i'm gonna abuse this tag

ime bi people’s m/f relationships look Really Different from relationships between two straight people because bi folks have usually done a lot more questioning of heteropatriarchy and the Standard Straight Relationship Script. so like, for the most part, we handle gender roles differently, we handle sex differently (idk about hard science but I’ve read and heard a ton of anecdotes about bi folks being way less invested in piv than straight folks), we conduct our relationships in ways that work for us rather than conforming to the default heteronormative narrative b/c most of us have realized that that’s not the only option.

and the statistics from the CDC, the ones that reveal that bi men and women experience more intimate partner violence than straight or gay people in their gender groups, the ones that reveal that perpetrators of ipv against bi people are largely of the “opposite” gender…I think those do a lot to confirm that bi folks conduct their m/f relationships a lot differently than straight people, and are punished for it by straight partners who want them to conform to heteronormativity.

so please, please don’t dismiss these very significant differences by claiming that our m/f relationships are het/straight relationships or that we’re “het partnered” or anything else to imply that we’re the same as straight people in certain contexts because we’re really not.

anonymous asked:

The sad thing about pro-infibulation "discourse" is that it's been going on for decades and it's not really perpetuated by brain dead people on tumblr, it's something that actual anthropologist and academia (even renown ones) are totally pro because "it's their culture" and they don't understand how fucking privileged they are, if i remeber correctly a female anthropologist even got genital mutilation to show her support for the procedure, but the thing is she CHOSE to, unlike most of the girls-

and young women who are forced into it for entirely sexist reasons. If the preservation of a misogynistic, outdated culture is more important than the actual health and self determination of women than I don’t know what to say anymore. 

See, I am to some extent aware of the existence of a certain side of the Western intellectual establishment that’s sooooo liberal they circle all the way back to regressive, but I try to tune out as much of that stuff as I can unless I really have to so I was until now blissfully aware that A FEMALE ANTHROPOLOGIST UNDERWENT FMG but now I googled it and it’s like…. you know when you can feel your faith in humanity decliding by the second because this is what I am experiencing right now.

I’m just gonna say that 1. calling it “female circumcision” makes my blood boil, FGM entails the removal of a whole bodily organ (which incidentally is meant for female pleasure but sure, no harm meant whatsoever); 2. I’m wondering if this lady got her vagina sewn shut too, to be opened by her husband on her wedding night? that’s a thing that too happens! much wonderful diversity! it’s only cool to criticize the patriarchy when it’s Western; 3. I am getting War Flashbacks to that whole EU legislation debate about whether immigrants to EU countries should be allowed to keep their child brides because ~multiculturalism.

There’s being respectful and there’s having your entire head shoved so far up your ass you can’t even see daylight, and this “we shouldn’t do anything it’s not our place uwu” is in some ways is even worse than straight-up cultural imperialism, because it’s just as entitled and if possible even more self righteous. It’s just so - disgusting - how people refuse to understand that just because something is an accepted cultural practice it doesn’t make it above criticism. Slavery was an accepted cultural practice. Human sacrifice was. Hell, getting a pass on murdering your wife because she’d cheated on you used to be an accepted cultural practice in Italy up to thirty years ago, but that doesn’t mean it was right. I hope in about fifty years we can look back on these people and be glad we finally got over such regressive harmful do-gooder idiocy.

anonymous asked:

not to start a discourse but i agree i hate when ppl do that in the tfc fandom with their 'perfect court au' and all that shite

i know!! i don’t care about what people ship for the most part as long as it isn’t harmful or morally wrong. i try to stay out of it—but obviously an abusive relationship is something that shouldn’t be romanticized. people argue that they’re just fictional characters but the fact is that even though they aren’t real, by shipping it, they’re making this behavior seem normal and like it’s acceptable for a real-life relationship.

anonymous asked:

Loved your meta on Jon Snow! Could you elaborate this: "if we’re talking about grrm creating *special* characters that’s theon or jaime objectively"? Would love to read your thoughts on them!

SURE I CAN ELABORATE (and thanks glad you enjoyed reading that <3)

okay so let’s go in order: jaime.

