i'm in love with a girl who doesn't know i exist

Hogwarts Headcannons
  • Give me Dean, muggleborn that he is, imitating Steve Irwin in Care of Magical Creatures class, much to everyone's confusion except for Harry and Hermione who are. On the ground. Unable to breathe. And refusing to explain why.
  • Give me Harry, demisexual that he is, realizing that the reason he can't stop obsessing over Draco is because Draco is the one who saw - and subsequently disliked - 'Harry', and not The Boy Who Lived. Realizing that Draco was the only one to first talk to him for HIM, in that robe shop, and not his parents or fame (because even Ron and Hermione did that at first). And thus, leading to him randomly starting crying in the middle of lunch and claiming he's doomed, much to everyone's fear.
  • Give me Seamus, pyro that he is, super happy one Christmas when Hermione buys him a book on fire caution, flammable materials, and elements such as magnesium. Thus afterward, the mysterious fires that have always happened are far more safe and controlled.
  • Give me Luna, wonderful airhead that she is, being stared at as, calm as anything, she waltzes right into the Slytherin common room and starts talking to the mermaids like its absolutely normal. A first year drops a book he's staring so hard, because HOW DID SHE KNOW THE PASSWORD. Draco just sighs, gets up, goes over to her, and offers her tea.
  • Give me Draco. Who looks on as Neville offers Harry rhubarb pie that he made himself, as Harry stares forlornly at his Treacle Tart, and makes and annoyed sound. "Dammit Longbottom he hates bittersweets." The Slytherins stare and Pansy just mutters "How do you even know these things. Merlin, help him realize."
  • Give me Parvati, who is being constantly mistaken for her sister by Ron, who panics and screams "IM A LESBIAN" when it gets to be too much.
  • Give me Ron, who stares wide-eyes from a distance whenever he sees Padma from that moment on for a full week, until Padma flips out too and hexes him. Parvati awkwardly wonders why Ron starts getting scared whenever she tries to approach from then on, since she knows Ron doesn't have problems due to that sort of thing from how he handles Harry.
  • Give me the thirty or so of the school's Muggle-raised, who made the mistake of showing their folks howlers, and react accordingly whenever one of the families sends one that is just a recording of Rick Astley, or High School Musical, or spoilers for Doctor Who. And the Wizard-raised just... staring... in fear... watching their savior and multiple other students as they run around screaming and crying in an absolute panic for some reason even though it was a different student that got the weird howler.
  • Give me Harry, whose hair surprises people by being dark red like his mother's when in direct sunlight. And usually at the Weasley den they're inside, but one day Harry joins them outside for a picnic, and Molly is so confused about where Harry went to then has do do a mental tally of her children.
  • Give me George, who in the midst of the final battle, hit Lucius with an Anaticula curse, so that every spell he tries makes a duck instead. And the Death Eaters are just so confused. "Lucius... is that a duck?"
  • Give me the Gryffindor common room. The new first years suggest Monopoly for game night. The entire room goes dead silent. One first year tries to ask what they did wrong. "Never mention that game again," is the only response they get. "But why-" "NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR. WE NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR." Their brave upperclassman Neville yells, trembling. Hermione starts crying. Harry goes into a panic attack. Ron whispers, "There are many reasons we don't talk about sixth year. If The Incident had been the only thing that happened, we would only not talk about The Incident. Many things happened that year. Thus, we do not speak of that year, or of that game."
  • Give me McGonagall, who struggles to control the cat population, because while students are told to have their cats fixed you know not all 100 students that brought cats did so. Her curling up around a litter that lost their mother to illness. Training them to stalk the corridors. Albus had his ways of getting information, and hers is the spy network of cats.
  • Give me muggleborns singing everything from Phantom of the Opera to Katy Perry in the corridors. Singing We Will Rock You to a pureblood who disses them for it. The purebloods thinking the weird songs and their tunes are some kind of Rite of Passage and fleeing whenever a muggleborn student starts singing. Altering song lyrics. "I throw my ferret in the air some-times, singin EEEEEEEYO, this is DRAAAAAACO!"
  • Give me muggleborns that are really confused about the whole quill instead of pens things, throwing transfigured pokeballs in Care of Magical Creatures, the band students bringing kazoos and harmonicas and the wizrd-raised students that are just so confused as to how those things even work, because it must be some sort of air magic, right??
  • Give me muggleborns making entire conversations out of pop culture references specifically to confuse some Slytherin who just called one girl a Mudblood. "These are not the droids you were looking for." "I'm right on top of that now Rose, I promise." -jazz hands-
  • Give me muggleborns with Patronus that are things like Pikachu, velociraptors, the quiet Canadian transfer student with a moose patronus the size of a SMALL HOUSE, the one whose is a angeled-out Castiel, the one whose patronus is the democrat donkey and another the republican elephant and the two, previously best friends, become mortal enemies rivaling the fame of Harry and Draco.
  • Give me muggleborns hugging each other before break, promising to 'call' each other, trading weird codes, how they can't wait to go for 'sushi' or planning that trip together to 'disneyland' where they can go flying?? But no one's allowed magic?? Or flying?? And the wizard-raised think that somehow, shockingly,<i> these children totally new to our world have developed a way to cheat the system?? Muggleborns are badasses!!</i>
  • Give me muggleborns who are fully aware that the anti-tech wards were made when, like, radios barely even existed, much less cellphone towers and microprocessors, so while they can't turn them on inside the stone school walls there's this group that Harry joins constantly that just sit there in silence staring at these tiny things and sometimes randomly laughing hysterically, and every now and then standing and just running all the way across to the other side of the lake all at the same time with no signal whatsoever. The purebloods are <i>terrified</i> of this frequent happening.
  • Give me Harry, Hermione, Dean, and Justin from the D.A, muggleborns they are, doing a movie night every week to help the D.A. relax and bond. They re-start this after the battles, during eighth year, with several other people such as the returned Slytherins joining in. The entire year they play things like Tangled, The Breakfast Club, Brave, Lion King. But then the last four weeks, they announce they don't want to mislead everyone that everything is all fun and rainbows. The last four movies are My Sister's Keeper, The Shining, Marley and Me, and for the last week, a marathon of the entire Jurassic Park series.
  • Give me Hufflepuffs, who secretly are very relieved to be the 'normal' House. Jocks over there, know-it-alls over there, goth wannabees over there, now lets go camp out by the kitchens we're gonna need it to survive the next seven years like this.
  • Give me Ravenclaws who are so done with the riddles when they stumble back at midnight after having fallen asleep in the Library. "What's the truth?" "THE TRUTH IS THAT I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN."
  • Give me the Trio, who use the Marauder's Map to find the most absolutely ridiculous routes to class, knowing every single one of the shortcuts. It's not odd for them to simply appear out of the ceiling. One day the new first years try to follow them, to learn the school better, but it doesn't go so well because then they try to go through a disappearing wall the Trio just did they instead run headfirst into it, and the next time they do behind a tapestry, down a waterside, around some sort of tower, causally past an entire doorless room full of bats, and somehow come out on the complete other side of the castle.
  • Give me Draco whose just completely had it with Harry's staring and confronts him, like they always do, and Harry just blurts out that he likes Draco's new haircut and can he touch his hair, and Draco so shocked he lets him. "Potter stop treating me like a cat I'm evil remember? Bloody hell have you gone daft?!" "But... it's soft..." "I hate you." But he just can't find any anger over this, so there's like no venom whatsoever in it and Harry can't stop giggling.
  • Give me Ginny, who can't stop giggling as Luna confuses the fuck out of an entire crowd with her way of speaking, and who during seventh year could 100% get away with insulting the Death Eaters because of the way she said things. Who after Luna used said tactic to get her out of a Crucio punishment just clung to Luna, shaking, and realizing that she loves Luna so much for this very reason. That there will never be another person like Luna in her life, ever.
  • Give me Harry, who was not really well educated while living at the Dursleys, who couldn't read very well but was wonderful at sneaking around, little tricks like hiding things, and loved music. He taught himself magic tricks, and MERLIN ALMIGHTY THIS 11 YEAR OLD KID HAS MASTERED VANISHING SPELLS, WHAT, HOW, and Percy, uptight prefect he is, just looses it.
  • Give me Ron walking in on Harry talking to some random snake in their dorm room, laughing like the snake said a particularly good joke, tipping his head and smiling as he responds, the python slowly curling up his arm to rest over his shoulder. Ron freezes, stares, and then slowly backs away, closes the door and stands there staring at it for a full half hour in absolute horror.
  • Give me the rest of the D.A. walking into the Room of Requirement and hearing screaming, Dean shrieking that he's going to murder someone, Hermione crying, Justin cursing like a sailor yelling for everyone to stop, and the rest panic and run around the corner and there the four Muggle-raised students are. With some sort of odd device in their hands. Playing Mario Kart.

Lame adaptations and sequels are always like, “how can Mina go back to her stifling Victorian marriage after her experience with the dark, seductive Dracula??”

Meanwhile, Mina marries her best friend, who she’s known since they were children, who she share common interests with, they build a home together, work as partners, make immense sacrifices for each other, support each other through their traumas.

Guys, a marriage isn’t stifling and restrictive just because two people… get along, I guess?

  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: why does jughead say there were only really three people in that booth when he was DEFINITELY THERE AS A SOLID FOURTH PERSON? does he mean the other three only had eyes for each other? does he mean he felt he didn't belong there, or does he mean that he feels he fundamentally doesn't matter to these people, who seem to be the only people he knows and is at least vaguely friendly with? what happened between jughead and archie? why does jughead think this boy who took a hard punch for him doesn't care about him? how quickly did archie start to call betty his "best friend" after he ditched jughead? or was that already how it was? why does nobody tell jughead every day that is wonderful and worthwhile and that he is very funny and actually jughead it's very nice to see you happy sometimes although sure sardonic sad mooning insomniac is a surprisingly good look on your face, well done on that? does jughead understand archie not-hugging him as a selfless act of love against archie's own nature because look at archie, he's a giant confused teddy bear who just wants to hug his friends because that's how he communicates feelings best? does archie understand that too? does jughead feel like in order to be able to survive high school he has to not exist as himself or a person for much of it? is he just trying to disappear to survive? in which case why is his sass-o-meter constantly turned up to 11? why doesn't he have a little coterie of freshman journo-wannabes with unfortunate beanies? do any of jughead's friends admire his hair from a respective distance but sincerely tell jughead that it looks good? when is veronica going to carefully paint his nails in with a scuzzy black nail varnish? why does this mean so much to me? jughead deserves many hugs and burgers entirely on his own terms!!!! why doesn't archie hold him, respectfully, in private!!!! "is this ok man? i just... i missed you, you know?" while archie's dad sheds an Extremely Proud tear bc the boys Need Each Other, They Always Have. is veronica ever going 2 get 2 say "it's time to be the protagonist in your own story, girl!" to jughead? is he ever going to get to know that he is loved and hat he deserves to b loved???? THIS IS THE ONLY SUSPENSE I NEED

anonymous asked:

what exactly is happening between fans and tarjei/david? who tf asked tarjei for a kiss? what is going on? honestly i cringe everytime i see a video of him, he is so blatantly uncomfortable. he's an angel who doesn't deserve creepy people feeling entitled to have photos with him

Hello sunshine!! 

Well, I don’t know how much true this is but I read on ig that while some girls were visiting Nissen, and NOT planning(!) to see Tarjei or David, they met with them. (I mean, wow man, I don’t know how they were there. What a luck!) Taryay wanted to leave but David didn’t let him. So he had to take pictures with them. And also I read somewhere that he asked for his teacher’s help to send fans away. The thing is he is there to be get some education. He doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable in his own school. He probably just wanted to take a break from his lessons and went to outside and guess what?? There was some fans who wants to take pictures and sometimes more, like a KISS! which I also heard that he was shook when the girl asked for a kiss and he asked “ON THE CHEEK, RIGHT? ” I mean hellllooooo! You are a stranger for him. He never saw you before. You watch him maybe million times on your computer  but he just met you! In which universe you think it’s okay to ask for a kiss ? He DID NOT know your existence until you came to HIS school. I know that people are going there because they love Skam and Tarjei/David and I appreciate this love and I am so sure that Tarjei does, too. But it’s not ok. People shouldn’t follow their footsteps. He has to be able to sit with his friends in the school’s garden. He has to be able to get some fucking fresh air. Man. Can you think about it, you just took the math or physic lesson and all you want to do is now just get some air but then BAM! there are people who are waiting for you and thinking that you should make them happy and that you should take picture with them and smile to them even though you don’t feel good. He doesn’t have to make you happy. He doesn’t owe you anything. And never ever blame him for this. You are the one who should be blamed. You are violating his personal space. I am really pissed off about this. Just leave him alone. Stop going to Nissen. Stop blocking Tarjei’s or David’s or other people’s,who are studying in there, education. IT IS NOT OK.

