i'm going to shower and bed

Pairing: Dazai/Chuuya

“I’m in love with you.”

And then a sad smile later, Dazai continued:

“…And you wish you didn’t feel the same way, right?”

But the door was always open. Every night Chuuya just happened to pass by the building, he’d go up, test the knob, long ago being surprised when the door swung open. 

Sometimes Dazai would be reading. Other times, he’d be in bed already. Then there’d be times he wouldn’t be home and Chuuya would amuse himself with a selection from the bookshelf and be waiting on the couch when the door opened again, not say anything as Dazai leaned down to kiss him. 

It became an unspoken routine that every Friday night would be like this. Then Saturday nights joined Fridays, then the occasionally Tuesday. But one Tuesday night led to a Wednesday morning, and Chuuya stayed away for two months.

But Friday night came again, and so did Chuuya.

“Stay tonight.”

Chuuya had just sat up when he heard Dazai’s voice, so quiet that it was almost unrecognizable.

“…Please?”

Chuuya was in love with Dazai the way Dazai was in love with Chuuya, but the difference was that the person who was left hurt more and longer than the person who did the leaving. Dazai was all in. He’d said the words. He’d allowed himself to be vulnerable. He’d been honest. He’d been patient. He trusted Chuuya with his life; he told him, he showed him, he promised him.

But Chuuya didn’t and while Dazai’s abandonment wounded him deeply, Chuuya’s inability to trust Dazai completely (or even at all) had the same effect.

Closing his eyes, Chuuya’s shoulders rounded with his next exhale. He heard shifting behind him and felt light kisses trailed against his side. When he looked over his shoulder, his bleary eyes watched Dazai push up, his portion of the blankets pooling to his hips. He gave a lopsided smile before bringing a hand up to cup Chuuya’s cheek, lean in and kiss him so sweetly that it took Chuuya’s breath away.

But unlike the romance novels, instead of being swept off his feet, Chuuya wondered if Dazai was going to steal all his air and leave him to suffocate.

So he pulled back wordlessly.

Dazai smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. I get it. But… I want you to stay. I really do. I want to wake up next to you, Chuuya. I want–”

Chuuya’s brow furrowed and he looked away, drawing back the hand that Dazai’s was half covering. “You know, the only thing worse than my partner abandoning me would be to wake up alone in his bed,” Chuuya snapped and stood. “I’m–”

“Chuuya. Please.”

Dazai Osamu didn’t beg. He didn’t; since they were kids, Chuuya had watched Dazai seamlessly get anything he wanted without ever having to go anything beyond a simple request. But feeling his hand on his wrist, hearing the way his voice lilted, looking at him, Chuuya knew even before he sat back down that he’d given in. 

“…Fine,” he acquiesced in a tight voice.

Every cell in his body knew better than to trust Dazai, but the multitude of them that was his heart felt otherwise.

“Tonight,” he said thickly and swallowed. “Just… tonight.”

The way Dazai smiled did things to Chuuya’s heart that made looking at him impossible. The moment he turned away, he felt Dazai’s forehead touch to his bare shoulder and he closed his eyes, nodding when he heard a breathy ‘thank you.’

It was quiet afterwards, two dangerous men sitting next to each other, two people in love in the same bed, one entirely trusting and the other wholeheartedly refusing to.

(”Isn’t love enough?” Dazai had asked once.

“Not when it’s us,” Chuuya answered.)

Clouds had concealed the bright moon by the time one of their voices broke the silence.

“…I love you, you know,” Dazai said quietly.

Chuuya pressed his lips together, gave a stiff nod.

“…Yeah. I know.”

And then Dazai coaxed him back into bed, drew their bodies flush together and Chuuya fell asleep with Dazai’s arms around him, his heart beating against his back, his soft breaths tangling in his hair, hearing I love you over and over again.