  • okay so jaime is an amazing example of ‘how to write a guy who seems despicable and then turns out is actually the most sensed person moral-wise around’ - OKAY I know it’s an unpopular opinion so bear with me because a lot of my opinions re jaime are not mainstream but is2g I have reasons. 
  • thing is: usually characters like jaime are straight-up assholes. I mean, when you meet this guy he’s in an incestuous relationship with his sister, generally behaves like an ass with most people and the first main thing he does plot-wise is crippling bran, which given the HE KILLED HIS KING backstory makes people go like CHRIST YOU ARE DESPICABLE. now in general you don’t see characters like that having redeeming traits that predate their shitty actions and at most they have redemption arcs where they die to atone for their sins and stuff, but thing is: jaime is subtle in that sense. because I’m not counting asos (I’ll get there in a minute) but there’s a lot of hints in the previous two books showing you that he’s not the asshole he looks like. meaning: it was stated early in the beginning that he waited for ned to come and *take the throne* even if he sat on it for who knows how long when killing aerys when he could have claimed it himself, and if it had been cersei LIKE HELL she’d have waited for ned, he’s the only family member tyrion does not want to see dead and who treats him nicely/who arguably loves him, even if you loathe him he always somehow talks sense (his drunk conversation with cat in acok is imo a character development masterpiece because you could see cat was morally right but he was technically having a lot more points especially when talking about how hypocritical is of her/her family to assume that you can always hold up your honor/fulfill your oaths). mostly, he’s at least on some level entirely aware of how fucked up he is - I mean, the moment I fell for jaime as a character was when he pushed bran out of the window and said the things I do for love with loathing. from which you deduce that he’s entirely aware that he’s doing something shitty and that he’s doing it out of *love* same as he does pretty much everything in his life, and then I was like man this guy is interesting.
  • and then you get to his chapters and man, JAIME. so, the moment you get into his head, you find out that this guy who until now you found wholly despicable actually stayed faithful to cersei all his life like your standard fairytale knight, that he actually wanted to be a fairytale knight all his life, that he joined the kingsguard both because cersei kind of convinced him to but also because HE WANTED TO BE LIKE ARTHUR DAYNE, that he actually turned out that cynical after two years of guarding aerys during which he arguably developed some bad case of ptsd (man he has a patented checking out method he advices brienne to use whenhe’s sure they bloody mummers might rape her..) and that his supposedlyu most despicable act - killing his king - actually saved an entire city and was everything but dishonorable if you looked at the facts. on top of that when he loses his hand he goes on what I call the reverse redemption arc of the century, as in - the thing is that we’re told that jaime is the same as cersei. (or so she thinks). until we have just her opinion, we might assume it’s true. then it turns out that he used to be an… actual nice person who doesn’t give a fuck about power (honest HE DID NOT TAKE THE THRONE??), and who wanted to be arthur dayne, was the only person in his family who did not abuse his brother, doesn’t judge people on their appareances like 90% of westeros (that was even before he lost his hand, if you look at it after he realizes that brienne is competent he doesn’t demean her for her looks anymore), actually is waaaay less sexist than the average (actually he’s one of the few people who don’t automatically look down on women), has turned out the way he did also thanks to his father being himself (because lol the tysha situation was pure abuse also as far as jaime was concerned never mind tat we could argue about how cersei turns textbook abusive partner after he loses his hand) and the adforementioned ptsd and that brought him to his lowest point aka pushing bran out of the window. then he loses his hand, has to face the fact that he’s not cersei’s mirror, meets brienne, decides that he wants to be the person he used to be again and - like, everyone argues about the supposed redemption arc that jaime has or doesn’t have, but imo the thing is that he started from being a basically good person, turned into a fairly horrid one due to circumstances he couldn’t have much of a say in and now he wants to go back to being the decent-ish person he was before and man, where do you see that in fantasy mainstream fiction? usually that kinda asshole stays an asshole or has the death driven redemption arc, you don’t find out that he actually was on of the most moral/modern-thinking characters in that bunch. (sorry guys jaime’s moral compass imo is a lot less screwed than it loosk like, because he’s a realist about oaths and the likes and he’s not the kind of idiot who’d put his king’s life over the entire city’s and who felt that conflicted about protecting someone who raped his wife. actually show!jaime sorta raping cersei in the sept was ridiculous also because book!jaime is like, I LOATHE RAPISTS UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY. I mean.) also I’m 100% of the opinion that his riverrun arc just shows that - he didn’t want to go, he managed the mission without technically breaking his oath and making use of the fact that he knows people think he’s a despicable person and by the end he’s just… Done with the capital D when it comes to doing what his family wants him to do or things he doesn’t want to - I mean, he goes off with brienne in a second when he sent her on a legitimate heroic quest before, who are we kidding? that is the one thing he wanted from life tbh. he even said it in asos, at some point the kid who wanted to be like arthur dayne had turned into one of the outlaws they despised that much. 
  • tldr jaime is an incredibly complex and layered character who deconstructs perfectly both your typical asshole backstabber, the arthurian knight and the courtly love trope (both with brienne and cersei) at least and imo if it wasn’t for theon he would be the most original/innovative/well-conceived character in asoiaf tbh - except that then you have theon.