 I am sorry if this is so long for a simple ask but I’m really so unhappy about this…

Arctic Monkeys Lyric Starter Sentences
  • "Baby, I was made to break your heart."
  • "I wish you'd stop ignoring me."
  • "Oh I'm in trouble again, aren't I?"
  • "I thought as much."
  • "Can't we just laugh and joke around?"
  • "I'm sorry I was late."
  • "I missed the train and then the traffic was a state."
  • "You say I don't care but of course I do."
  • "Who's that girl there?"
  • "What a scummy man."
  • "I'm sorry, love, but I'll have to turn you down."
  • "What are the chances?"
  • "I've got a feeling in my stomach."
  • "She must be fucking freezing."
  • "I hope you're not involved at all."
  • "Sorry, sunshine, it doesn't exist."
  • "Whatever that means."
  • "Who'd want to be men of the people when there's people like you?"
  • "Landed in a very common crisis."
  • "Where did you go?"
  • "You're not coming back again."
  • "You've had enough."
  • "If I'd have known then I wouldn't have said it."
  • "If I predicted tears then I wouldn't have said it."
  • "I don't know what it is that they want."
  • "I haven't got it to give."
  • "When you look at me like that, my darling, what did you expect?"
  • "I probably still adore you with your hands around my neck."
  • "I did last time I checked."
  • "I crumble completely when you cry."
  • "Have you no idea that you're in deep?"
  • "I dreamt about you nearly every night this week."
  • "How many secrets can you keep?"
  • "There's this tune I found that makes me think of you."
  • "Was sort of hoping that you'd stay..."
  • "The nights were mainly made for saying thats that you can't say tomorrow day."
  • "Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?"
  • "Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new..."
  • "I've thought it through."
  • "I'm sorry to interrupt."
  • "I don't know if you feel the same as I do."
  • "We could be together if you wanted to."
  • "Ever thought of calling darling?"
  • "Do you want me crawling back to you?"
  • "Here isn't where I wanna be."
  • "All I wanna hear her say is "Are you mine?""
  • "Are you mine?"
  • "Satisfaction feels like a distant memory."
  • "Are you mine tonight?"
  • "I saw this coming from the start."
  • "There's no need to show me 'round."
  • "Will you pour me one for the road?"
  • "Don't get that sinking feeling."
  • "Don't fall apart."
  • "Soundtrack to disaster."
  • "The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes."
  • "You can't be sure."
  • "She's a modern lover."
  • "Her lips are like the galaxy's edge."
  • "I want it all."
  • "Ain't it just like you to kiss me and then hit the road."
  • "Come on, come on, come on."
  • "It's not like I'm falling in love."
  • "I just want you to do me no good."
  • "You look like you could."
  • "She's with me."
  • "I can't explain."
  • "It's kinda strange now that you're gone."
  • "There's all these secrets that I can't keep."
  • "Has it gone for good?"
  • "Isn't it hard to make up your mind?"
  • "I suspect you already know?"
  • "I thought I was yours forever?"
  • "Maybe i was mistaken."
  • "I cannot manage to make it through the day without thinking of you."
  • "But I'm not finished."
  • "I thought I saw you leaving, carrying your shoes."
  • "I'm trying to change your mind."
  • "Left you multiple missed calls."
  • "Why'd you only call me when you're high?"
  • "I need a partner."
  • "It's harder and harder to get you to listen."
  • "Sort of feels like I'm running out of time."
  • "I haven't found what I was hoping to find."
  • "You gotta be up in the morning."
  • "You're starting to bore me, baby."
  • "What have you been up to?"
  • "I heard that you fell in love."
  • "I gotta tell you the truth..."
  • "Snap out of it."
  • "I'll be here, waiting ever so patiently."
  • "Forever isn't for everyone."
  • "Darling, how could you be so blind?"
  • "You made it all alright."
  • "I had nothing to lose."
  • "You call the shots babe."
  • "I just wanna be yours."

Imagine Alice singing “I Won’t Say I’m In Love” from Hercules as she slowly lures Bendy into her trap of luring him into being Exorcised out of existence from her given to cleanse the mortal realm of this evil, knowing very well it’s against the law of the lord to develop a relationship for an impure creature born from flames and ashes of tormented souls in purgatory known as a demon but can’t help but start to feel like maybe this could be real for her?  Maybe the bishop was wrong about Bendy, he doesn’t seem evil… cheeky yes, but he isn’t actively trying to steal Boris’ soul anymore. Could she still go through with it? ;)c  -Admin Lei