I’m so angry that everything is ruined bc of my trauma. Everything is a fucking trigger. Baths, showers, the bathroom, washing face, brushing teeth, snow, cigarettes, alcohol, thanksgiving, Christmas, all Jewish holidays, Judaism in general, religion in general, the Fourth of July, Labor Day, Memorial Day, basements, bedrooms, plaid blankets, blood, going to the park, riding a bike, using public bathrooms, couches, CPR, beds, carpet, concrete, hardwood floor, tickling, ropes, lawn chairs, wearing makeup, my period, body hair, feet, being alone, being with people, being inside, being outside, laughing, crying, anger, daycare, cots, I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON. as I started typing, they just kept coming. And I am so fucking over it. I’m over everything being a trigger. I’m over being somewhere, being PERFECTLY OKAY, only to find myself unable to breathe, having a panic attack over yet another thing that They ruined. Fuck trauma fuck abuse fuck everything. All the people that ruin the lives of innocent children for their own sick fantasies can fucking rot in hell.

This gif is killing me. So many thoughts. His damn expression is priceless.

- You were getting out of the shower and couldn’t find your towel. Yet, You were sure that you left it on the counter .You got out of the bathroom to find Negan sitting on your bed, waiting for you with your towel in his hands.

***

- You fucked up again, you begged Negan to let you go on a run and you almost got yourself and Dwight killed. A few hours after you came back to the compound, Negan asked to see you, alone.
Walking towards his room, you could feel your heart beat harder than ever, hoping that he would not punish you for your stupid mistake. You were standing in front of his door, unable to move. You knew that making him wait would only get him even more angry at you, but you just couldn’t move, your brain unable to send the right orders to your muscles. You heard him move inside the room, walking towards the door. You felt the urge to run away, but it was too late. Negan opened the door slowly, he took his time to check you out from your shaky legs, to your rapid breathing chest, his eyes stopping to meet yours.

***

- It was your first night as Negan’s wife. You were so nervous, the man turned you on like no one else ever did before, but you felt like a virgin in front of him. You didn’t have sex since the apocalypse started and you felt like you forgot how it worked. “Are You okay baby?” You nodded “yes, I’m just a little nervous”. You were wearing what he told you was his favorite lingerie, black and lacy panties and bralette. He took your hand in his: “undo my belt doll”.
You took the big metal buckle between your hands, unbuckling It slowly, nervously. He slipped his hands between yours and pushed them gently away with his wrists. “Let me help you gorgeous” You looked at his hands, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans. You were hypnotized by the length of his fingers, imagining how they would feel on your skin, in your mouth, inside your wet pussy. Negan lowered his pants to his knees, leaving his boxer on. “See how hard I am for you baby? Take it in your hands.” You slowly brushed your hand along his chest, turning your hand upside down so your fingers were going through his lower belly hair. You finally slipped your fingers inside his boxers, stretching the elastic to make room for your hand. You took his throbbing cock in your hand, lifting your head to see his expression. He was looking at you with so much lust you felt weak in the knees. “That’s It baby, stroke me”.

***

I could go on like this forever, this gif is my fucking muse.
Sorry for the poor English.

okay but fox hux being the clingiest little thing

like him constantly wanting to be by Kylo’s side, even when they’re in bed or when Kylo is in the shower or when Kylo has to go out of the apartment, Hux is there, trying to sneak back next to him

and Kylo has to awkwardly try and explain to his coworkers why a little bushy fox has followed him into his office

It’s 2am and I can’t sleep even though I have a 9am class tomorrow because I’m lying here thinking about going to make an appointment about my mental state to maybe get put on some more medication and all the stress that’s coming with even thinking about doing that and I’m just… I could cry

2

I look so much better when I’m sober, and not so homeless looking . Struggles real.
I literally hate it. I have no motivation to get out of this bed and get ready because I feel weird being in my boyfriends cousins house, we were supposed to leave 5 days ago but we’re just kind of chillin lol. They’ve been partying for 2 fucking days straight , drinking, pills, blow, weed. & I’m like go to bed already Jesus. I wanna take a shot of up and a shower. But last time we tried making up a shot they came knocking on the door. They have no idea but idk I just feel weird . I’ve sat on tumblr all day and layed on a futon . But at least I found out I’m going back to cali for rehab and a sober living 💕 and the babes is coming. I hate this lifestyle but rn there’s nothing else to do so fuck it mang. I just can’t wait for these idiots to go to the bar so I can stop feeling so awkward and I can take a nice shower and take a fat shot. But honestly I might just pop the rest of my xans and go to bed. Idk what I’m doing god help me lmao. 😂😂It’s still lit tho 👌🏽

Can I be real for a minute?

