i'm in love with this bag!

NHL Bitty, Part II - Bitty v. Jack: Chirping

They live apart three-quarters of the year, their physical sex life is basically nonexistent, so Jack and Bitty have a lot of pent up energy and bring all of their problems to the ice because where else are they going to hash things out? It’s a good thing they don’t play each other often, because every Falconers v. Schooners game is a nightmare of awkward chirps, agressive hugging and sexual innuendo. It’s like the worst form of couples therapy imaginable. ESPN stops putting mics on them because they can’t edit enough out to make it appropriate.

___________

Bitty skates by, obviously furious at the call, but instead of turning on the linesman he hones in on Jack, snarling, “Seriously, a Ferrari? Trying to score some 80s side-action? I thought your whole thing was proving you aren’t your father.”

Bitty gets right up against him, pressing in tight but not moving to drop his gloves or grab at Jack’s jersey. They both know exactly what this is, and Jack pushes down the reflexive spike of want, grinning around his mouth guard.

“That’s rich coming from you – could you have purchased larger truck? Compensating for something, Itty Bitty?”

Bitty spits out his mouth guard. “After we kick your fucking ass, I’m going to take you home and remind you how ‘itty bitty’ I am.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time–”

“Enough. Save foreplay for bedroom.” Tater groans, yanking Jack away from his husband. 

Jack yells, “Are we still fighting?”

“Yes!” Bitty shouts, skating backwards to his own bench. “I hate your new publicist and fuck you for approving that photo where it looks like I have two chins.”

“Fight or fuck. You do neither and ruin both.” Tater mutters over the roar of the crowd. “How you married I do not understand.”

“We only play each other a few times a year. If we get all the tough shit out when we play, we can leave it on the ice.”

From across the ice, Bitty mouths ‘love you’ and Jack blows a kiss in return. Tater gags loudly. 

“That is not what ‘leave it on the ice’ supposed to mean, Zimmboni.”

good morning, it’s me: Bad Cat

anonymous asked:

Is there a bag of mix gummy fazbears? Because I think all the Bear Animatronics are all true gummy bears in the world! :D

…………..yes

BTS as things my mom's said
  • Seokjin: "Are you full? Do you want some more? I made more! Did you take your medicine?? You can take another one every four hours, it's been four hours."
  • Yoongi: "If you went to bed at a half decent time your whole life would be much easier."
  • Hoseok: "I like this AGUST D fellow. OK OK OK. *to the tune of 724148*"
  • Namjoon: *trips up the stairs* "God dammit! Every damn day! *whispers* Why does this always happen to me?"
  • Jimin: "Do you hear the birds? They want your cereal and I'm half tempted you throw the bowl out the window. The birds are hungry and I didn't buy seed."
  • Taehyung: "Nothing says happy retirement more than shit bags! We all know he's just going to be cleaning up his dogs shit for the rest of his life; it's practical."
  • Jungkook: "You see, I love this show because I know all the answers." *is watching family feud*
Imagine your OTP- Things I've said to my SO
  • "Why the fuck are there three different rolls of paper towels??"
  • "Do we need lessons on how ziplock bags work?"
  • "Taking off my clothes takes effort. I'm sleeping on the futon."
  • "At what point if any did it cross your mind that this might be a bad idea?"
  • "TECHNOLOGY HATES ME OH MY GOD I KILLED THE MICROWAVE."
  • "Wake me up if you want something!! Seriously! Sleepy sex is awesome!"
  • "Please kill it. Preferably with fire."
  • "See, this is why we're together. No one else could handle our terrible puns."
  • "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STAB YOURSELF OPENING YOUR ANNIVERSARY GIFT GO TO THE HOSPITAL."
  • "I love you. but I swear to you if you keep leaving lunch containers in the sink without putting soapy water in them I will kill you slowly."
  • "Dude, we're old... your brother just left with a 24-pack of bud ready to party, and we're sitting in front of the TV with Netflix and fancy cheese."
  • "These potatoes in the fridge are starting to flower... can I toss them?"
  • "Sleep is for those that haven't been struck with inspiration."
  • "I'll sleep when I'm dead."
  • "Sweetie, I appreciate the thought, but I meant A 50c PACKAGE of reeses, I didn't need the whole candy aisle."
  • "Goddamn it why are you so sweet."
  • "I just got out from babysitting and I am having my tubes tied immediately."
  • "I AM NOT CUTE GODDAMN IT I AM INTIMIDATING."
  • "Let me rephrase, I'm getting mongolian. if you'd like, you can come along, but if not, that's cool too. but I want mongolian."
  • "You bought WHAT for HOW MUCH?"
  • "I love your mother, but I almost reached across the table and wrapped my hands around her throat."
  • "Why do we even NEED more bass?"
  • "SCIENCE MOTHERFUCKER"
  • "You may want to hide the alcohol because I may die from how much and how badly I want to drink right now."
  • "Aaaack that freaks me out when you do that!!"
  • "Everything hurts and I'm dying, but I'm not pregnant this month so that's nice."
  • "STOP TICKLING ME YOU ASSHOLE I WILL NIPPLE PINCH YOU"
  • Isaac: What the hell is that?!
  • Derek confused, looking down at his bags: I went to the farmer’s market....
  • Erica, smirking: I don’t think we can all eat that.
  • Derek: ...
  • Boyd: You weren’t supposed to bring back the farmer.
  • Stiles, looking at his plaid shirt, pointing at the pack while walking away: I’m putting you all up for adoption!

i just want a Person™. someone where there is a mutual attraction between the two of us. someone who i can trust wholeheartedly and vent to them on facetime at 3 in the morning. that “sneak out through the window” relationship. someone to sit on a rooftop and observe the night sky with. someone who will get unapologetically drunk and high with me. someone to make love to. to goof around with. to take late night drives with no true destination with. to have a real life cliche trying on weird sunglasses and hats in a movie montage with. to order food in the middle of the night and just pig out with. to foolishly slow dance in the living room with. to travel the world with. someone who understands me. someone to give my whole heart and have it treated kindly for once. just Someone. i think i deserve that