Mean Girls Starters
  • ❝If you're from Africa, why are you white?❞
  • ❝Oh my God, [name], you can't just ask people why they're white.❞
  • ❝Boo, you whore!❞
  • ❝Nice wig, [name]. What's it made of?❞
  • ❝Your Mom's chest hair!❞
  • ❝On Wednesdays we wear pink!❞
  • ❝Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining [name]'s life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.❞
  • ❝Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic.❞
  • ❝You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!❞
  • ❝See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, [name], for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with [name], [name]? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.❞
  • ❝And I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back!❞
  • ❝That is so fetch!❞
  • ❝Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!❞
  • ❝God! I am so sorry [name]. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big lesbian crush on you! Suck on that! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!❞
  • ❝[Name], I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.❞
  • ❝And none for [name], bye!❞
  • ❝Get in loser, we're going shopping.❞
  • ❝Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.❞
  • ❝I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...❞
  • ❝She doesn't even go here!❞
  • ❝Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George?❞
  • ❝I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.❞
  • ❝I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.❞
  • ❝Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.❞
  • ❝One time she met John Stamos on a plane... And he told her she was pretty.❞
  • ❝One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome.❞
  • ❝Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?❞
  • ❝Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.❞
  • ❝Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!❞
  • ❝[Name] had cracked.❞
  • ❝Hell, no. I did *not* leave the South Side for this!❞
  • ❝Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin, 'cause I use super-jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!❞
  • ❝There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!❞
  • ❝I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.❞
  • ❝I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.❞
  • ❝Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to taco bell?❞
  • ❝I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD [name] you're so stupid!❞
  • ❝It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.❞
  • ❝That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.❞
  • ❝She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.❞
  • ❝That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.❞
  • ❝She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.❞
  • ❝And they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade.❞
  • ❝Oh my God - Danny DeVito! I love your work!❞
  • ❝At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia... and die.❞
  • ❝Is butter a carb?❞
  • ❝You can't sit with us!❞
  • ❝Fine! You can walk home, bitches.❞
  • ❝And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.❞
  • ❝My grandma takes her wig off when she's drunk.❞
  • ❝I love her. She's like a Martian!❞
  • ❝Are they not suppose to be let out when they're grounded?❞
  • ❝She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?❞
  • ❝I like invented her, you know what I mean?❞
  • ❝I just want you to know, if you ever need anything, don't be shy, OK? There are NO rules in the house. I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.❞
  • ❝Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know! Oh, God love ya.❞
  • ❝Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.❞
  • ❝Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.❞
  • ❝Regina George is not sweet! She's a scum-sucking road whore, she ruined my life!❞
  • ❝I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.❞
  • ❝Your face smells like peppermint!❞
  • ❝Oh, you'll get socialized all right, a little slice like you.❞
  • ❝You're a regulation hottie.❞
  • ❝We do not have a clique problem at this school.❞
  • ❝But you do have to watch out for "frenemies".❞
  • ❝I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you won't make fun of her!❞
  • ❝Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.❞
  • ❝I don't hate you cuz yo' fat... yo' fat cuz I hate you!❞
  • ❝You smell like a baby prostitute.❞
  • ❝Is your muffin buttered?❞
  • ❝Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?❞
  • ❝Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.❞
  • ❝Finally, Girl World was at peace.❞
  • ❝Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics.❞
  • ❝Damn, Africa, what happened?❞
  • ❝I saw [name] wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.❞
  • ❝Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?❞
  • ❝Make sure you check out her mom's boob job. They're hard as rocks.❞
  • ❝Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries.❞
  • ❝Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.❞
  • ❝Can you believe my f-ing mom is here?❞
  • ❝I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.❞
  • ❝I care. Every year the seniors through this dance for the underclassmen called the Spring Fling. And whosoever is elected King and Queen automatically become head of the Student Activities Committee and since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would safely say, I care.❞
  • ❝Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.❞
  • ❝Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?❞
  • ❝What are marijuana tablets?❞
  • ❝You cannot do that. That is social suicide. Damn! You are so lucky you have us to guide you.❞
  • ❝Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.❞
  • ❝Everyone in Africa knows Swedish.❞
  • ❝Made out with a hot dog? Oh my God that was one time!❞
  • ❝I know having a boyfriend might seem like the only thing important to you right now, but you don't have to dumb yourself down in order for a guy to like you.❞
  • ❝Come on! We could publish it and then everybody would see what an ax-wound she really is!❞
  • ❝And you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week, so I guess you chose today.❞
  • ❝She's not even that good looking if you really look at her.❞
  • ❝I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs.❞
  • ❝Watch out please! Fresh meat coming through!❞
  • ❝I'd rather see you out there shakin' that thang.❞
  • ❝You can do this. There's nothing to break your focus, because not one of those Marymount boys is cute.❞
  • ❝There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it.❞
  • ❝Well, I mean you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.❞
  • ❝The limit does not exist!❞
  • ❝I just wanted to say that you're all winners. And that I couldn't be happier the school year is ending.❞
  • ❝It's called the South Beach Fat Flush and all you drink is cranberry juice for 72 hours.❞
  • ❝She's fabulous, but she's evil.❞
  • ❝So, are you gonna send any candy canes?❞
  • ❝No. I don't send them, I just get them. So you better send me one, byotch.❞
  • ❝'Cause she's a life ruiner. She ruins people's lives.❞
  • ❝Oh no, I can't say anything else until I have a parent or lawyer present.❞
  • ❝Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple!❞
  • ❝Oh, no. It was coming up again, word vomit... no, wait a minute... Actual vomit.❞
  • ❝Grool... I meant to say cool and then I started to say great.❞
  • ❝I'm a cool mom! Right Regina?❞
  • ❝Good news, they didn't get run over... Bad news, they're still flat.❞
  • ❝Hey, hey, hey. How are my best girlfriends?❞
  • ❝Oh god, busted! Just start apologizing and crying. No, play it cool.❞
  • ❝I mean no offense, but how could she send you a candy cane? She doesn't even like you that much. Maybe she feels weird around me because I'm the only person who knows about her nose job. Oh my god, pretend you didn't hear that.❞
I'm so much happier 😊😊😊 now that I'm dead😵💀. Technically 🤔missing🕵. Soon to be presumed dead😵💀. Gone👋🏻. And my lazy 💤 lying 😈 shitting 💩 oblivious 🙄husband 💑 will go to prison 🚓 for my murder 🔪🔪🔪. Nick Dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money💰. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That's murder🔪🔪🔪. Let the punishment fit the crime. To fake a convincing murder 🔪🔪🔪 you have to have discipline💪. You befriend a local idiot💁. Harvest the details 👀📝 of her hundrum life and cram her with stories 📚 about your husband's 💑 violent temper 😡😡😡. Secretly create some money 💰 troubles: credit cards 💳, perhaps online gambling💻♠️♣️♥️♦️. With the help of the unwitting👱🏻, bump up⬆️⬆️ your life insurance💵. Purchase getaway car🚘. Craigslist. Generic. Cheap. Pay cash💵. You need to package 🎁 yourself so that people will truly mourn 😭😭😭 your loss. And America 🇺🇸 loves ♥️ pregnant 👶women 🚺. As if it's so hard to spread your legs. You know what's hard? Faking a pregnancy 👶. First, drain your toilet🚽. Invite pregnant 👶 idiot 💁 into your home 🏠 and ply her with lemonade 🍋🍋🍋. Steal 🤗 pregnant 👶 idiot's 💁 urine 🚽. Voilà! 🎉 A pregnany is now part of your legal medical record 🗃. Happy Aniversary💑🎉. Wait for your clueless ❔ husband 💑 to start his day 📆. Off he goes... 👋🏻 and the clock is ticking ⏱. Meticulously stage 🎭 your crime scene 🕵 with just enough mistakes to raise the specter of doubt 🤔. You need to bleed 💉. A lot💉💉. A lot, a lot💉💉💉💉💉. The head wound 🤕 kind of bleed 💉. A crime scene 🕵 kind of bleed 💉. You need to clean; poorly👎, like he 💑 would. Clean and bleed 💉, bleed 💉 and clean. And leave a Little something behind: a fire 🔥in July📆? And because you're you👸🏼, you don't 🚫 stop there. You need a diary 📒. Minimum three hundred 3️⃣0️⃣0️⃣ entries 📝 on the Nick and Amy 💑 story 💭. Start with the fairy-tale early days: those are true, and they're crucial. You want Nick and Amy to be likable💖. After that, you invent. The spending💸, the abuse👊🏻💥, the fear😱, the threat of violence🔪. And Nick thought he was the writer📝... burn it🔥, just the right amount. Make sure the cops 👮 will find it 🕵. Finally, honor tradition with a very special treasure 💎 hunt. And if I get everything right ➡️, the world 🌎🌍🌏 will hate 😡 Nick for killing 🔪🔪🔪 his beautiful 😇, pregnant 👶 wife 💑. And after all the outrage 😡😡😡, when I'm ready, I'll go out on the water 🌊 with a handful ✋🏻 of pills 💊💊💊 and a pocket full of stones. And when they find my body 💆🏼, they'll know: Nick Dunne 👱🏻 dumped his beloved 💑 like garbage 🚮, and she floated past all the other abused, unwanted, inconvenient women 🚺🚺🚺. Then Nick 👱🏻 will die 😵💀 too. Nick 👱🏻 and Amy 👸🏼 will be gone 👋🏻, but then we never really existed. Nick 👱🏻 loved a girl 🚺 I was pretending to be. "Cool 😎 girl 🚺". Men 🚹 always use that, don't they? As their defining compliment: "She's a cool 😎 girl 🚺". Cool 😎 girl 🚺 is hot 🔥. Cool 😎 girl 🚺 is game 🎲🎮. Cool 😎 girl 🚺 is fun 🎉. Cool 😎 girl 🚺 never 🚫🚫🚫 gets angry 😡 at her man 🚹. She only smiles ☺️ in a chagrined, loving 💕 manner. And then presents her mouth 👄 for fucking 👉👌. She likes 👍 what he likes 👍, so evidently he's a vinyl hipster 👨👓 who loves ❤️ fetish Manga 📚. If he likes girls gone wild 👙, she's a mall 🛍 babe who talks football 🏈 and endures buffalo wings 🍗 at Hooters 🍈🍈. When I met Nick Dunne 👱🏻 I knew he wanted "Cool 😎 girl 🚺". And for him, I'll admit: I was willing to try. I wax🕯-stripped my pussy 😽 raw. I drank canned beer 🍺 watching Adam Sandler 💩 movies 📼. I ate cold ❄️ pizza 🍕 and remained a size 👗 two 2️⃣. I blew him 🍆👄, semi-regularly. I lived in the moment. I was fucking game 🎲🎮. I can't say I didn't enjoy some of it. Nick 👱🏻 teased out in me things I didn't know existed. A lightness ☀️, a humor😂, an ease. But I made him smarter 🤓. Sharper. I inspired him to rise ⬆️ to my level. I forged the man 🚹 of my dreams 💭. We were happy 😊 pretending to be other people. We were the happiest 😊😊😊 couple 👫 we knew. And what's the point of being together if you're not 🚫🚫🚫 the happiest 😊😊😊😊? But Nick 👱🏻 got lazy 💤. He became someone I did not 🚫🚫🚫 agree to marry 👰🏼. He actually expected me to love ❤️ him unconditionally. Then he dragged me, penniless 💵🚫, to the navel of this great country 🇺🇸 and found himself a newer, younger 👧🏼, bouncier cool 😎 girl 🚺. You think I'd let him destroy 👎👎👎 me and end up happier 😊😊😊 than ever? No 🚫🚫🚫🚫fucking way. He doesn't ❌ get to win 🏆. My cute ☺️, charming 😉, salt-of-the-earth Missouri guy. He needed to learn 📝📚. Grown-ups 👱👴 work 💪 for things. Grown-ups 👱👴 pay 💵💵💵. Grown-ups 👱👴 suffer consequences 😖.
Make Happy Starter Pack
  • Mix of comedy, deep stuff, out of context stuff, and potentially NSFW-ish sentences.
  • "Ladies if you feel me, say hell yeah!"
  • "Fellas if you feel me, say hell yeah!"
  • "Virgins, if you haven't felt a person, say hell yeah!"
  • "If you like drinking booze, let me hear you say hell yeah!"
  • "If you like smoking weed, let me hear you say hell yeah!"
  • "I can't wrap my mind around exactly why I'm here."
  • "I know you paid money."
  • "I should be funny."
  • "Look at the world. I don't know why I'm here."
  • "I would love to tell you that everything is fine."
  • "You wanna be happy... Well, get in line!"
  • "It gets old after a few minutes."
  • "Let's get this show started."
  • "I already fucked it up."
  • "Haters gonna hate. Lovers gonna love."
  • "You have to reject both sides of the spectrum to leave a healthy middle."
  • "Stop participating."
  • "Not a participatory thing going on up here."
  • "Did you not think I was gonna use this, idiot(s)?"
  • "It's not a prop."
  • "I've got a lot of problems in my life."
  • "I got no one to talk to."
  • "There's everyone and then there is just me."
  • "If I could change, don't you think that I'd do it?"
  • "God only knows, why he cursed me to be ________/(a straight white man)"
  • "I state my problems, other people roll their eyes."