I just had a glass of wine at 4:30 PM. I drank it while I sat on my ass and watched Private Practice. After that I decided to shower. So I took a long, hot shower. Shaved my legs. And now I’m a little tipsy laying in bed thinking I should get ready to go run errands but not really wanting to. And I am TERRIFIED because one day I will not have the freedom to do this. I want to be a mom so bad. I have wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl, and don’t get me wrong, I will welcome it with open arms when the time comes. But holy shit. I cannot imagine a life where I can’t do this. Where I might not be able to even shower because my little needs me. Where going to Target means loading up a baby and dragging it out in this cold and that’s probably not worth it. Idk, man. Parenthood has just been feeling so real lately. Like I’m obvi not pregnant yet and probably won’t be for a while but I’m married. And that means being a mom is a more real possibility than it’s ever been in my 25 years. And I am scared shitless.

I showered and washed my hair and brushed my teeth. Soon I’ll get dressed and then go to the store.

This is a huge deal for me. I know those who suffer with MH issues understand that.

I still feel pathetic, though. Because some days I don’t do this stuff, I don’t even get out of bed or eat or drink. I went 2 days without any water because I couldn’t face going downstairs with all those people. I hate BPD.

Imagine a sleepy Woozi coming up to you, asking for cuddles.

sometimes the only way to get to work is to calculate how much i’ll be paid for going and then repeat to myself ‘i will pay you $55 to get out of bed’, ‘i will pay you $55 to take a shower’, ‘i will pay you $55 to put clothes on’, ‘i will pay you $55 to get in your car’ and then finally ‘i will pay you $55 to go in the building’ 

Let’s talk about AkaKuroo

Okay, so first off - I’m having a lot of trouble knowing that they can’t have smart, attractive sarcastic babies together. Like they should just adopt Kiyoko and have done with it. Please stop me

But I was just - well, I was thinking about them showering together? So, okay, picture this with me:

Akaashi’s had a very hard, exhausting day, right? He just wants a hot shower, maybe some tea, and then bed.

So Kuroo’s watching him dragging his feet all the way to the bathroom, and he hates the idea that Akaashi would end his day feeling like that - that being the last thing he feels before falling asleep. As if he’s gonna let that happen. Goes into the bathroom, and the water’s already running. So he strips down, says something to announce his presence - because he knows Akaashi’s kinda stuck in his head just then - asks him if he’s okay, or how his day went. Then carefully pulls the curtain open and steps into the shower. Wraps his arms around Akaashi before he can even get out a groan. Just stands there with him for a bit, until he feels Akaashi relaxing a little - rubs circles into the small of his back, kisses his forehead, just lets him stay there as long as he wants. Massages shampoo into his hair and smiles brightly at him whenever their eyes meet, talks about something stupid to distract him. Once his mood’s improved a bit, Kuroo starts screwing around with him until he manages to coax a laugh or two out of him (probably an “idiot!” or two as well, oop). Akaashi kisses him a bit, they finish washing and wrap themselves in fuzzy towels and have some tea together before falling into bed and wrapping themselves around each other and just… existing together until they fall asleep.

And Akaashi wakes up feeling so refreshed and actually able to take on the next day~

Things I want to achieve before I go to work this afternoon:

• Put washing on

• Change bedding and wash

• Put all clean clothes away

• Dry clothes and put away

• Take all rubbish/bins out

• Put recycling bin out with boxes

• Sort food in fridge

• Do washing up and clean kitchen

• Tidy bedroom

• Hoover bedroom

• Go into city to bank and LUSH

• Go to gym to do chest and arms and 5k

• Shower and pack work bag