clifford.’ AND YOU’D SOUND SO INNOCENT AND MICHAEL WOULD NEED TO TAKE A MOMENT to register and he’d react with like, 'Miss, I’m glad you turned up for your detention,’ and he would sound so serious like he was getting straight into the role and your mind was already racing ahead to when he was going to fuck you and you’d be getting so wet already and HELPPPPPPPP MEEEEEE

So you’d have to keep calm as much as possible and thank God, michael would just take control and do all the talking and all the action, and he would sit down and make you stand up and be like, 'now if you’re going to wear that outfit in class and tease me so that I get a boner while teaching then I think you need to apologise to me,’ and you’d be so naive and biting your lip like, 'I’m so sorry, Mr Clifford,’ and he’d just be stern like, 'no, love, you apologise by stripping for me and sucking my cock.’

and holy shit michael he’d go so long without touching you until finally he’d have you sitting on his lap and he’d put his hand under your skirt and just have a one finger stroke back to front over your panties and you would just whimper so fucking loudly and he would have the biggest grin ever on his face and be patronising like, 'oh, honey, my poor baby, you’re so wet, baby girl, your pussy’s dripping for me,’ and you would involuntarily raise your hips into his hand and almost groan because you’re so horny by now but he would just be revelling in this shit 

AND LIKE IT WOULD TAKE SO LONG UNTIL HE JUST FINALLY SHOVED HIS COCK INTO YOU AND YOU’D BE SCREAMING WHEN HE did but then he’d yell above you, 'SCREAM MY FUCKING NAME, BABY,’ and you’d just forget it all and be like, 'YES, MICHAEL,’ and he’d actual like pause inside you and grip your hair and pull you up to him and be like spitting, ‘That’s Mr.Clifford to you,’ and then you’d turn into this hopeless moaning mess like, 'oh God, yes Sir, oh, oh, Mr.Clifford, harder, please, yes,’ and eventually he’d just lose completely control and not care anymore before he came undone like, ‘oh ffuck, sweet heart, fuck, I love you so much, baby, yes, you’re so beautiful, oh baby, shit, i-i—i-“

anonymous asked:

I lost my 16-year-old little sister last Sunday. It was very sudden and very fast. She wasn't afraid in her final moments, but I don't have religion or any sort of belief system to help me through this grief. I loved her more than anything and I feel like I'm missing a limb. Is there any way I can ask for some sort of comforting words? Even just knowing that someone is listening or cares would help a lot. You're such a beautiful person and your words always bring me comfort and peace.

I am so unbelievably sorry. No one should have to go through what you are going through right now. She sounds brave and I’m sure that she knew how much you loved her. Sister love is sacred.

I believe that her light has spread out like a fog over the earth. She is everywhere, now, and never alone. And never lonely.

anonymous asked:

The video though, I totally got a 'we're united by someone we lost' vibe. Like the guys sitting alone in random places around the house like they need a moment alone and then the end where they're sitting on the car looking out into the distance. Like it's one year later after losing a friend and so they decide to go on a road trip like the one they went on before the person died and did all the things they did together and went to all the same places and they just miss them so much. I'm a mess.

oh my god