  • "Three trips to the mall, zero _______ in my size."
  • "I've never been the victim of a random search for drugs."
  • "You can't say my life is easy."
  • "I know the road looks though ahead."
  • "Can't you just leave us alone?"
  • "Also, 'no' to the things you asked for."
  • "They are being greedy and they know it."
  • "Everyone thinks that I got it easy."
  • "Just because it's true, doesn't mean that it's right."
  • "So pull up a chair and put down your pitchforks."
  • "We still do, but it's not as fun now."
  • "If you were offended by that, it was ironic."
  • "Isn't that fun?"
  • "I meant the whole opposite of it."
  • "White guys... it's easy to be a white guy."
  • "We deserve a cheer once in a while."
  • "We invented a lot of stuff."
  • "Everything but peanut butter."
  • "Your grandkids are going to see this."
  • "Put the lights down."
  • "Their faces creep me out."
  • "I'm not perfect, ok?"
  • "Twice in a week? What is this?"
  • "Do you want to sing a song with me?"
  • "Hey, _____, guess what?"
  • "You're a (insert insult here)."
  • "So I was interrupted the other day-"
  • "Can you turn the lights off at least?"
  • "Why was it on a record player?"
  • "It's gonna outlive me."
  • "Do not give those dumb fucks any credit."
  • "It's all me baby, all me."
  • "How dare you make that joke so late!"
  • "I like poetry."
  • "Do not veer credit to people outside this building!"
  • "Two examples is enough."
  • "I'm right in the sweet spot."
  • "I could give that money to a homless person. But I don't do that very often."
  • "Tomorrow is a relative term. We're not getting there."
  • "You don't know where I'm going, so don't act like it."
  • "You're not ahead of me."
  • "I will retain the element of surprise."
  • "I'm trying to break out of that."
  • "This might not work."
  • "________, I heard you had sex with an older woman last night?"
  • "How does he do it?"
  • "I'm not honest for a second up here."
  • "I think country music gets a bad rep."
  • "A dirt road, a cold beer, blue jeans, a red pick-up."
  • "No shoes, no shirt."
  • "Sort of a mental typo."
  • "I could sing in mandarin."
  • "I own a private ranch that I rarely use. I don't like dirt."
  • "Now it's time to talk to the ladies."
  • "Good girl in a straw head."
  • "Thought it was a human woman."
  • "That is a scarecrow."
  • "I'm wanting you. I hope you're feeling me."
  • "You don't know what land you're in...?"
  • "They are lying to you, that's all."
  • "You deserve better."
  • "I'm not saying I'm it, but I'm the person that says you deserve better."
  • "It's the end of culture."
  • "We lost."
  • "How is this entertainment?"
  • "I saw a gorgeous dick. I was in a public restroom."
  • "You're not picturing this."
  • "I need to earn it."
  • "You need to earn it."
  • "There's more where that came from."
  • "Ladies, I know where that came from."
  • "You want a guy that's sweet."
  • "This ugy only exists in your mind."
  • "Guess what? You're right."
  • "If you want love, lower your expectations a few."
  • "Prince Charming would never settle for you."
  • "Just pick a guy and love him."
  • "Just pick a girl and love him."
  • "You wan't a girl that is noce, a girl that is not."
  • "A real girl, a hot girl, a really hot girl!"
  • "She's real, but last week she died."
  • "You might think you dick is a gift, I promise it's not."
  • "I won't settle for less than perfect."
  • "Deep down we know we don't deserve it."
  • "We all deserve love."
  • "We all suck, but love can make us suck less."
  • "It's the very best part of being alive."
  • "Original does not mean good."
  • "Anyone can do anything."
  • "What is it good for?"
  • "I don't want to get political..."
  • "They just liked the lights, I didn't even need to do jokes."
  • "Yeah, you like that?"
  • "Honey are you ok?"
  • "Are you drunk?"
  • "What's behind your back?"
  • "It's a jar of peanut butter. Alright? Sue me."
  • "Why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise."
  • "I'll clean it up."
  • "You'll make it worse if you try it."
  • "Who are you talking to?"
  • "You just gestured to the sink."
  • "I bought something."
  • "Sit in silence."
  • "Nothing tastes better than not getting sued."
  • "You don't want that desperate sort of cloying thing."
  • "I'm just overpaid, ok?"
  • "I sound mean and rude."
  • "Let a professional hear it."
  • "Stick your tongue in a plug."
  • "Hold your breath until it's gone."
  • "Take your pants off!"
  • "You think it's ok because I'm a dude?"
  • "You think it's ok because he is a dude?"
  • "It's over."
  • "We shouldn't fight to stay together just to fight again."
  • "We need to take a break from us to make it right again."
  • "Honestly are you fucking five?"
  • "I've got my father's temper. I'm emotionally inarticulate."
  • "I'm hurting inside, I'm trying to hide it."
  • "I thought you were lashing out in anger."
  • "I deserve better than you."
  • "Sorry, you're not what I need."
  • "What am I talking about, you know?"
  • "It's about... but for real, what is it about?"
  • "No one gives a shit about what we think!"
  • "The arrogant is taught."
  • "It's prison. It's horrific"
  • "I know very little about anything."
  • "He talked about his problems."
  • "I thought... maybe I could do this."
  • "Can I say my shit, _______?"
  • "I got lots of shit to say."
  • "I can't fit my hand insdie a pringle can."
  • "It's way too small."
  • "You think you can. I know you can't"
  • "Just... make them wider?"
  • "I wanna have a daughter."
  • "But that is priority numero uno."
  • "I don't go to the gym 'cause I'm self concious about my body."
  • "I'm self concious about my body because I don't go to the gym."
  • "Irony can be so painful."
  • "Dude, you should have warned me."
  • "No one wants to have a messx burrito."
  • "I wouldn't have gotten the _______ if I knew it wouldn't fit."
  • "I wouldn't have got half of it."
  • "I'm ok with small mistakes."
  • "I don't think that I can handle this right now."
  • "I can sit here an pretend that my biggest problems are pringle cans and burritos."
  • "The truth is my biggest problem is you."
  • "I want to please you but stay true to myself."
  • "Part of me loves you, part of me hates you, part of you needs you, part of me fears you."
  • "I should probably just shut up."
  • "You can tell them anything."
  • ""I hope you're happy."
  • "Oh, good, it's just us."
  • "If you hated it, it's fair."
  • "On a scale of one to zero, ________?"
  • "Are you happy?"
  • "But what the fuck kind of question is 'are you happy'?"
  • "Oh god, my dad was right."
  • "You're everything you hated. Are you happy?"
  • "Hey, look, Mom, I made it! Are you happy?"
Gettlefish
  • Anontisemite: Whether or not you're willing to admit it, whether or not you even realize it, you are oppressed. I mean look at the ridiculous dress code, being forced to cover everything from toes to hair, just put on some pants already and don't wear long sleeves when it's too hot, it's not healthy! Being forced to be a housewife and bear children, you're living like it's 1950. You are supporting patriarchy and holding back feminism by adhering to a patriarchal religion.
  • Gentileproblems: I’m being oppressed by dressing how I want you guuuyyyzzzzz…. :( I don’t know how I stand it.
  • Also, literally nobody is making me get married? I’ll get married and have children because that’s what I want out of life, but those aren’t the only things I want, for crying down the sink! My ambitions won’t end the moment I get engaged, because I’m an actual human being, not a weird cause for you to champion without my say-so. Get lost, I’m not interested.
  • Anontisemite: Look honey, it's not your fault that you don't recognize your own oppression but you and other women like you need help. Religion is merely a farce created by men to control women. The feminist cause wants to help you, that's what we're here for. Of course you think you're husband will let you chase your ambitions once your married but that's not how religious marriage works. You'll be nothing but a trussed slave and that's a tragedy.
  • Gentileproblems: Can someone please tell Jacob he is oppressing me he still hasn’t messaged me back and I’m thinking this is to do with our horrible patriarchal religion.
  • Arothejew: Jacob! Young man, what do you have to say for yourself
  • Jacob-the-pianist: I'm sorry I'm male, I'm sorry I'm white, I'm sorry I'm male, I'm sorry I'm white
  • Anontisemite: Oh you poor girl. I hope one day you'll realizing how vile and silly the Jewish religion is because you need help. You could have such a full, happy life but instead you've confined yourself to misery and you don't even know it.
  • Gentileproblems: 1/10 trolling try harder next time
  • Anontisemite: I assure you I am not trolling, I want to help you and women like you. I have no problems with Jews but I do have a problem with Judaism and organized religions that inherently oppress women.
  • Gentileproblems: Kay sure… how about you help by listening to us, rather than fighting for us? I’m not feeling particularly oppressed, here. Are you?
  • Gentileproblems (general): did anon seriously think sending me anonymous messages telling me my entire culture was Wrong would make me want to convert? Oh, goyim…
  • Satirenon 1: breaking news an anti semitic anon has caused jews everywhere to decide to be atheists OH NO IT'S HAPPENING TO MEEE *all memory of anything relating to judaism in my life is suddenly gone and i am now a free un oppressed woman*
  • Gentileproblems: oh, teach me your ways, un-oppressed one! is there hope for one such as me, comfortable in her religion and proud of her people? or will i have to moulder in the cave of deluded yidden… only time will tell.
  • Anontisemite: Oh honey, I don't want you to convert. I want you to be a secular, free independent woman who doesn't rely on a misogynistic culture of lies and rules designed to keep you oppressed. Surely deep down you realize organized religion is a farce created by men? It's so obvious. If you weren't tied to a backwards culture that didn't allow women education you'd be able to comprehend better. I'm so sorry, please learn to accept help when it's extended. That is what feminism is here for.
  • Gentileproblems: white feminism has reached its zenith
  • Anontisemite: I am not certainly not antisemitic, I do not hate Jews, I want to help their women. What I hate Judaism, Islam and any organized religion. They are forms of misogynistic, systematic oppression.
  • Gentileproblems: 'I'm not raaaaaacist, I just hate these two heavily racialised religions…'
  • Anontisemite: though i too was once proud of my religion and my people i have seen the light and become a truely liberated woman 100% of anti semitic feminists agree that it is the right course of action so let go of the misogynistic tethers of religion and truely free yourself from your harmful self oppression like i did
  • Gentileproblems: assimilate and let go of your culture i a random anon know far more about it than you do
  • Satirenon 1: HELP THE SECOND STAGE IS HAPPENING I FEEL MYSELF BECOMING KNOWLEDGEABLE I NOW UNDERSTAND MY WROOONGS OH THE LIGHT OF SEEING THE WORLD FREE FROM THE HORRIBLE LIES THAT RELIGION TOLD ME I NOW AM EDUCATEEED
  • Gentileproblems: at the third stage, you ascend to a higher plane of existence, like on the original Stargate show.
  • Commentanon 1: i hate judaism but im teeeechiiincally not anti semitic right? -actual quote from the anon
  • Gentileproblems: i know, like how do you even rationalise that what even
  • Anontisemite: I am not antisemitic, I am antireligion. All I want is to end the systematic oppression of women inherent to Judaism and Islam. It is my life's mission and one day I hope to save all of the women like you, women who trapped and hurting and don't even know it.
  • Gentileproblems: Did you know Judaism and Islam are the only perpetrators of misogyny ever? GREYFACE TELLS ALL!
  • Commentanon 2: oh g-d of course anon doesnt include christianity just islam and judaism yet somehow aren't anti semitic or islamaphobic right? anti religion yet only against the two religions with the most hate and violence directed towards them? totally just looking out for women right?
  • Gentileproblems: i know, right? noooo bias there, no siree….
  • Anontisemite: You can still be a Jew, you can eat bagels and gettlefish and all of that, but you should be able to wear regular clothes without having rocks thrown at you, have intercourse without needing to do it through a cloth with a hole, not be forced to live separately from other people once a month. It's barbaric. Help me help you. Help me help women like you. This is going to be my career, rescuing the downtrodden women of archaic religious cults.
  • Gentileproblems: Okay, this is actually genuinely offensive. Where on Earth did you learn about Judaism, Stormfront? For G-d’s sake, choose another career at the very least- nobody will want to be rescued by you.
  • Commentanon 3: These anons today are even more ludicrous than last week's neo-nazis. Seriously talk about being so "open-minded" that your brains fall out and your mind closes again behind them.
  • Gentileproblems: Tell me about it, I have a permanent look of disgust etched onto my face by now.
  • Commentanon 4: Don't let them bother you. That one is literally a xtian-atheist religious missionary. Just treat them like you would any other xtian missionary.
  • Gentileproblems: 'Nope, I don't want your holy book… I've already got one…. it's vintage…'
  • Commentanon 5: wtf anon and ur stiiiiill not anti semitic? i'm waiting for what exactly anons definition of anti semitism is or does it even exist since how can you oppress someone who wants to oppressed or whatever they are trying to say jewish women are doing
