i'm having phil feelings

When You Take Me There

Genre: fluff af. like actual cotton candy i swear

Word Count: 1.2k

Summary: A very in-depth confession of love from Phil to Dan based on and inspired by the song ‘Durban Skies’ by Bastille. (Written in Phil’s POV)

Warnings: tiny mention of alcohol?? slight suggestion of sex? idk it is definitely 100% SFW

a/n: this is the first ever actual good thing i’ve written in my life I hope it’s enjoyable and ik the punctuation is probably horrendous but idk who needs rules of the english language lmao. hope u all enjoy (also if you find any typos or anything pls lmk as it’s currently 4:30am and i’m like half asleep)

~

You are all that I’ve got to be thankful for.

Well, technically there’s a lot of things I’m thankful for. But nothing as important as you.

You. Dan Howell. The love of my life. My hopes, dreams, aspirations; my everything.

I know I want to be with you forever.

Our love incomparable, our souls inseparable. Nothing could ever break our bond, our hearts perfectly entangled together, like our fingertips on a dreaded, rainy, mid-Sunday taxi drive to the grocery store. Like our legs on a lazy Tuesday as we swear at each other playing Mario Kart. Like our bodies the first time we met, both of us shaking with nervousness and sweating like dogs. I am in love with you.

You outweigh any form of negativity I have ever come across.

You are all I need. One look at you- a glance into your beautiful, dark coffee-stained eyes, and I am at peace with all in my life. All that isn’t you, anyways. I am always at peace with you.

You are my entire life, and always have been.

I fondly remember the beginning. Vivid memories of carelessness and the feeling of newly found love. The long train rides you took to close the gap between us. All the thoughtless walks around Manchester, the cheesy coffee and cinema dates, as well as the angsty nights at my house when I secretly gave you alcohol after promising my parents I wouldn’t- and getting a bit drunk. Sometimes too drunk perhaps, which led to some out of hand things. I don’t even want to know what we did, as all I remember is one time waking up to you asleep naked on my family’s dining room table. They luckily weren’t home that week. You cried over how bad you felt, and I cheered you up by ordering Indian food and wrapping us both up on the couch in a blanket as we watched our favorite childhood cartoons. You are really something else, and I couldn’t ask for any better.

Back then I could only imagine what we would experience together.

I had no idea we, as a duo, would become at all known to the world. I didn’t think about all the lives we would change and all the places we’d go and all the amazing friends we would make. All I knew for sure was that I wanted you in my arms till the day I’d die, and to this day that is still all I live by.

I am so thankful to have you next to me in my life.

Moving to London was a major risk for us. We went through some difficult hardships career-wise, but deep down I knew it would work out. Anything can work out as long as I’m with you. Our love can conquer any and all obstacles.

I understand how you work.

Your thought process, your creative sources, how your mind works. I can tell how you feel at anytime, in any situation. Parties, events, when you’re stressing about what to do for the next scene in a video. I know that the only way you can sleep most nights is if I softly play with your fingers, and if the comforter is tucked in between your knees because you hate when your bare legs are touching under the blanket as it’s too warm and it makes you feel gross. I know you better than anyone else.

You make me feel like I can live forever.

Nothing matters when our bodies are pressed together like the waves and the shore on a humid, sunny day at dusk. You know that feeling you get when you finally fit the last piece into a puzzle you’ve been working on for weeks? That feeling of completion and relief, the satisfaction and pleasure your body experiences fitting that puzzle piece perfectly into it’s place and seeing the whole picture? That’s how I feel laying next to you. When I cover your rosy face in gentle kisses every morning and when our arms embrace every time we see each other after being apart. Maybe not exactly like that, actually. Multiply that feeling by about… infinity. The way you make me feel is simply indescribable.

You’ve made me view things from a whole new perspective.

I think back to when we first walked through town together and our hair wouldn’t stop going nuts in the wind and I kept complaining and got frustrated. Your hands reached down to mine and held on just tight enough and everything was instantly calm in my mind. You taught me how to be the best person I can be and told me everything I needed to hear and more. I am forever grateful for your impact on my life.

You are the only person I want to spend my life with.

I personally don’t think weddings are the most important part of a relationship, but I know how much you look forward to ours. I often imagine seeing your gravity-defying smile and glistening eyes of endearment as we exchange I do’s and an everlasting kiss to seal everything we’ve shared since way back when. Seeing you happy is what’s most important to me.

It’s a miracle this ever worked out and I am forever grateful.

The slightest of changes in one of our paths could’ve caused everything to be different. It’s insane to think that if I hadn’t bought that exact box of cereal that one day, I would’ve never experimented with the camera I won and started uploading to youtube when I did. Every single specific decision each of us made somehow lead to this and it’s honestly terrifying to think about how easily we could’ve never even acknowledged each other, and none of this would be happening right now. I have no words for how thankful I am that things happened the way they did.

I was always told that it wouldn’t work, but look at where we are now.

I was told not to trust you. That you were just some stranger. That you were too young and naïve, and that it wasn’t really love and that it was all just excitement. I hope they realize how wrong they were whenever they see our faces in magazines and our names in headlines. I hope they’re constantly reminded that we were different and that we made it. We made it together.

All those four am skype call sessions to the four am sunrises we’d watch from outside your family’s house to the four am netflix show binges in bed that became the only normality we know of today.

The countless amount of train rides to see each other, to the countless amount of plane rides to travel the world together. Everything is more beautiful when you’re by my side.

The hundreds of days and nights spent embraced in your arms and the hundreds and hundreds more I look forward to. You are my definition of warmth and my meaning of home and you are everything I could ever want and everything I don’t deserve and everything else that is good in the world.

You are the best person in the world. I love you so much, Dan, and I know I will love you as long as we both shall live. You complete me in every way, and you are all I’ve got to be thankful for. 

~

*cries because school gets in the way of the one thing I actually care about right now: dan and phil*

2

Okay so I know these aren’t great but you’ve got to start somewhere right?? Also it’s 2 am and idek if these are finished because I normally “finish” my work then come back to it like 2 days later and fix bits but I wanted to post anyway

*me when Philinda were moving in to hug each other*

*me when Philinda fight and take care of their children together*

*me when Philinda allow each other to see their vulnerabilities*

*me when Philinda look at each other*

*me when Philinda are in the same room together*

*ME WHEN PHILINDA*

I’ve found the latest SDCC interviews to be pretty interesting because Ming has been talking about how she thinks Melinda is kinda torn/trying to decide between her personal happiness and SHIELD. 

For one thing, I think it’s going to be really awesome to see Ming play Melinda struggling with that because she’s usually so confident. But also I’m kinda excited because maybe the resolution of this can/will be….both? 

Maybe there’s a chance both choices are intertwined? Maybe she’ll find out that she doesn’t have to choose, because SHIELD and her personal happiness share a name: Phil Coulson? Maybe they’ll take the time to repair their friendship and discover their partnership is only stronger than ever? Maybe she’ll realize she can take care of her team and the rest of the world with her best friend by her side and be happier than she has been in a long time? Maybe they’ll find out what those blurred boundaries between them mean and discover that it’s wonderful? Maybe they’ll take the plunge and she’ll find out that personal happiness and SHIELD don’t have to be separate entities? 

Maybe SHIELD and her personal happiness are (what Melinda has stated twice now) “the same thing?”