so, theon:

  • christ where do I start. okay, let’s start from the deconstruction - I ranted about it a while ago but lol I can’t find the link (it’s under my janie writes meta tag if you want to look for it) - but like, theon’s a flawless destruction of the traitor trope. like, usually your typical backstabber betrays the hero/heroine, who usually doesn’t die but is majorly fucked because of that - anyway most times they stand back up, get their revenge and said backstabber gets their due and usually they did it for their own personal gain or jealoiusy and it’s always from the betrayed’s POV. also by the end we’re all happy when the backstabber gets their due.
  • theon utterly and completely destroys that because a) we get HIS pov and never robb’s, b) his betrayal is the result of a situation he had no choice in which brought him to have to deal with severe mental issues, c) when he gets his comeuppance it’s so horrific that just people with zero empathy actually would think he deserved ramsay, d) he thought he’d take WF for his personal gain but ended up losing everything instead, e) he’s the person who regrets most his own actions and he wishes he had died with robb, f) HE’S NOT DEAD YET, g) and not just that, he did one of the few arguably truly honestly 100% heroic fairytale TM actions in the books (as someone once said, him saving jeyne and jaime saving brienne in the bear pit are arguably the only two truly fairytale-worthy things anyone’s ever done in ASOIAF and look at who is behind them…) which gave him narrative redemption/catharsis since it also was a mostly selfless action done for someone no one could give two fucks about. that’s already groundbreaking territory because that shit rarely happens in mainstream fiction but it’s not even all of it.
  • okay so, acok!theon is hardly a nice person, but I think it’s very inspured that if you take into account where he comes from (the hostage situation and howhe can’t reconcile coming from a background and being unable to fit in another, never mind the IF YOUR FATHER REBELS THE GUY YOU’D LIKE TO BE YOUR FATHER COULD AND WOULD PROBABLY KILL YOU) it shows that such a context does not breed well-adjusted people, and the thing is that while I think taking WF was a ridiculous delusional fk-up, actually siding with his father was normal - I mean, in retrospective ofc he’d side with robb but in his position of course you pick your asshole family rather than your bff when picking the latter leaves you disinherited, IN A SOCIETY BASED ON HOUSE BELONGING. ops. and when he knew robb was the only prson who gave two fucks about him overall, and he still was having his AH BUT HE OBVIOUSLY DOESN’T CARE ABOUT ME phase to convince himself he was better off in pyke. and the fact that he takes a decision most of us would take even if it’s not the right one narrative-wise when he’s also not easy to sympathize with and the decision harms the supposed heroes of the story (the starks) is imo a+++ writing because like, I’m 90% sure that people hate theon that much because it’s a human decision and most of us would the same in his shoes, but it’s not too easy to admit that… especially when the character taking it is not relatable.
  • on top of thart you have one of the most beautiful identity arcs in fantasy fiction AT LEAST but honest it’s probably the best one I ever read and I read a fair amount of novels. like you can sum it in ‘we think we know this guy, then we see that his head is a shitty place to be, we realize he has serious identity issues in the sense that he’s split between two cultures and can’t make sense of it, we see him going waaay deep into that rabbit hole until he loses about everything for it, then he gets brainwashed into thinking he’s someone else and someone subhuman for that matter, and then he actually goes back from that on his own and finally realizes who the hell he’s supposed to be and the moment he does he does the Heroic Deed Of The Book TM’ and it′s beautiful, because when have you ever seen that much effort put into giving that amount of depth to a character whose technical actions are supposed to be all-around despicable? like guys theon’s identity arc is a punch in the stomach to read but I swear I rarely read a thing with such a cathartic ending and given that grrm gave that sl to a character the audience was not supposed to sympathize with going by your regular tropes I kee on thinkign it was a literary stroke of genius if you look at it from the technical crafting-a-story sense
  • also I could go on a long rant about how on top of that you also have one of the best narratives re an abuse victim I read in my life (because like if you count everything, the guy’s been a victim of some kind of abuse all his life way before ramsay was in the picture) and actually that’s also why I’m 99% sure he’s not headed for the cathartic death, it makes a lot more sense if he survives the story in spite of everything but this post is already hellal long and my laptop lags (guys really it’s taken me an hour and twenty to get up to this point ew) so in conclusion
  • tldr theon is absolutely groundbreaking because not only he’s a trope deconstruction, but narratively he’s the result of a lot of choices that are not mainstream or popular when it comes to that kind of character, has honestly the best written chapters in the entire thing if you ask me and he’s absolutely not the kind of character you find easily in mainstream fiction. what I mean is that jon is a chosen hero deconstruction but he’s still a chosen hero and the world is full of them, jaime is already more rare but you can find chaarcters who have some traits in common with him, and I’ve never once in my life read a character that was comparable to theon when it came to sheer originality/reading something I never ran into before. (I could SORT OF MAYBE say the same for brienne but brienne is also the warrior woman trope and there’s a lot of that around tho brienne is the best instance I’ve sene of it - anyway she’s not *original* per se, it’s original in the way grrm approaches it. anyway this is not about brienne and it’s really too long so I’m gonna cut it here) so imo theon’s actually the best character grrm has singlehandedly conceived/churmed out in his career if not just in asoiaf (but I read enouhg of the rest to be sure of that assessment) and yeah okay I’m done XD
“Bamon shippers who hate Bonkai are hypocrites, Damon’s hurt Bonnie too!”