  • Gentileproblems: it’s a horrible, horrible journey of ‘not antisemitic i swear’ and i can’t get off
  • Satirenon 2: I want to be offended but all I can focus on now is gettlefish. Seriously. GETTLEFISH
  • Gentileproblems: It’s like kettle crisps mixed with gefilte fish, I assume.
  • Commentanon 6: anon is just jealous of the way i work this super cute skirt with my bright colorful tights and that my marriage will be more emotionally fulfilling because it's not about sex all the time (it's also been proven that because a husband and wife can't have each other sexually all the time they appreciate it more when they do)
  • Gentileproblems: Oh my gosh, talk frum fashion to me! And I’ve never heard of that second point- I shall Google at once!
  • Commentanon 7: is gettlefish like non kosher gefilte fish?
  • Gentileproblems: I think this is one of those things that ‘everyone knows’ about Jews except for Jews
  • Commentanon 7: oh like hanukkah trees? (always spelled that way because fuck the original hebrew spellings lets at 2 k's for the hell of it because goyim)
  • Gentileproblems: yep, that’s totally A Thing, because judaism is christianity in a funny hat.
  • Anontisemite: I don't know what Stormfront, I'm a New Age nondenominational culturally Christian atheist Buddhist. As I've already explained to you I am not antisemitic or islamaphobic, I am anti-Judaism and anti-Islam. Goodness, I wish you were allowed an education where they teach you these things. I don't have a problem with the secular women and I want to help the poor souls who are 'religious' (rapped). It's the men I take issue with, for forcing girls with potential into little more than slaves.
  • Gentileproblems: Rapped? Did Tupac put you up to this or something? And good grief, that first sentence is the most white-goy line I have ever read.
  • Satirenon 3: help i think i actually got second hand white goy from that first sentence im dying
  • Gentileproblems: do you have a weird urge to get a backwards hebrew tattoo? we’ll find a cure, i swear
  • Satirenon 4: Before your anon I was living my life as a poor, oppressed woman, trapped by the men in my life forcing me to observe archaic rules. This, despite the fact I am a baalat teshuva who was inspired by women and doesn't actually have any men in my life. Not married and absent non-Jewish dad, but they're both oppressing me quite a lot. Thanks to the anon I've realized I can again be free. I will give up my meaningful and beautiful culture that I love. I shall eat gettlefish and run wild.
  • Gentileproblems: The sarky responses to my anons are the actual best thing. And seriously, someone needs to come up with a recipe for gettlefish, pronto.
  • Satirenon 5: for gettlefish you should first go to your local store and pick up a few things, gefilte fish, matzo ball mix, latke mix, bagels, lox, chopped liver and cream cheese (just to make sure it isn't kosher). Now go home, and get out a very large mixing bowl and put all of the ingredients into it and mix thoroughly. Place in a large casserole dish and bake until crispy and then eat because it is the single most jewish food in the world according to goyim, add some bacon if you really want to
  • Gentileproblems: That’s so disgusting I dare someone to make it
  • Satirenon 5: make it and send to the anon
  • Gentileproblems: Where do I send it? The Castle of Denial?
  • Commentanon 8: I literally can't stop laughing. They probably mean to write trapped but I prefer to think they put 'rapped' in parentheses because they want everything in that sentence to be rapped out loud as you read. Break it down now, rap about helping the poor souls.
  • Gentileproblems: lay me some tasty beats, jumblr. “I don’t like your people but I’m not racist, I swear…”
  • Satirenon 6: I think your anon is magic. I was a happily oppressed religious women but then I read everything she wrote and
  • suddenly the world is new, suddenly I am new. My curly hair became straight! My skirt disappeared and was replaced by skinny jeans! I don't know if I can handle all of this freedom yet though, not without a man to guide me. Change me back, oh powerful saviour anon! I'm not ready!
  • Gentileproblems: Please, we need you to be our white saviour! Oh, whatever shall we do?
  • Commentanon 9: What the actual fuck is a "New Age nondenominational culturally Christian atheist Buddhist"? Is that a thing?
  • Gentileproblems: Apparently so… oy.
  • Satirenon 7: HELP! I chose to practice modesty by covering my hair on holy days and I think I've oppressed myself! Already men are making me little more than a slave although I have an education and so much potential. Damn my religious choices!
  • Gentileproblems: Gosh darn it straight to heck! Deciding for yourself how you want to be seen, how dare you! That’s for the New Age Christian Buddhist whateveritwas to do!
  • Anontisemite: I'm sorry to see that you and your friends have resorted to making fun of good intentions. You may not think you need my help but me and other feminists will continue fighting for you nonetheless. I promise that one day we will create a world where you can be free from the bonds of oppressive misogynist religious law and archaic cultural traditions. You are only using negativity to lash out because you fear change, as your religion has taught you. But change is good and it will free you.
  • Gentileproblems: ngl i laughed
  • Commentanon 10: I feel like calling you honey just makes the whole thing so patronizing like stop listening to that religion that tells you what to do, I'm going to tell you what to do instead.
  • Gentileproblems: i knooow! like they don’t even know me! it’s gross as heck frankly- but i’m glad my followers are finding it funny.
  • Satirenon 8: help though im a lesbian my religion is compelling me to marry a man and become his subservient wife saaavee meeeeee
  • Gentileproblems: Must…. resist….. anon’s interpretation…. of my religion!
  • Satirenon 9: Oh..oh my goodness, my magen david necklace was sooo tight and it was choking me but that anon magically broke it and now i can breathe thank g-d or wait am i not supposed to do that anymore
  • Gentileproblems: Thank Richard Dawkins, probably.
  • Satirenon 10: anon nooo even though my religion teaches to question our laws and to change with the times it is suddenly morphing into everything you say it iiisss
  • Gentileproblems: Anon is, in fact, Haruhi Suzumiya
  • Anontisemite: Laughing is only a defense mechanism but one day you will be grateful for our movement :). There is an ever growling movement of feminist women against organized religion like yours whose mission is to save women like you. We are very well educated about Judaism and your culture and we will help you to adjust to the modern world. Misogyny and systematic oppression of women through forced dress codes and throwing rocks won't happen to you, no one will hurt you. You don't have to fear change.
  • Gentileproblems: Seriously, who keeps spreading the idea that religious women can’t be feminists? This is frankly depressing, and why we need to educate goyim to free them from their horrible, misogynistic, blinkered ideologies :(
  • Commentanon 11: It's hard to be convincing when they're sending asks on Anon. Like that's the least personal thing you could do.
  • Gentileproblems: I know, eh? When it started, I was actually pretty sure they were that ‘women don’t need feminism’ blog from a couple of hours ago, but now I’m not so sure…
  • Satirenon 11: white feminist goy barbie, she talks! you pull her string and she spouts nonsense!! (idk if anon is actually a she but like you get my point)
  • Gentileproblems: I kind of hope so, actually, because think of how much more creepy and paternalistic it would be if anon was male.
  • Commentanon 12: As opposed to cultural Christian atheist Buddhism, which is entirely disorganized.
  • Gentileproblems: *sniggering* Anyway, correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t the Dalai Lama very much against converts to Buddhism?
  • Satirenon 12: I somehow seem to have put on a long skirt. Someone please send a secular white "feminist" to help me.
  • Gentileproblems: I keep thinking of that Monty Python skit, you know, with the peasant shouting ‘Help! Help! I’m being oppressed!’
  • Anontisemite: Honey, you're being silly! I already have an education because in out free feminist culture women are allowed to learn. You can do it too! And of course a religious women can't be a feminist, it's the exact opposite of feminist. Religion, especially Judaism and Islam, is the source of all misogyny in the world.
  • Gentileproblems: To be honest there are so many people mocking you in my inbox I thought this was a parody. I am still not quite sure. And.. so do I? Dad’s a university professor, and I got early admission to his uni- had my first class yesterday, actually- where I’m reading Sociology and History. Also, pretty sure a good definition of feminism is that women can do as they please, whatever that means to them.
  • Satirenon 13: It's all a lie! You've been taught lies your entire life! White goyishé feminists know more than you do about the tradition you were raised in again and again for the past 3326 years. Definitely.
  • Gentileproblems: No, what are you talking about, they skim-read a Rationalwiki article once! They’re totally qualified to tell me how to live my life!
  • Satirenon 14: I'm wearing a kippah and a mini skirt at the same time. I'm only have oppressed on my mothers side.
  • Gentileproblems: :D but oppression is passed down through the mother, donchaknow
  • Satirenon 11: yeah for all you know anon is a really creepy guy looking to harass jewish feminists and give feminists a bad name
  • Gentileproblems: yeah p much
  • Commentanon 13: thats religious misogyny at work, the only true feminist religion is spiritual christian influenced combined with a bastardized eastern """"spiritual"""" religion entirely divorced from from it's actual source and rules and replaced with new ageyness and a hint of racism :)
  • Gentileproblems: 'Hey, mum and dad! I'm rebelling against you by converting to a watered-down version of a religion I barely understand!'
  • Satirenon 15: *sighs* Now I have to go tell the three female Rabbis I know personally that none of them should have received an education, because a got on the intertextuality knows Judaism better than us
  • Gentileproblems: It’s such a drag being oppressed like this, no?
  • Commentanon 14: Wtf the fuck is "free feminist culture"? I'm laughing so hard. Also kinda offended that anon is equating education with knowledge. Like a lot of people can't afford college or have learning disabilities but they're their own people, fuck off.
  • Gentileproblems: anon is patronising as heck- go ask them, I don’t know.
  • Anontisemite: Yes, I see you and the many people mocking me on your blog but I really don't mind because I know that you don't know better. I'm not a man or looking to undermine feminism - why would you even think that? You're a bit paranoid aren't you? Feminism is about female freedom and my life is dedicated to helping women achieve that. Judaism inherently undermines female freedom and that is want to eradicate it and rescue women from it. It's not antisemitism.
  • Gentileproblems: Alongside Jews, there are atheists, Muslims, and Christians mocking you. Quit while you’re… well, I can’t actually say ‘ahead’, really.
  • Anontisemite: I don't mind the mockery. I have my cause my cause is you and your fellow oppressed females or Judaism. It doesn't matter if you think you don't need it, a feminist fights for the freedom of all women no matter what. You haven't been taught this but you are woman who has value. You deserve a life without men who shame you for existing and think you have no worth except that which comes forth from your womb.
  • Gentileproblems: but… you are the only one saying this… can you save me from *you*, please?
  • Satirenon 16: for $8000 a month i will stop oppressing myself anon
  • Gentileproblems: yes please anon pay my uni fees
  • Satirenon 17: I am a Jewish feminist am I causing global warming
  • Gentileproblems: I want to make a joke about Moses and rising sea levels here….
  • Anontisemite: Oh honey, let feminism help you be truly free from the bonds of patriarchal religion.
  • Gentileproblems: we’ve been around a few thousand years, your patronising wheedling isn’t gonna stop that.
  • Commentanon 15: In all seriousness, what I find most fascinating about the anon is that for someone who claims to want to free me from those telling me what to do etc., she/he is telling me exactly what to do! For someone who claims to want everyone to be free, she/he is not allowing me the freedom to do what I want. In other words, hypocrites will be hypocrites.
  • Gentileproblems: Goyim gonna goy
  • Commentanon 16: Anon does know that Judaism is a matriarchal religion, correct? That women are revered and are incredibly valued by Jewish society?
  • Gentileproblems: what are you talking about religion is BAD forever
  • Commentanon 17: For all who are trying to say that she is not free while being Jewish is the worst thing you could say. Being free means she can choose what religion she follows. Also the Jewish faith is not oppressive I actually know a female cantor/rabbi who is amazing at what she does. You are being oppressive by telling her she can't be what she wants and saying that you are not being racist even though all your support is stereotypes and from the 1900's get with the time! Take this as a warning
  • Gentileproblems: Thanks so much, anon! I mean I’m opinionated as all heck, if I didn’t think i was being respected I’d leave, believe me.
Theories about Yato’s ‘’father’’

