i'm going to need months to recover

Alfred as a doctor
  • Francis: Is Arthur going to be okay? Oh, please tell me my darling is okay!
  • Alfred: I'm sorry, but we lost him.
  • Francis: *Cries*
  • Matthew, running up: Doctor, we found patient Kirkland.
  • Alfred: Oh, that's good. Anyway, the surgery was a complete success! He'll just need a week or so to recover, and will be good as new by the end of the month. If you have any questions, let me know.

anonymous asked:

sometimes I feel like no one cares about me if I'm not broken. I'm trying so hard to be someone people could adore but it feels like if I'm not screaming for help, I must be fine and therefore not needing anyone at all

let me tell you a story that may or may not help you: a couple months ago, i felt exactly like this. i went through a very hard break up last year and after months of being broken, i was finally able to go full days without crying. i was finally recovering. that’s what i wanted, right? who wouldn’t want to heal?

but in a way, i missed being broken. i missed the attention. i missed the “if you need me, i’m here”s. i felt like i needed to be broken for anyone to care. instead of feeling sad, i started feeling numb. and in a way, it felt worse, because this time, i didn’t have a reason to be feeling that way. and no one cared anymore. why should they? nothing was wrong. i wasn’t mourning anymore. my break up was many months before that point. i was getting the help i needed. i was in therapy and taking medication and doing better in school.

but i was still struggling and i felt like no one was recognizing my efforts. so i started screaming for help. i stopped going to therapy. i irrationally and abruptly stopped taking my medication. i started making risky decisions. i started telling people i wanted to die. i starting getting drunk and crying in bars to anyone who would listen. i started running off in the middle of conversations when people made me upset, trying to force them to chase after me. i started cutting myself, as many times in a row as i could take. i did everything i could to try to make people care, but in the end, i just scared them off. in the end, i was acting off the wall and crazy and i’m still embarrassed by my words and actions. i’m still embarrassed of my scars, because every time i look at them, i see a girl who would have destroyed herself to make someone care. i see desperation. i see “looking for attention.”

but i realized that you shouldn’t have to ask people to care. i don’t have any hard feelings towards the people i scared off, but are they in my life anymore? no. because if you are trying to force the people in your life to care, you are surrounding yourself with people who are all wrong for you. the right people will not be too wrapped up in their own agendas to even ask you how you are, no matter how good you may seem or if you have a reason to be upset or not. the right people will make you feel valued and wanted. the right people will make you want to get better, not worse. i am very thankful to say i have found strength in the uplifting people that surround me today and i have faith that you will find people who give you strength as well.

i care about you. whether you’re broken or not broken, you don’t have to scream to make me do so, i just do. if you ever want to reach out to me off anon about anything, no matter how stupid you may think it is, i encourage you to do so. because i never want you to get to the point where you are so tired of screaming, you begin to destroy yourself.

take care. <3

I’m weeping. 

Magnus. FUCKING MAGNUS. THROWS A PARTY WITH AN ICE SCULPTURE, WITH GOLD PIECES IN THE SANGRIA, AND WITH FUCKING JELL-O SHOTS. There is a 9-year-old present. AND his boyfriend who he is barely dating is going to have his mother there. 

Why is is so much? Alec and Magnus, the most extra couple to ever date. 

anonymous asked:

I have bulimia. I account my binging to me wanting/needing to numb. I go through so much emotional and physical pain each time I binge and purge. I want to recover more than anything. My life is being taken from me everyday with this disorder. I'm about to enter treatment for a third time in the past 2 years. I'm incredibly certain that I want recovery, but each time after a few months out of treatment, I've relapsed. It's killing my soul slowly. What is your take on eating disorder recovery?

Understand that you have the strength. Here are some extra quotes for inspiration. Good luck my friend

1. Think, “In a thousand years who’s going to care?” ~Shaec Cooper

2. Focus on the good in your life, reflect on your past achievements, and look to your mentors and all they have achieved. ~Tiscanny Derksen

3. Tell yourself, “If I don’t try then I’ll never know. Don’t doubt yourself. You are a perfect example of talent and beauty.” ~Annie Pryatel

4. My mantra for this year: My abilities will always outweigh my doubts. The moment when I think I can’t is the moment that I can.” ~Lissa Rae

5. The moment you feel it creeping in, it’s time to act. Get involved and let experience prove you wrong. ~Hector Peguero

6. Acknowledge them but don’t invest in them. Then move on. ~Ray Benoit

7. Ask where the doubt stems from. Is it your intuitive self or your fearful self? Ask that question and listen to the very first thought that comes into your head. Believe that one. ~Wendy Chadwick

8. When in doubt, zoom out. If you doubt all the time, you need to zoom out to the big picture. ~Mary Mecca

9. Ask yourself, “What will happen if I doubt this doubt?” ~Gareth Stubbs

10. What’s the worst that could happen if you do what you feel doubtful about? Is that something you can deal with? Then do it! Most of our worries are a waste of time. What will happen, will happen. ~Kate Roselund

11. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going. ~Roze Quartz

12. Learn to live with them comfortably. ~Esteban Cabral

13. Realize that doubts are fear, and fear is: Forgetting Everything’s All Right. ~Sherri Levy

14. The doubtful vibe that you send out into the universe will only create more doubt. Refocus and believe. ~Tiffany Helton

15. Breathe. ~Marti Erickson Chamberlain

16. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. Doubt is only a thought and feeling, nothing to resist. ~De-stress Your Success

17. Notice that a doubt is just a thought and don’t believe in it. ~Rami Liesaho

18. See doubt as a means to improve yourself. Break through the barrier of doubt to better yourself. ~Deepak Soowamber

19. You have to walk through them, and it sometimes turns out your doubts were well-founded. You aren’t guaranteed a “good” outcome but there is treasure even in a “bad” outcome if you know how to look. ~Alyson Irvin

20. Start with love. Be still with love. And work through with love. ~Pamela Paraison


Namaste,

Forrest Curran