Oh yeah?

Say what you will about Damon, but he’s never shot Bonnie with a crossbow and watched as she bled out. He never chased her through a hospital like he was in a goddamn horror movie where she was the victim and he was the monster. He never suggestively grabbed her in a car and breathed down her neck like he was going to rape her. He never drained her of her magic, the most intimate and precious thing to a witch. He never stuffed her in a trunk and drove her around like she was a piece of cargo, like she wasn’t a human being. He never pretended to make a truce with her to gain her trust and then brutally stab her with a sadistic smile on his face. He never left her to rot in a prison world all alone. He never drove her to suicide. He never caused her to suffer from PTSD. He never blackmailed her friend into forcing her to see him even though he knew she didn’t want to see him ever again. He never kidnapped her and used her blood to let out a bunch of murderous witchpires, either. And he’s never believed that because he tried to save her once and somewhat regrets everything he’s done to Bonnie because of his brother’s empathy (which he only has because he MURDERED him) gives him the right to deserve her forgiveness.

Bonkai stans can ignore their ship’s toxicity and point out Damon’s wrongdoings to Bonnie all they want, but everyone else knows the truth. Damon has hurt Bonnie in the past, yes. But he has never damaged and traumatized Bonnie the way Kai has.

Lay Fanart by yours truly. Mama era inspired. Unicorn Lay, oyeah! 

I’m planning to make a digital painting for every ot12 member. I have Lay, Kris, and Chanyeol so far. 

some thoughts on personal experiences, character discussion, and lapis. this is a rant, it’s long and not pretty and gets personal. it’s kiiiind of all over the place. sorry in advance, this is a vent post that i might delete later.

Keep reading

Kris Fanart by yours truly. Mama era inspired. Galaxy Oppa, oyeah! 

I’m planning to make a digital painting for every ot12 member. I have Lay, Kris, and Chanyeol so far. 

2

lupita nyong'o as varda elentári, queen of the stars

O Stars that in the Sunless Year
With shining hand by her were sown,
In windy fields now bright and clear
We see your silver blossom blown!

Chanyeol fanart by yours truly. Mama era inspired. Phoenix King oyeah! 

I’m planning to make a digital painting for every ot12 member. I have Lay, Kris, and Chanyeol so far.