One of the biggest mysteries in Noragami Universe is Yato’s father, who is, despite being one of the biggest assholes in the story, also one of my favourite characters. Reason to this is that while he appears to be the main antagonist, it was hinted he had a tragic past where he lost someone dear to him and made him turn against Heavens.

Now, as far as I’ve seen, there are many theories involving that man and with all of them I can pretty much agree. Yet, there is somehow always something which contradicts every theory I have about him. So, I tried to gather some of theories that were forming in my head (along with those I read around). Now I know I should give better explanations and post manga panels which confirms it but I am just too lazy for it atm. If I can, I would edit it sometime later.

This is what I gathered so far.

According to theories, Yato’s father could be:

1.) god/deity

a) Izanagi:

pros:’’father of all gods’’; went to Yomi (Underworld)

cons: why would ‘’creator’’ of gods be banished and rebel against his own kind?

b) Susanoo:

pros:Tsukiyomi’s and Amaterasu’s brother; banished; dislikes Heaven; went to Yomi

cons:*I’ll mentioned it somewhere below for all gods 

c) Tsukuyomi:

pros: banished; moon hints whenever he’s around  

cons: I don’t believe in this one but who knows. I firmly believe Yato is Tsukuyomi in this case

d) Inari: 

pros:fox deity (?); lots of Inari statues in manga panels; could shapeshift; wife Uke Mochi who got killed

cons:why would fox deity rebel against Heaven, it doesn’t make much sense according to mythology (right?)

e) Emishi’s main god (Ayakusu):

 pros: this is a theory which I believe might have the biggest chance of becoming canon; could be Aya-sama who Nana mentioned; main rebel against Heaven which is why he keeps on hiding; searching for hafuri like Nana;

cons:why he didn’t recognized her or try to get in touch with other Emishi? 


2.) human/monk

pros:possible that he gained some forbidden power that allowed him to cross boundaries between both shores; it was hinted he can leave his body which makes him in similar state like Hiyori; probably Hiyori being half ayakashi isn’t the first time it happened to humans and could be a reason why it is so dangerous to meddle with

cons:humans cannot enter Yomi; only gods can have shinkis; not sure if humans can possess (but also all is possible if he has gained some kind of power)


3.) shinki/hafuri (related with ‘Yato being Tsukuyomi’ theory)

Okay, this is the least reasonable theory consisting of so many cons but, personally, it is kinda my favorite one. Reason I personally believe that it isn’t entirely impossible is that manga is shinki/master centered, pointing how only humans can go through such lengths to protect those they love. Humans can become very cruel when they have something to protect. What would Father protect if he already lost his loved one? Also; whose shinki/hafuri is he then? Of that woman? Okay. Let’s say that woman was some minor goddess and she got killed by higher ups. But then, how can he exist if his goddess is no more? Can ghosts have any kinds of powers if they are nameless? If she could’ve reincarnated, then why isn’t he by her side? At this point I got next theory:  ‘Father’ was/is Yato’s (Tsukuyomi) shinki. I know, it is silly, no need to explain me why it isn’t possible, but I still wish to share this absurd theory.

As I mentioned, manga is very shinki/master centered and there are so many hints of hafuri existing more of a master’s burial than salvation. In latest chapters it was mentioned that once god who owns  hafuri is murdered, hafuri is no more

(now this was discussed what’s the meaning of this, maybe it could point that since hafuri failed to protect his master, it is not viewed as blessed anymore or something).


Why is the reason Father has Tsukuyomi without anyone from Heaven stopping that, including Amaterasu who knows about this? Could it be both were banished and it was their punishment? God is with his shinki after all. It would explain reasons why  Father is very obsessed and possessive of Yato. If Yato was someone who murdered his lover, why would he go through such lengths  to protect him, looking at him with pity/lovingly smiling face, latetely mentioning he has something to protect, not really hurting Hiyori (he could’ve killed her by now for revenge) and trying so hard to protect him from Heaven? I know, could be selfish reasons and stuff, but to me that would explain a lot. Yet, what about woman? About Yomi? Why he has such powers? I read somewhere that Hafuri obtain half-god status and that maybe there are those shinkis who are on ‘higher levels’. And not to mention how many times it was said that it was shinki responsible of raising his/hers master according to his/her will.

Woman could’ve be someone from his past when he was a human and he maybe regained his past memories, resulting him in betraying his master? Or is it that ‘’woman’’ is maybe Tsukuyomi himself. It is said how Japanese’s Moon God is very feminine and, come on, just look at Yato. So many times I confused him with a girl. He and that woman looks similar (if you ignore freckles, which maybe it was his trait at that time). Gods CAN change appearance according to their nature; if you see the picture of Izanami appearing as that ‘’woman’’, why is that her eyes are ‘’hidden’’. Which Yato’s trait is the most recognisable? His eyes.


- I can mention soooo many cons for this theory, but you all pretty much know which ones they are (Yomi, owning Nora [she is some other discussion here since she doesn’t seem to normal human spirit] and stuff) :D

4.) someone else; 
of course that it is very possible that Adachitoka might surprise us with something entirely else :) 


I am open minded to all  theories about him and it’s really fun to think about them because it is very hard to guess who Father could be. Yes, the most reasonable (and clinche) theory is that he was god who lost his beloved woman from Heaven, making his connection with her parallel with Yato/Hiyori.

I kinda don’t wish to support any kind of romance here, this manga is more than that and it isn’t romance involved, no matter how much people are shipping Yatori. I personally cannot see them as romantic couple, but this is kind of discussion that isn’t related to this post and I don’t wish to bring it up.


*Gods are driven by their nature, humans by they needs.

That’s why I think that it isn’t entirely natural for god to be driven by revenge which is mostly human’s trait.

Unless he is that Emishi’s leader whose need was to always go against Heaven. The other Aya-sama, instead Father or even Tsuky, could be that old Emish man who Yato met in that cage-thingy.

Ah, this post was mostly my messed up thoughts which I’m trying to put in order. Sorry about some grammar mistakes, English isn’t my native language.If you have your own theories about him, feel free to share! Just no need to ramble how entirely impossible some theory is, that I know for every one I mentioned. ^^

anonymous asked:

Realistically, when people fall in love it usually isn't a first-sight kind of thing, I actually enjoy the slow progression that romance can be portrayed as. I'm sorry that you don't like Yatori but just because you don't like something doesn't mean that it's wrong.

*rubs hands together* 

Alright, I’ve been preparing myself for a rebuttal to Yat*ori shippers for a long time now. I’ll tell you why the ship is wrong and literally the worst thing ever and why my opinion is actually informed and not stemming from bias. I’ll keep it under the cut because I’m a decent human being and it also contains spoilers to some of the manga.

Keep reading

2014 has been such an incredible, crazy year. I know I haven’t been on heaps due to being in my senior year of school (I’ve finally graduated, yay!) but all of you who brighten up my dash definitely deserve some acknowledgement. Thanks for sticking by me! 

I can’t even express how much I love you all; my tumblr experience wouldn’t be the same without each and every blog I follow. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for filling up my dash, sending me messages, simply caring, and putting up with me.

I’ve tried to get everyone, I’m so sorry if I’ve missed you! Italicised are my tumblr crushes, and bolded means we’ve talked, are close friends, or I am your biggest fangirl. Wishing everyone all the best for the New Year - I have every hope that 2015 will be amazing!

~ Love Forever and Always, Viv

A-D

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E-I

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J-P

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Q-S

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blogroll 

This is how I see Riley telling Farkle she has feelings for him.
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b></b> Rucas and Smarkle have been broken up a while.<p/><b>Location:</b> Riley's bedroom.<p/><b></b> Riley is sitting at her bay window. Farkle climbs through the window. He sees that she's been crying. He sits next to her.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Riley, what's wrong?<p/><b>Riley:</b> (wiping her eyes) Nothing. I'm fine.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> You don't look fine.<p/><b>Riley:</b> (stands up) Farkle, I'm ok. There's nothing wrong! Why are you here?<p/><b>Farkle:</b> I wanted to check up on you. You've been avoiding me for weeks. (Looks down) I miss you.<p/><b>Riley:</b> (sits down next to Farkle) I'm sorry. I miss you too. I have alot on my mind lately.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> You don't have to deal with this alone. I'm always here for you.<p/><b>Riley:</b> (lays her head on his shoulder) I know Farkley. I'm scared.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> (holds her hand) Do you want to know what's my favorite thing about us?<p/><b></b> Riley nods.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> We can talk about anything with each other. We're supposed to be honest with one another. Please, tell me what's wrong so I can fix it. Why are you scared?<p/><b>Riley:</b> (sighs) Ok. (Stands up and starts pacing back and forth) The thing is, I realized that my feelings for someone has changed. I'm scared if I tell the person how I feel that he won't feel the same. And then it's too awkward for us to be friends. Or what if he does feel the same, and we date for a while, and then we break up? Then I lose him again. Both scenarios, I lose him as a friend, and I never want to lose him.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> What about your happiness? You can't be scared about the what ifs. Sometimes you have to take a risk and just go for it.<p/><b>Riley:</b> How did you get so sure about love?<p/><b>Farkle:</b> I have this best friend, who made sure that I stay open to love, and she was right. There's more to life than science. Whoever this guy is, he better treat you right, or I'll come after him.<p/><b>Riley:</b> How do you know that he will feel the same way?<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Because any guy who looks at you see a beautiful, smart, funny, nice, goofy, amazing girl. That's what I see when I look at you.<p/><b>Riley:</b> (Blushes) Thanks Farkle.<p/><b></b> Riley gives him a hug.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Do I know the guy?<p/><b>Riley:</b> You know him well?<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Is it Lucas again?<p/><b>Riley:</b> No.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Zay?<p/><b>Riley:</b> No.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Please don't let it be Charlie.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Farkle, it's you.<p/><b></b> Farkle stands up.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> That's not funny Riley.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I'm serious. I'm in love with you Farkle Minkus.<p/><b></b> Farkle turns pale and faints. Riley rushes to him.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Farkle, wake up!<p/><b></b> Five minutes later.<p/><b></b> Farkle starts to get up.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Are you ok?<p/><b>Farkle:</b> I think so. (Rubs the back of his head) I think I hit my head. I had a dream that you told me you're in love with me. Crazy, right?<p/><b>Riley:</b> It wasn't a dream. I'm in love with you.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> You are? Since when?<p/><b>Riley:</b> I think I have been for a long time. But I just recently realized it. You have always been there for me. We have great conversations. You always challenged me to do better. You put my happiness before yours. When we met, you saved me twice. You're my prince. I'm sorry that I didn't realized this sooner.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> (holds her hand) It doesn't matter when you realized it. All that matters to me is that you realize it. I always felt this connection that we have. It scared me. If I couldn't see it, it didn't exist to me. Love was scary to me. I saw my parents fight all the time. But you were the one who was there for me each time. You're the one who made everything better for me. You showed me what love is.<p/><b>Riley:</b> (tears in her eyes) Farkle.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> (tears in his eyes) I never told you why I have loved you since first grade, here's the reason. You were the first person to see me as me. Not as a kid with a weird name. You made me feel wanted and I never forgot that feeling.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I'm scared about losing you if we don't work out.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> I'm not scared. You're the best thing to ever happen to me. I'm always going to need you in my life, whether we're dating or not. You will always be my best friend.<p/><b>Riley:</b> You mean that?<p/><b>Farkle:</b> I do. I'm in love with you too, Riley Matthews.<p/><b></b> They inched closer to each other. He lifts her chin, and he kisses her passionately. She has her hands in his hair. He is holding her waist. After they stop kissing, they stare in each other's eyes.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Wow.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> That was better than I imagined.<p/><b>Riley:</b> You imagine kissing me?<p/><b>Farkle:</b> (voice cracks) No.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Really?<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Fine. Everyday.<p/><b>Riley:</b> You're a dork.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> I'm your dork.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Yes.<p/><b></b> They look out the bay window.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> I should go now.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Ok.<p/><b></b> They hug each other.<p/><b></b> Farkle climbs out the window. He turns around.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> You, me, relationship...<p/><b>Riley:</b> Let's do this thing.<p/><b></b> Farkle leaves.<p/><b></b> Riley jumps on her bed with the biggest smile.<p/><b></b> The end.<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
TVD Villain Convention: Only the baddest allowed!
  • Held at Mikaelson Mansion in Mystic Falls.
  • Klaus: Well it is so nice to see so much pleasant evil faces all in one room.
  • Katherine: I don't even know why, I showed up to this lame shindig. Although I am the best looking person here.
  • Silas: Correction, sweetheart I am. After all I am the perfect male specimen.
  • Quetsiyah: It seems that the both of you narcissistic idiots are a match made in heaven.
  • Silas: Oh you're just jealous as usual.
  • Kol: I don't see what she's got be jealous about, in my eyes she's winning.
  • Rebekah: Put a sock in it all of you!
  • Elijah: What my lovely sister meant to say is that, dinner awaits us.
  • Katherine: Always the proper gentleman, Elijah.
  • Katherine then slips her arm into Elijah's and he escorts her to the dining room.
  • Silas: Go ahead you can say it.
  • Rebekah: Say what?
  • Silas: What you've been thinking since I walked through the door.
  • Rebekah: And that would be what exactly?
  • Silas (whispers in her ear): That the sight of me turns you on.
  • Rebekah: Oh please.
  • She begins to walk away towards the dining room, and he follows her.
  • Silas: It's ok the sight of me turns me on to.
  • He says as they take there seats at the long dining table.
  • Kol: Well look at that, now it's just the two of us left.
  • Qetsiyah: I'm glad that you are capable of observing the obvious.
  • Kol: You know I happen to have a thing for sexy sarcastic witches.
  • Qetsiyah: Watch it Original, I may not be able to kill you but I will make you suffer a million ways if you dare lay a hand on me.
  • Kol: Oh kinky, I like you even more.
  • Kol walks away before Qetsiyah can fry his skull, she shortly follows and takes her seat as well. Klaus takes his seat at the head of the table, and admires everyone. Damon speeds in and takes a seat as well.
  • Katherine: And who invited you?
  • Damon: I just so happen to be the first baddie to have ever existed.
  • Rebekah: Oh please.
  • Klaus: I believe you're mistaken, I'm the first baddie.
  • Damon: Nope your the original Baddie, and I was the first to start wreaking havoc, so I belong at this table just as much as you guys do.
  • Silas: Well actually I'm the original baddie considering I've been around since like the beginning of time.
  • Qetsiyah: Actually you were simply a fool, and since my revenge was the first, I would be considered to be the original "baddie".
  • Kol (winks): I always knew you were bad.
  • Qetsiyah: Of course you did fool that's the whole reason we're here.
  • Klaus: Frankly it doesn't matter who was here first, because let's face it I am the most evil.
  • Katherine & Damon: Yeah right.
  • Katherine: And what makes you so sure you're bad to begin with?
  • Damon: Um I've killed a shitload of people, all my friends included.
  • Katherine: Please, I pinned you and your brother against each other. Then i lied to you making you believe that I was stuck in a tomb for 120 years, while killing people in the process.
  • Damon: Trust me I think I remember.
  • Silas: That's nothing I left your brother at the bottom of a quarry to die over and over again. I devoured Jeremy Gilbert upon my resurrection, mind controlled little Bonnie Bennett while murdering her father. On top of that I also have a stellar death toll.
  • Damon: You know I'm staring to wonder why i haven't killed you yet.
  • Kol: The only shame here is that the Gilbert boy didn't stay dead.
  • Klaus: I think all of you seem to be forgetting that I slaughtered my own army of hyrbrids and drowned a mother all on Christmas night.
  • Qetsiyah laughs.
  • Klaus: And what exactly do you find so funny, love?
  • Qetsiyah: Well where do I start? All of you think you're pure evil, when you're not. Damon you think you're villain but drown your guilt in alcohol and will fight to avenge someone who did right by you. Katherine you may have pined to brothers against each other, but in reality you are a mother whose been on the run for years just trying to survive. Silas you're just an idiot who wanted to be with the woman he loved forever.The Mikaelsons are just one fucked up family who have mommy and daddy issues, and all yearn to be loved.
  • Klaus: You forgot one person love, yourself or do you think yourself better than the rest?
  • Qetsiyah: Well I'm just a women scorned. None of us are pure evil we have all been driven to do psychotic things because of love, and if you are capable of love then you are capable of redemption.
  • Kai strolls in and takes a seat parallel to Klaus.
  • Klaus: And who the hell are you?
  • Damon: That is a disgusting sociopath that just so happens to be on the top of my kill list.
  • Kai: I'm flattered Damon, really. And you can call me Kai.
  • Elijah: And what are you doing here, if you don't mind me asking?
  • Kai: Well this is the villain convention?
  • Rebekah: Yes, so once again what are you doing here?
  • Kai: Apparently I'm a sociopath, so I figured this my place to be. Plus I heard there was going to be free food.
  • Kol: And what evil deeds have you done?
  • Kai: Well i wouldn't call them evil, I call them fun. I slaughtered my entire family when I was young, and I plan on slaughtering a coven of witches plus I have this one girl prisoner, Bonnie. Do you know her? Anyways I get to torture everyday and I absolutely love the sound of her screams. Now please tell me you have some jam!
  • Everyone: ....
  • Damon: Don't you ever lay a hand on Bonnie again.
  • Kai: Damon you're letting your goodness show through. Besides I can almost guarantee she loves it when I grab her by the neck.
  • Kol: She does have a lovely neck.
  • Kai: Yes it's the perfect width, and it makes it all the more convenient for me to choke her.
  • Qetsiyah: I stand corrected, there is no redemption for him. For he is pure evil.
  • Kai: What are you talking about I let one of my sisters live, without a spleen of course but she's alive nonetheless. But I'll take it you're giving me the highest form of flattery and about that jam I was serious.
  • everyone: ....
  • Klaus: I believe I just found a best friend!!
(This is a joke please don't take it seriously you guys lmao. Everything is greatly exaggerated in this and made to parody certain things. Also since chat posts don't give sources for some reason and I spent a bit too much time on this I'll say it's made by me Hunnidpisanenchilada pfft lol)
  • New Sonic 2017 character: Aw man it's so cool I've befriended the famous hero Sonic the Hedgehog and I get to meet his friends and join them on adventures this'll be so great..!
  • Amy: Hi! Nice to meetcha! I'm Amy Rose and I'll cheer you on and believe in you and support you like no one else can, but if you touch my Sonic I'll fucking cut you, ok? :)
  • Tails: Hello, I'm Miles Prower, but you can call me Tails! I'm Sonic's best buddy and if you try to get between him and I or steal my role in the series like that rich piece of shit, Sora rip-off, Chris Thorndyke tried to, you'll go for a visit to my lab one day and get electrocuted/go missing from an unfortunate lab accident :) btw if Eggman says he's smarter than me he's a liar. I'm the fucking smartest around here,,,ok??? :))
  • Knuckles: I'm Knuckles the Echidna, sole guardian of the Master Emerald. My entire race is dead, I don't know what happened to my parents but I have vague memories of my dad jumping into a wall of fire and killing himself for no reason. Ken Penders took everything from me..!! He took the love of my life and now all I have is this damn rock--! I love that rock like She is my own but because of Her I have to spend my whole life wasting away on this floating rock with no family and only the occasional visits from my asshole friends and occasional participation in Air Board Races to keep me going. I've devolved into a complete joke to this series---!
  • Vector: Hi, I like money! I'd sell my soul for money! :)
  • Charmy: I'm Charmy Bee! BEE BEE BEE BEEE BEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :))))
  • Espio: I am Espio the Chameleon, trained ninja assassin from the Naruto Academy of Ninja Assassin Arts. Naruto is a filthy orange casual compared to me. Beware my Ninja Power or die a lonely death! Evil must die!
  • Blaze: Hello. I am Blaze the Cat, princess of the Sol Dimension and protector of the Sol Emeralds. I burn things and because of that I have spent my life in solitude. I now know what it is like to have friends. Friendship is beautiful!! I was killed once.
  • Silver: My name is Silver the Hedgehog! I was born in a barren wasteland, filled with lava and flames. Everything burning--! All alone my entire life with only Blaze to keep me company, and even she may be just a hallucination created from my mind to keep me sane. Every day feels like a repeat of the last one--I fight the god that puts my world in eternal flames, but it returns every time I defeat it!! How do I stop it?! How do I save my world?!? Is it even worth it if I stop Iblis, it seems like everyone in my world is dead besides me and Blaze...
  • Rouge: Ah, so you're the new kid around here is that right, hun? Beware of rule 34.
  • Shadow: I am Shadow, Shadow the Hedgehog. The Ultimate Lifeform. Do you ever question your existence? I am darkness and darkness is me. My life is a black abyss. I blew up the moon and threatened to kill all life on Earth. Silver the Hedgehog has bigger chest fur than me, why? I love Black, the only time I'd ever wear a color other than black is when they invent a darker color,,, the only color that is an exception to this rule is Red because that is the color of blood and reminds me of all the people I have killed. I dye my quills with my own blood and with the blood of people that I have murdered. I was made in a test tube and I'm a alien/hedgehog hybrid created by a human government. I am immortal, ageless and immune to all. Rouge is my best friend but I'm also her only friend besides Omega and she doesn't have any girl friends to hang out with so I am her substitute and she makes me go shopping, have sleepovers and do other various womanly things with her that I do not want to participate in. I love flowers, good interior design, nice smelling cologne, green apple scented shampoo, hot pockets, motorcycles, guns, My Damn 4th Emerald, jewelry, and corpses. My sister is a corpse. Bracelets aren't girly they are manly and fashionable and if you disagree with my opinions I will kill you. My dad is an alien who hates me and my other dad is an 80 year old man who went insane and tried to kill all of humanity, my nephew is Eggman, why are all of my family members villains. I have depression, PTSD and I hallucinate and hear voices. I don't understand why I don't have friends cause I'm the fucking nicest person ever. I'm a fucking disgrace I hate myself but I also love myself because I Am fucking all powerful and perfect and I look great and I have the best taste in style (fuck Rouge) and I Am so much better than that idiot Sonic and I should be main character as I Am the best and most popular Sonic character fuck Sonic if Sonic is so great, then why can't I, Shadow the Hedgehog,,,
pick up lines sentence starter
  • Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful.
  • Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers.
  • Is your daddy a Baker? Because you've got a nice set of buns!
  • I'm not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.
  • If you were a tropical fruit, you'd be a Fine-apple!
  • Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
  • Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
  • Did you invent the airplane? Cause you seem Wright for me.
  • If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.
  • I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.
  • I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?
  • I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
  • Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
  • There are people who say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Apparently, none of them have ever been in your arms.
  • Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.
  • If God made anything more beautiful than you, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.
  • Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.
  • I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
  • Are you an orphanage? Cause I wanna give you kids.
  • I was feeling a little off today, but you definitely turned me on.
  • I'm sorry, I don't think we've met. I wouldn't forget a pretty face like that.
  • My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?
  • Are you a fruit, because Honeydew you know how fine you look right now?
  • Does your left eye hurt? Because you've been looking right all day.
  • I will stop loving you when an apple grows from a mango tree on the 30th of February.
  • Do you live in a corn field, cause I'm stalking you.
  • Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.
  • Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.
  • You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
  • Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.
  • I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by YOU.
  • I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I'm going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
  • Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
  • I'm not staring at your boobs. I'm staring at your heart.
  • You're the only girl I love now... but in ten years, I'll love another girl. She'll call you 'Mommy.'
  • Can I take your picture to prove to all my friends that angels do exist?
  • I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.
  • Your body is 65% water and I'm thirsty.
  • Hey, don't frown. You never know who could be falling in love with your smile.
  • My doctor says I'm lacking Vitamin U.
  • Have you been to the doctor lately? Cause I think you're lacking some Vitamin Me.
  • Forget about Spiderman, Superman, and Batman. I'll be your man.
  • Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.
  • Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.
  • For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
  • You look so familiar… didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry.
  • Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
  • Was your dad a boxer? Cause you're a knockout!
  • You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
  • You shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection!
  • If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
  • Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
  • I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen
  • If you were a vegetable you'd be a cute-cumber.
  • If I were a cat I'd spend all 9 lives with you.
  • Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte.
  • Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling
  • Did you read Dr. Seuss as a kid? Because green eggs and... damn!
  • Is your dad a drug dealer? Cause you're so Dope!
  • Smoking is hazardous to your health... and baby, you're killing me!
  • There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look.
  • Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces
  • Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
  • Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime.
  • Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
  • I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.
  • There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.
  • Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
  • Do you work at Dick's? Cause you're sporting the goods.
  • You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.
  • Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!
  • You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot that you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.
  • Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. MY JAW!
  • If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
  • Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.
  • Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it's just a sparkle.
  • If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
  • If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
  • Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.
  • I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
  • Are you a campfire? Cause you are hot and I want s'more.
  • You're kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much always on my mind.
  • Put down that cupake... you're sweet enough already.
  • You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again.
  • My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
  • Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
  • Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?
  • I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.
  • I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
  • When I first saw you I looked for a signature, because every masterpiece has one.
  • I like Legos, you like Legos, why don't we build a relationship?
  • Baby I might not be Sriracha sauce but, I sure will spice up your life.
  • Are you Jewish? Cause you ISRAELI HOT.
  • You may be asked to leave soon, you're making all the other women look bad.
  • Do you have the time? [Tells you the time] No, the time to write down my number?
  • Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
  • Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Shazaam!"?
  • If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.
  • Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!
  • Of all the beautiful curves on your body, your smile is my favorite.
  • Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!
  • No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes.
  • Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control, because I just saw a fox!
  • I'm no organ donor but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
  • If I had a penny for every time I thought of you, I'd have exactly one cent, because you never leave my mind.
  • Hershey's makes millions of kisses a day.. .all I'm asking for is one from you.
  • Life without you would be like a broken pencil... pointless.
  • I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true.
  • Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
  • If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
  • If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?
  • Hello are you married? [Yes] Well I didn't hear you say "happily".
  • You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
  • Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?
  • Hello how are you? [Fine] Hey, I didn't ask you how you looked!
  • Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
  • How was heaven when you left it?
  • Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
  • You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
  • Hey... somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
  • I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
  • There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
  • You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you!
  • Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get.
  • Is your name "swiffer"? 'Cause you just swept me off my feet.
  • Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" (What?) "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight.
  • Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
  • Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!
  • If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.
  • You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?
  • Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?
  • Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
  • Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
  • Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
  • So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the woman of my dreams!
  • Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
  • Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
  • You see my friend over there? [Point to friend] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
  • The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
  • Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
  • (As she is leaving) Hey aren't you forgetting something? (What?) Me!
  • Somebody better call God, cuz heaven's missing an angel!
  • Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the man/woman of my dreams.
  • I'm Mr. Right, someone said you were looking for me?
  • Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.
  • If I were a transplant surgeon, I'd give you my heart.
  • Are you Willy Wonka's daughter, 'cuz you look sweet and delicious.
  • If you were a transformer, you'd be a HOT-obot, and your name would be Optimus Fine.
  • Do you remember me? [No.] Oh that's right, we've only met in my dreams.
  • Did it hurt? (Did what hurt?) When you fell out of heaven?
  • I'm sorry, were you talking to me? [No] Well then, please start.
  • I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
  • I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
  • I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
  • If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together.
  • If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
  • If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life.
  • My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
  • Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on Earth!
  • What time do you have to be back in heaven?
  • Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
  • Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
  • You'd better direct that beauty somewhere else, you'll set the carpet on fire.
  • Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
  • [Point at her butt] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
  • Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
  • Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.
  • I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.
  • Are your parents bakers? Cause they sure made you a cutie pie!
  • Did you go to bed early last night? From the looks of it, you got your beauty sleep.
  • What's on the menu? Me-n-U
  • You're like pizza. Even when you are bad, you're good
  • I'd say God Bless you, but it looks like he already did.
  • I must be in a museum, because you truly are a work of art.
  • My friend thinks you're kinda cute, but I don't... I think you're absolutely gorgeous!
  • Let's commit the perfect crime: I'll steal your heart, and you'll steal mine.
  • You spend so much time in my mind, I should charge you rent.
  • If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard
  • Are you a hipster, because you make my hips stir.
  • Are you a cat? Cause you are purrrfect
  • Does your father sell diamonds? Because you are FLAWLESS!
  • You must be a magician, because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.
  • I wish I was cross eyed, so I could see you twice.
  • Are you on Nickelodeon? Cause you're a-Dora-ble!
  • I don't know if you're beautiful, I haven't gotten past your eyes yet.
  • You don't need keys to drive me crazy.
  • My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.
  • Can you take me to the doctor? Because I just broke my leg falling for you.
  • People call me John, but you can call me tonight.
  • You must be a ninja, because you snuck into my heart
  • I need a dollar, but I only have 90 cents... do you want to be my dime?
  • [Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?" You respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!"
  • Are you a magician??? Because Abraca-DAYUM!
  • Be unique and different, say yes.
  • Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.
  • You know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my case.
  • My lips are like skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?
  • They say dating is a numbers game... so can I get your number?
  • My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.
  • You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: You treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
  • (Ask a person for the time) 9: 15? So today is May 1, 2008, at 9:15 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met the woman of my dreams.
  • Pinch me. [Why?] You're so fine I must be dreaming.
  • if I had to choose between breathing or loving you, I would say "I love you" with my last breath!
  • Ouch! My tooth hurts! [Why?] Because you are soooo sweet!
  • I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman!
  • You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby, you're the bomb.
  • You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
  • Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin'.
  • When God made you, he was showing off.
  • Are you a Snickers bar? Cause you satisfy me.
  • Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb.
  • Is your last name Campbell? Cause you're "mmmm... good!"
  • You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
  • Baby, you are so fine I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.
  • Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!
  • You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!
  • Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?
  • Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?
  • I have an "owie" on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?
  • Let's make like a fabric softener and 'Snuggle
  • I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me.
  • Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.
  • If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.
  • Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
  • (Put your fingers on the other's nipples) Hey, here's (name), comin' at you with the weather. Can I be your warm front?
  • How much does a polar bear weigh? [How much?] Enough to break the ice... Hi, I'm (insert name here).
  • Well, I AM telepathic, and I can tell that you love me. Right? [NO!] Darn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.
  • Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be?
  • When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.
  • Hey baby. You got a jersey? [A jersey?...Why?] Because I need your name and number.
  • Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do you pick 'Do you come here often?', 'What's your sign?', or 'Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines.'?
  • (hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?
  • This time next year let’s be laughing together.
  • Is your last name Whitman, because I want to sample you.
  • Let me tie your shoes, cause I dont want you falling for anyone else.
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, you're a 9. I'm the 1 you need.
  • Most guys need 3 meals a day to keep going... I just need eye contact from you.
  • Hey baby, I must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
  • Are you a beaver? Cause daaaaam!
  • I hope your day has been as beautiful as you are.
  • Do I know you? Cause you look just like my next girlfriend.
  • Is your father Little Caesar? Cause you look Hot 'n Ready.
  • I could use some spare change and you're a dime.
  • I'm no mathematician, but I'm pretty good with numbers. Tell you what, Give me yours and watch what I can do with it.
  • Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?
  • Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.
  • Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
  • Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.
  • Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
  • I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
  • I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
  • I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
  • I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
  • Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
  • If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
  • I sneezed because God blessed me with you.
  • Is it hot in here or is it just you?
  • Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
  • So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?
  • I may not be a genie, but I can make all your wishes come true!
  • Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.
  • Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
  • Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.
  • What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
  • What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!
  • Wow! Are those real?
  • I blame you for global warming... your hotness is too much for the planet to handle!
  • You are the reason men fall in love.
  • Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.
  • You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
  • You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
  • If you were ground coffee, you'd be Espresso cause you're so fine.
  • You better call Life Alert, 'cause I've fallen for you and I can't get up.
  • You're single. I'm single. Coincidence? I think not.
  • You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
  • You look like my third wife. [how many time have you been married?] Twice.
  • You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
  • You should be someone's wife.
  • Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
  • Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
  • I want to be your tear drop, so I could be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
  • Babe! you look so fine I could drink your bath water!
  • You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
  • If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
  • Hi, I'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you?
  • Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!
  • There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!
  • Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?
  • Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
  • If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
  • Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
  • You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.
  • You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.
  • Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.
  • You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
  • Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)
  • Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.
  • Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
  • Someone should call the police, because you just stole my heart!
  • Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.
  • Baby, you're so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.
  • Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
  • You're hotter than Papa Bear's porridge.
  • I hope there's a fire truck nearby, cause you're smokin'!
  • If it weren't for that DAMNED sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.
  • How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me.
  • I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.
  • (Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Sorry, taking a bite out of crime. [WHAT?] Well it has to be illegal to look that good!
  • You are a 9 - you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.
  • Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.
  • You're so hot, I bet you could light a candle at 10 paces.
  • I can't believe I've been hear the entire evening with all these beautiful people and the moment I find 'The One', all I have time to say is "good bye".
  • Hey baby, you've got something on your butt - my eyes!
  • This isn't a beer belly, It's a fuel tank for a love machine.
  • I don't know you, but I think I love you already.
  • Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart.
  • if we shared a garden, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together. (tulips = two lips)
  • Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.
  • If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery...I would chose winning the lottery...but it would be close...real close...
  • Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
  • See these keys? I wish I had the one to your heart.
  • Stare at girl . ("What're you staring at?")
  • You, Before I Wake Up From this Dream.
  • You're hotter than donut grease.
  • Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
  • Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?
  • If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be McGorgeous.
  • Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
  • If you could put a price tag on beauty you'd be worth more than Fort Knox.
  • I must be dancing with the devil, because you're hot as hell.
  • I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.
  • If you were a steak you would be well done.
  • It's dark in here. Wait! It's because all of the light is shining on you.
  • Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you.
  • Do you have any raisins? [No] How about a date?
  • Are you a kidnapper? Because you just abducted my heart.
  • Is your name Katrina? [No, why?] 'Cuz baby, you rock me like a hurricane!
  • Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my butt? A damn little kid with wings shot me.
  • On The Phone
  • She/He says: "Hold on"
  • You Say: "Sorry, I can't hold on... I've already fallen for you."
  • Is your body from McDonald's? Cause I'm lovin' it!
  • Are you a microwave oven? Cause you melt my heart.
  • Did you get your license suspended for driving so many guys crazy?
  • Are you a girl scout, cause you tie my heart in knots.
  • You're so hot, I could bake cookies on you.
  • You look beautiful today, just like every other day.
  • Let's play Winnie the Pooh and get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
  • When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.
  • If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
  • Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
The Signs From A Cancers Opininon
  • Aries: Fucking rad. Aries are so headstrong and hilarious I've never met an Aries I didn't like! You come off as a little intimidating imo but that's usually because of how awesome you all are!
  • Taurus: I've never really seen eye to eye with Taurus' which is weird because we should be hella compatible but they're usually so cocky and it rubs me the wrong way. I do however know a Taurus and I highkey love him he's this super weird, innocent quiet kid who is obsessed with cats and lowkey seems a little crazy but I'm obsessed with him he's amazing!
  • Gemini: MY FUCKING DORKS OMG, Geminis are all like those weird dorky kids and I love them all they don't fit in with society and they don't need to! You get along with everyone effortlessly and you are awesome!
  • Cancer: Lowkey I cannot stand Cancers at all when I first meet them. We're too similar and I don't like it I like diversity and being able to learn new things but when I finally get to know them we're like two peas in a pod awesome lil emotional water balloon mamas.
  • Leo: Y'all need to calm down for like a minute, just a minute, the world doesn't revolve around you it revolves around me. But Leos are the life of the party they're so crazy and fun but also really chill and relatable and I envy you're extrovertedness.
  • Virgo: Literally either get the whole entire fuck away from me or never leave my side. Virgos can either be hella obsessive and controlling, in which case girl bye, or the most down to Earth ride or dies ever and the latter ones are my soul mates
  • Libra: Fuckin' party! I get on with Libras so well! We just chill together. Libras are really flighty and chill and awesome that I could listen to them pretend to know what they're talking about for hours because they're just so down to do whatever!
  • Scorpio: Literally fuck me. Scorpios are fuckin' hot and sexy and dark and mysterious and I love it oh me oh my!
  • Sagittarius: There is a 99999999% chance if we get together we will bitch about something and it will be hilarious that is the way when we are together.
  • Capricorn: Fuckin' nerd. I know one Capricorn and he just studies constantly and does so well in school and still has time to be a human and idgi how do you exist so easily?
  • Aquarius: YOU CAN TALK TO ME YOU DONT HAVE TO BOTTLE EVERYTHING UP INSIDE BECAUSE YOU THINK YOURE THE SHIT AND THEN YOU FEEL ALL CONFUSED AND WEAK BY EMOTIONS NO! DONT DO THAT TALK TO ME YOU AWESOME ARTIST GOD-COMPLEXED WEIRDOS
  • Pisces: BABE. Babe, you're the sweetest peach on the tree but you can also be a rotten apple if you wanna you're my emotional bitch sisters till the end and we will destroy all who stand in our way
"What actually happened" for Dummies
  • <p> <b>Sakura:</b> *remembers "thank you" scene from first time she confessed*<p/><b>Sakura:</b> if I "STILL" have a ""PLACE"" IN ""YOUR HEART"" then please don't slip any further away...if we just all stayed together forever then i'm sure things will go back to the way they ""USED" TO BE"...<p/><b>Sasuke:</b> *shakes at her words, calls her "annoying"(recalling the same day that made her understand that she indeed once had a place in "his heart"), instead of actually killing her (like he intended with naruto) he genjutsus her because he fears that she might get in the way(get hurt)*<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> *doesn't get it...yet* you lil shit all Sakura ever did was love you...<p/><b>Sasuke:</b> *tries to play cold;but fails* Does she expect for me to play at romance? She has no reason to love me and likewise..<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> *throws chancla at him* baka--BAKA! you only need a reason when it's hate and...<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> ...<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> wait a diddinly darn minute...?<p/><b></b> Playing at romance? what da heck are you talking about? She never mentioned any of "that"??...she "just said" that she loved you, wanted you to go back,and for things to go back to the way they "USED" to be!<p/><b>Sasuke:</b> (shit.)<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> you sneaky lil bastard were you two playing at romance behind Sensei's back, back then?<p/><b>Kishimoto:</b> *laughs* they kinda looked like they were "lovers"...I feel so embarrassed *blushes*... And I cried so much when they first parted as well... OMG so much feels!...you guys should also read--<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> not now trollshimoto, I have answers I need questioned.<p/><b>Kishimoto:</b> It's kishi.Kishimoto,and I think what you actually meant to say was: "questions i need answered"?<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> Now...don't get all cocky of me just because you think you're the writer of this Manga!<p/><b>Kishi:</b> eh? But I am the writer...<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> shhhhhh<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> *turns to Sasuke* now, as I was saying...<p/><b>Sasuke:</b> *not there anymore*<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> WHAT? Where did Mr. "duck's-butt-hair" go? He still hasn't answered Sensei's question!<p/><b>Naruto:</b> I dunno, he said something like: *changes voice to sasuke* "those may just be chains from our failed past" and then ran away like a ninja while half-crying-half-blushing.<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> ?ah! "and naruto" how long have you been there?<p/><b>Naruto:</b> NOW THAT'S JUST RUDE!<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> oh sorry it's just that you were irrelevant atm.<p/><b>Naruto:</b> hah? I was the one who has seen more ss moments I'll have you know!<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> Naruto, have I ever told you how relevant you were?<p/><b>Naruto:</b> you changed your mind pretty quickly...eh -_-<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> oh common Naruto, don't be like that. Tell your most beloved Sensei what he wants to know, mmh?<p/><b>Naruto:</b> now I'm not sure about "most beloved"; but I'll tell you anyway just so you don't say I'm irrelevant to all of this...<p/><b></b> There was that time when he wanted to die for her and wanted me to carry her and run with her as fast and far as I could no matter what happened while telling me how dear she was to him; but of coarse I immediately took the spotlight away from him because I'm the protagonist and I'm suppose to save people...,anyways there was also this time where sakura was worried for him and I had no idea what was going on but<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> pfft third wheel<p/><b>Naruto:</b> I wasn't!<p/><b></b> He just admitted that "only she" could convince him of anything with the exception of revenge!... which was kinda of weird because despite having said this the moron still planned on dying, throwing away his dream just so "she could live"...<p/><b>Kishimoto:</b> well I did say that sakura ("the girl who filled "his heart(lonely existence)" with the emotion called "LOVE"") was a "precious" person he was supposed to protect...duhhh that's why he broke a guy's arms for touching her, and the only one who could calm him down was sakura "by hugging him". Hello? Anyone remember that?<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> and then... "naruto"?<p/><b>Kishimoto:</b> (was I just ignored?)<p/><b>Naruto:</b> when sakura hugged him at the hospital he made an expression that made me feel like I didn't belong in the room so I left<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> See...!third wheel!<p/><b>Naruto:</b> -_-<p/><b>Naruto:</b> *sarcastic laugh* Ha-Ha-Ha! Not so much, because later the idiot was jealous of me and decided to fight me(almost kill me)...and part of it was triggered because of sakura's grateful smile towards me...and despite wanting to chidori "me" to enter true darkness like itachi wanted him to...when Sakura got in between... he suddenly got scared!<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> welp I always knew he had a crush on her...he probably also feels strongly about her if not cutting his ties with her wouldn't have been so hard back then...<p/><b>Hagoromo:</b> love is a complicated thing...<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> you still here?.<p/><b>Hagoromo:</b> I was just leaving<p/><b>Kishimoto:</b> 685 anyone? I threw sasuke in that dimension for the purpose of eyesex, and to catch him in his cold act...let's not forget that i--<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> oh can you just be quiet!?<p/><b>Kishimoto:</b> Oh so now you're not ignoring me, huh?<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> You killed Rin! I hate you! *kicks him back to his original dimension*<p/><b>Naruto:</b> Ooo-Kaay?? Now that Sakura's words have shaken Sasuke's soul... I'm going to punch some sense into him and finally bring him back...cause that's pretty much what this story is about "when love doesn't work, punch your friend in the face until he realizes it does"<p/><b>Sasuke:</b> *from the distance* he sure is taking his time<p/><b>Naruto:</b> (my sasuke senses are tingling) *runs away like a ninja*<p/><b>Hagoromo:</b> I hope those boys get their love back...*looks at Sakura* especially Sasuke...that bootay is fine...*starts to disappear*<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> What bootay is fine? Wait, wait, waaaaaiiiit...ah aaaand he left...<p/><b>Kakashi:</b> *sighs* we don't get paid well enough...<p/><b>Sakura:</b> *suddenly wakes up from a genjutsu cast by the current strongest sharingan user* you think...?<p/></p>